Sunday, July 28, 2013

Readers, please help me on this one...

This may be a little off subject, but it is something that gay and straight Mormon men of the priesthood deal with, so I'm gonna do it.

There is a woman in our ward Julie that has four kids under nine.  Her husband Tod came home from basic training last year and told Julie he was leaving her.  I don't know the reasons, and it probably isn't my business.  Tod left Julie and the kids in the house for which they had co-signed. (probably $1,000 in mortgage a week.)
She should have tossed his sorry self
while she had the chance.
Now Tod is ready to marry again and he wants Julie out of the house.  A friend of mine is in the legal profession and has read the contract, which states that, unless the matter goes before a judge, the points cannot be changed; Read, Tod, can not force Julie to vacate the home.

However, he is doing that.  As usual, when I see something that I perceive as an injustice, I open my big mouth.

I went to  a councilor in our bishopric to let him know that she didn't need to move -- as per my lawyer friend also in the ward.  The 1st councilor told me that he/they (the bishopric) was/were working with "Tod and Julie" and that everything was fair for Tod and Julie, even though Tod is no longer in the ward.  I thought that