tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29977618761504916952024-03-12T19:25:15.029-06:00Gay Mormon Man / PriesthoodMenThis is a blog of news and essays aimed toward gay Mormons who wish to hold the Priesthood of God honorably (Men) or to remain active members of the LDS Church (Men or Women), their family and friends, or anyone who has questions about what it is to be a faithful Mormon, or a Mormon questioning... and gay.cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.comBlogger308125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-47478292648676795952018-11-21T14:31:00.002-07:002018-11-21T16:23:45.886-07:00Mormons and Tolerance of Homosexuals<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">I was asked if Mormons couldn't just chill out with the gay thing. Of course, the question asked was meant to speak to the acceptance of gays into the Church. It's a good question that I believe we should all be asking ourselves.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">To go on with an understanding that we all are trying to understand each other we have to define terms. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Definition of gay for Mormon purposes. Agree or not, like it or not, there are two categories of Homosexuality for Mormons.</span></div>
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<li><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Gay and living the lifestyle" which isn't the best definition but the one that actually comes closest, and:</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gay people who are not currently having same-gender sex and could be - in theory - eligible for temple recommends. We aren’t going to be talking about the second group but those who are gay and living life as such - again, not a great definition but there you have it.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"><span style="color: #0b5394;">One last must. We need to agree, for the sake of discussion at least, that the Savior Jesus Christ is at the head of his Church. If we don't agree to this as a base then the following will not make sense.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">There are two issues here. The first issue has two parts:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Part 1- How we Mormons treat people who are not cut out of what has become the standard cloth - those that smell of cigarette smoke, have visible tattoos, pink hair, come-and-get-me heels - anything that is not of the norm. Gays fit that description. Should members accept gays into their church and worshiping circles? My answer is a resounding “Hell yes.” Why is this even a question is simply beyond me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Part 2 - Are </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gays welcome not just theoretically into the Mormon Church from a policy viewpoint - from the very standards and rules set by the Church? </span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They can attend sacrament meeting but can't take the sacrament. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They can't hold callings. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Their children can't be baptized until they reach legal age.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They are considered apostates.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />The simple answer is, no. This is what many members would like to see changed or altered or refined - whatever the wording is for policy adjustments. And my understanding is that the way this is currently defined these guidelines are not doctrine but policy – which, in theory, could be altered. This is what happened in the seventies concerning blacks and the Priesthood. Having questions about the civil unrest that had been happening for years, Spencer W Kimbell went to the Lord in prayer and asked about the blacks not being able to hold the priesthood. He received an answer to his prayer - a revelation that said that this policy, whether official or not, was to be changed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And it was. Who is to say that this current policy is or isn't a policy that could be changed. I don't believe that there is any harm in asking.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I myself would like us Mormons to be more welcoming of everyone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>What can't be changed and why not?</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">As far as I see, the law of chastity is not going to change. It is core doctrine to the Church of Jesus Christ. All members are expected to not have sex outside the marriage bonds. Currently, no orthodox religion allows for same-sex marriage. I could be wrong on this, so if you know something please comment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">This could present a simple solution. All Mormons would have to do is change their definition of marriage to allow for same-sex marriage in the temple. It currently has no say in civil marriage, so that is not the issue. The nation has done it. Other countries have done it. So why not the Mormon Church?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Let me tell you why. Like the law of chastity, which is doctrine and not policy, the definition of marriage is doctrine and not policy. It, to my understanding, will not change. In order for it to change there would need to be word handed out from the Savior himself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The Church of Jesus Christ believes that the authority of Jesus Christ is premier. It is the reason for the church being restored. His authority is needed to change any of his doctrines. Blacks being allowed priesthood, clarification of the church's name, church facilities and use of tithing funds, cutting church times down to two hours from three, (down from five-ish when I was younger) - these are all <u>policy</u> issues. <b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I believe that the Savior is at the core of the Church. I also believe that we church members have issues encouraging tolerance and love for all. Mormons will have to change either the law of chastity or the Mormon definition of celestial marriage - meaning temple marriage. And this will require an about-face in doctrine which, we believe, is the Saviors call to make being as this is his church organization. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Doctrine is not ours to change.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">I write under the name Cal Thompson. I am an orthodox member of the Church who is gay and sealed to my wife in an LDS temple. I hold an LDS temple recommend and do so honestly. I state this so that you understand my POV.</span></b></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-25825513799376082532018-11-16T16:11:00.000-07:002018-11-19T16:58:15.687-07:00Getting Un-Stuck<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin-bottom: 8.0pt;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Getting Un-Stuck</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">What win I if I gain the thing I seek? </span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy?</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Who buys a minute’s </span>myrth<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> to wail a week</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Or sells eternity to get a toy?</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">For one sweet grape, who would the vine destroy?</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Or what fond beggar but to touch the crown,</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Would with the scepter straight be stricken down?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"> - William Shakespeare</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>This is chapter eleven of the big gay Mormon book "They that be with us" that I am writing with friend Julie Martin. I am posting it on this site in chapter order and there is no cost. I am happy to respond to civil comments or questions. - Calvin</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Let me touch on the title of the chapter before I go anywhere else. I don't believe that we gay Mormons need the atonement or a life change any more than the next guy. This chapter has to do with guys who happen to be Mormons who may feel the need to align themselves with the teachings of the prophet and all that it comes with. If this is important to you, then read on.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I used to have a clean crisp white sheet of parchment on my bulletin board right next to my sophomore prom picture which was themed “We Are Young And We Know Everything”. It was to remind me to be spotless and unsoiled – specifically, to stay all crispy white and morally clean. It was my image of worthiness up until the time one of my evil sisters wrote all over it in magic marker “Get your dishes done. I am not doing your chores LOSER!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So much for clean and crisp white. I couldn’t even turn the thing over to use the back side because she leaned so hard on the word Loser that it bled right through what was an otherwise clean sheet. It said “!RESOL” in scented grape marker with a smiley face for the point of exclamation. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t turn “!RESOL” into any type of positive motivation for me, so I ended up using the paper as a wrap for an old egg salad sandwich which I placed under her bed as a gift that kept on giving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Looking back, I can’t believe my sister got into my room in the first place with all the locks and booby traps I’d laid. But more than that, I don’t believe that staying all crispy and white should necessarily have been my ultimate goal. How long was trying to stay perfect going to last me? Once I was scribbled on by purple grape marker where was I to go? How on earth was I going to clean that up, and why would I keep it on my bulletin board to remind me of what I now wasn’t? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Later in life (and not all that later it turns out), I ended up looking and feeling as scribbled and colored on with a purple marker as my pretty pure and perfect parchment had been. Was life over for me? Was there nothing more for me but to be a wrapper for stinky egg salad? If the deal was done, why would I even keep trying? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Virtue, from everything I understood, was an all or nothing kind-of affair like death or amputation - not so much by way of much middle ground. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“So, Brother Thompson and Sister Martin,” you ask “after you have messed up your diet for the week, what keeps you from eating the entire box of chocolate éclairs and most of a three-cheese lasagna for twelve in one sitting? How do you motivate yourselves to keep trying?” You are right for asking.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Speaking of eating the whole lasagna, I think it should be apparent by now that my life, metaphorically speaking, has not been a clean and crisp white sheet of paper. The color purple, while a lovely cinematic feature is not my preferred look, nor my preferred scented marker. I am currently speaking as one who found the iron rod from the other side of the map, a spacious place where spiritual congruency was as elusive for me as a perfectly white sheet of paper on a bulletin board in what seemed like a completely different life – certainly a different lifestyle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was a very dark time for me - one way by day, another by night. At the time I remember feeling helpless, that I wasn’t smart enough or of enough value to Heavenly Father to get the help, guidance, and direction I needed. I was caught in a cycle well known to many gay members of the Church<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This cycle continued for years until I changed it and created a new one. Want to know how I did it? It was amazingly easy.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Calvin Thompson’s Big Break<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I started shoplifting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I figured that I’d eaten enough lasagna and had been scribbled on with enough purple marker that the game was over, so how was pocketing a book or a bottle of aspirin going to make it worst for me in the afterlife’s sub-basement? A room with no view? An eternity of country music? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In hindsight, I can see that I was grasping at straws. I didn’t know what to do, and I am proud that I at least my inner sensitive guy knew to try to do something – even something as misguided as petty theft. I think a survival instinct kicked in. I made a choice. Considering some of the selections I thought were available to me at the time, my decision was downright proactive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was a choice not to give up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Practically, by stealing my cycle was simply made larger. What I meant as an interruption became a full-on invasion. I’d fed the monster and it put me on a leash as its pet and named me Sparky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Amazingly enough, if I’d have put both the "gay" and the "shoplifting" upon the evidence board as exhibits “A” and “B”, then stood back to compare the two, I felt worse about the shoplifting! At least stealing was an acceptable, bona fide sin (homosexuality, even then was not acknowledged by many) that I could acknowledge. I’d compartmentalized the SGA to the point where I considered the duality between nightlife and day life business as usual. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, now my personal version of the Mormon Pride Cycle which I am calling Cal’s Sin-o-Rama looked like this… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have gay sex</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel bad for having gay sex</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel guilt and shame and try to repent.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can't have gay sex because the repentance is too fresh so I shoplift.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel bad for shoplifting and I repent.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To feel in control I have gay sex.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rince and repeat. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Does this sound familiar in any way?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I was engaging in SGA behaviors I was thrilled that at least I wasn't shoplifting, and when I wasn't shoplifting, I found joy in being dry from both while trying to be a good person. My scribbled purple marker covered the whole lasagna and then some. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Please hear me when I say that the choices I made are not the only choice everybody has at their disposal or that I am touting my experience as the way it works for everyone. I am saying that I did what I felt I had to do to survive; that in my grief and despair, these are the choices I felt I had to choose from: sex, shoplifting, or soberly bouncing on the Church wagon singing “Come, Come Ye Saints” – which, by the way, was originally heard in an English pub.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While I don’t know the science or the psychological reasons for these cycles, I understand that they are common. I have a few friends that deal with alcoholism who have cycles. Some of them drink to bolster self-esteem so then they can relax and be less self-conscious. This reinforces their need for more alcohol, but then their guilt over alcohol dependence keeps their esteem in the gutter which requires more alcohol. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My Sin-o-Rama seems to be less uniquely “Cal” and more “O-Rama’ – more universal in describing destructive phases than I had realized.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Stepping Out Of Destructive Cycle and Avoiding Other Trouble Spots<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In order to succeed, to stop the dishonesty, to be healthy, to be morally clean or what-have-you, disruptive cycles have to be broken. They have to be cracked in two or pried apart by some significant disturbance again and again until they are derailed and new healthy habits are established. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are ways to do just that. Counselors are good at finding and suggesting methods that work for people to break these cycles. One of the techniques, as we understand it, is to get a grip on the underlining causes of the behaviors - to see where you are being blocked so you can make plans to move around it, or over it or through it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When Interstate 15 is blocked, our lives run infinitely smoother if we can plan ahead and look on a map for a proper detour – instead of sitting in the middle of a freeway jam frustrated both because we are blocked, and because we knew about the block in advance and did nothing! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(By the way, my Gramma Ruby says that the definition of crazy from the Nampa Valley Farmers almanac is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result – like voting or paying taxes. Gramma Ruby might not have thought the adage up, but she looked so darn cute saying it with her wig on sideways.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It’s not the knowledge that the road is blocked that breaks our cycle - though that knowledge is a real heads up. Just knowing doesn’t make things happen. It’s the plan to work around the roadblock and the follow through that gets us out of the rut and onto a different path – literally in this case. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">______________________________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I consider myself more knowledgeable today than I was when I first realized I was gay, and I still don’t understand all the underlining causes of my SGAttraction. Looking back I am amazed that in my ignorance I was able to get out of the self-created rut at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had to go about breaking my personal cycle another way. I had to blow something up or pull something down in order to derail the train that was going nowhere but circles. Somehow, in the midst of my sin-o-rama I got through my head a concept that literally saved my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I needed, I wanted to follow the commandments of the Lord. In order to do that I had to stop what were for me destructive behaviors. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In order to stop the destructive behaviors, I had to include the Lord.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I didn’t have the willpower, the self-control or the brains ‘n brawn to do it on my own. I didn’t have a huge and visible support system to make me <i>Way to Go</i> posters and cupcakes. I had to go right to the Lord and trust that -- when He said He would help me and that I was not on my own -- He meant me. He meant now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Was it reading scriptures that saved me? Was it priesthood blessings or personal prayer? Was it the angel or two that I felt around me at times to bolster me up and carry me home? Was it the knowledge that He would not allow me to be tempted past what I could handle? Was it an understanding that my relationship with Christ was private and personal?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was all of the above and more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once I got past a certain point and was able to take on more, I realized that to be successful I had to figure out what I wanted and what I was willing to both do and forgo in order to get it. Could<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes, I was, as it turns out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What I needed was an incentive of sorts. Not a “what is in it for me” as grounds for action, but to know that there was something that made it worth it to forgo what I thought I wanted: what I thought I needed. I yearned to know that there was a reason, that there was some logic somewhere even if I didn’t understand it. I needed to know what was in it for me to obey, and if obedience to the Lord served me as well. What I needed was just the right paper on my wall with the perfect motto, and “!Resol” wasn’t it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I wanted to know what the Lord would do for me if I did what He said to do. I hadn’t really tested any of the promises and convents between man and the Lord before. I was about to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I now have a motto that I don’t usually put into words. It didn’t come to me originally in word form, after all. It has to do with His love for me and still comes with addendums in pieces that I put together and rearrange. But I can say this; there are things involved here that I do not understand, and may not understand in this life. It will be worth it for me to do as He has asked me. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let me be frank: He has asked that there be no sex outside the bounds of marriage, and He has established that marriage is between a man and a woman. I choose to follow Him. Therefore I choose to not have gay sex.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is a small nitch - those who are gay and who want to follow the Lords commandments. By follow I mean to hold an LDS temple recommend and hold it honestly with no misrepresentation. There are some out there who strive for this and I am one. I do not judge others who have different goals.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">With the knowledge I have, rather than focusing on what I don’t want or what I can’t do, I am focusing on what I can. Now that I have a testimony of Him and His plan for me, I can believe in myself. If He thinks I can do it, then I don’t need any other approval. If He says yes, then what am I waiting for?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have found wisdom in inspired words like these from Portia Nelson. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"I walk down the street. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. <br />I fall in. <br />I am lost... I am helpless. <br />It isn't my fault. <br />It takes forever to find a way out. <br />
<br />I walk down the same street. <br />There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. <br />I pretend I don't see it. <br />I fall in again. <br />I can't believe I am in the same place. <br />But, it isn't my fault. <br />It still takes me a long time to get out. <br />
<br />I walk down the same street. <br />There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. <br />I see it is there. <br />I still fall in. It's a habit. <br />My eyes are open. <br />I know where I am. <br />It is my fault. I get out immediately. <br />
<br />I walk down the same street. <br />There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. <br />I walk around it. <br />
<br />I walk down another street."</i> <br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To mix all the metaphors together, my experience derailing a speeding train has taught me that no purple marker is too deep for repentance. The atonement of Jesus Christ and my willingness to repent has become an incredible tool in both removing purple marker and in seeing that there is more to a meal than Italian food. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-82942860792155780122018-10-26T12:20:00.001-06:002018-10-26T16:33:37.612-06:00Chapter Ten Big Gay Church Book<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b><span style="color: #999999;">Chapter Ten of The Big Gay Mormon book - </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b><i><span style="color: #990000;">"They that be with us"</span><span style="color: #444444;"> </span></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b><i><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></i></b></span> <span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b><span style="color: #444444;">This is a from a manuscript I was writing to help gay members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This chapter became mute quickly so I am not including it in the finished manuscript. I still think it has worth, however.</span></b></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The Power of a Name or<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;">The beauty in, the danger of a few words</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: #990000;"> </span> </span></span><i style="font-size: 14pt;"> <o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
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My darling sister Carol-Lynette-Margaret-Louise is four feet nine and a half inches tall, standing. I myself am six foot three, also standing. I would think that one of us was adopted, but my mama promised that indeed we are siblings of the most generic genetic kind. She has been struggling with health issues for years; low energy, dizziness, mood swings grander than the normal patented Thompson family mood swings. It troubled her and us for some time. We thought she might have had food allergies or Epstein Barr. We thought it was all in her head and that she was psycho. Still, the symptoms had become debilitating. Finally, a doctor did some tests and found that she was diabetic. </div>
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When she called and told me that all this time she’d had an insulin problem I was so relieved that I started to laugh. She almost hung up on me. At last! Eur-freakin-eka! It had been discovered. Her problem had a name.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Carol-Ella-Margaret-Louise was dealing with the same problem as millions of other people with shorter names and taller bodies. There were pills available. There were shots available. There were books and magazine articles, websites and specialists on the subject. There was a telethon fundraiser sponsored by Healthy Happy Foods featuring stars of the Partridge Family. We didn’t have to wonder what the problem was, or if there even was a problem to begin with. We had at our disposal a list of things we could do to help her. She had a list of things she could do to help herself. Stick a name on it and it becomes manageable.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Hey, Carol-Ella-Margaret-Louise. How is your diabetes? Are you still short?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Hey, Cal. It stinks, but I am managing. Are you still annoying?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Just having a name we could attach to what had been ailing her seemed to empower all of us. The gray clouds in our new and happier world left the sky and were replaced by bluebirds and singing rabbits. Knowing what we were up against gave us options and a refreshing freedom. It seemed manageable.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i>Tall and Annoying<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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My own “helpful name revealed” moment was not as public or as joyful, and I certainly did not share it with family or friends. Not even sister Carol-Ella-Margaret-Louise. Of course, the diagnoses of SGA (a title that did not exist in nineteen-eighty-blah-blah) was not made in the doctor’s office. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The feelings at my finding a title are difficult to describe even now that I have access to a lovely thesaurus. I knew what the symptoms were: there was a longing - something inside that was fundamentally different for me than the other boys in my school and church group. They seemed to naturally gravitate towards things that had no interest or appeal to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The jokes they told didn’t make sense. The camaraderie was off. I stared at things I shouldn’t have been staring at, and I didn’t stare at the things that caught their attention. Stuff just didn’t fit, and I interpreted this as my having some flaw that the others didn’t. This combined with a suicide in my former neighborhood of a man thought of as being different, and I wondered if that’s what guys who were different were supposed to do. Were we left on our own and expected to weed ourselves out? <o:p></o:p></div>
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I withdrew from groups. I wanted to be alone. Walking home from school one day on the country road where my dad was building a new house, I stumbled across some literature that was truly meant for the gutter. It had been tossed out somebody’s car window. I was actually looking for money, good walking sticks, and pieces of blue glass. I found empty beer cans and dubious literature instead. Much of it meant nothing to me, but there was a part toward the back that rang a few bells. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I learned quite a bit that day. Suddenly there was a name to go with my manner, and I found out about it while sitting on the side of an Idaho road.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Even with the misconceptions, stigmas, and horror I eventually found attached to the name, it gave me an idea of what I was up against, and it was something others were feeling as well. It let me know that I wasn’t a freak or an aberration while at the same time confirming that I was both of those. I was horrified at the diagnoses. I didn’t laugh in relief. I was just a kid. I had had no sexual experiences, and yet, pieces were starting to fit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In the years since then, I have literally risen from the gutter, knowing I have a choice in who I really am and what I do, and that knowledge means the world to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There was another name for me. I was also an active, believing Latter-day Saint of the white shirt on Sunday and funeral potatoes variety. I was raised in the Mormon culture and I was eating shredded carrots and pears in my Jell-O way before anyone was drawing political cartoons about it. My mom was presented at a Gold and Green Ball and she Kimball-ised her pink clamshell dress. (You may need to Google that). My grandfather was a stake president in Nampa, Idaho and I was going to Church back when we used to leave and return three separate times on Sunday. I even slightly remember when a Bazaar was not bizarre at all.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Need more verification? Okay, how about the fact that I use farming metaphors? I have worked in the nursery, taught Gospel Doctrine, cleaned Church bathrooms and wondered why there was a sofa in the ladies room. I have snorted out loud during a particularly funny talk in sacrament meeting, and once while I was in the MTC my companion and I both fell asleep for a few minutes in the temple during a six am session on our “P” day. I know what an eternal smile is and I am happy to have one.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If I am LDS, which I am, and I also have strong SGA desires, which I do, how can I accept and honor what I am without tearing myself apart? These two names don’t seem to go together. I was a walking oxymormon.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I found some comparable in the story of a group of townsfolk who have captured a woman they claim is a witch, and who is being blamed for all their society’s ills. To prove that this poor girl, with a carrot tied onto her face to elongate her nose, is indeed a witch and not just the baker’s wife, they use some suspicious-at-best logic. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Drunk Townsperson: You must prove that she is a witch. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Silly Townsperson: How do we do this? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Drunk Townsperson: Witches burn because they are made of wood! Therefore, if she floats like a log, then she is a witch! <o:p></o:p><br />
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They proceed to dunk the soggy woman into the pond.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, what’s the poor baker’s wife to do? If she doesn't float, then the townsfolk won’t bun her and she gets to live, excepting that she is drowned in the process. If she comes up for air like a good non-witch, then she is burned at the stake-her reward for having to breathe. What a conundrum.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I related to the baker's wife and I hoped that she could hold her breath or swim like the dickens and outrun them. Was holding my breath and outrunning everyone the only solution for me as well?<o:p></o:p></div>
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No wonder we all had ulcers<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Julie:</b> I’ll admit that before my experiences with my son, my understanding of what it meant to be homosexual was very limited. Homosexuals as good Mormon boys? That a young man may be a football player who passes the sacrament and is SGAttracted didn’t even enter my mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Calvin:</b> Many are opening their mind to new thoughts and ideas. One of the reasons I appreciate the LDS Church so much is that encourages people to learn new things.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Julie:</b> Are we talking about the same church? There are some members that embrace change but they are usually under thirty.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Calvin:</b> I am trying to think/speak positively. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The LDS church taught as I was growing up that homosexuality (not, I remind you, SGAttraction--a word that had not been created) was perverse. If you were homosexual and Mormon (impossible in some books due to a widely held belief that homosexuality didn’t really exist), the options were to keep it to yourself with varying degrees of obedience or leave the church in order to be “true to yourself.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Secular groups of the time agreed. Some claimed homosexuality to be at odds with nature even going so far as to classify it as mental illness. Of course, some promoted the “Be all that you can be” philosophy, which has morphed into the supposition that if you are homosexual then you must act on those feelings. It’s not OK to be gay your own way. You have to be gay their way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Rubbish. I have a brain and I can decide for myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I can accept that these SGA feelings I have may be, for all earthly intents and purposes, a permanent part of what I am – at least as permanent as earth life is. At the same time, I can follow the teachings of the prophets who instruct that we have a choice when it comes to following our natural leanings and inclinations. That agency lives and breathes. I know, in my heart of hearts that this body I inhabit is SGAttracted, but I also know that I don’t have to act on those feelings to be whole and happy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is not a philosophy that has been taught very long. It certainly was not around for me to understand as I was growing up. But due to those of us who have gone to the Lord in prayer and begged for help, clarifications have been made and will continue to be made to help those of us who desire to be faithful to the standards as we know of them through our prophets. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As with all the challenges and difficulties inherent with the human condition, our prior knowledge that SGA would be a part of our earth life is comforting to me. He knew that though these feelings would, to some degree, be a thorn in the side of those who wanted to obey the highest law. He also knew that they would provide opportunities for growth, understanding, self-control, and compassion. There is wisdom in considering that SGA is given as an obstacle for some to overcome through our use of agency. After all, the Lord has said…<o:p></o:p></div>
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“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” <o:p></o:p></div>
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If the decision was made by us -- with heavenly direction – that we would exist with, thrive in-spite-of or because-of, and grow from overcoming homosexual inclinations<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sex had never been the end though it has been presented by the world as such. Satisfying our physical appetites -- regardless of their origin -- was never considered the end. Godliness was the end.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Let me restate that. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Being worthy to enter the LDS temple has always pushed members of the LDS church to a high standard as far as the law of chastity is concerned and in many other ways as well. No one disputes this. It is still the case. One cannot have sex outside of marriage and obtain/maintain a temple recommend. Gay, straight, bi… No sex outside of marriage. This is a very high law. Not all are willing to obey this law. And yet you can not strive to follow this high law and still go to the LDS church, or believe in the teachings of the church. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There are people in the LDS church who are obeying to varying degrees with varying levels of success. We all have issues and we all are dealing with pain and problems. How on earth can one person say that his sins are fine, but not mine?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Gay couples are welcome to the Mormon church. Straight couples are welcome to the Mormon Church. Perfect families are welcome, and so are imperfect families. Individuals are welcome regardless of their sexual preference. If some dweeb at church gives anyone a hard time or a cold shoulder for smelling like cigarettes, having a tattoo, wearing heels a little too high, or sporting fantastic all leather brown numbers with colorful socks, then it is the fault of some dweeb at church for not following the gospel as taught by Jesus Christ. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Julie: You’ve been waiting a long time to say that, haven’t you?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Calvin: Why, yes. Yes, I have.</div>
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<b>Homosexuality: A Label Today<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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The word homosexuality means something different to me having grown up (or maybe just by my growing up it took on new meaning). When I was younger, homosexuality was associated with shame and fear, a dark secret that had to be kept. It’s losing its stigma like the word alcoholic did. There is a bit more understanding It’s getting closer to being just a name.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Julie:</b> For a long time, I didn’t see any hope with the word “homosexuality.” SGA seemed like a death sentence for my son and his part in our family; a big secret we had to keep under lock and key. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Calvin</b>: My Grandma Ruby always said that there should be no secrets except birthday surprises, school locker combinations and how much milk money she had saved up. I tend to agree with her. SGA is no longer a secret that has to be kept out of fear of judgment or even retaliation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I, for one, look forward to having an open-book kind of life that could at any moment be shouted out from the metaphorical rooftop and have it not make a bit of difference in my life or the life of my family. I could take most of the energy I have spent on shame or on keeping my “cover”, and instead put it into something productive, like learning to spell, or building an addition to my house.<o:p></o:p></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-51990987667866636522018-09-22T15:46:00.000-06:002018-09-22T16:50:32.363-06:00They that be with us - Chapter Nine<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<b><i><span style="background-color: #999999; color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">This is chapter nine from my big gay Mormon book. It's called </span></i></b></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #999999; font-size: 18.6667px;"><b><i>They That Be With Us - Finding the Connection Between Being Gay and Being Mormon. </i></b></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="background-color: white; color: #0b5394; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Coping With Limited Options;<i> </i></span></b><b><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #0b5394; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sleeves or No Sleeves</span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Julie: The young women of the church have been a bit of a quandary as I see it. This chapter is not about the young women, so keep reading. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Several in my ward are fashion conscious and often lament the lack of dresses they can wear for prom. In a nutshell – they have to have sleeves and there aren’t sleeves out there except in maternity or for maturity. They have been thorough in their investigation, searching everywhere online and off to find a cache of modest stylish dresses they can draw from for formal and not so formal activities. However, as of this writing, the fickle finger of fashion is not pointing to modesty and it doesn’t look promising for the future.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Their young women leader finally said in exasperation, it looks like the only thing we can do about it is to be happy with sleeves and dresses that aren’t as pretty, or to change what we think is pretty. The idea went over as well as pork and beans at Passover. And yet, that is what it has come down to for many of us who wish to follow the prophet’s guidelines for modesty. The world may think it’s pretty. The girls may think it’s pretty. But they will wear something else. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It doesn’t seem like much of a choice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Those dealing with SGA are faced with the same apparent lack of choice; be morally clean, or not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Calvin: Our choices, more than any other single thing allow us to see who we really are. The process of choosing gives shape and meaning to our existence. Even “not making a choice” is choosing one over the other, and is an indicator of us to the core. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To underscore this, here is a story taken right from the pages of my…I mean, this story is strictly hypothetical, and is an example of the fact that often, how we choose to do anything is usually how we choose to do everything:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #002060; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One day while minding his own business Some Guy got in a traffic accident with Brother Benign. Mr. Guy rages at everyone involved and a few who were not. Fortunately, his son had borrowed all the tire changing equipment so there was no tire iron to brandish, and his license was at home in his wallet so he couldn’t give everyone a paper cut. While several people did their best to help, Mr. Some Guy, acted like he was on a weekend pass from the state hospital and the cops hauled him in. This did not improve Mr. Guy’s frame of mind. He is now at war not only with poor Brother Benign, but cops, lawyers, the jail cafeteria, a judge and a dainty reporter from the Happy Valley Press named Roberta who looked at him funny. Following his accident, arrest incarceration, plea bargain and a stint in anger management classes, Mr. S. Guy raged from one street performance to the next as the star and common denominator in every altercation - never seeing that he himself was the problem. His attitude never changed, nor did his way of thinking. He continued as he always had been and got what he has always gotten.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #002060; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Brother Benign deals with the dent in his car by jogging for a half an hour after he gets home from work and by telling his wife – who looks on the bright side and jokes with him. He then takes out his frustration by downloading from the internet a simplistic car body repair guide and spends a few weekends fixing his car. It doesn’t end up looking perfect, but good enough. Brother Benign lives to a ripe old age where he dies from too much fresh air and pineapple on a Jamaican cruise, and not from a stroke at age forty-two like some nameless others.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The same problem was had by both. One chose to react in such a way that he was miserable and defeated. The other made choices that led to other positive choices.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many would say that chastity is an absolute waste of time, that sex is part of us and we should both celebrate and enjoy it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They’re right, at least partially right; sex is a part of us, and “we are that we may have joy”. It’s the timing that can be critical. We will explain by chapters end.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A short time back I remember a man in the news who had to cut off his own arm in order to survive. They’ve even made a movie about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I first heard about the event and I was absolutely in awe and wonder that this man survived in such a matter. He cut part of himself off in order that the rest of him could survive. What a horrible choice to have to make, and how brave foresighted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I sit here in my air-conditioned office with a juice glass at my side and I try to imagine myself in the same situation. I don't think it would have crossed my mind to cut off my arm. What was he thinking? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well, I suppose he was thinking about having a family someday, and about lightly battered shrimp, or a Manhattan Transfer concert, or a walk on the beach or any of the other things of which he would never again have the pleasure of doing if he were dead of starvation, hanging from a bolder in southern Utah. You gotta hand it to the guy. Cutting off his arm meant that he then had freedom. Ironic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can I stay out late? </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can I have gay or straight sex outside of marriage? </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can I take the new car to Northern Wisconsin for the tulip festival?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No, no, and, what on earth? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We have the ability and the right to choose, a right we all fought for. We have our agency, but our ability to make a choice does not guarantee that the choice is what’s best for us, or that we somehow can avoid the consequences of a poor choice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Calvin: When I am not in the mood for a “no” answer and I think one is coming, I sometimes try to avoid it by not asking the question. I’m smart like that. I can also ignore a no and discredit the authority, or I can pretend that there is no authority in the first place. I can believe that what I want is better, smarter, and more important than what He wants, that He must not love me because He said no, or equate easy with what is right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of these help me deal with a “no” answer I didn’t want to hear in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Regardless of my antics to get my way, “no” is still “no”, and I don’t know why the answer won’t change. Part of it may be simple obedience – will I do what He asks when I really want to do something else. There may be basic rules or laws at the creation that must be abided by. I just don’t know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I believe and trust in my Father and those who speak for Him on earth. Even if the politicians and lawyers and neighborhood-watch programs allow, Father doesn't. This is why we were clear with our belief, faith, and trust in God right at the beginning of this book. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can't, in my right mind and with an ego larger than some eastern states, believe that what I want, or that the knowledge I have supersedes that of my Father in Heaven.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is part of myself I choose to put on hold and don’t focus on in order to live in a manner that I think is right. I believe the prophet when he states that there is no homosexuality in the afterlife nor was there in the life before we came to earth. There’s a part of me that’s not complete here, and may never be in this life. If I focus only on the things I can’t do I’m in trouble, but if I center my thoughts on the things I can do and do well then things are much more positive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Like Mr. Ralston (of Pick Which Hand fame), the options presented to us may not seem all that great at the time, but it’s important to remember that we always have a choice. When I’m feeling frustrated, discourage or with limited options, I concentrate the following thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Cal Thompsons’ Power to the People List</b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember the ability I have to change what I think and what I do. I try to be ready to switch-out something positive for whatever negative element I am trying to eliminate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember that some cycles are bound to happen – sometimes I am up and sometimes not so up. I try not to give up or punish myself over perceived failure. And I am very okay with periodic rewards for good behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I choose to be happy. When there seems little else, I remember that this option is always available.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I try to not compare myself to anyone else. One can always find someone more spiritually, mentally or physically buff. I don’t sweat it. Guys, do you want to see a real man? Look in the mirror. Same to you ladies only get your own mirror.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember that there is work involved and that things are not going to get better on their own. I try to make use of the resources available, and I stop trying to reinvent the wheel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I identify problem areas so that when I see a clear sign of upcoming trouble, I can take action. I don’t wait around for the problem-fairy to fix it, because I am the problem fairy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I keep at it. The spiritual terminology is to endure, but that sounds resigned to me. I prefer “Keep at it”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Adversity is the source of our deepest growth and greatest </span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">blessings; </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">embrace it, dare to seek it. - Aron Ralston</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Realistically, How Much Choice Do I Have In My Choice?</b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Calvin: If I’d been allowed to shop for my challenges before coming to earth, I’d have probably picked things like learning humility despite being heart-breakingly handsome or the challenge of overcoming greed by learning to share my vast wealth and power.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Those things may have to wait. I got stuck with things like learning faith in adversity, compassion under fire, and this ever present SGA. I can’t return these challenges like a shirt that doesn’t quite fit or pants that I have decided make me look fat. And I can’t trade them for someone else’s troubles (not that I’d want to.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I still have a choice in the matter. I can mope and pout or I can thrive. I can take my challenges by the horns and wrestle them into submission and let the lessons they teach work their magic on me, or I can let the bull run me over and leave me for road kill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I think I have no choice, I remember that the Lord loves me. He loves you, too. (Do you doubt it? Ask him.) Remember that with His help, you are more powerful than you think. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>We End This Story by Embarrassing My Daughter.</b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Calvin: At this point in the book I think I should tell you that my daughter belches - like a truck driver she belches. I’m amazed by the decibel range, clarity and sheer volume of her digressions. Though she is in her teens she often finds herself, after such an expression, sitting in time-out on the stairs. She told me the other day that if God had wanted her to be polite He would not have given her the wherewith to burp like a sailor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I gotta give it to her, the excuse was skillfully done, and yet she sits on time-out like all the rest of her siblings when they choose not to follow family structures. Belching has its time and place: like an all-nighter, a camp-out, a football games, or if you are actually a sailor. She has a choice to belch or not to belch. Her body may create the opportunity, as bodies are want to do, but the choice to belch comes from her. And though she can choose to belch, she does not get to choose the consequences. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We all have decisions to make. Thank heaven that we all have options and agency aplenty. There is always a choice, and when we don’t like what we see when we look down the road, we can make another choice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(And if she makes the wrong choice one more time I am going to rent her out to the Bonneville Bullfrogs as a team mascot.) </span><o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Julie: No, no. You can't end there. Bottom-line this for me for all those who need a quote to go on their facebook page. You always get close to the point and then back off. I need you to come</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> right out and be blunt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Calvin: OK, here goes. I believe that there are rules. I believe that these rules are for our good set for us by a supreme being that loves us and wants us to progress. This supreme being does not view happiness by our puny human standards. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If being morally clean is what He requires of us in order for Him to give us all that He has - which He has promised by the way - then that is the choice I will make. Living in such a way will not make me miserable. In fact, if I follow his commandments I will be blessed in ways I can't fathom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We have a purpose in this life. There is something bigger and better for us than anything we currently know.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And following His commandments today in part for recompense later does not mean life needs to suck for us now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Was that blunt enough?</span></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-82125511513980420562018-09-12T11:09:00.000-06:002018-09-12T11:20:25.684-06:00Chapter 8 - Big Gay Mormon Book<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<img height="200" src="https://www.pngarts.com/files/2/Number-8-PNG-Download-Image.png" width="151" /> <b style="text-align: right;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #bf9000; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I got lost on The Road Less Traveled, </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">or</span><span style="color: #bf9000;"> </span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #bf9000;">Options for the </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #bf9000;">SGAttracted</span><span style="color: #7f6000;">,</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #bf9000; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">or</span><span style="color: #bf9000;"> </span></span></i></b><b style="color: #bf9000; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">The Chapter where Julie lets Calvin tell the Helga story</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">This is chapter eight of the Big Gay Mormon Book that I am writing with a friend. I am a gay Mormon and she is the parent of a gay Mormon.</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">“The Church is for all members…All of us, single or married, have individual identities and needs, among which is the desire to be seen as a worthwhile individual child of God. …The clarion call of the Church is for all to come unto Christ, regardless of their particular circumstances. - Howard W Hunter</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> My younger brothers believed that their massive IQ’s were far over and above a regular board game so they combined several of them to create something that they felt resembled a challenge for their dazzling, sometimes dizzying intellect. The game was rather convoluted with many levels. It featured exotic places, characters and tons of possible scenarios. I only ventured down into their lair once over the holiday and didn’t let go of the iron rod (the stair rail) just in case. All I really remember was marveling at how funny our teeth looked under a black light.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Does anyone think that their mortal existence is going to be any less complicated than my brother’s basement adventure? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In a chapter on SGA options, we need to acknowledge the thousands of choice combinations available. There are different categories, levels of commitment, personalities, social networks, spiritual beliefs. As if that weren’t enough, there are degrees of sexuality as per the Kinsey scale. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am not in a position to judge any of them. Neither are you. Nor is it our job to. My point is that lifestyles, which I might not consider for my own life, are being lived out by others. What a blessing it is that we all have options and agency at every turn. All of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> As a mom, I have certain expectations that I want my son to fulfill, expectations that for now may not be very realistic. Getting past that I need to realize that there are lots of places between perfection and damnation. If he’s not in a temple marriage, maybe a committed relationship is better than multiple sexual partners. It’s not exactly what I think is best, but maybe, for now, it’s better than it could be. And there are so many choices to go and decisions to make.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> In looking at this subject, we tried to consider as many different possibilities and options for the Mormon with SGAttraction as possible to show that there are as many styles of living as there are bodies and souls. Here are a few descriptions we came up with – many you may recognize.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>SGA and Church Membership<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Member in good standing - Active<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Member in good standing - Not active<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dis-fellowshipped<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Excommunicated<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Voluntary name removal<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>SGA, and Church Activity; Faith<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Believes and attends regularly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Believes and attends sometimes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Believes but doesn't attend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Does not believe and does not attend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Does not believe but attends anyway<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>SGA and Relationship Status<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In SGA relationship<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Single but seeking SGA relationship<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Desiring to remain single, Celibate or not<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Desiring to suppress homosexual feelings/behaviors and seek a straight relationship<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In a straight relationship but unmarried<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Straight Marriage with intentions of making it work<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Straight Marriage without intentions of making it work<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b>Public Knowledge </b>(Closet Status)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />No one knows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Very private, out to very few.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Only best friends or internet strangers know<br />Out to non-members, but nobody at Church knows a thing<br />Out to some nonmembers, but in the Church they are only out to priesthood leaders -seeking their counsel<br />Out to everyone at Church, or “Out” in general<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">SGAttraction in the Mormon Church is not a cut and dry deal. Franklin Roosevelt expressed it by saying, “There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> We acknowledge that there is diversity in the homosexual Mormon world, and what works for one may not work for another - as many options in this world for homosexuals as there are for heterosexuals. My friend from college has several children now grown up and living their own lives. Chatting with him on facebook he expressed anguish that his homosexual son was not living the life he wanted him to. He asked me what I would do in the same circumstance. I reminded him that he had another son who was in the same circumstance and as a parent, he had dealt with similar behaviors with this older son. “But that misbehavior was with girls” he responded. Morality, not sexuality was the issue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Options become somewhat limited for both homosexuals and heterosexuals when they decide to follow the teachings of the prophets. It is not referred to as the straight and narrow without reason. The desire to have a family is divine. The need to share one’s life with another person is inspired. How we go about accomplishing these is up to us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And still, as a parent (still Julie talking) I would hope that my son would strive for a healthy homey, domestic situation regardless. Gay or straight, I would like him to be worthy of the priesthood. If not that, then I would like him to pray and attend church. If that is not happening, then I would like him to have some stability and limited partners. A moral core and limit of one pack a week? I just want what’s best for him, and as a mom my standards are high.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Choices For LDS SGA<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> Not many of the options mentioned are compatible for a LDS/SGAttracted individual to worthily hold a temple recommend. Would you be more specific about what options are realistic to meet both personal and spiritual needs of a SGA<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> The word “agency” would seem to at least imply that those SGAttracted have options. One of my favorite television commercials of all time was for a fast food chain known for its not-so-fast food. It starts out at a fashion show held in lovely Yacksburg Siberia inside a drab but spacious warehouse. A working-class woman, Helga is the model while the Master of Ceremonies, in a high Russian accent, announces “Is next… evening vear,” at which Helga poses in a simple cotton grey dress with matching babushka. “Is next, swim vear.” Helga has traded babushka for a multicolored beach ball and tosses it around still wearing the same cotton work dress. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Is next, Sunday-go-to meeting.”” She is still in the very same dress only this time with a bible and a fly swatter. The idea was that the people had the freedom to select what they liked – but that there was nothing to select from.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Those SGAttracted, like the citizens of Yacksburg seem to have limited options. Most of life, for all of us, is about a set of limited choices. But taking it one choice at a time opens up opportunities never dreamed of. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> I’m sitting here writing at my computer and I suddenly feel thirsty. I have the option to get up, go to the kitchen and get a drink or to not get up, go to the kitchen and get a drink. Once I decide whether to get up or not, a whole new set of choices open up. If I do get up, what beverage will I choose to quench my thirst, and if I don’t get up, what child will I call to go get me that drink?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Options of Living – brought to you by Julie’s sudden thirst<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin</b>: I believe that gays who have had or wish to continue some sort of a relationship with the LDS Church tend to fall into one of the following categories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can do as I have been taught in the church to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have never been able to justify dropping or ignoring my testimony of the church in order to indulge my SGAttraction – even when I was in the middle of indulging. I discovered first hand about cognitive dissonance, feeling uneasy because I was trying to hold on to conflicting thoughts simultaneously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> In order to completely accept one of the ideas (am I gay or I Mormon – as if they were mutually exclusive), I had to ignore the other; either I really wasn’t gay, or the church was not true. Some in my position have reduced or eliminated such conflict by denying or their past experience and testimony. I could not. And though I became adept at justifying my sexual behavior I got even better at simply creating my own world where both were possible and I didn’t have to choose. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I couldn’t throw the blame on church leaders or on my parents – though I would have loved to throw it on my parents. There seems to be a logical statute of limitations for blaming my life choices on others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once I realized that what I was was not sinful and that the SGAttraction behaviors could -- in theory -- be overcome or maintained, I no longer had the need to blame others for my personal mess. I didn’t need to justify, as did Aesop’s fabled fox, that the high hanging, seemingly unattainable grapes were probably sour or otherwise distasteful. I had received a spiritual witness of both the churches veracity and my SGAttraction. For me, the choices from then on were clear, or clearer than they ever had been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The second option is to choose to deny or to discredit, minimize or ignore the importance of the church and/or its teachings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At one point I tried to pretend that I had been brainwashed, that I was too young to be responsible when my religious opinions formed or were formed for me. I thought that I had obtained real, practical experience that overrode my upbringing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another technique I employed that I have since seen in others was to begin selecting the principals taught in the church that I chose to continue to invest in/believe in: Going to church, yes, tithing, no, being kind to others, yes, chastity, no. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And then there is everything in between. There are so many other options that I just call them, “and the rest,” including…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">●One can live with the dissidence. I do it, but I know it’s wrong; I do it, I’d rather not think about it; <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">●He can live in a non-monogamous or multi-partnered gay life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">●He can live something in-between outside of the LDS church - visiting at will. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">●He can enjoy a relationship with a SGAttracted partner while maintaining a belief in and keeping relationships with the LDS church open however limited it may be (no callings, temple attendance, or priesthood use). Blogger land if full of these men who love the church and their SGA partners both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now we throw a stick into it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">●He can enter into heterosexual marriage, being committed, with full disclosure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(While there are many options after this, I will not include them as we, in this book, are not promoting marital infidelity or dishonesty in any way.) All of these can be done with various degrees of honesty and integrity. And all of these can be done with various levels of church activity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A Quick Experiment For The Bold Of Heart Concerning Choice For the LDS SGA<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This isn’t playing fair, but I am going to ask you to do something. If you had to pick the three top options for your child or brother, for your dad or best friend, which would you choose? And, no, you can’t pick just one. Consider this an experiment in unconditional love. Go back and look at the list and pick the top three in their order for someone you love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Do you see the problem? Try to fit them into the church or into your life if they use their agency and select any option but the first, or the one you agree with. Does your loved one still fit into your LDS life? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Julie: As members of the LDS church and as a couple sealed in the temple, my husband and I have been taught over and over again the importance and responsibility that comes with the gift of one of Father’s children. We know that we must raise them with care, teach them the gospel and do everything within our power to get them back home; we aim for that goal and define our success by that objective.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The problem with this perspective is that, like the straight and narrow road we are trying to follow, there isn’t much wiggle room for our children. If they don’t choose a temple endowment, church activity, obedience or a heterosexual relationship, then it doesn’t matter what else they choose, because it won’t be enough for us, and we will lose them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But what if the choice isn’t between going to church and not, what if the choice is between doing drugs or smoking? Getting drunk on Friday nights or an occasional glass of wine with dinner? Or how about anonymous SGA sex at the club or a committed monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Not so simple is it? We certainly don’t want our kids strung out on cocaine or trying to drive drunk, but could we live with the alternatives? Could we view progress for what it is, even if it isn’t as complete as we wish it would be? And could we sit back and be happy for a responsible son, holding down a full-time job with a like-minded life partner? What if they chose to adopt a child? Are they still in the family picture?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These aren’t easy questions for me to answer, and they may not be for you either. Seeing our children settle for less than their potential, even if that less is better than they were before feels like a cop-out, and accepting the situation, for us, feels like giving up. Sometimes in our efforts to help our children be obedient, we become their worst enemy. We push and prod and nag our children right out of the church and worse yet, right out of our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin</b>: Latter-day Saints often think in terms of black and white, good or bad, wrong or right. Most of our loved ones don’t live that kind of life. If we are honest, most of us, though we try, do not live that kind of life either. Often the more personally involved we get with our fellow mortals the more we are aware of combinations and degrees--not “shades of gray” necessary, but different points of view and unique perspectives with each choice, each bout of agency having its own set of consequences both here and in the world to come. We widen our view to include all those we love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-77066592479557326142018-08-27T16:57:00.000-06:002018-10-26T12:21:04.278-06:00Chapter Seven - They That Be With Us - Finding the Connection Between Being Gay and Being Mormon.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>This is chapter seven of the big gay Mormon book I am writing with a friend. It is not salacious. And the reason I am writing the big Gay Mormon book is because I am gay and</i></span><i style="color: #3d85c6;"> I am a temple recommend holding Mormon man. </i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b>Chapter Seven: The Enemy We Know <i> </i></b></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b>or "Alex, I will take 'Demystifying Satan' for $800"</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> When I play games of any kind, I’m out to win. I may look all passive and docile, but I’m the Dominator - especially when I play my kids. They are young enough that I can predict their moves simply because I know them and how they think. I know that if I can take my son’s queen then the game is not as fun for him and he quits. I know that my daughter likes all her pieces in a straight line - which is hard to do in chess but she does it. I use that information to exploit and win. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the other hand, my wife knows me well enough to know that if she drags the chess game out or plays something that takes hours - like Monopoly - then I will probably get bored and concede the game. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is someone else that knows us at least as well as I know my kids or as well as my wife knows me -- someone we face every day in matters more important than a chess match. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Lucifer has a great memory and he has no rules. His aim is as obvious as his methods are devious. Satan’s desire is to destroy the children of God on the earth and to make them miserable. He is the enemy of all righteousness and of those who seek to follow God. If I seek to follow God, then he is my enemy, too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It would be wise to familiarize ourselves with him and his tactics in order to avoid deception and capture. We will discuss him briefly in this chapter to get an idea of his plan of action. Once we have done so we will focus on the Savior and followers of the Savior who have successfully avoided being caught in Satan’s traps, and how we can avoid the pitfalls, to begin with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The apostle John A. Widtsoe states in this account of Lucifer <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">“...He pitted his own plan and will against the purposes of God. He strove to gain the birthright of his Elder Brother, Jesus the Christ. When his proposition was rejected, he forsook all that he had gained; He was no longer Lucifer, bearer of truth, who walked in light, but Satan, teacher of untruth, who slunk in darkness. He became the enemy of God and of all who try to walk according to the Lord's commandments.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The prophet Ezra Taft Benson taught that Lucifer wanted, not just to be honored, but “to be honored above all others. In short, his prideful desire was to dethrone God.” In a vision given to Joseph Smith the Prophet and Sidney Rigdon, we learn that Satan wanted “to take the kingdom of our God and his Christ.” These are not the altruistic actions of one meaning to selflessly submit, or the unveiling of a gentle penchant to resist to authority. His intention was to take over, to usurp God the Father. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Against The Odds<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A third part of the hosts of heaven who were present with the millions of us in that pre-earth life assembly followed Lucifer. They declared that they no longer believed in the truths as taught by Father and were cast out of heaven. They were denied the blessing of a physical body and the chance to return to the presence of God. When the devil and his followers were cast out they were sent to earth where they, as evil and generally unseen spirits, seek to destroy all mankind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They were angry. They still are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">“The adversary’s aim is to destroy us. Angry that his plan was not adopted in the heavens; angry at his failure in the rebellion against God and at his expulsion from the courts of glory; angry at his being deprived of a body, he and those who fell with him have been eager ever since that dreadful time to destroy their brethren and sisters who did not rebel with them. We who are here (tonight), as well as all who are upon the earth, kept our first estate. We did not listen to Lucifer. He was a mighty angel; he had exceedingly great power in the presence of God. He used his great influence with the family of God to convince them that the plan which he proposed was the better one and to persuade them to reject the plan of God and his Son Jesus, our elder brother. Failing in this, he has, apparently, declared war against all his brethren and sisters who were honorable and maintained their allegiance to God. Therefore he is continually spreading snares for the feet of the children of men. -Apostle George Q. Cannon<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Satan’s Method of Battle<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> In Satan’s version of the story of the preexistence, like a fractured fairy tale, he is cast in the ingénue role as the innocent one. He believes that he has been conned out of what was rightfully his; that he is the picked on, the victim. Obviously, with one third the host of heaven following him, he can be convincing. He tells a good story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Satan knows all the tricks…” and the traps, and the lies. He is skilled enough to be able to turn anything to his advantage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Almost everything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of his primary tactics is to encourage those on earth to deny his existence or his purpose. This ploy has had great success. We ourselves help this along may assist him to disappear in the crowd by being equally as anxious to eliminate any wrongdoing or culpability/responsibility in the matter. It’s easier on our conscience if we can convince ourselves that there are no rules, there is no bad, there is no Satan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/2_ne/28/22%22Nep%20HYPERLINK%20%22http://scriptures.lds.org/en/2_ne/28/22%22%2028:22" target="_blank">"And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance."</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How naïve are we to consider, even for a moment, that Satan doesn’t exist. And what an excellent game plan he had conceived. How can we hope to defend ourselves against an enemy we have been convinced is not real? If we take his existence lightly we will in no way be prepared to resist him. How do we fight something that isn’t there? How do we prepare for battle against a thug we have made-up to scare children into obeying?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is a popular series of young adult novels that establishes the enemy, the villain as someone who must not ever be named out loud. This may have originally started to dishonor him but it eventually became a jewel in his crown—his name struck fear, which for some became a type of reverence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I do not revere Satan or those who belong to him. I have seen the lives he has destroyed. I have seen his power. I respect him as an adversary but would rather deal with him by staying out of his way as I try to follow the Lord. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Satan would keep the attention off himself and his minions, while he stays in the shadows. I would shout his name from the rooftops if I thought the publicity would demean his cause. The day will shortly come when he won’t be as subtle or secretive with his intentions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Elder Marion G. Romney, at the time 1st councilor in the first presidency said: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"We Latter-day Saints need not be, and we must not be, deceived by the sophistries of men concerning the reality of Satan. There is a personal devil, and we had better believe it. He and a countless host of followers, seen and unseen, are exercising a controlling influence upon men and their affairs in our world today."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Satan’s Other Tactics<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We have previously noted Satan’s penchant for convincing us that he and his minions -- as well as evil itself -- are of our own creation if they exist at all; That he is the one wronged. His other tactics include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> Encouraging sin, presenting sin as inviting and desirable, or teaching that repentance is meaningless because there is no sin. He minimizes sins seriousness and its effects<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> Calling good evil and evil good—the wholesome is demeaned, degradation is valued; <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> Guiding us to concentrate on the present and ignoring the future, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> Teaching us to ignore the revelations of God, or that there are no such things; <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> Flattering us into thinking that our worldly wisdom is enough, resulting in modification of standards to fit current social norms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The war that began in the pre-existence when Lucifer decided that he knew better <i>for</i> us and <i>about</i> us than Heavenly Father did <b>is still being fought today</b>. The emotions have not faded. Though there is a veil that covers much of our memory, it only affects those of us here on earth with bodies. Those without the veil remember entirety. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Satan remembers which side we were on. He knows who we were and where we stood – and how we chose. He knows our names. He remembers what we liked and what our preferences were and where our vulnerabilities lay—like I know how my kids think when we play chess. He knows our frailties and our week spots. He uses strategy. He is going for it all, and he’s got a head start.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Julie’s Guide to Knowing Who is Who<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> Satan’s power is real, so real that it can sometimes be confusing whether the thoughts or the inspirations we feel come from Heavenly Father or from Satan. We must be vigilant in guarding against the prince of lies and his deceits if we want to resist being pulled into his web. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">By the time I was out of high school, I’d had numerous opportunities to feel the Holy Ghost in my life, and I recognized the Spirit whether as a small still voice or a power that filled my whole body with light. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A girlfriend invited me to attend an interdenominational bible study group and I agreed to go. They met in the apartment of one of the youth leaders, a guy in his mid-twenties. My friend and I were two of about fifteen teenagers in attendance. As the meeting began the leader invited us to take turns sharing the story of how we had been saved. As a member of the LDS Church, the term saved was more of an ongoing process than an actual point in the timeline for me, so I turned to something more familiar: My testimony.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The last young woman who shared her “saved” story spoke about an important college exam she was preparing for, and someone suggested we pray for her success. To my surprise, everyone left the couch and chairs to sit cross-legged on the ground in a circle around her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hesitantly joined them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Prayer was safe, I thought to myself. I’d been praying since I was a little girl and I was comfortable doing it. Despite the differences in our doctrine and the growing antagonism of the youth leader, we were all basically talking to the same God. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No one was called on to be voice, so I assumed we would all quietly say our own personal prayers. I folded my arms, bowed my head and silently began, “Dear Father in Heaven…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The whole experience was strange, and I would have gotten up and left the circle if I hadn’t felt it would be disrespectful to their faith. Instead, I prayed more fervently asking the Spirit to be with me. Suddenly I felt an invisible power rush through the room. It felt like a strong wind blowing first one direction and then another, although nothing in the room stirred.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This power was strong but unfamiliar and it seemed to affect the other teenagers almost immediately. The noise level increased, someone started crying out and another shouted halleluiah. I was terrified. Evidently, the others in the room had felt this power before and assumed it was of God, but I knew immediately that it was neither good nor holy. There was no warm peaceful feeling, no sense of safety and love. It was erratic, stimulating everyone in the room with its powerful but unfocused energy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Fear overcame me, and I prayed fervently to be protected from whatever unseen evil had entered the room. A few moments later the prayer circle was over and the young people stood up, their eyes glazed and their energy drained. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I left the apartment as soon as I could, but what stayed with me was the memory of how differently I had perceived the experience. Several of the students spoke of the beautiful and powerful Spirit of God that had been there, and it seemed I was the only one who’d realized that God had had no hand in the evening. Powerful? Unbelievably. But divine? Certainly not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">General Moroni; The Example of Man (Regardless of Sexuality or Preference)</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> So we know who Satin is, what is motivation is and what tools he uses. Let’s now look at someone who was successful in fighting him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mormon in his writings was quite impressed with Moroni the man and leader—enough that he named his son after him. “And Moroni was a <a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/48?lang=eng"><span style="color: #0563c1; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">strong</span></a> and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect <a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/48?lang=eng"><span style="color: #0563c1; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">understanding</span></a>; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> I always had the image of the man we have come to know as General Moroni as the anti-Satan. Not just a follower of Christ, but one who proactively pursued and destroyed the influence and those influenced by <span style="background-color: white;">Sa<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">tan. </span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If ever there was a list created on how to overcome the influences of Satan, this would be it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> He worked to keep his people safe, had sworn an oath to do so, which included defending his people, rights, country and religion<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> He promised never to raise the sword except against an enemy, or to preserve their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> He was strong in the faith of the Savior<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> He was obedient in keeping the commandments of God<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> Because of his faith and responsibility, God would warn them according to their danger;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> His heart did glory in doing good, in preserving his people, in keeping the commandments of God and resisting iniquity<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> By actions he was/they were all men of God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> He preached the word of God, and they baptize unto repentance all men whosoever would hearken<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> People did <a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/48?lang=eng"><span style="color: #0563c1; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">humble</span></a> themselves because of their (his) <a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/48?lang=eng">words</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "segoe ui symbol" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Segoe UI Symbol";">●</span> If we were like Moroni, the devil would not have power.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He was strong enough to fight Satan. He was resourceful and innovative. His use of armor and weaponry was inspired. He was respected by honorable men. He was bold enough that if more were like him the foundations of hell would tremble, and I want him on my side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have never been bold enough to shake the powers of hell. Moroni was powerful in ways I may never be. No one is going to mistake my arms for Moroni’s via an Arnold Freeburg painting regardless of how thick my armor is. But I can still adopt Moroni's faith into my own attitude and actions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can, on a smaller scale, be a thorn in Satan’s side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It’s getting down to the wire. We all sustained Heavenly Fathers plan and we were willing to submit to all things which the Lord saw fit to inflict upon us. We had purpose and vision. We believed in eternal life – God’s life. We had the fulfillment of knowing who we were and what our Father thought we could become. We can still have all these things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We are sons and daughters of the King. We all have worth in the sight of our Heavenly Father. Where we are in life or how successful we have been thus far does not change this fact. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We will focus on the Lord, and we will be sustained in our challenges and disappointments, in our successes and failures. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Why did I spend the last few minutes reading about Lucifer and his schemes in a chapter about gay Mormons?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If I may be frank: Now, like then, we have a choice. We can follow the Savior or not. When the Savior - through his prophets or by his own mouth - says that sex is for marriage and <span class="gmail-gr_ gmail-gr_296 gmail-gr-alert gmail-gr_spell gmail-gr_inline_cards gmail-gr_run_anim gmail-ContextualSpelling gmail-ins-del gmail-multiReplace" id="gmail-296" style="animation: 0.4s ease 0s 1 normal forwards running; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; display: inline; font-size: inherit;">marriage</span> is between a man and a woman, then that is the way it is. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">However, it took me years to come to that conclusion. I was no choir boy during that time. But I finally figured out where I wanted to go from there. I remembered what I <span class="gmail-gr_ gmail-gr_297 gmail-gr-alert gmail-gr_spell gmail-gr_inline_cards gmail-gr_run_anim gmail-ContextualSpelling gmail-ins-del gmail-multiReplace" id="gmail-297" style="animation: 0.4s ease 0s 1 normal forwards running; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; display: inline; font-size: inherit;">committed</span> to in the <span class="gmail-gr_ gmail-gr_298 gmail-gr-alert gmail-gr_spell gmail-gr_inline_cards gmail-gr_run_anim gmail-ContextualSpelling gmail-ins-del gmail-multiReplace" id="gmail-298" style="animation: 0.4s ease 0s 1 normal forwards running; background-repeat: no-repeat; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; display: inline; font-size: inherit;">preexistence</span> and then again in the temple. <i>Anything short of following the Savior will not get me where I want to be. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If someone else chooses differently, then God bless them. I love and support them and wish them the very best. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">have made my choice and I expect the same respect. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because of what I know, I have no need to spend any more time trying to prove to myself that my very existence is not futile or absurd. I know who I am, and I know that both the Savior and our adversary know me as well. When times get tough -- like they were yesterday and like they will be again tomorrow -- I remember who I trusted (and who I didn’t) to get me back home.</span><br />
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-76244638526064620152018-08-07T16:32:00.001-06:002018-08-13T14:44:43.855-06:00They That Be With Us - Chapter 6<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>This is the sixth chapter of "They That Be WIth Us," which is my Big Gay Book. How can I be a real Morman and write a Big Gay Book? Just like this...</i></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Pulling back to See the Bigger Picture;<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Expanding our View<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A man came across 3 stone-cutters working in a quarry – each busily cutting a block of stone. Interested, he asked the first stone-cutter what he was doing. "I am cutting a block of stone!" the stone-cutter muttered. Wanting more information, the man turned to the next stone-cutter and asked him the same question. “I am cutting this block of stone to make sure that it is exact so that it will fit in its place in a wall." He said with a smile. Still unclear, the man asked his question to the third stone-cutter who seemed to be the happiest of the three who replied: “I am building a cathedral.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> hen I was 9 I used to pretend that I was an alien prince--left on this planet due to superior intelligence. My task here on lowly Earth was to learn humility, to show my loyalty, and to earn my father -- the king’s -- respect. In my little story I needed to experience what was needed in order to be a better ruler and then he would send his finest warriors to bring me back home where I would reign with wisdom and possibly a cape.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was a silly story even then but it helped me to cope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The real story is even better than I ever imagined, and because I know the real story I can cope and do so nicely. And, I am not coming into the story in the middle of it. I know the beginning, the middle – where I am now – and I have an idea about the end. In short, I understand the big picture. The little things, or the medium things - heck, even the huge bolder that drops on my path can be stepped around as long as I know the big picture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My first story wasn’t too far off. I was sent to earth by the Father to -- among other things – learn humility. And I will gain wisdom and show loyalty so that I can return to Him in honor. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Possibly with a cape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Cal’s Quick Pre-existence Refresher</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have always known that our life as we know it here didn’t begin at birth. We are children of Heavenly parents and our father is God the King. That is the first part of the story. Mormons know all about the pre-existence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Much like the legendary Camelot, our pre-mortal home was a place of beauty, light, and love. Our purpose there was to learn as much as we could. As lovely as things were there, some of us may have realized that we were ready to have more, to accomplish more, and to simply be more than we had been up to that point.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One day our Father gathered us in and gave us instruction. He presented a plan. (Every good ruler has a clear plan of action, and our Father certainly would). He shared details with us that, in our excitement and inexperience, we hadn't considered. The plan was this; We would leave His presence, get a body, and use our agency to choose to follow Him – or not to follow him. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We would be challenged.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He asked us to sustain His plan. We said yes, and we meant yes.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I may not have understood the particulars, like why there needed to be someone to take responsibility for us. But I knew that Father in His perfect wisdom and intelligence knew all things. I trusted Him to know. It was His job to know.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Out of love for us Jesus volunteered to be our Savior. He wanted to follow God’s plan, and was happy to let the glory remain with Heavenly Father. He would accept the punishment for the mistakes we’d on earth, making it possible for us to return home after we’d completed our assignments on earth. I so loved Him even before He stepped up, and that love doubled along with my respect. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another volunteered also. Both of my elder brothers were strong and powerful. I looked up to and loved each of them. But Lucifer wanted Heavenly Father to change His plan. Lucifer proposed to save everyone by taking away our ability to choose right from wrong. He guaranteed that none of us would be lost. Lucifer also wanted the honor to go to him instead of Father.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once it was explained, I knew who best represented me, who I wanted to serve and follow. Heavenly Father’s plan stood, and He chose Jesus to be our Savior. Lucifer was angry and rebelled. It got bad quickly. Things were said that I’d never heard before, and there were emotions I’d never felt. There were divisions in a family that had never been divided. Some of my brothers and sisters felt differently than I did. I tried to convince them – I can be very convincing. I may have told a joke to lighten the mood so we could focus on the truth of the matter. We all tried. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was over for some of us then and there. I was saddened for my brothers and sisters who were cast out. I am sad now thinking of them, but we moved on. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jesus was in charge of us now. We may have met with Him one on one, I don't know. I don't remember, (though I truly am excited for the day when I do). He had individual plans of action for us. Every good<span style="line-height: 107%;"> ruler has a clear plan of action. We confirmed that, yes, what we wanted more than anything was to be like Father. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our elder brother showed us how...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">How It Was</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> You can see that Cal had a background in theater and has a very creative imagination. Still, his view is pretty close to what we know of the pre-existence from scriptures and prophetic revelation. God had a plan. Jesus volunteered to follow through, and Satan said his way was better. Utilizing our agency, we chose to follow God. The reason this is so important -- and the reason I let Cal wax-on -- is because we want everyone to remember what we were once a part of, and what our lineage is. Knowing who we were back then will assist us in knowing who we are now. We were the valiant and the righteous. We were the ones who said no to force and yes to agency. We fought for the right to make our own choices, and we are still those brave and valiant spirits today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Calvin: </b>Reader, do you doubt it? Find out for yourself. This is one of the perks of personal revelation, a gift graciously given through the Holy Ghost. The Lord wants us to know. He is expecting us to ask.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe I had a PPI of sorts before I came to earth. I believe that I agreed to come at a prescribed time and place, with talents and abilities. I may have been aware of the specifics, and I am speaking of SGA. I believe that I agreed to take on the frailties, challenges, benefits, and abilities <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #002060;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Elder Spencer W Kimball said, “We knew before we were born that we were coming to the earth for bodies and experience and that we would have joys and sorrows, pain and comforts, ease and hardships, health and sickness, successes and disappointments; and we knew also that we would die. We accepted all these eventualities with a glad heart eager to accept both the favorable and unfavorable… We were willing to come and take life as it came.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Julie</b>: Have you ever thought about how much we really understood before we came to earth? I wonder if we got to pick the trials we would face on earth or the weakness we would have to overcome, or the strengths we would be blessed with.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> I’m not sure, but I think with agency being such an issue for us, we may have had some sort of “say” in the matter of our progression. How much “say” I don’t know. I’m not sure a wise and loving God would just let us choose our own failings with limited knowledge and experience. How could we know at such a young stage of existence what trials or weaknesses would do us the greatest good? At that point in our lives, we would simply have had no frame of reference.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think we agreed to come to earth with some understanding of the risks involved, as much as we could understand about something we had yet to experience. I can’t imagine that any contributions we made would have been monumental, but the idea that we had a say in the matter is crucial to me -- even if that say was, “Okay, I agree.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We knew that God’s purpose for sending us to earth was to obtain knowledge of good and evil, and we knew that striving to be like Him, in conjunction with the Atonement, would give us the best shot.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“His purpose is to help us qualify for the blessing of living with Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, forever in glory and in families. To qualify for that gift we had to receive a mortal body. With that mortality, we understood that we would be tested by temptations and by difficulties. - Henry B. Eyring <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't know what your personal plan of action was. I wasn’t present for your PPI. But I have a good idea. I’m gaining a more clear understanding of mine daily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Very Big Picture<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> The Lord has been decidedly vocal on who He is and what His intentions are. In revelations given to Moses and others in the Old Testament, in talks presented to His disciples in the New Testament, in His appearances to the peoples of the Book of Mormon and to Joseph Smith, the Lord declared Himself and His purposes. His aim is to bring all those who will follow Him to the blessing of eternal life or Gods life: Undying love, power, never-ending creativity, fellowship and eternal brotherhood. Ceaseless, timeless, everlasting. Very big picture. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He has also been clear that no one can frustrate the works, designs, or purposes of God, nor bring them to naught. God does not walk in crooked paths. His ways are straight; He turns neither to the right nor left, and his course is one eternal round. He gives us instruction and exhorts us to follow His will. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Lord is saying that if we stick close to Him, He can offer us protection. As demonstrated by His actions and instruction, our Savior cares for us and wants us to be safe. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Calvin:</b> By virtue of our birthright, all of us have the power to learn and grow in ways we can’t even imagine. Through our own innate abilities and by accessing the power of the atonement to enhance the individual traits that make us who we are, we can achieve and accomplish things beyond our own dreams. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With this capacity why do we doubt our own natural abilities and let cynicism call the shots? Because we do not believe it. Because we forget about Gods plan and the big picture. We forget to step back or look up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A Lesson in Sidewalk Observance<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Julie:</b> A social experiment was conducted in a major city, to see how people would respond to a tree full of free money. They chose a tree that grew along a sidewalk on a busy thoroughfare and paper clipped one hundred, one dollar bills to the branches. Each bill carried a removable sticker that included messages such as, “Hey Free Money” or “Don’t Ask, Just Enjoy”. A hidden video was then used to record the reactions of those who passed by.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was interesting to observe how many people walked by the tree aflutter with green dollar bills and didn’t even look at it. Other’s glanced over but refused to stop and investigate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However the gentleman I found most interesting was a guy riding by on a bike. One of the bills had been blown to the ground under the dollar filled tree. This man saw the cash on the sidewalk, stopped, picked it up and went on his way. He never raised his head to see the fifty or more free dollars that hung invitingly right above his head.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Too often, we are like the guy on the bike. There are rich blessings that our Heavenly Father wants to give us right within our reach but because we can’t or won’t look up and see them, we miss out on these good gifts. By staring at the ground of life, we might think that temporary fun is all there is, but if we raise our head and search higher we’ll be knocked out by what we’d find.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">God loves each of us, regardless of our orientation, and He desires to bless us if we will trust Him and raise our eyes to higher goals. However, for a good number of us, this entails some effort, the very least of which is looking up. </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Calvin</b>: And that folks is how the big picture looks to me. And why, you ask, is all this pre-existence stuff in Cal Thompson's Big Gay Book? The answer is because that is where we started. Not the womb and the birth canal. Not with nature or nurture. In fact, as I I picture the whole shebang in my mind, I see us closer to the middle that the beginning. We have already been spiritually created, lived and loved and been loved. We were part of a huge counsel, made lasting choices and survived a war. Then we were born on earth and have made it this far. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.01);"><span style="color: #333333;">President Boyd K. Packer, former President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, taught: “There is no way to make sense out of life without a knowledge of the doctrine of premortal life. … When we understand the doctrine of premortal life, then things fit together and make sense.”</span></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.01); color: #333333;"> 1</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.01);">If you knew that God the Father is your father, and that he has a plan for you, that he knows your desires, your pain and your joy -- would that change things things up for you? Would it make a difference in how you treat yourself, others, or how you expected others to treat you?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.01);">Does it make any difference for you concerning your sexual orientation? </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.01);">It does for me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">1 Boyd K. Packer, “The Mystery of Life,” Ensign, Nov. 1983, 18.<br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">Scripture references<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> to the pre-existence:</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">Spirit Children<br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rom/8.16-17?lang=eng#15" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Romans 8:16–17</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.23?lang=eng#22" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctrine and Covenants 93:23</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.29?lang=eng#28" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">29</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.33-34?lang=eng#32" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">33–34</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/abr/3.22-23?lang=eng#21" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abraham 3:22–23</a><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">Foreordination<br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/jer/1.5?lang=eng#4" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jeremiah 1:5</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/13.3?lang=eng#2" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alma 13:3</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/138.55-56?lang=eng#54" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctrine and Covenants 138:55–56</a><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.mormon.org/beliefs/jesus-christ">Jesus Christ</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">—Firstborn</span><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/1.1-2?lang=eng#0" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">John 1:1–2</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/8.56-58?lang=eng#55" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8:56–58</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/17.5?lang=eng#4" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">17:5</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-pet/1.19-20?lang=eng#18" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 Peter 1:19–20</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.7?lang=eng#6" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctrine and Covenants 93:7, </a><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.21?lang=eng#20" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">21</a><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;">Council in Heaven<br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.32?lang=eng#31" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctrine and Covenants 121:32</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/4.1-4?lang=eng#0" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moses 4:1–4</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/abr/3.24-28?lang=eng#23" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Abraham 3:24–28</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-size: xx-small;"><br />War in Heaven<br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rev/12.4?lang=eng#3" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Revelation 12:4</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rev/12.7-11?lang=eng#6" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7–11</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/29.36-37?lang=eng#35" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctrine and Covenants 29:36–37</a><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/76.25-29?lang=eng#24" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctrine and Covenants 76:25–29</a></span></div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-83530559965331496852018-07-27T16:12:00.001-06:002018-07-27T16:14:29.230-06:00Chapter Five of "They That Be With Us" - Finding a Connection Between Being Gay and Being Mormon<span style="background-color: white; color: #999999; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%;">This is the next chapter in the Big Gay Book.</span><br />
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<b><span style="background: rgb(255 , 255 , 255); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><i><span style="color: #999999;">Title:</span> Is there sufficient motivation for Mormon homosexuals to follow the law of chastity being that there is not an option for temple marriage for them? </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="background: rgb(255 , 255 , 255); font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><i><span style="color: #999999;">Alternate title:</span> Give Me One Good Reason to Stay Motivated</i></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">C<span class="" style="color: #666666;">haracter</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666;"> is the ability to follow through on a resolution long after the emotion with which it was made has passed. -Brian Tracy</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> In my youth, there were times when I would be all fired up by a fireside and I felt as if I could conquer my feelings of homosexuality, stay morally clean, right the wrongs of life and fix Satan himself. I’d start exercising every morning. I’d read scriptures at night, and I’d quit saying flippn’ (an Idaho thing). </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">The problem was that once the emotion of the moment was over and when the fireside became just a printed program in my scrapbook I lost the enthusiasm. At that point, I struggled to remember what it was that had stirred me to action. Why did I think those ideas were so exceptional, and what made me think the little round-to-it I was supposed to put in my pocket was so cool? </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was good. And when I was good I was very, very good. And then I tried to be better than good. It lasted for a couple of months if I was lucky.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> I had a round-to-it, and I know what you mean. It’s hard to keep the inspiration of Sunday bright when on Monday morning life comes at you again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> Each decision we make, each goal we set and each road we travel is based on some type of motivation. What compels me to get out of the bed in the morning and try to be more Christ-like may not be an incentive for you. And what inspires you to pursue your aspirations may mean nothing to me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> There are a lot of things I do because I want to, like reading the scriptures and having tasty food in the house to eat when I’m hungry. But there are even more things I do because I know I should, even if I don’t want to do them. Scrubbing out the toilet in the boy’s bathroom is not something I enjoy, but it’s necessary to keep my family healthy and that’s something I want. Sometimes we have to push through and stay motivated to do something that’s difficult or painful because we are committed to the end result.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> That’s the mature thing. If having a clean and healthy family is your goal then you need to be willing to put up with scrubbing and disinfecting in order to achieve that. It’s cerebral. You have to decide what you really want.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> In nature, it’s far less complicated. Some animals spend a great deal of time stalking and attacking their prey in order to satisfy their innate and instinctual motivation to hunt and to avoid the pain of hunger. However, the more evolved we become, the more we seek rewards that are higher than simply an extension of our momentary want or physical need; stalk the duck, have it for dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">: My children are motivated by money. It used to be that I could prod them along to do what I wanted by using hugs and loves. Those days are over. For today’s young mortals, money is the thing, or food, or X-Box time. They are motivated by a reward that feeds their immediate appetites and has no natural connection to the actual goal. Example: Be nice to your Aunt Lynette, let her kiss you without making any faces and I will order pizza when she leaves.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would prefer that my children were nice on their own and let her plant kisses on them because they love her and want to make her happy -- motivated not only by the natural extension of showing love (which is getting love back) but by an understanding that putting up with temporary and mushy discomfort will make Aunt Lynette really happy which in turn will make them feel happy. (Part of the problem could be that Aunt Lynette has fingernails sharper that Ginsu knives and wears perfume so strong that it killed our parakeet, which, ironically was named after her.) <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Regardless, I want my children to be kind to Aunt Lynette, and if this means I have to put the pizza delivery guy through college, so be it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We all have an Aunt Lynette in our lives who we are expected to hug at reunions or during the family bowling tournament. Depending on how much we care about our relationship with her we may hug a lot or hide out in the backyard chicken coop when she visits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If your goal is to stay morally clean or to become morally clean, it is important to understand both the type and the quality of your motivation. When life gets difficult and stressful or when pressure and temptations come, it is the quality of motivation that determines how committed one is able to remain.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let’s look at this idea using something we Mormons are very familiar with; Hugging.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Good Reason for Hugging – Because I want an anonymous or earthly reward (think pizza or x-box time or tens & twenties), or to avoid some kind of punishment (think of lifting weights in the Big House or being grounded for a week of no cell phone).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Better Reason for Hugging – Natural extension of action: Cause I hafta, duty to country and Father, or for an afterlife reward – if I make it through this life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Best Reason for Hugging – I love everyone and I want it to show. I love Aunt Lynette, my parents, and the Lord. I show the Lord I love Him by serving others. Therefore I will hug Aunt Lynette no matter how painful it will be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of these reasons will motivate us to one degree or another. But when the pizza runs out or there is no authority figure there to punish us, or when we decide that the afterlife is just too far away to be real, the first two levels can fail us. It is only when we carry the motivation inside of us and when the commitment has become a part of who we are that we are able to consistently ignore the perfume, let Aunt Lynette do her worst and still make it through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Getting Motivated to be Chaste<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> However, we aren’t talking about hugging. We’re talking about dealing with the strong passions associated with sexuality -- specifically homosexuality. Cal, how did you stay motivated to keep your life on track and stay chaste?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> Let me first make it clear to you an unfortunate reality. I did not stay chaste. I was the living example of the man who built my life on the sand only to have everything wash away. I choose today to build my house and keep it in a different order than I did then. However, keeping clean and getting clean are based on the same principals.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Originally I found motivation in trying to be like everyone else. I didn’t want to be considered strange or odd. I was also afraid what the church would do if they found out I had been sexually active with men. I was afraid of what my family and friends would think of me because Church and the rest of my life were so closely entwined.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then there came a different concern. I was not at all thrilled with the prospect of AIDS. I was not as concerned about dying as much as I was in contracting the disease and having everyone know what had caused my death. It scared me and kept me on the morally clean bandwagon. But not for long. It became clear that my need for physical emotional contact was stronger than my fear of dying. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The motivation to change my behavior, -- my ultimate motivation to be morally clean -- happened when I finally figured out that what God was asking me to do was to obey The message could not have been any clearer had it been posted on my Facebook page or danced around like the kid holding up the “two for one pizza deal” on the corner. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The ultimate motivation was a promise made to me in a blessing that Heavenly Father would make everything alright for me in the end if I would do His will. I don’t have a contract signed from Heavenly Father, so some say that I am a fool not to go after the physical/sexual here and now while I still have a body. But I do have the assurance of the heart that if I do as I have been asked to do things will go well for me in the end. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some suggest that we are motivated to obey Heavenly Father because He has promised those who obey will have eternal rewards -- we choose to follow the commandments because we expect to be compensated for our efforts. I get this completely. Compensation for my efforts is a huge motivation for me. It’s not a bad reason, but there are better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We will feel more secure in our ability to do what is right when we are doing it for unselfish reasons. This, in turn, leads to finding pleasure and joy in our obedience We find pleasure in doing right -- which in turn gives us more strength in our commitments. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Elder Royden G. Derrick said, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“The Lord has promised us resurrection and immortality, but these are not a reward. According to Webster’s dictionary, a reward is “something that is given for some service or attainment.”… They are not a reward—they are a gift—for we have rendered no service nor attained any accomplishment to warrant these as a reward. The gift is from the Savior; it comes through His atoning sacrifice.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> In other words, eternal life is not a bribe as in, don't do that and you can win this. Eternal life is an extension of serving others and therefore the Lord. But in this world of minimum wage work days and saving up your money to buy a cooler car, most of us may not understand the idea of doing something with no expectation of a physical return. We are motivated by things, or fear, or desires for rewards and privilege, instant gratification or social acceptance. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">: Yes, at least that’s how I understand it. It takes maturity and effort to raise our motivations from the simple and base to the more holy and Christ like. As with every effort we make to be more like our Savior, Satan will attempt to trip us up and stop us at every turn. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Those who are still influenced entirely by pizza and x-box time, or “eternal damnation” will not understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> So, you are saying there is something better than sex, and its obedience? However, straight people get to obey, be morally clean, and then marry and have all the pizza they want. How is that fair?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">: Well, that blows a hole right out of my buildup for my “Finding Something Better Than Pizza (SEX)” segment. I think I have an answer to that, but I want to be able to present it just right. Give me two pages for Ricky Reader and then I will tell you what I think about the fairness of marriage and then sex for straights, and chastity and then no sex for homosexuals.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> Just don’t get sidetracked.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">The Fractured Parable of Ricky Reader<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Little Ricky Reader learns about Dick & Jane, Dr. Seuss, and eventually moves on to Hogwarts. His muggle parents give him a shilling a page to encourage him to keep reading. Ricky complies because he wants better marks at school, a social life and a ride on the Hogwarts Express during Christmas vacation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He is a good kid who very much wants to make his parents proud and to get a truck with a roll-bar – though not necessarily in that order.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He practices his much-improved reading and comprehension skills on more challenging novels like those by Steven King, Dean Koonz, and Dan Brown. Richard Reader, (as he now prefers to be called) feeds his new-found hunger for knowledge and he is satisfied. Gosh darn it, he just loves to read!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ricky gets hit by a truck. His last words are, “What do you think will happen if I ignore the flashing lights and cross here instead?” He dies in the street still clutching his Mary Higgins Clark mystery to his chest without ever knowing that there were better and thicker books he could have died holding. (Apologies to Sister Higgins Clark) The End<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Alternative, More Positive Ending at Both my Wife’s<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #002060; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">& Julie's Insistence<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #002060;">Ricky, at the pleading of his girlfriend, crosses the walk at the intersection and all is well. He is then introduced to the works of William Shakespeare. He discovers all the clever insights and depth connected with classic literature and realizes that there is much more to learn than he ever had imagined.</span><b><i><span style="color: #002060; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> I don’t know if I would have been able to come up with the idea on my own - the wider view that there is more out there to see and choose from than is sitting in front of me at the moment – if I hadn’t had teachers who knew when to yell warnings at me. They knew when to encourage me with tantalizing pieces of literature, or dangled a carrot (or a Twinkie) in front of me so I would look up and out and beyond.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is more to read than Dr. Seuss – who books, by the way, I love dearly. There is more to eat than pizza. There is more to love than sex, and there is more to happiness than simply satisfying my own hunger and needs with the first thing I grab. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And maybe I have been staling a little because I don’t have an answer to Julie’s question! I don’t know why straight people in the church can marry and have sex and fill all those physical/sexual/emotional desires, and gay people in the church cannot.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There were years when I felt that, due to homosexuality, my life would always be on hold because I couldn’t bridge homosexuality and Mormonism. Those that are both SGAttracted and Mormon often believe that the feelings they have now will always torment them and that the future holds only a dismal, empty world of loneliness and abstinence. Here is why; </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mormons do not allow homosexuals to marry those of their own sex in the temple. Yet everything about the Mormon religion directs members to be worthy of a temple recommend so that temple marriage is a goal.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It seems unfair. And the idea that there is more to life than what we know today seems like an empty promise with no essence or enticement. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I am obeying the commandment anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> I have felt that way, and I am not SGAttracted. I think everyone feels that way at different times in their lives. When we are going through challenges and trials it’s easy to forget that things will get better, often in ways we can’t even imagine.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> That we can’t imagine is a good point. I can’t imagine with my natural senses how this can be resolved unless there is something going on that I can’t imagine, that I can’t comprehend, that has not been revealed remembering that there is much to be revealed. These cravings, urges, and hungers are God-given, inspired and exist to encourage us to yearn for something more, better and longer lasting than what we see in front of us now.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“How difficult it is to teach the natural man,” Brigham Young declared, “who comprehends nothing more than that which he sees with the natural eye! … Talk to him about angels, heavens, God, immortality, and eternal lives, and it is like sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal to his ears; it has no music to him; there is nothing in it that charms his senses, soothes his feelings, attracts his attention, or engages his affections...” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Julie:</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> Just being clear here, Calvin. You are saying that there is more to life than gay sex? Because that’s not what gay people say. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></b></span> <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">: I am trying to tell homosexuals who are also practicing Mormons and believe in eternal life that the Savior is telling us that there is something that we may not see or understand that will be worth the wait, worth the effort of staying morally clean, worth the effort of becoming morally clean.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And, surprisingly enough, we are still talking motivation here -- as in what could possibly motivate me to stay morally clean and active in the LDS Church while my friends who are gay and not in the Church are out having the time of their life – or so it seems. The answer is the Church and the teachings of Christ. Come follow me. Do his will and you will be blessed more than your ability to receive blessings. If this appeals to you, the forfeiting sex in this life is worth it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>One last factor you may want to consider<o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was the Spirit that confirmed the validity of that fireside of my youth. That was what touched my heart. When I involved the Spirit in my goal setting, in my quest for self-betterment, I quickly tapped into the power of God. When I involve the Spirit, He will be there in those quiet moments when I am losing grasp of my motivation to do right. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The comforter will give comfort. He will also rekindle the fire that is our motivation. When we rely on Him, we have the ultimate training partner. Involving the Spirit is our secret weapon.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Calvin</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">: I hate it when you have the last word.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #999999;">For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. Leonardo da Vinci - who was gay, BTW</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-1605685163098478972018-07-11T11:23:00.004-06:002018-07-11T11:24:16.850-06:00In the news<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Mormon church makes </span>historic<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"> donation to LGBTQ support group Affirmation for suicide prevention training</span></b></span></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.sltrib.com/author/kstephenson">By Kathy Stephenson</a><br />Published: 18 hours ago <br />Updated: 33 minutes ago</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The LDS Foundation, the charitable division of the Mormon church, has donated $25,000 to an LGBTQ support group to pay for suicide prevention training.<br /><br />The gift is being called historic by <a href="http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=4390313&itype=CMSID">Affirmation members</a>, who say it marks the first time The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has worked with the independent support group for gay Mormons.<br /><br />“Over the past decade, we have really spent a lot of time building a productive relationship with the LDS Church to create a safe space for LGBTQ people,” Affirmation President Carson Tueller said in an interview.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Please see this article:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">https://www.sltrib.com/news/2018/07/10/mormon-church-makes/</span>cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-71914679302729341192017-12-19T15:58:00.003-07:002017-12-19T16:09:01.203-07:00The Big Gay Mormon Book Chapter Four<div>
<b><span style="color: #999999; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>This is chapter four of the book I wrote with a friend. She is the mother of several children, one of them gay. We are both practicing LDS. I am a gay man who is married to a woman and is trying to follow the the commandments as set out by Jesus Christ and his prophets. Chapter Four:</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Answerable and unanswerable questions </span></b><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #bfbfbf; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">or</span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> A few facts & figures from those who don’t understand facts &
figures</span></i></b><b><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If rewards of joy and peace of mind were instantaneously
given to the doer of good, all would do well. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I would. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If every
time I paid my tithing I heard a “ka-ching!” sound and I saw my points being calculated on
the celestial scoreboard, I would write a few more checks. This, however, would
not test my strength, nor develop my character, nor grow my powers and
abilities.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: OK Cal, why
did you lead with that thought?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Cal: Because a lot
of us think there is going to be some huge reward for choosing to obey. Those
in my position who are trying to follow all fathers’ commandments sometimes
look around the corner for Ed McMahon and a giant spiritual check. It doesn’t
work like that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just thought I’d get that over with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: I am going on with the chapter. I mentioned this
question to you before, but I’d like to go back to it because I think it’s
important. I’d like to know why some people develop same gender attraction
while others develop opposite gender attraction. Knowing the why will give me
power to figure out what I should be doing as a parent and how to do it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Let’s look
at that directly and divide it into two parts – the temporal and the not so
temporal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
spiritual “Why” (And the answer to a universal question)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We do not know answers to many difficult questions, such
as why some are affected and some aren’t, why I was blessed with this and
someone else blessed with that. However,
I know for certainty that God loves His children. With that knowledge I can
turn the “why” into a “what” as in “what experience is there to be gained” or
“what can I learn?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I also take solace in the understanding that someday I
will have the answer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Yea, verily I say unto you, in that day when the Lord
shall come, he shall reveal all things—“Things which have passed, and hidden
things which no man knew, things of the earth, by which it was made, and the
purpose and the end thereof.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the general question “why” I hear strains of the same
question I asked myself for years. What I yearned to know was: “Is this my
fault? Was there something I should have done or something I should have not
done?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Often we think trials are handed out to us because of
something we have done wrong, or, by the same token, that challenges are given
to others because of something they have done wrong – which boggles the mind
because we clearly teach that adversity is part of the Plan of Salvation. From
adversity we grow and progress - if we so choose. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are trials that come to us as a result of our
disobedience, as a consequence of an action taken (or not taken). Prepare
yourself now for the discovery that homosexuality is not a result of past sin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are other trials that come to us to teach us and to
enlighten us in the process of overcoming. The Savior suffered and made an atonement
not only for the things we do that are sinful but also for the things which
happen to us - things over which we have no control. Things over which we never
had control. I believe that homosexuality falls into this category. If I didn’t
choose it in this life, if it is not because of some mistake I made by action
or inaction, <i>then it may have happened to
me.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I feel the need to make this point again: Some people do
not consider that homosexual feelings are something to overcome. Support those
who feel this way, love them and make them part of your life. Their life
experience is not your call.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are mortal circumstances, experiences, misfortunes
that transpire -- things that are unwanted, painful, and even evil. In the Book of Mormon Alma and Amulek, were
forced to witness the burning of women and righteousness children. They were
taunted, spat upon, and ridiculed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“And it came to pass that they took Alma and Amulek, and
carried them forth to the place of martyrdom, that they might witness the
destruction of those who were consumed by fire.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">However, they had been promised that…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“And he (the Savior) shall go forth, suffering pains and
afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be
fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his
people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What had happened to Amulek and Alma the younger was not
of their doing, nor was it the doing of the women and children that were
sacrificed. Regardless of its origin, it was reprehensible. It was traumatic,
painful, and horrific. The horrors perpetuated toward them left emotional and
literal scars. Why was that allowed to happen?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">While we do not know all the answers, we do know
important principles that allow us to face tragedies with faith and confidence
that there is a bright future planned for each of us. -- Quinton L Cook </span><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-songs-they-could-not-sing?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-songs-they-could-not-sing?lang=eng</span></a></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The atonement of our Lord Jesus Christ was able to heal
Amulek and Alma the younger. Jesus had taken upon him the pain that they had
experienced. They were able to withstand the experience because Jesus
interceded. They retained the wisdom and
knowledge, and their pain was healed <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We, too, can rely on the Atonement to help us through
experiences that have done us harm as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So,
am I to blame?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Concerning my own pain; I began my healing
process wanting the Lord to tell me what I had done wrong. I thought I was
being punished and I wanted to know why. I was sure that, somehow, this gay
thing was my fault.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With this in mind, before we try to resolve the spiritual
“why am “ or “why is he/she gay”, let’s get this huge mongo-question out of the
way so that we all can think clearly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I believe that to some degree, all of us chose to open
our arms wide and embrace these challenges, trials and obstacles and accept the
heartbreak and joy that comes with them. I suppose there is something that we
could have done to prevent them from happening. We could have voted not to have
any agency. Now that we are in the midst of challenges, we could choose to live
our lives in a hole and avoid relationships with other human beings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But we do not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That, however, is where the guilt and subsequent remorse
can responsibly end. And the only one that can confirm this in a way you can
understand is the Spirit of the Lord.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Homework implied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Temporal “Why”, & Other stuff we don’t know for certian<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The other answers to SGA questions aren’t as clear cut.
Everyone wants to get to the bottom of it, but at the bottom there is only a
note that says “Sorry - don’t know.”
There seems to be no intellectual light at the end of this tunnel.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At this printing, there are no irrefutable explanations
about why some people are gay. It’s undeniably clear that we do not understand
the cause of homosexuality. No one knows. Yet, everyone wants or needs to
assign either the credit or the blame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Current arguments on the origin of SGA feelings are generally
based on two ideas -- whether homosexuality results from a person's
surroundings and environment (nurture), or rather as a by-product of one’s
biology and genetics (nature). The debate hotly continues because both sides
have diligently supported their cause. If you’re in the middle you had better
duck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The following is only for those who have been frozen for
the last 20 years or so and need a primer:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Argument
one: Nature<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nature enthusiasts believe that some humans are born with
a gene, chemical or other physical characteristic unique to those who are
attracted to their same gender.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After years of speculation and hypotheses, something akin
to evidence was presented in support of this claim in 1991 by a
British-American known for his research into brain, its structures and
functions and sexual orientation. This neuroscientist, Simon LeVay, reported in
a published study of his research on the human brain that there appeared to be
a size differentiation in the anterior hypothalamus (a certain neuron group)
between straight and gay men. He reported that the INAH3 nuclei of the anterior
hypothalamus was on average three times smaller in homosexual men than in
heterosexual men. He based his study on post-mortem examinations of the brains
of self-declared homosexual men.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When Mr. LeVay’s research was initially reported he was
clear to emphasize;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"It's important to stress what I didn't find. I did
not prove that homosexuality is genetic or find a genetic cause for being gay.
I didn't show that gay men are 'born that way'- the most common mistake people
make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“INAH3 is less likely to be the sole gay nucleus of the
brain than part of a chain of nuclei engaged in men and women's sexual
behavior. My work is just a hint in that direction--a spur, I hope, to future
work." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Some criticized Mr. LeVay’s findings and labeled them
incomplete saying that his work was based on too few subjects with inadequate
histories. Some outspoken woman suggested that cutting up dead men’s heads
regardless of sexual orientation was just plain gross. (That was Julie and I
tend to agree with her.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A later paper that was published in Science in 1993 by
Dr. Dean Hamer, an American geneticist, showed that there was at least one
subtype of male sexual orientation that appeared to be genetically influenced -
as indicated by the linkage of DNA markers ( Xq28 segment on the X chromosome)
among gay males. Dr. Hamer was also responsible for the postulation of the
existence of a God gene for religious experiences. He believed that genetic studies have proved
that homosexuality is not a choice. “People can’t change their genes.” He
said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For those of you that speak science as a second language
- felicitates. For the rest of us, the basic gist is that these studies show a
possible link between a certain segment of the X chromosome and homosexuality
but do not prove any reason, cause or relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">However, the possibility of a “gay gene” has become the
proverbial holy grail of homosexual research and the possibility of its
existence has poured gas on the nature vs. nurture argument that was
combustible to begin with. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Neuroendocrine studies support a biological point of view
that sexual orientation could be determined by the early pre-natal levels of
androgen(s) on relevant neural structures. In other words… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: Yes Cal, please, please use other words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: If exposed
to high levels of these androgens, the fetus will be attracted to females. The
site studies suggest that male rats who received lower levels of androgen
became submissive, in matters of sexual drive, to the other male rats. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Still, with all the interest, speculation and science,
there is to this date no definitive answer to whether homosexuality is biological.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Jihan Ryu in The Quest for the Gay Gene states: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Although sexual orientation research has been
strengthened by a study on maternal hormonal effects in utero and has refined
theories about how homosexuality can be passed down through generations, it
still has a long way to go to reach a satisfactory conclusion of any sort”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Argument two: How you were reared</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: As a mother of a gay son, the argument that how a
child was reared affects their sexual orientation is a sensitive subject. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Social theorists who examine such things as play
patterns, early peer relations, the interactions of children, the differences
in parental behavior toward male and female children, and the role of gender
constancy in the household, believe that these pre-adolescent elements are the
largest contributing factors to homosexuality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A study by Bogaert, Blanchard & Crosthwait done in
2007 found that having older brothers influenced sexual preference, and that
with each older brother the chances of homosexuality increased by 33
percent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One could argue that these findings simply support a
biological cause. Perhaps with each male fetus that is carried in the womb the
chemical or hormone level in the mother’s body changes in such a way as to
affect the sexual development of subsequent male pregnancies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The point is that it’s easy to see trends but to explain
why they happen or what causes them to occur is much more difficult. My son
Sean’s is the oldest boy in our family, so scientifically it seems to be a
tossup.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">David Halperin (B-1952) a Freudian and Foucault
enthusiast supported the idea that homosexuality is caused by a combination of
a strong mother and a weaker father who paired and reared a son with unresolved
Oedipus complex issues. This supposition, he clams, would lead to weakness in
the son, weakness which would then lead to homosexuality. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are psychologists that disagree with this logic,
thinking that the same scenario could be played out and could conceivable lead
to a strong son who has been enabled to compensate for his father's weakness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: And then there is the hair whorl. Science now
shows that gay men have hair whorl patterns that flow to the left, while
heterosexual’s whorling hair moves to the right.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Thumbprint density is considered to be
another telling indicator of sexual orientation for men (increased density of
ridges on the thumb and pinkie of the left hand).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I just looked for myself, and I had to borrow my
daughters’ pink princess mirror to do it. My hair whorl is lefty-loosey. I’m
not exactly sure what my thumb print is supposed to look like but I gotta tell
you, it’s pretty impressive. I should also mention that my ring finger is
slightly longer than my pointy finger, and I like musical theatre, classical
music, and vocal jazz, but I can’t see how any of this matters unless you are a
cosmetologist, manicurist or trying to get me to download your latest song.. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Back to the drawing board<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: The nature
vs. nurture argument and the studies that go with it are not so useful in
understanding why SGA exists. Ultimately the answer may depend more on who you
ask, their agenda, and on their worling hair than on any actual fact. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: Problematic
parenting, biological blip, or hormonal happenstance? Maybe it’s just a choice.
It sure would make it easier if one could choose a sexual preference like one
chooses which sports team to follow, which shoes to wear, or which diet drink
they want to be addicted to. If they choose it to begin with they could simply
un-choose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: …If they had chosen it to begin with. I don’t
believe that any of these explanations really covers the question of why some
people are same gender attracted and others aren’t.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Traits can be developed as
well as passed along genetically. Abilities can be enhanced, behaviors learned
and there are way too many influencing factors to find a cause. If there is not
a cause, is there a cure? For example…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Human Specimen “Adam” has nosebleeds, wounds that heal slowly,
problems fighting infections, and severe joint pains.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In 1932 these were found to be symptoms of vitamin C
deficiency - a lack of fresh fruit and vegetables in the diet. Therefore,
Specimen “Adam” can be cured by being placed on a regimen of chewable gummy
vitamin C, or fruit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Problem solved.
Will same gender attraction ever be that cut and dried?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Human Specimen “Bob” is SGAttracted. SGAttraction (homosexuality) is caused by an
unknown factor or factors. (Will science figure out a specific cause?) Without
a known cause, do we have a fix? And is a fix what “Bob” needs or wants?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here is what we know now:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“…Sexual orientations, whether homosexual or
heterosexual; gay, straight, lesbian, or bisexual, all are a cause of a complex
interaction between environmental, cognitive, and anatomical factors, shaping
the individual at an early age”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Control over “the natural man” is an important concept
for us Mormons. We believe that the
unbridled or unchecked man does not realize his full potential; that striving
for betterment is fundamental to a Christian life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That the effect of homosexuality clearly touches all of
us regardless of its actual cause, name, the science behind it, or the current
political climate or popular opinion. The “why” is up in the air. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">However, the “how” is manageable for all of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I am gay. How do I live like others? How do I feel fulfilled? How do I express
love? How can I be like everybody else?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The unexplainable nature of homosexuality, our inability
to nail down an explanation or a reason behind it and, frankly its place in the
LDS church (not the Gospel, mind you, but the Church) is the utmost example of
the literary curse and a blessing. Both
its effect and affect is deeply personal and cannot be generalized or
marginalized.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I cannot tell you how to live, love or how to have a life
with any limitation or obstacle -- again assuming that you consider
homosexuality as such. If you consider that your life is better for your
individualized sexuality, (and why wouldn’t you) I can’t tell you how to
reconcile that part of yourself with the LDS church. It is not back and white for those who are
gay.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Because the origins are so indefinable to us, the eventual possibilities
seem to be huge. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The question is; for you, does the blessing of
homosexuality outweigh any perceived curse?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Speaking for myself, it does.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<b><i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Major Tangent at the
end of this chapter: <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Deep down inside, what do you really
think and how do you really feel about homosexuality? Are you ashamed of it, or
embarrassed by it? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What images explain SGA for you?
What is the first thing that comes to mind when SGA in its many forms and
explanations is mentioned at school or in Church or at work? Is homosexuality for you a pride parade in
Technicolor on the local news? Is it a tasteless joke or a careless remark? Is
it the funny uncle that doesn’t come around anymore – the one people make fun
of? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Does it really matter what I
think?” You say while mowing the lawn or stirring a pot on the stove - all
while reading. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The good ol’ days of winking and
nodding and claiming that homosexuality doesn’t affect us because we don’t know
anyone like that were over years ago and frankly they weren’t all that good
while they lasted. Not for me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: But Cal, I miss the good old
days. I don’t like having to deal with all these issues I didn’t ask for and
never wanted in my life. I wish Sean was still collecting baseball cards and
complaining about chores. Every time that he starts dating someone “seriously”
I start to freak out. I’m probably afraid that one of these days it’s going to
be something permanent and I’m going to be forced to deal with it, and required
to deal gracefully. I sometimes think how wrong it all is -how it goes against
my nature. Then I start feeling guilty because here I’m am writing this book
because I’m all “understanding and cool”, but sometimes I don’t feel all
“understanding and cool”.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not the homosexuality itself
(and I’m sympathetic and supportive with the feelings) but the actions and the
lifestyle as I have seen it are just not what I want for Sean. Then I feel
guilty again because I’m probably screwing him up even more by what he must see
as my evident disappointment and lack of acceptance. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<b><i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since I am venting</span></i></b><i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">… <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My daughter went to a dance last
Friday night. So we were talking and I was saying how proud I was that she was
dancing with boys. Sean pipes up and
says he goes dancing every weekend and dances with boys and I don’t compliment
him on it. And I thought “but I’m not proud of that”.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You just asked if the readers can
handle homosexuality. And reading along, I realized that sometimes I can’t. So
tell me I am either destined to burn, which I feel sometimes, or that it’s a
process because there is a difference in being mean to people because they are
homosexual, and being angry or resentful because it is messing with my own life
and the people I love. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Let’s refocus. How do you feel about
Sean? He is gay and that doesn’t fit
with your belief systems. How would you feel about him if, instead of being gay,
he did something else that was contrary to your personal or religious beliefs?
What if he went dancing at the club every Saturday night with girls and was
sexually active with them? Knowing you, Julie, you would not be happy about
that, and yet you wouldn’t be asking me how to deal with it. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You would complement him on being
outgoing, or on his talent in getting to know people. You might put some music
on and dance a bit in the kitchen. And you would not hesitate to tell him that
sex outside of marriage was not what he should be looking for and you would
tell him why. That doesn’t seem foren to you because you do that all the time.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My kids are straight as trees, and
there are days that I want to knock some sense into them. Parents are going to
have issues with how their children live.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Thomas S Monson said <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Never let a problem to be solved
become more important that a person to be loved.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie, you are a good parent and a
fair parent. You love your children and want to give them the best head start
you can.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Maybe while you are trying to help
Sean the others in your family will watch you being kind, nonjudgmental and
respectful to people with differences. Who knows but that this may be the
catalyst that propels your family forward to do great things? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You have opened up a dialogue with
love and understanding so that those who may have wandered from the safety of
the fold know that they still have a place. Maybe they will move a little
closer to us as we show them our love and they can still dance with us in the
kitchen. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #943634; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">End of tangent.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
</div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-27448685958393024012017-12-18T14:55:00.001-07:002017-12-18T16:21:59.985-07:00The gay Mormon man and the Bishop's interview<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 19.2pt 38.4pt .8in 76.8pt 96.0pt 1.6in 134.4pt 153.6pt 2.4in 192.0pt 211.2pt 3.2in 249.6pt 268.8pt 4.0in 307.2pt 326.4pt 4.8in 364.8pt 384.0pt 5.6in 422.4pt 441.6pt 6.4in 480.0pt 499.2pt 7.2in 537.6pt 556.8pt 8.0in 595.2pt 614.4pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The LDS Bishop’s interview experience is
getting a lot of press lately. I would be a little freaked out by it as well as
it is explained by those who have not been through the process. It is <b>not</b> going into a locked room with an older
man and talking about sex. Let me speak of my experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-684FhVKGS4w/Wjg5wYezfdI/AAAAAAAABRU/o6TwdZ9Tz24FPpeUQBqVsLcmigBtFMfXwCK4BGAYYCw/s1600/Bishop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-684FhVKGS4w/Wjg5wYezfdI/AAAAAAAABRU/o6TwdZ9Tz24FPpeUQBqVsLcmigBtFMfXwCK4BGAYYCw/s400/Bishop.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: purple;">This isn't me, by the way.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">Goes to show that there is usually a desk between the two.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I went through that interview every two
years from the age of 12 on, and again when I went on a mission x two: Bishop
and Stake President. On top of that, I was interviewed several times – once with
my parents present when I was baptized at the age of eight. As a family we had
yearly interviews with the bishop. And I have had an interview every two years
since my mission to get/maintain a temple recommend. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The interview in question is to establish
worthiness to enter the temple or to be advanced in priesthood authority and responsibility.
My understanding is that the same questions are asked girls as they are
advancing through various young women organizations. There isn’t a separate interview
for girls or boys. It is the same interview.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes, there are questions about whether or not one is morally
clean and yes, they were a little embarrassing for me to answer. I was never unduly
uncomfortable in the interview with one exception: The very mention of the word
masturbation made me want to pass out. This was the late seventies and I was
not hip.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On my LDS mission I was assigned the task to interview potential members of the church for baptism. I realized that I was uncomfortable with those words as a leader as well. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was raised a Mormon. Worthiness
interviews are part of the culture and still are. As a husband and a father I have been asked by
a family member to accompany them to such interviews. Of course I said yes, and
I went with them to their scheduled appointment. Sometimes I got a funny look
from the leader doing the interview. Most times there was not a bump. And this
was years ago before any of this #metoo came to light. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyone can be accompanied by an adult or a family member if they
so wish. And they have always had the ability to have someone accompany
them. It just hasn’t been part of the
culture. But culture can change and is already changing. And yes, leaders can
always be more sensitive to feelings of he/she being interviewed.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">However, the law of chastity is clear and must be followed
before anyone can attend the temple or advance in the priesthood. The questions
won't change for content, though they might go through a revision of sorts for
clarity. There are questions that need to be asked. "Are you morally
clean?" is one. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hear from some that the interview can be problematic. I get that. I hear that there has been abuse by some bishops. My experience in the church is that these are one-off scenarios. They are not the norm. And in a culture that is becoming hyper-aware of potential for abuse, they will be fewer and fewer. And that is as it should be. Should this conversation be happening? Yes.</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here is the rub: You may or may not agree that this is a
question that Mormon leaders have a right to ask. I think they do. You may feel
that someone being interviewed has the right to refuse to answer. I agree. However, someone who is not morally clean can’t
get a temple recommend, and the structure is clear.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-43211465080853003612017-11-22T16:15:00.000-07:002017-11-22T16:15:40.336-07:00Chapter three of the Big Gay Mormon Book<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">This is chapter three of the book I wrote about being gay and Mormon. I am gay. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And I am Mormon. Neither one is going to change.</span></i></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Yg_4_jHGeGg/WhX-vqfINlI/AAAAAAAABQ4/WrAdrSahYq0xR2xor6mXF07MS7iXdMqWwCLcBGAs/s1600/number-three-e1421614628238.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="300" height="194" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Yg_4_jHGeGg/WhX-vqfINlI/AAAAAAAABQ4/WrAdrSahYq0xR2xor6mXF07MS7iXdMqWwCLcBGAs/s200/number-three-e1421614628238.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-color: #5B9BD5; mso-style-textoutline-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: .75pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: bevel; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: solid;">A word to the wise </span></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #bfbfbf; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-color: #5B9BD5; mso-style-textoutline-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: .75pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: bevel; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: solid; mso-themecolor: background1; mso-themeshade: 191;">or</span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textoutline-fill-color: #5B9BD5; mso-style-textoutline-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: .75pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: bevel; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: solid;"> Defining common terms<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">We are not defined by
sexual attraction. We are not defined by sexual behavior. We are sons and
daughters of God and all of us have different challenges in the flesh. There
are many different types of challenges.”</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">- Elder David A. Bednar<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: My child ran into
the house the other day screaming that the neighbor dog was eating our beloved
chicken, Peggy. Peggy has been in the family for some time and we have grown
protective of her. She has one leg – as you may have inferred from the name
Peggy. I ran out the door dropping whatever thing I was painting and yelled for
the other children to join me in a group effort to hunt down the neighbor dog,
Marcelle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Marcelle is an acknowledged
chicken molester in our neck of the woods and his human owners let him run
around unfettered. We all hurried to save Peggy from being fast food. Well, not
really fast food -- sort a slow food (slow, therefore food).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The mini-mob gathered and we
quickly found Marcelle, who was laying in the shade licking Peggy like she was
the sucker that I apparently am. I turned to my child and said to accompany a
look of death, “Eating?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My daughter grimaced,
shrugged her little shoulders shrank two inches and muttered “I guess what I
meant to say was... “Is bonding with.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This leads me directly to the
point of this chapter; Words are more important than most people realize. With
Peggy the wet chicken properly perched in her place, let us do what we can to
facilitate better communication. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: It’s always hard to understand one another if
you think blue is periwinkle and we think blue is turquoise. The differences
between periwinkle and turquoise may not stop traffic, but if we are talking
about cummerbunds and flowers for my daughter’s wedding someone’s life may be
at stake. So we need to be clear about
the definitions we will be using.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: The LDS Church has been quite specific with
their word choices in regards to homosexuality, and it is important to know
why. As a frame of reference, the Church
supports the usage of the words homosexual, lesbian, and gay as adjectives to
describe particular thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Use of these words to denote a condition (or
noun) is discouraged because they feel it attaches yet another label. But they are lightening up with that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As authors we strive to follow this guideline
as much as possible in general depictions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In action it looks something
like this: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m
an alcoholic – vs. – I am addicted to alcohol</span></i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m a
perfectionist – vs. – I like everything to be just-so<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
homosexual – vs. – I have homosexual feelings<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And we are lightening up with that as well. The difference is not a big
issue to me, because I am gay and I am not offended at the label. The terms “Faggot”,
“Queer”, and a slew of others I’m sure you can name don’t thrill me. I am also a man, a painter, a BYU fan, a
decent singer and the ward choir director. I do not define myself by any one of
these labels – and there are many more: Master of the hot glue gun; Sacrament
meeting sleeper; best neighborhood daddy; thrift shop shopper extraordinaire;
man of many chins.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: To this day I don’t
like to use the word gay when referring to my son. It seems too permanent and
decided. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but if he doesn’t become consigned
permanently into the meaning of that word, perhaps he won’t always be doing the
things he’s doing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Julie, concerning your son; I think that the
only thing to do in your case is to let the spirit guide you. The spirit can
help you be supportive and respectful of your son, while still hopeful that he
will choose to follow the prophet</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A line from the Alexander
Pope essay comes to mind …”Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, we first
endure, then pity, then embrace.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There was a time when I was
told by several in leadership positions that if I didn’t say I was gay and
didn’t think about it then it wouldn’t be true. Can you imagine?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today
I am going to pretend that I am British and, suddenly, it will be so!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not going to happen. No
amount of positive thinking is going to make that glass slipper fit. So look
for another shoe that can be just as valuable to you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Things are what they are. I
am the son of my heavenly father. He has put me here on Earth. And here on Earth, I am from Idaho and I am
gay. Where I choose to go from here is
the issue I should be concerned with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Specific verbiage</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The verbiage regarding
SGAttraction is becoming much more specific, right along with our awareness.
With all the focus on selecting the right words I would encourage all to focus
on the people rather than the specific phrases -- to choose words that help
individuals on an individual basis. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Generally, the world
community doesn’t have much need for the specificity between homosexual
feelings and actions. But to those in the LDS community the semantics that
surround gender issues and what they mean can be very important in
understanding one another. If you’re not sure what words to use, rather than
remain unspoken, it may be helpful to simply ask. This can generally be applied
across the board in respect to most labels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Case in point: My Gramma
Ruby had twenty seven grandchildren and a very poor memory. We all lived
several states away and weren’t able to visit often, and because of this she
often forgot our names and our faces. To help her remember, she gave us all
little nicknames. My nickname was Pale Green Pants. I don’t remember why.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One visit I remember her
asking me, “So which one are you?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I’m Cal” I said, trying to
help jog her memory. “You know, the one with a decent GPA, the one who’s not in
jail, the one who spends most of his visit weeding the garden with you, the one
who has a distinct personality and purpose in life.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She just stared at me and
jostled her false teeth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I sighed and relented, “I’m
Pale Green Pants.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Oh yes,” she smiled. “I’ve
missed you. Come give me some love!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Her manner of remembering
her grandchildren was not an enlightened ideology, but it was somewhat
effective and she meant no harm. Because
I loved her it was up to me to softly surrender my sense of semantics for the
summer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: I have a good friend
who’s African American and for a long time I avoided using any specific words
when talking about his nationality. Eventually he noticed my hesitance, and we
were able to have an open conversation about what terms he wanted me to use. I
felt a lot better understanding his feelings</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Excellent point. With that in mind, let’s run
over a few teams. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">List of common terms which we may agree or agree to agree on for the
sake of discussion<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Acronyms,
Gender Based: SGA, SGB, SGI</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />SGA: Same Gender (sexual) Attraction</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
SGB: Same Gender (sexual) Behavior</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <br />
SGI: Same Gender (gay) Identity</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">OGA,
OGB, OGI</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />OGA: Opposite Gender (sexual) attraction</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <br />
OGB: Opposite Gender (sexual) behavior</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <br />
OGI: Opposite Gender (heterosexual) identity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Affirmation:
1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people
that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Air
Quotes, Air Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase in conversation.
For our purposes here - generally speaking-- using quotation marks to denote words
such as “gay” or “homosexual” sets these people apart as ”the others not like
us”. In this book Julie and I would like to include all people in our
discussion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bisexual: A </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sexual_behavior"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">sexual
behavior</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> or an </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_orientation"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">orientation</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
involving </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_attraction"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">physical</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">,
mental or </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_(love)"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">romantic</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
attraction to both </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">males</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> and
</span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">females</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Choice: A decision between two or more option
often referred to as agency, personal rights and freedom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Closet:
1) Upright storage space for often used for storage of clothing; 2) Slang
reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about
his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends
and family members. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Coming
Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or
structure; 2) The process of informing others about an issue that is often
considered private. Publicly acknowledging one’s homosexuality is often
referred to as coming out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Conversion
therapy, or Reparation therapy or Reorientation therapy: An attempt at
remediation of a mental or physical problem -- in this case an endeavor to
change sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to
heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy
involving averse conditioning, electric shock, nausea-inducing drugs and may
have included forms of sex therapy. Today this type of therapy takes a more
subtle and genteel approach. Regardless,
there has been no documented supportable success. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Down
Low or DL: 1) Connotes keeping a fact hidden or camouflaged. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with
other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not
consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are
generally not aware of these infidelities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced
SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to
embrace a gay identity or to engage in SGA behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Folk
Doctrine: A pretend at doctrines that
develop from prevailing rumor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gay:
1) A happy and joyful mode or method of celebrating often sung about in English
carols and Fred Astaire films; 2) A common term for an individual attracted to
their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male
homosexual." It’s meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and
female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay - the
term homosexual referring to sexual orientation and the term gay as a political
identity, i.e.; an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual
orientations. However, the terms are
often interchangeable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gender: The set of characteristics that
distinguish between female</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> and male </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">members of a species.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The word gender is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" to
denote the condition of being male or female.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Heterosexual:
1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those
of the opposite sex; 2) Having to do with opposite sex attraction. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Homophobia: An irrational fear, prejudice or
discrimination towards homosexuals. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Homophobia can take many forms, from
name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia
like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Homosexual: People who have emotional, sexual and romantic feelings primarily for those
of the same sex, or having to do with same sex attraction. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In:
See out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Lesbian:
Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Lifestyle:
The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though it
is used by gay and lesbian people as well. “Those in the lifestyle”
usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior
as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the
teachings or those in the LDS culture, or rural lifestyle may suggest animal
husbandry or farming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mixed
Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual”
orientation and one who identifies as SGAttracted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Out: See in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Prophet: One called of God who holds the keys to
direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sexting: Porn on the phone either in photos or text
communications. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">SSA: Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers this term. SGA. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored
among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay
community”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sin:
To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Straight: A direction which veers neither to the left or the right; 2) A slang term used in the place of
heterosexual.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does
not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">_____________________________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It is important to note that
the words homosexuality, heterosexuality and bisexuality can refer either to
feelings of sexual attraction to another person, or to the actual sexual
practice or behavior between people.
This is one of the reasons the LDS church prefers certain words over
others. Julie and I don’t much care for arguments over terminology. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Words as weapons<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Most terminologies dealing
with homosexuality are assigned different meanings from different political or
religious organizations. Historically, meanings and terms have often been
chosen to promote specific belief systems, and this is certainly the case for
this writing. We wanted to choose wording that assisted the greatest amount of
people reading. By doing so we hope to empower people to treat people like
people… who need people... who are the luckiest people... <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Superficial arguments
preceding most religious/moral discussions exist, in our estimation, for the
same reason beautiful plumage is used in nature: to show off and draw
attention. Add sexuality to the mix and feathers often fly. Families are torn and
are left to follow the wind of public opinion. People we love are being
squandered. It is a war of words, but a war none-the-less. Where relationships
are at stake, where families are threatened, where people feel unaccepted or
unloved, there will be war. Some of us are no longer content to lose those we
love. Some of us are gearing for a fight - a reclamation of sorts - to gather
our loved ones. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At its core it is a fight to
the finish. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">May we all take a page from
the Savior teachings methods and choose to use verbiage understood by those we
wish to communicate with. Hopefully with common terms and better understanding
of the vernacular we can keep from strangling an innocent Marcelle and protect slow
and soggy Peggy (slow, therefore soggy). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-40315597916075526142017-08-18T16:32:00.005-06:002017-08-18T16:33:35.558-06:00Imagine<span style="color: purple;">http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865686947/Q-and-A-Imagine-Dragons-lead-singer-Dan-Reynolds-talks-music-Mormons-and-more.html</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iANU07fgrgk/WZdqub7bRRI/AAAAAAAABQU/5UJJpXA7RVEUoH6yoRDsCILjlUQhLujIACK4BGAYYCw/s1600/white_dragon_by_sandara-d6ha2cv.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="372" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iANU07fgrgk/WZdqub7bRRI/AAAAAAAABQU/5UJJpXA7RVEUoH6yoRDsCILjlUQhLujIACK4BGAYYCw/s640/white_dragon_by_sandara-d6ha2cv.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: x-large;">Always happy to hear what those with ties <br />to gay Mormons have to say.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-3068908423087087882016-12-16T15:20:00.001-07:002016-12-19T10:34:38.138-07:00Chapter Two of the Big Gay Mormon Book<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ejbrmqd239Q/WFRnw2IZW5I/AAAAAAAABPU/94dsHTBXLi84e3FtOAFjDQ_T9iZNmH1WACLcB/s1600/twotwo.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ejbrmqd239Q/WFRnw2IZW5I/AAAAAAAABPU/94dsHTBXLi84e3FtOAFjDQ_T9iZNmH1WACLcB/s200/twotwo.png" width="146" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Picking teams <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #bfbfbf; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">or </span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Are gay people the good guys or the bad guys?</span><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> </span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This is chapter two of "They That Be With Us - Understanding the link between Gay and Mormon" Please leave any notes or questions or write me at calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com</span></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Calvin: King Benjamin, the
sons of Mosiah, and Ammon and his many, many arms have become a huge source of
inspiration for me. In fact, I was the one who wrote the very first “Book of
Mormon Musical” when I was ten, and I played Nephi, Zorom and the all the
Laman-knights.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Not indecently, King
Benjamin’s talk is where I learned that as a gay young man I was an enemy to
God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">There were other things I
learned in my teen-aged years that were not nearly as painful as being
considered God’s enemy. For example, I learned any one of my sisters would not
hesitate to sell me out for a Charleston Chew. I learned that Lady Blakney, our
cow, turned out to be the answer to that age old question “what’s for dinner”
and that dad had a good reason when he told us not to flush Tupperware lids
down the toilet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">As horrible as it was for
me to learn during my thirtieth summer that mothers didn’t last forever, even
that was more palatable to me than having been put in the same ugly category
with those who lived counter to Heavenly Father and his purpose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“For Calvin Thompson, who
is only a sort-of-man (being gay and not as clever or cool as he doth think in
his heart to be), is an<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19c">enemy</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>to God, and has been ever since he
found gay pornography in a rest room and hid it in his violin case.” -The Book
of Cal</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">When I looked in the
mirror I didn’t see an enemy of God. I saw myself as one who was “On the Lord's
Side, Who…”. I went to Church, I was really good at scripture chase, I
could lead the singing and use the words “thee” and “thine” correctly in
prayer. I memorized all the routes for passing the sacrament, wore a white
shirt fresh from the dryer and tied a brilliant full Windsor knot. Surely those
considered “On the Lords Side, Who...” were guys like me that combed their hair
and tried not to watch TV on Sundays. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“For the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19a">natural</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19b">man</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>is an<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19c">enemy</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>to God,” Mosiah 3:19<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Was Benjamin talking about
my inclination towards men? The opinions I heard expressed at church was
that there was nothing more unnatural than desiring ones same gender. I heard
that scripture supported sentiment in Sunday school class, in priesthood and
again in the foyer from people who didn’t know anyone was listening -- a
terrific way to check any groups practical pulse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">However my feelings toward
men seemed as natural and effortless as rearranging the living room furniture
or color coordinating my sock drawer. I didn’t go out and hunt for these
feelings; I didn’t raise my hand, volunteer or pick gay from a catalog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">And suddenly there was
some ridiculous and arbitrary line drawn in the sand and it was right at my
feet. Those on the other side were straight and could choose to go to heaven.
Those on my side of the line were not going anywhere near heaven and apparently
there was no choice involved -- no agency whatsoever. The whole thing sounded
so…<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Old Testament</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">This was not the Heavenly
Father that I knew, who I had learned about in primary and who I considered my
loving and caring Heavenly Father. This was a fire and brimstone, B-movie Zeus
with bad effects.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The whole thing freaked me
out. I was now the bad guy - the guy in the black hat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The iron rod had somehow
split in two. It had to have. I was off in a different direction and I had
never let go of the dang thing. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In my
natural form with God given talents, abilities and inclinations I was God’s
enemy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Well, I didn’t want to be
his enemy. I wanted to be his son. I wanted his love and admiration. I wanted
his trust. I wanted to be on His side and to be counted among His. I wanted the
white hat, the girl everyone said I should I should want, the sunset and all
else that went with it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Maybe I was so freaked out
by what I first read at age thirteen that I was too worked up to hear anything
else. I should have kept reading.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“…and will be (an enemy),
forever and ever, unless he<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19e">yields</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>to the enticings of the Holy<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19f">Spirit</a>, and<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19g">putteth</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>off the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19h">natural</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>man and becometh a <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19i">saint</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>through the atonement of Christ the
Lord, and becometh as a <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19j">child</a>, <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://scriptures.lds.org/en/mosiah/3/19k">submissive</a>, meek, humble,
patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit
to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (The rest of
the Mosiah 3:19)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314);"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Directly from the Guide to
the Scriptures on LDS.org, the natural man is "A person who chooses to be
influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather
than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend
physical things but not spiritual things. All people are carnal, or mortal,
because of the fall of Adam and Eve. Each person must be born again through the
atonement of Jesus Christ to cease being a natural man."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Combining our collective
wisdom - King Benjamin’s and mine - to remain “On The Lords Side, Who…” meant
to follow His commandments, submit to His will and trust that I would never be
tempted past my ability to withstand or overcome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">When I follow the commandments
I move past what the normal, natural guy does<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>regardless
of his sexual orientation</i>. At that point I am “On the Lords Side, Who…”,
and heir to His glory - willing to submit to all things which the Lord
seeth fit to inflict upon (me).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Calvin’s Quick Tangent
Alert</span></b><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></span><span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">(Thus the tangerine-orange color). My
dictionary says “inflict” means to exact, impose, or cause. Could that mean
that homosexuality, then; is something caused by the Lord? That it has been
exacted, or measured out and given to me?</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I am not learned enough
to know. But I do believe that any actions we take or behaviors we choose are
our own. Does Heavenly Father place a few roadblocks in our path for us to
overcome? Could His question for me be, “Will you obey me even if you are gay?”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">In my observation, the
natural “heterosexual” man doesn’t seem to any closer to God than the natural
“homosexual” man. Perhaps ones sexual inclination is truly personal and
individual as each human being is. Perhaps both are men who have been asked by
the Lord to obey the commandments He set out for us, and in doing so we
overcome “the natural man”. The commandments are for all men, and God, to my
understanding, has made no distinction between peoples.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Julie: I’m not sure I
get what you are saying. Are you telling me that because I have the natural
temptation to lie, that it’s somehow because God made me that way?</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Calvin: No. And when you
put it that way, something seems wrong. I would never equate feelings of same
gender attraction with sin. I do not believe they are sinful. Acting in a way
contrary to laws of morality for any gender regardless of sexual attraction is
the problem. If we use lying as a simile, then we would have to state it like
this: The act of lying is a wrong. However, the feelings behind the lie
may not be.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Do you feel vulnerable?
That’s not wrong. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Do you feel the need to
protect? Not wrong.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Is your untruth-telling
filling a need to be better, or an attempt to build up a fragile ego? Those
feelings are not wrong, and they may lead to great self-discovery. The lie
itself is the wrong part.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Julie: I get that. We
are talking about the motivations and feelings versus our choices and actions.
I completely agree with that.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #c45911; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Calvin: It doesn’t
seem like the difference is all that critical. Unless you are the one
assigned a black hat.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Again with the good guy or
bad guy thing</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Julie: So, in this
story here, does being gay make you the good guy or the bad guy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Calvin: Neither. I
am neither the good guy nor the bad guy based on my sexuality. Innate, enhanced
or acquired sexuality is not the deciding factor for hero or villain status.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Here is the issue
described plainly:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Simply being attracted to
someone of the same gender is not a sin. There are many members of the Church
who may have some manifestation of that attraction. They honor their covenants,
they keep the commandments, they are worthy. They can receive the blessings of
the temple and they can serve in the Church. It is when we act on the
inclination or the attraction—that's when it becomes a sin. - <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ4_wTGv8Ao" target="_blank">Elder David A. Bednar</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">God is no respecter of
persons and sexual preference does not, in and of itself, connote spirituality
or lack thereof. Homosexual feelings are simply feelings. Regardless of my
sexuality, I can be the guy who’s on the Lords side. I can be the one the Lord can
count on when He calls for men and women to stand for Him. Good people,
regardless of sexual designation or orientation will stand for what the Savior
stands for. Consider this scripture from Moroni.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">11 For behold, a bitter
fountain cannot bring forth good water; neither can a good fountain bring forth
bitter water; wherefore, a man being a servant of the devil cannot follow
Christ; and if he follow Christ he cannot be a servant of the devil. <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know
good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for everything
which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth
by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge
it is of God.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
17 But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ,
and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it
is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth
no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who
subject themselves unto him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Understanding what the
Lord asks of us and then making a choice to do that very thing is good. A
choice to be disobedient is bad. Enough bad choices and that’s where the black
hat comes in. The consequences are inherent. Whether or not I am an enemy
to God depends on my actions and the efforts I make. I do have a say in
the matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">I like having a say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Those who are “on the
Lord’s side, who?” are those who follow His commandments, who invite others to
do good, and who persuade others to believe in Christ. Those not on His side
are those who persuade others to disallow the commandments - those who have had
a clear understanding of Him and have believed in Him and then deny Him (one
must believe in a thing to deny it).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Julie: I don’t want my
son, or anyone’s child thinking they are the bad guys because of their
sexuality. We all have challenges at one time or another. Heavenly Father loves
us, and struggling with temptations is par for the course he has created for
us. I want to help our children understand that they can be gay and still wear
the white hat. I want my gay son to know that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Calvin: Then this chapter
was a good thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-19188694214263537442016-12-07T10:03:00.000-07:002016-12-09T11:45:43.642-07:00Chapter One: On-line book preview<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<i style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is the first chapter of "They that be with us -- Understanding the connection between being gay and being Mormon"</span></i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U0QvgFbO5XI/WEg95Qox7EI/AAAAAAAABO4/u-ErW7To9aAzw-n2toDhdYylgaqjBRkzgCLcB/s1600/582115_4248923658827_895317777_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U0QvgFbO5XI/WEg95Qox7EI/AAAAAAAABO4/u-ErW7To9aAzw-n2toDhdYylgaqjBRkzgCLcB/s1600/582115_4248923658827_895317777_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">C</span><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">hapter One: At least I was paying attention </span></span></b><b><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">or</span></i></b><b><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">What made me different?</span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: I’ve heard it said by those who are
homosexual that they knew there was something different about them at an early
age. I mean to ask as many personal questions as I can be because I think it
will help others. How did it all happen to you, Calvin? What was different, and when did you notice
that difference?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: I tell people I had a normal childhood because for me it was normal. Singing to musicals and creating fashion shows
and magic acts was normal. Pretending to be a nun from the Sound of Music with
the fireplace hearth as a stage was normal. I didn’t know anyone else had it any
other way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I only realized that life in
my home was a bit atypical when I associated with other boys at school, who, by
the way, did not dress up like nuns in their free time. I was raised in south
eastern Idaho where boys snowmobiled. They planted potatoes. They smacked each
other around. They did not re-decorate their bedroom and gold leaf old
furniture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There was another difference
between them as a group and me. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I was a Mormon. The LDS
conservative culture felt completely intrinsic - even instinctual for me. I did
what Mormons did. I knew all the well-loved and well used priesthood hymns and
could list them in order of their popularity. I prayed, I read scriptures, I
went to church</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I believed that the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was true. I hadn’t had a startling or
earth shattering chapel raising event that gave me that knowledge. My testimony
came quietly day by day. (Way too quietly for my taste if I may add). I asked
questions when I wanted to know something, but I never questioned. There was no
need. My understanding of the Church was sound. <i>The Church was true, the sky
was blue, and Judy Garland was the greatest singer that ever lived.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I was smarter then. It
became way more complicated after puberty. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I knew about the practical
function of the Church as well, probably more than many of my siblings or
peers. Mine was not just an understanding of the church taken from books or filmstrips. I knew how it worked day to day - in the chapel and in the kitchen - because I payed attention to what people did, how they acted and what they said. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Additionally, even though I was only nine and had yet to graduate
from primary’s CTR class, I was hanging with the older righteous dudes in
priesthood meeting - which kept me in tune and in sync with the culture and
traditions of the priesthood and must have affected me for relative good. I was
attending general priesthood meeting as a pre-priesthood-holder, tethered to my father’s side
because (I have since found out) I could not be left at home due to the fact that I was a
hellion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If I had had my druthers, I
would have stayed at the home, watch Bewitched and painted my "I Dream of Jennie" bottle. But I had established a
reputation as a trouble inducer/maker/reveler. My mother begged my father to
take me anywhere for two hours to give her time to glue her hair back in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It was while I was squished
between guys twice my size in white shirts and black nylon socks who smelled of
Brut -- or later on, Elisha -- (you will want to Google those) that I had my formal
introduction to the “thou shalt not’s” as presented by LDS general authorities
over the radio airwaves. In one of the first meetings, I remember the speakers
asking us to respect women and girls. I
nodded my head like the older guys around me and I vowed to do better. I had no idea what they were talking about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Several priesthood meetings
later I realized that the G.A.s weren’t talking about hitting girls, but about
hitting on girls. The revered men from <span style="background-color: white;">Crossroads of the West</span>, in their subtle and genteel way,
were talking about sex.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As I reflect back, the G.A.s
didn’t really say the word “sex” right-out like they do today. They implied and
we inferred, and some immature fool in the back that no one could identify
giggled nervously. The effect was exactly what I imagine would have resulted
from a gallon of chloroform being poured into the church’s swamp cooler. I inhaled and then stopped breathing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Sex is for marriage” combined with “Respect
woman and girls” was the sage advice I heard over the pulpit -- officially.
Unofficially, sex seemed to be a whole different plate of potatoes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here is where it gets more
complicated. My mother - the one pasting her hair back in - died, and my
father remarried. This woman had also been married before and she brought with
her a new family with new challenges - just as you would expect. However,
stepmom’s ex-husband was a man who’d been excommunicated from the church for
being homosexual. He lost his membership in the Church and was no longer with
his family as a direct result of his being gay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I, being semi-intelligent
and having a library card, was quick to both do the research and put two and
two together. So, in my first
real-life-math-story-problem, to be “homosexual” meant that a guy liked other
guys, not girls. And the feelings that I had were for guys, not girls. I was,
then, a homosexual. The LDS church - my church - excommunicated
homosexuals.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">No wonder I don’t like math.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: How could you realize your orientation so
young? It must have been more than a sexual thing, because at nine most
children aren’t thinking much about that stuff. I know I wasn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: It’s true that my body was not responding to
sexual impulses at that point, which should have been my first clue that there
are many layers to SGAttraction – not just sex.
At nine years of age my feeling’s and yearning’s had not sexualized. The
feelings only became sexual when my body did at about age twelve or slightly
before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m making it sound like
this all took place over one conference weekend, but it didn’t. Some of these
realizations were years in coming, and others I’m only just beginning to
understand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nevertheless, before I ever
had an image or a face to associate with sexual preference - before I
understood what sexual leanings and inclinations were - I somehow knew that I
preferred males. I’d had strong feelings of what I know now was homosexuality
before I ever heard the word presented or defined.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I can’t say my life changed
in those few days of discovery, though those days ended up being years long.
Life continued as it always had. I went to school, I came home. I mowed the
lawn on Saturdays and church was on Sunday and Tuesday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“So kid, are there any cute girls in
your class?” a friend of my dad’s at
church asked me<i>. No</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I bet you are a real ladies man and
have to beat them off with a stick!” <i>Not really</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“A tall kid like you! Are you on the basketball team? You like to shoot hoops, right?” <i>Nope.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“You like the Jazz?” <i>Vocal,
yes, but instrumental drives me a little crazy</i>.<i>.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“What are you, a fag?” <i>You’re
not very compassionate but at least you’re paying attention. </i><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What I do know is this. Femininity
was my default; it was my home page. I had femininity in spades. In
stereotypical personality traits, in obvious talents and abilities there was no
question. It was the masculine that I
yearned for. I craved manliness. I wanted to emulate it. I wanted to be
it. I wanted to be touched in affection
by another guy. I was even willing to get beat up or made fun of, or wrongfully
used in order to have that attention. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: Because of that you
realized that you were gay?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Good choice of
words. Many would say that it was at this point that I decided to be gay, but
being gay wasn’t a decision to make or not make (as those not-in-my-shoes often
suggest). It was an awareness, a
discovery. There wasn’t a moment where I was presented with the option and made
a choice - guys over girls. There was no
“today I am going to be gay” moment - the kind I have heard told by men wearing
ties and holding degrees. If that were the case then there would have been an
equal “today I am not going to be gay” moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Girls, as kind and
well-meaning as they were, were never in the running. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: Was it a relief then
to understand what you were feeling?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: You would think so, that being able to put a
name to it would have helped. I suppose in a way it did. However I realized
immediately what the label meant. I went from the apparent sexually ambiguous
frying pan to a giant gay furnace fire that bellowed black toxic fumes</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Have you read any psychology
articles from the eighties? I did. I actually read them in the eighties as a
matter of fact. There was no Internet. There was the library. I was armed with
a library card and I knew how to use it. Everything I read confirmed what I had
heard. To be homosexual, as per a very thick book, was to be depraved and
deviant. I went from considering myself
as a nice though somewhat unmanageable young man to someone who was deviant,
derelict and a few other “d” words.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After that revelation there
were moments of incredible panic. I was on the wrong road. I had always thought
I was on the straight and narrow, but no.
Straight was the “straight and narrow”, and gay was not “the way”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: It sounds like you were dealing with huge
issues all by yourself. Couldn’t you have talked to someone like your bishop,
your parents, or even a school counselor? Surely the late seventies and
eighties weren’t all that pre-historic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: You’d be surprised. The
thought to talk to someone didn’t enter my mind. Counselors were people paid by
other people to get to your secrets. I once had a counselor call me into his
office at school (which had more to do with me falling asleep in the choir
practice room every day for two weeks than it did trying to peg me down on my
sexual preference). But the meeting was as clinical as it was brief. My
problems were attributed to fallout from my mother’s death. He flippantly
warned me not to masturbate, to stop sleeping in the practice room and then he
dismissed me in order to take a personal call. I suppose I was then checked off
of his list of things to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Church leaders as far as
confidants were concerned were out as well.
I saw how the homosexual ex-husband I mentioned earlier had been treated
by the Church, and heard how he was being spoken about in the circles of members
of the Church. I met him on a few family occasions and thought he was a nice
guy. I liked his shoes. What I knew of his experience taught me that I was
going to have to work my way through being a homosexual Mormon all by myself
because anyone finding out that I was gay was not an alternative. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gay was “not clean”. Gay was
way-out in the deep end. Gay was the hands in the muddy water that pulled you
away from the iron rod. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: There are a lot of
theories about why some people develop homosexual feelings and others don’t.
I’ve heard it blamed on sexual abuse or being too connected to mom instead of
dad. What do you think caused you to have these feelings?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: I’ve read the theories, too. I find them both
enlightening and confusing. I myself fit
snugly into many homosexual stereotypes and don’t come anywhere close to
others. The latest theory is that if I was preceded by several boys
having gone before me through the womb, then chances are that I would be a
homosexual. But I was the first boy, so…
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On top of it all, I didn’t know then and
don’t know now which of my many problems were caused by a wacko adolescence and
which of my many other problems were a direct result of homosexuality. I may
never know. But that doesn’t mean I am powerless or picked on nor does it make
me a second class Latter-day Saint either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: How did you balance
your homosexual feelings with your belief in the teachings of the church?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: I don’t know that I did until my late
thirties. There was no balance or equilibrium.
Sometimes I leaned one way, and the next month I leaned another. I
didn’t know how to balance, or if I should even try to. When I was involved
with one, the only way to survive was to ignore the existence of the other, and
I got really good at flipping back and forth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let me be clearer. I put my
baptismal document, my primary awards for memorizing the Articles of Faith, my
ordination to the priesthood certificate and many other records in a scrap book
so I could later appreciate that I had done things the Church way and that I
had indeed chosen right. I went to my meetings and attended seminary during the
week. I went on a mission and worked as hard as tall skinny guys can. I came
home and dated some really nice Ricks College girls without a thought to marry
any of them. I hung out with theatre people. I went to BYU, worked
professionally as an actor and singer, and started getting a name in the arts.
Then suddenly I went directly off the deep end.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The deep end, incidentally,
can be exactly as muddy, filthy and… well, deep, as the implication in 1st
Nephi. “…and the depths thereof are the
depths of </span><a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/12?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">hell</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">…
that they perish and are lost.” It was not where I wanted to be.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: What brought you back to the church?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: My decision was ultimately between living as
an actively gay man (homosexualy-active, male partner, no church), or as an
actively Mormon man (Church, not homosexualy active). When it came
time to do or die, I didn’t want to die the way I had been living. I ultimately
went with my heart, and my heart was firmly planted not only in the gospel of Jesus
Christ, but in His church - even when my body was off being promiscuous.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I left Church activity
briefly because of the priesthood. Being gay and not having the priesthood was
painful to consider, and I knew I could not have pre-marital sex and hold the
priesthood. Living a gay life meant that the priesthood would be something I
couldn’t touch. When I came back to church activity it was because I wanted the
blessings of the priesthood and to know that I was obeying my Father in Heaven more than I wanted to live a gay lifestyle. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I wanted the Melchizedek</span><em><b><span style="background: white; color: #6a6a6a; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-style: normal;"> </span></b></em><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">priesthood more than I wanted to have
sex.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today I am still as much a
part of Mormon-land as I ever was back in south eastern Idaho in the 80’s - even
with a documented past that is not ready for the Ensign. While I may not be the
best to articulate the plots or plight of either LDS men or homosexuals, I know
my way around the proverbial block. I know both sides of the street.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: You’re married and have a family now, right?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Yes, both. I made the decision to marry, and
I found someone who was more forgiving than I could have ever imagined. As a husband and a father there are some
things I do well, and other things I don’t do so well. I have strengths and
weakness like anyone else I suppose. Of
course my wife knows about my sojourn, and so have my previous bishops. Our new
bishop doesn’t have any reason to know thanks to the question “Is there
anything you need to clear up that you haven’t already taken care of?” Marriage
has been good to me and we will touch on that later.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: I’ve got my parent hat on for this question. What
could your parent’s have done to make the road easier? Short of tying my son
Sean up in the basement for the duration of his life, I’m constantly trying to
think of ways to help him without infringing on his agency.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: A good half of this book is my response to
that question - what could those in positions of authority have done to make it
easier - bishops, parents, friends, etc. Frankly, good parenting is good parenting. One should do all the things that one knows how to do and has been doing for years; Talking, loving, praying, teaching kids how to be responsible, being proud of who you are and who they are. I didn't get that. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Looking back at what I want through, I see that I just wanted to scream for help, and when I didn't get it I ended up screaming at everything.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Part of Heavenly Fathers
answer to me, as I see now, was that I needed to gain strength by helping
myself. Could I have made the changes I made if I hadn’t figured a few things
out on my own? I don’t think so. There were things I had to discover for
myself.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Had my parents or any youth
leader pulled me aside and spoken to me about homosexuality I may have just
died on the spot, and I definitely would have slunk out of the building and
cried in shame or disappeared into denial. But after the drama was over I may
have thrived.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I will say this to parents;
Regardless of your situation, please watch what you say. I became aware of my
parents distaste for homosexuals at the same time I became aware that I was
one. It’s very tough to come back to your child after years of distaste and
disapproval and have any credibility as a parent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: Thank you for being so open.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Thanks for asking.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><i>Next: Chapter 2</i></b></span></div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-37727094781975692202016-12-05T10:15:00.000-07:002016-12-07T09:39:28.190-07:00Preface of the new book "They That Be With Us -- The Connection Between Gay and Mormon<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I am </span>dividing<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> the new book up in chapters and presenting them here on the blog. Feel free to comment in the notes, or contact me at <u>calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com</u>.</span></i></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #00b050; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #00b050; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QCSfZ6Sw3oo/WEWjR56PO7I/AAAAAAAABOM/1LdmJuBbTYQZtR6nO5EyI9RT4dLRaRrTgCLcB/s1600/present_book_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QCSfZ6Sw3oo/WEWjR56PO7I/AAAAAAAABOM/1LdmJuBbTYQZtR6nO5EyI9RT4dLRaRrTgCLcB/s200/present_book_1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #073763; font-size: x-large;">P</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; color: #073763;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">reface:</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> A few principals upon which everything we
believe is based</span></span><span style="color: #00b050; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: As with most of my
meaningful encounters, Julie and her husband and my wife and I were brought
together by food. It was a family dinner invitation under the guise of a “get
to know you”. It was over desert that we realized that we had something other
than a new ward and a love for eating in common. In our own private lives,
Julie and I were both dealing with homosexuality; I was gay, and she had
recently found out her son was as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie and I come from
dissimilar backgrounds and we have singularly different approaches to living
and writing. We will not attempt to blend our styles because we hope that in
keeping our unique perspectives we can act as Velcro; I have the rough edges
and she the smooth soft side. Neither
side works effectively alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are a few assumptions
or suppositions - five, actually - that we as a team have made in the
researching, writing, rewriting and subsequent reworking of this book. They are
fundamental enough that each and every point we will be making is contingent on
one or all of the following.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">1) The first assumption is,
of course, that homosexuality is somehow and to some degree an issue for you or
for someone you either love or are required to tolerate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: More and more I am
running into people - parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends
- who have someone in their immediate circle that is dealing with SGA and they
are confused. As members of the LDS church we have very strong beliefs in what
is right and what is wrong, but as family and friends, we hate to see our loved
ones hurting and struggling with something we don’t completely understand. We
need answers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This brings us to the second
principal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">2) God is God - all knowing,
all powerful and unchanging. We do not know everything. Not having to know all
the answers but trusting that someone has them is liberating. Answers are
available, and as we grow and progress and seek truth they will be revealed to
us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Our Heavenly Father has the
power to heal and reveal, to mend and make whole. He knows us and is aware of
our quirks, trials, our successes and failures.
He knows what is on our I Pod and on our Google search. God, who is our
Heavenly Father, loves us and wants to share with us all that He has - such as
His love, His power and His knowledge. All three are quite formidable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">God’s abilities are
limitless. He is able and has the means - both power and knowledge - to keep us
safe. Because we know this we know that the situations we face will be for our
good and are ultimately in his control. As writers and collaborators, every
point Julie and I make is based on this truth and will resonate if we remember
this; God has our back - even if we don’t see Him, or hear Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">3) The third fundamental is
that Jesus is the Christ, and that as our Lord and Savior He has made
repentance possible. Jesus is Jehovah of the Old Testament. He left our Father from on high and lowered
himself to come to earth. He alone was the perfect man capable of carrying out
the atonement - the only being “at one” - signifying the act of unifying or
reconciling that which has been separated (in this case God and us)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The atonement of Jesus
Christ was necessary to overcome both physical and spiritual death - physical
death by guaranteeing our direct involvement in the resurrection, and spiritual
death by providing a way for us to return to the presence of God. Because of
the sacrifice of His life, all people will be resurrected. Because of His
atonement, we who sin can be clean and may receive the gift of eternal life
with God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: The Savior didn’t do it for fame, a promise
of stardom, or to bind us to Him, though thankfully, we are bound. I can’t
imagine being bound to someone I genuinely love and respect more. He did it
because He loved us and He loved His Father. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“For behold, I...have
suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer...even as I” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There is none equal to Him.
We honor Him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">4) The forth indisputable
fact is that Satan and his influences are real.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie: Satan wanted to
control us from the very beginning, to compel us to worship him. His methods haven’t changed in the many years
since. While our Heavenly Father will never force us to do anything, Satan has
no such scruples. He aims for power over us and to deprive us of agency.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Satan was a control freak in
the pre-existence and he is even more so now. He traps, binds and would force
us to give up our freedom so he can sift us as wheat or do as he would with us.
He has an answer for all he does - a perversion for everything pure. If it
exists in righteousness then he has his own version that is immoral and foul.
He is not the inconsequential mischievous Halloween fodder he has been made out
to be. He wants to demolish and destroy all that Father has. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What Father has is us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calvin: Satan is the opposite
in every way from our Savior. He too has priesthood power, though his is dark
and selfish. But our Savior’s priesthood power comes from our Heavenly Father
and is stronger than that of the devil. I have had personal confirmation of
that. When we live as the Savior has asked we have access to God’s power.
Having authority through the Savior and ability to use Gods priesthood will
thwart Satan’s plans for our destruction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">5) Lastly, we know that
Latter-day Saint prophets speak for the Lord in our day. Christ, who is at the head of His Church, has
not left us alone during our stay here on earth. He speaks to us and guides us
by way of his spokesmen on earth who are modern day prophets -- just as He did
in days of old. His word will be disclosed, and, “…He will yet </span><a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/pgp/a-of-f/1?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: black;">reveal</span></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We believe that the words of
the modern day prophets when they speak for and to the body of the church are
the word of the Savior just as those contained in the scriptures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">____________________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">These are our essential
suppositions -- the core issues which are the foundation of our lives
and, consequently, of this book.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We witness to these
truths. If you do not have knowledge of
these certainties for yourself then come and sit on our porch for a while. You can stay as long as you choose, and you
can borrow a little of our testimony until yours is stronger.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We have enough to share. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #073763;">Stay tuned for more of <i>"They That Be With Us -- The Connection Between Gay and Mormon"</i></span></span></div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-1254325635104146412016-11-30T13:59:00.002-07:002016-12-07T10:24:25.446-07:00The book! Preview the Introduction<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I finally wrote the book: The Big Gay Mormon Book. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Be forewarned that it's not the Big Gay Ex-Mormon book. It's for those who are gay and Mormon; Full-fledged and true blue. I am going to post each chapter on this blog starting with the intro. I am happy for comments either at the end of each post or sent to my Gmail account <i>calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here goes...</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 20pt;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">They That Be With Us</span><span style="font-size: 20pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Acknowledging the connection </span><span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">between Gay and Mormon</span></div>
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<span style="color: #08b896; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="color: #767171; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">By Calvin Thompson and Julie Martin</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">By way of introduction</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #00b0f0; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">No
righteous person will be denied any blessings which come from God. We have no
control over the heartbeats or the affections of men [or women], but pray that
you may find fulfillment. And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as
eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal
blessings for anything which that person could not help, that the Lord never
fails in his promises, and that every righteous person will receive eventually
all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited
through any fault of his or her own. </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">- Spencer
W. Kimball</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>Calvin</b>: First on the list of
qualifications to write this book, were I hiring someone, is that the author
would have to be a Mormon -- a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. He couldn’t be someone who doubted, who was half in or half
out, who was fine with doctrine as it currently stands, but could see the day
when “things from Salt Lake get a little out of control”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A returned missionary would
be nice -- one who knows his way around a road-show, a stake conference, and
who has been battered around in church ball. Being born in the church would be
a plus, or the budding author could make up for it by being a quick study. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He must believe in the
divinity of Jesus Christ and in the restoration of the gospel. He should have
gone to BYU on a musical theater scholarship as well. Knowing the cultural
vernacular would be crucial to help him connect with his readers, and a love
for the priesthood is not optional. He should be able to keep his sense of
humor in check and his tongue occasionally in cheek. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And he would need to be gay.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have waited years for someone
to write that book -- one that sheds light on my situation. Surely, I thought,
someone owning a pen or a printer has shared my same state of affairs and could
put in writing their wisdom so I wouldn’t have to reinvent the proverbial
wheel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I would have worn a clever
disguise into the bookstore and purchased that book. Then I would have ripped
off its cover and duct taped it into my Especially for Mormons anthology and
hidden it behind the oak paneling in my room. I would not have taken the chance
that anyone could have seen me carry such a book around or found it in my
possession and pegged me an issue man. I would have been mortified.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Issue man -- that’s what I call
those like me. I gave the status that label so that I wouldn’t have to say the
word “gay” even in my head. We issue men
were rarely spoken of as I was growing up and when we were we were considered a
fringe element. When I did hear the word
“gay” it was associated with “perverted”, “distorted”, or “defective”. And the word “excommunication” was never far
behind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I became silent on the
issue of issue men. I bottled up whatever it was that I was, and sat in on a
low shelf -- not the high one where my dreams were all laid out -- my dreams of
a mission call, a wife and family, and a “happily ever after”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When it blew up there was no
time for setting issues on shelves or hiding them in closets. There were no
shelves or closets left. Slowly I had to
deal with facts. As I slowly came out it
was just as shocking for my “issue” friends to discover that I had a testimony
of the gospel as it was for my church friends to discover that I had this issue.
The big gay issue.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">While I waited for someone
to write the book I quite unintentionally became a subject-matter expert. I became the poster child for gay married
Mormons. If I were a bit nicer looking I might have considered putting my face
on the book cover. But that is not necessary.
You have someone in your life already who could be on the cover. Picture
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today I hold a temple
recommend and I try to be worthy every day to actively use the Lord’s
priesthood. I want the blessings my Father in Heaven intended for me and every
other man and woman to have. When I read the scriptures or listen to conference
and hear the promises made to those who follow the commandments, I count myself
in. I am the kind of person that hopes
that the prodigal son can return. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I will write of the
atonement or at least my personal knowledge of it; I could jump on that
trampoline all day. And, I will write of
a few of the challenges I have faced as a gay Mormon man using the words I
have.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The pitfalls in putting this
to paper are many. I am a little
nervous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Introducing
Julie Martin<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you met me at Church I
probably wouldn’t stand out as any one unusual. Like most of you I struggle
with my weight, worry about my children, love and support my husband and try to
get my visiting teaching done before the last week of the month. I don’t always
get two prayers in a day, but I try really hard to at least open my scriptures
before I start cleaning up the breakfast dishes. And, I have a son who is
homosexual. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For years before Sean
officially came out, there were lots of signs that should have alerted his
father and I to the fact that something was up, but we didn’t want to see them
or even think of it as a possibility. And when at last we were confronted with
the undeniable truth, my world fell apart, crashing around me like a thousand
piece jigsaw puzzle that had suddenly been turned on its side. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I love my son with all my
heart, and yet I did everything in my power to rescue him from this homosexual
thing. I argued with him, bribed him, threatened, teased, mocked and harassed.
I justified these behaviors because I felt I was trying to save his life and
protect our eternal relationship as a forever family. In the process I nearly
destroyed my relationship with him. Eventually I had to accept the fact that
there was nothing I could do to change Sean or make it all better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I carry this secret inside
of my heart, and I mourn the loss of my dreams and desires for him. I try hard
to understand the choices he is making in his life, and have learned great
lessons in patience and hope. But mostly, I just love my son, and I hope that
however this story plays out tomorrow and for the eternities, this will be
enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are a lot of mothers
and fathers just like me - I am finding out - trying to faithfully raise their
families in righteousness while struggling with a child who’s dealing with
feelings that I don’t understand. Parents
who have children who are homosexual, can feel particularly isolated. There’s a
perceived dark shadow associated that is difficult to see through, and a sense
of secrecy that forces us to keep our child’s problems safe from the judgment
and censure of those around us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Sure Sean, you can bring one of your friends
to the ward pool party, but please choose one who looks more… well, one who
doesn’t wear a tight tank top… okay, and wear your boring shoes. Oh, my.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My objective in writing this
book is to share the things I’ve learned over this journey, and outline a few
things I still don’t get. Perhaps I can save other parents some of the needless
heartache I’ve suffered through, and maybe share comfort with those who are
hurting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And
now, together<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">According to the information
we have been privy to, and based on our own personal experience, there seems to
be many more in the LDS Church who are dealing with homosexuality in some
respect than had been previously realized.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
<b><span style="color: #44546a; mso-themecolor: text2;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In 2010, LDS Family Services
estimated that there are four or five members in every ward of the Church
dealing with what they called “…same-sex attraction problems”. Usually half of
those individuals are married (most are temple marriages) and have
children. From experience, Julie and I
feel that these are conservative estimates.
Individuals dealing with same gender attraction in the LDS church when
interviewed tend to be less vocal than their counterparts outside of the
church. And these numbers do not deal with those affected by someone
SGAttracted, such as a friend or relative. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>Calvin:</b> This is a good time
to make it plain that both Julie and I write under pseudonyms. Personally, I am
happy to be both “out” and “in”; “out” as a Mormon man who is same gender
attracted, and “in” the Mormon Church with all my heart. However, we both have
families who aren’t all that comfortable putting their lives on display for
public examination where they would be susceptible to the whims and whines of
the world. Our family’s safety, comfort,
and well-being is worth more to us than any credit/blame or personal
recognition positive or negative.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Our families come first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We don’t know why
some individuals have a propensity toward same gender attraction -- read; are gay. We do know
that like any other challenge, Heavenly Father is willing to support
and help His children as they seek to overcome or work through anything in
life considered an obstacle. We make a point of this because<i> there are those who consider homosexuality an
obstacle in some way</i> and it is to them that we write.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Regardless of your current
va</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">ntage, we hope that your outlook will widen and your understanding will be
increased – that you will discover something you didn’t know before reading
this book, and that something will be good. There may be no amazing or
startling new concepts, quick fixes or cures contained in these pages. But we
can promise a lot of ideas, ways to cope and an interesting relevant story or
two.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You wouldn’t be wrong in
feeling that we are all in this together.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Next is the Preface</span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-52119246940533583062016-11-01T10:43:00.002-06:002016-11-01T11:01:40.290-06:00Presidential hopeful Evan McMullin is accused of being gay<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 1.75in 2.0in 2.25in 2.5in 2.75in 3.0in 3.25in 3.5in 3.75in 4.0in 4.25in 4.5in 4.75in 5.0in 5.25in 5.5in 5.75in 6.0in 6.25in 6.5in 6.75in 7.0in 7.25in 7.5in 7.75in 8.0in; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In today’s repulsive gay-LDS news, KSL is the
agency reporting the latest stupidity. Here goes:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">KSL claims that someone they call “a white
supremacist” is financing auto-calls being made to Utah voters that are meant
to call attention to independent presidential candidate Evan McMullin's alleged
sexual preference.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As per KSL, <i>"Evan McMullin is a 40-year-old Mormon who has a chance to become the first third-party candidate to win electoral votes since 1968 — and the state that may give him those votes is Utah".</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In this auto call, which seems to be a “support the
Donald” call, William Johnson states, "Evan is over 40 years old and is
not married and doesn’t even have a girlfriend. I believe Evan is a closet
homosexual."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This guy Billy Johnson is a BYU graduate, (Something I am loathe to print. Not all
BYU graduates are this idiotic) who was
named by Trump’s campaign as delegate to the recent Republican National
Convention. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Oh, wait. There is more. This Johnson also says in these calls that candidate McMullin has "two mommies. His mother is a lesbian, married to another woman. Evan is OK with that. Indeed, Evan supports the Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">By way of fact, Evan McMullin's parents were divorced. After the divorce his mother married a woman.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In defending his statement
Johnson stated, "I said that I think he is a closet homosexual. Calling
someone a homosexual is no longer defamation. Also, he is a public figure. Word
on the street is that he is gay."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Of course the McMullin’s campaign has been
all over the allegation, denying that there is a gay bone in the dude’s body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"He has been on the record multiple
times saying one of his greatest aspirations is to be a husband and a father.
He wishes it would have happened earlier, however he spent more than 10 years
in his 20's and 30's serving his country overseas in the CIA. He sacrificed his
social life in order to protect the United States, and he expects to start a
family of his own one day, "according to the statement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Johnson, the guy who is making the accusation,
is a “California lawyer who has been active in U.S. white nationalist circles
for more than three decades” says KSL. “He has unsuccessfully run for public
office as a member of various political parties and as an independent. When Trump campaign officials blamed his
inclusion as a national GOP delegate on a "database error." Johnson
resigned as a delegate.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“According to Johnson, the calls will go
out to at least 193,000 residential landlines in Utah between Monday evening
and Wednesday evening. He said it cost him around $2,000", said KSL quoting The Daily Beast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Frankly, I am disgusted by the accusation toward McMillion and his mother as well as those humans who would be swayed by someones sexual preference as an indicator of his professional abilities. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On Twitter, McMillion stated "This attack is consistent with @realDonaldTrump's bigoted, deceitful campaign and vision for America. Utahns won't be fooled,” he tweeted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Again, From KSL: "Donald
Trump has mainstreamed and normalized white nationalists, xenophobes, and
bigots of all descriptions," McMullin campaign strategist Joel Searby said
in a statement. "Today isn't an outlier or an exception; it's a vision of
Donald Trump's" </span></div>
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-68313133112781181942016-10-25T12:28:00.003-06:002016-10-26T14:22:14.267-06:00It's official: Mormons can be gay!<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865665577/Mormon-and-Gay-LDS-Church-launches-page-on-official-website-to-help-members-leaders.html"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865665577/Mormon-and-Gay-LDS-Church-launches-page-on-official-website-to-help-members-leaders.html</span></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So have you seen this? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />Almost four years ago, the Mormons posted its website mormonsandgays.org and invited LGBT church members to "Stay with us.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">" Stay in the church they meant. Stay while we figure this whole thing out.<br /><br />How many have, I wonder? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well, I have. Of course, I was staying right here way before the invite. That was a decision I made an awful long time ago.<br /><br />Today, LDS leaders have added to that thought. The site has been re-launched to <i>"provided greater clarity and emphasis on the sensitive issues related to sexual orientation complete with changes to its name and location and significant new content."</i><br /><br />The "new and improved" site can be found on the official church website, lds.org.<br /><br /><i>"The site is part of the official website of the church and what is on it is just as official as everything else that is on that website, and that's a change," </i>said </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leader/von-g-keetch?lang=eng">Elder Von G. Keetch</a></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, a general authority and executive director of the church's public affairs department.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">From the Salt Lake Tribune: <i>The site is "really good," says Ty Mansfield, a marriage and family therapist in Utah County. LDS officials "were trying to walk a sensitive balance between doctrinal fidelity [the teaching that heavenly sanctioned marriage is only between a man and a woman] and trying to convey a sense of empathy, compassion and outreach."</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What he likes about this new<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="http://mormonandgay.org/" style="background: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #2183a3; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">mormonandgay.org</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>is that the personal narratives are not just about a single individual, but include other voices with each video — parents, siblings, friends, bishops.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"These are broader stories that encompass a constellation of people, a network," Mansfield says. "It provides a nice sense of the community and relationships we each need."</i></span></span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is being heralded as a huge step forward. In reality, I don't know how big it is. But, for me personally it is significant. There is no way I am going to condemn it for not being bigger -- more of a "lengthened stride" kind of thing.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"The 'Mormon and Gay' title makes clear that someone can be both Mormon and feel same-sex attraction or identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Mormon and gay," </i>said </span></span><a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leader/l-whitney-clayton?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Elder L. Whitney Clayton</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, senior president of the Quorums of the Seventy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes it does. And that has been my push for years. There is such thing as a gay Mormon. There will be no more of this "you have to choose" crap that we have been dealing with both in and out of church.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b> I am gay. </b> <b>And I am every bit as Mormon as the next guy. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">"We're going to give an example of what people can do as a parent, as a sibling, as a loved one, as a church leader or ward member to support and love and encourage people who deal with same-sex attraction to keep the commandments and find the peace the gospel brings." - Elder Clayton</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I appreciate the continued effort by my church to state that fact publicly. We, on this site, have been saying the same thing for years. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Still, it kinda feels more than a little bit good to hear it from above.</span>cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-9200626101673455732016-10-20T12:14:00.002-06:002016-10-20T15:55:05.612-06:00Hand holding and other sins at BYUI have spent part of the last few days arguing whether the holding of hands is an intimate form of expression -- meaning sexual – meaning that a Mormon man shouldn’t hold another man’s hand.<br />
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After a day of deliberation in which I have watched the presidential debates (!), read about human on human abuse, seen video of buildings being blown up and children covered in blood, I have decided that I am sick of arguing whether a human should hold another humans hand or whether a meaningful look between those of the same sex could be construed as a breach of the BYU honor code.<br />
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Now I support the honor code and BYU's right to establish one. If one signs the admission form, he abides by the code. The end. However, I reserve my God given right to state an opinion as a TBM, a gay man, a temple recommend holder, and one who went to BYU -- one of the most positive experiences of my puny little life.<br />
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The only moment of joy that has come in the last 24 hours I have spent deliberating this question was watching online as people came together over a common foe -- a boa constrictor that crawled out from the hood of a driver’s car while he was parked at a stop light. <br />
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Suddenly, everyone at that traffic stop banded together to combat a snake who posed a threat. It didn’t matter who the driver was, or his race, sexuality or political stance. That snake was just way to close and the group stood together and took care of business -- albeit behind a broom. (Not so great for animal rights folks, but a great day for people coming together.)<br />
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So where did I come-out on the holding hands issue?<br />
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As the witch said to the baker and his wife Into The Woods, "Who Cares!" <br />
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I have seen prophets of the living God hold hands. I have heard tell of apostles kissing each other and hugging tenderly. Hand holding in and of itself is not sexual. On my mission I witnessed many men putting their arms around each other to share an umbrella in the rain, or huddling under a small blanket. I would have loved to have given my missionary companion a hug and to have held his hand to tell him how much I loved him and admired and appreciated his hard work that day. </div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe Print";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YI1-geoosbY/WAkIoDoMeeI/AAAAAAAABL8/_tcreq2zWvIddJooJwZAn_pRDRhC4d0kwCLcB/s1600/anna%2Band%2Blisa%2Bhahner%2Bgerman%2Btwins%2Bolympics%2Brio%2B2016%2Bholding%2Bhands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YI1-geoosbY/WAkIoDoMeeI/AAAAAAAABL8/_tcreq2zWvIddJooJwZAn_pRDRhC4d0kwCLcB/s320/anna%2Band%2Blisa%2Bhahner%2Bgerman%2Btwins%2Bolympics%2Brio%2B2016%2Bholding%2Bhands.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></span></span>Culturally we LDS are a mess. In the grand scheme of messes, ours could be a relatively quick fix. But while we are messed up, we are banning simple gestures like hand holding because we don’t understand the intent. </div>
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I can't imagine Christ denying the lady -- with her own pure intent -- the experience and the blessings of washing the His feet and drying them with her hair. <br />
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And, parenthetically, who are we that we have to understand someone else's intent? May I express tenderness or feeling of any sort by holding someone’s hand? Please? May I have your permission?<br />
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Denying anyone the right -- dare I say -- to be affectionate, to express a normal and everyday (hopefully everyday) feeling is silly and a waste of our collective time. Let the kids hold each other’s hand -- for God’s sake. Maybe we should worry about the bloody child, the homeless in our neighborhood, or supporting and defending those assaulted at BYU.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q8X6L88HcYE/WAkJaga8SzI/AAAAAAAABMA/_23G7v1Kk8Y893FLn34IDAhRZiXPLhrrgCLcB/s1600/iStock_000047704964_Medium.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q8X6L88HcYE/WAkJaga8SzI/AAAAAAAABMA/_23G7v1Kk8Y893FLn34IDAhRZiXPLhrrgCLcB/s320/iStock_000047704964_Medium.jpg" width="320" /></span></a>Or, at the very least, minding our own business.</div>
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And, in light of the recent information on BYU law enforcement, I am compelled to state that I am the biggest BYU-phile there is. I alternately bleed either royal or navy blue – often at the same time. <br />
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And I am asking publicly for my school to change how we treat victims at Brigham Young University whether we agree or approve of their behaviors or not. <br />
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No is still no – even if it’s in an outfit that shows “more skin than the honor code allows.” We are the Church of Jesus Christ. Please, let us act like it in all things.<br />
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<i>Do you agree or disagree? Please feel free to leave a comment. I will respond.</i><br />
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-80001758411397935292016-10-17T15:08:00.001-06:002016-10-18T13:09:47.772-06:00BYU is not invited into the Big Twelve. And it's all because of Gays<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">BYU is not invited into the Big Twelve. It's official</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Before anyone bursts a blood vessel, <em>no team</em> was invited to join the Big Twelve. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Publicity stunt? Pressure from the "bigs" in broadcasting? Who knows. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On paper, BYU looked good - huge market, travel well, competitive in football and basketball, national attendance records at home and most impressively, away -- all on the cougars side. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The one minus was the honor code. Yes, the honor code - that thing that for years made BYU stand out from the party universities. That badge of honor that kept blue chippers from signing at a stone cold and dry program -- may have been what stood in the way of BYU being invited to the Big Twelve. BIG SURPRISE!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XrU5dInc3Xo/WAU_XX6IyqI/AAAAAAAABLc/j-OEdlB5rukk76XanszHRvyiTLBXO1PLwCLcB/s1600/1736049.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XrU5dInc3Xo/WAU_XX6IyqI/AAAAAAAABLc/j-OEdlB5rukk76XanszHRvyiTLBXO1PLwCLcB/s320/1736049.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">Looks a little gay ...</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So not a surprise. The honor code was reported by SB Nation as being discriminatory<em> "against LGBT students and victims of sexual assault, which makes the issues all the more difficult to fix because they run more deeply than merely with the school itself."</em></span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "arial";"></span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Quotes by SB Nation are in italics:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Hell, student-athletes can't even wear a beard at BYU" the article continued. "Are beard-wearers discriminated against, then? Can a school have any kind of behavioral code, anymore, without claims being brought against it?"</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i> Again, this is SB Nation:<em> "The answer is that, yes, in fact, beard-wearers are being discriminated against and while that type of discrimination may seem benign, it’s not, because it’s only one small example of larger and much more dangerous discrimination happening at BYU."</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"So the larger answer is that, yes, a school can have whatever type of behavioral code it wants, as long as it doesn’t discriminate against students, especially students in communities that already suffer from an incredible amount of discrimination from other elements of society."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just for the fact checkers, BYU Honor Code decries premarital sex - opposite gender or same gender. This is the homosexual behavior that the code speaks of. One can be gay and attend the university. However, the same standard applies for all students. There is no premarital sex allowed. Frankly, I don't know if a person married to one of his same gender would be allowed to attend the university. In the honor code there is a qualification that a student must be active in their church and attend regularly. I suppose that if that criteria is met then such a student would be allowed into the school. And the law would be the same for him or her -- no sex outside of marriage.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I am not blindly supporting the honor code. It does mention that handholding and kissing is not permitted by those of the same sex -- hand holding and kissing not necessary being precluders to premarital sex. However, any straight couple sitting on a bench at the Marriott center who is snogging would be asked to stop or leave the premises. So it would be interesting to hear from someone with actual same-sex-snogging experience here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Moving on...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"And if the behavioral code serves as a reporting barrier for sexual assaults, then it is not acceptable and needs to change to follow federal guidelines. That’s not an opinion, that’s the law." </i>SB continues. I don't understand what is going on with sexual assaults, so I will comment on this later.</span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uP9HdDBSIgM/WAU_7q79aWI/AAAAAAAABLg/qxUueQTjq2cvXtISiPSR1dzfaglsu2sBgCLcB/s1600/bronson-kaufusi-ncaa-football-las-vegas-bowl-brigham-young-vs-utah-590x900.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uP9HdDBSIgM/WAU_7q79aWI/AAAAAAAABLg/qxUueQTjq2cvXtISiPSR1dzfaglsu2sBgCLcB/s320/bronson-kaufusi-ncaa-football-las-vegas-bowl-brigham-young-vs-utah-590x900.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">um, hum</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Is it the law? Has the SB Nation not heard of religious freedom? BYU is not an open school. It is not subsidized by tax dollars in any way. It is a private institution, and private institutions run by churches invoke religious freedom. They have the right to set standards. They have the right to say no beards, no short-shorts, no drinking, no sex outside of marriage for anyone gay or straight. And go to church.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"The Big 12 should avoid the potential for future scandals and decline to invite BYU into the league until such a point at which the school can reform the Honor Code to be inclusive of LGBT students and properly follow Title IX guidelines in dealing with victims of sexual assault"</i> says the article.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let me add another suggestion. BYU should find a way to thrive in the world of college football without lowering it's standards. If that can eventually be done in the Big 12, then congratulations. If not, then move on. BYU has the freedom to set honor code standards. They have the right to deny us entrance into their club.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Does BYU Sports need their club?</span></span><br />
cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-59969171064511502052016-04-28T16:04:00.003-06:002016-04-28T18:04:02.819-06:00Windows in doors -- and other preventions<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Today is a decent day for anyone associated with the LDS church -- especially if you have kids. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Mormon officials have <span style="line-height: 23.4px;">released</span> a new document <span style="line-height: 23.4px;">outlining its standards for preventing child sexual abuse in its congregations. </span><span style="line-height: 23.4px;">The statement is on its Mormon </span><a href="http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/how-mormons-approach-abuse" style="line-height: 23.4px;" target="_blank">newsroom website</a>.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's the least we can do</td></tr>
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<span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I think that it is important to mention that this is not a new direction for the church. These standards have been in place for some time. I had these rules explained to me when I was called as a primary teacher years ago with my wife. I was instructed that we were a "team." </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span> <span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Subtle. I was told that if I was ever alone with the kids that I should grab the nearest female primary worker or anyone in a skirt -- and by grab I mean get their attention and politely call them over. It was canon even then: </span></span><br />
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<li><span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Fire drill, </span></span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Stick to the manual</span></span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">No sugar treats (Didn't follow that one. Give the child a treat at the end of class as a reward and the parents have to deal with the sugar rush.)</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 23.4px;">Keep the kids safe</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It pains me to say that am not new to the world of abuse. In my social working days, I knew all the rules of dealing with children -- especially children who had been abused: Leave the doors open, do not wander off even if you are having a heartfelt talk with a kid, do not be alone with an adolescent, know the difference between an adult psyche and an adolescents, don't be stupid.</span><br />
<span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span> <span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">This was standard practice twenty years ago. Even so, when I was reminded of these same standards by a church lady in flats, I confess that I was a little offended. Men were singled out as abusers.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span> <span style="line-height: 23.4px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Well, it's time to face facts, and the</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 23.4px;"> fact is that the chances of an abuser being a woman are slim. As an LDS man and a father, I will gladly live with a bruised ego for the opportunity to protect a child from potential abuse.</span><br />
<br />cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-18235811371532851882016-04-12T13:11:00.001-06:002016-04-13T12:47:10.828-06:00A day in paradise?... or more<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I recently I read a facebook post where the guy posting lamented the loss of one of his church friends to the "other side". Let me be specific. His friend, a member of the church, set his priesthood aside and decided to have sex outside of the priesthood marriage covenant.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Who doesn’t know someone who has done the same thing -- left the church for a gay relationship. I do. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I strive to be supportive and celebrate their agency and their choice.* I try to put a positive spin on it -- just like I try to do with everything. I am glad if they are happy and sad if they are not. I wish them well and our friendship takes no hits.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then I analyze the heck out of it. I try to find the takeaway for me – what can I take from this experience that will strengthen me?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The first thing that used to cross my mind was, why does he get to when I can’t? Immature, huh? At least that was my thought process years ago. I would see someone in a committed relationship or other (guy/guy) and think, what the heck! Here I am trying to starve myself and others around me seem to be gorging. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Did I make the right choice? I thought. Will I ever be as happy as they appear, or as sexually fulfilled as that looks like from my vantage? Will someone ever think I am attractive and want to have me like I want to them?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t know about the rest of the gay Mormon world. Maybe they had everything figured out and I just didn’t get any of the memos. I really used to struggle.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">With all of this in mind, let’s step aside and play the game that all the cool kids are playing. If a hot guy (depending on your orientation, folks) from outer space dropped out of the sky and you could do anything you wanted and no one would evereverever find out, what would you do? Would you have sex with him?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Years ago my answer may have been quite different than what it is now. I would have said yes because what I wanted at that time overcame everything else. I was more than a little myopic then. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here is what my answer is.today. Unequivocably, </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">no.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here is the reason for my answer. I have a better understanding of the priesthood, and I understand my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know that He, knowing way more than I could pretend to know, wants what is best for me. I know that the commandments He has set up – the things He asks of us – are for our benefit. My benefit. Knowing this, I can sacrifice something that appears good for something that I know is better.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Are there other paths that can bring pleasure and happiness while we are on earth? Yes, there appear to be. I will not deny that they looked good to me years ago. I will not bemoan or begrudge anyone their day with a guy from outer space if that is what they choose. </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many fall into that category. But that is not my choice, and I feel that the prophets have been clear in stating the will of God.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The trillion dollar question is, will Hugo (that is what I named him) and all he represents get me where I want to be? </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For me, with all that I know and hope to know, the answer is no.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I want more than a proverbial day with Hugo. I want more than a year or two or twenty with Hugo. I want what Heavenly Father has. I believe that what Heavenly Father has is better than disobeying him with Hugo -- as enticing as life with Hugo may look.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am going to take Heavenly Father at his word. I will do what it takes in this life to have what He promised me I can have. With that goal in mind, I would be a fool to not follow his advice, walk his path, obey his commandments.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Here is the treasure map. Now, ignore it and go another direction.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To that end, I trust priesthood power and authority. I know that the leaders of the LDS church have His authority. When they say that Jesus Christ is the way, I follow that way. I make a decision based on what I know. </span></span><br />
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<i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">*If you are a new reader to this site you may not know that I am referring to their choice to live a gay lifestyle, not to be gay. Being gay is not a choice anyone made in this life. I am gay. It was not a choice that I made. Where I go from here is my choice.</span></i></div>
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-25958915735609985552016-03-18T18:08:00.003-06:002016-03-21T12:02:26.745-06:00More gay Mormons in the news -- and not in a good wayCringe.<br />
<br />
I have been cringing for a half an hour since I read about the gay teen who was sent to a therapy center (?) to have the gay beat out of her. And get this: She is from a Mormon family. Just when I think that all the stupid has been wrung out of the body of the LDS church, something like this hits the news.<br />
<br />
First of all, I feel for this poor girl and applaud the person who told her "get thee to a lawyer". Standing against a wall with a bag of rocks? What the...? And I support everything this girl says about conversion therapy needing to be eliminated. Buried. Placed into a large red balloon and allowed to float off into wherever.<br />
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Her experience with her parents? Completely pointless to tell a child that they choose their sexuality and that they chose wrong.<br />
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Morons. Is that too harsh?<br />
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This girl is coming out with a book that details her eight-month-long experience with so-called “conversion therapy” at a residence in southern Utah. So, the first thing I think is that I hope, for humanity's sake, that this story has been exaggerated. Even if it has, at the core is a problem that should be publicized. Gay kids are being abused in the name of religion. Mormon religion, if you happened to miss it at first reading. I didn't, which is why I am still cringing.<br />
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What was she doing at this treatment center/house/level of hell, you ask? Because her Mormon parents sent her there after she came out as gay, says a KUTV report.<br />
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This girl called what was done to her (rocks in a backpack, physical abuse, and other crap) a practice that was "exhausting and humiliating" that needs to stop.<br />
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"It's like sending you to therapy to change your eye color," she said in an interview Tuesday Channel 2 news. “It’s not going to work. What it's going to do is damage you."<br />
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Eventually, the teen was allowed to attend high school and through a fellow gay student was eventually able to contact an attorney in Salt Lake.<br />
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The official stance of the LDS church, through spokesman Eric Hawkins (who I have in my frequent contacts on my phone these days) is this:<br />
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"The Church denounces any therapy that subjects an individual to abusive practice," said LDS spokesman Eric Hawkins.<br />
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"We hope those who experience the complex realities of same-sex attraction find compassion and understanding from family members, professional counselors, and church members."</div>
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And in this case particularly, members of the LDS church are saying, once they are able to un-cringe, GO GIRL! We love you and wish you the best and we don't care about your sexual preference. The Savior loves you and we do, too. And those that don't shouldn't be in your life.</div>
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OK. I am going to try to un-cringe now.<br />
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cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2997761876150491695.post-43611141707794240552016-03-08T15:25:00.001-07:002016-03-18T18:45:16.765-06:00Are Mormon gays invisible?When I was younger and skinnier I used to dream that I was invisible and because of that I could go anywhere I wanted to go without being seen.<br />
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The first place I thought about going as an invisible being was a men's locker room. After a couple of months with that scenario, I moved onto visiting a bank on equally a regular basis, but those were always one/two.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_s595iGDNGU/Vt9SKP7q2xI/AAAAAAAABJg/2Z6zdoW-F5k/s1600/lockerroomguys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_s595iGDNGU/Vt9SKP7q2xI/AAAAAAAABJg/2Z6zdoW-F5k/s320/lockerroomguys.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At different times, everyone has<br />
a different idea of heaven</td></tr>
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So, is this a dream come true? I am a gay Mormon man and by being such am I invisible or am I just a nothing?<br />
<i><br /></i>
I ask because I am here. Here is my hand and it's attached to the rest of me. I do exist. Saying that there are no gays in the Mormon church is misguided at best.<br />
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Glibness aside, the doctrine that was stated last week in a relatively obscure conference (and I know it will become doctrine) validated what I have always felt to be true. I have even spent much of the last five years writing a book with that concept at its core.<br />
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The reason a general authority in the LDS church said that there are no gays in the LDS church is because gay or bi or anything that is not "Man/Woman" is a state that does not exist in heaven and didn't exist in the preexistence -- which explains the reason for Mormons to hold onto the Proclamation on the Family as a standard.<br />
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Based on that new (old?) information, a same-sex marriage could be performed here on earth, and when the next life came around, the couple would be mismatched. No sarcasm or cynicism -- just a mismatch.<br />
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However, if one experiences gay feelings from one's birth -- as I do and have done -- it's hard to imagine that things could be any different. <b>I am gay, and I am a Mormon</b>. If one has ever had these feelings or acted on them and has created relationships based on one's homosexuality, then it will feel as if one's very foundation is being ripped out from under one.<br />
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The general authorities have always stated that homosexuality didn't quite fit in the church -- if "fit" is the right word. They didn't always have the answers as to "why", and the speculation around the topic was sometimes comical. Regardless, they have always said "no".<br />
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Let's open this up a bit, because you may remember my saying that <b>I am gay and I am a Mormon which seems to contradict what Elder Bednar said: </b>Alcoholism is not a state that existed in the pre-existence, yet there are alcoholics in the LDS church. Depression is not something that was a part of our lives in the world that was before we came here, but look around you. Abuse was not something that happened in the pre-existence, yet there are abused and the abusive here on earth -- and in the LDS church. There are many conditions here on Earth that did not exist in the life before we came to Earth and will not exist in the after-life.<br />
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There exist here on earth conditions and possibilities that were brought on by our allowing Heavenly Father to send us to Earth in all imperfection to make choices and to be tried and tested.<br />
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The gospel of Jesus Christ is given to man as a tool to return to Him. The general authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day are here to guide us with His word, and we are allowed freedoms to act and to choose. The fact of the matter is that our limitations, physical characteristics and challenges do not define our identity -- hence, the comment that there are no gays in the church. We are much more than the proverbial sum of these parts.<br />
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BTW, the Gospel was not given to us as an excuse to judge others or place others below us. Anyone who believes that the gospel gives us the authority to put anyone in a predetermined place is mistaken.<br />
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God has given His children the ability to overcome earth life and all that separated us from Him. There are things we don't choose. But we can choose to follow the Savior. This latest info from David R. Bednar fits in with that concept, even if it may not have been well thought out.<br />
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<br />cal thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473563294369008876noreply@blogger.com3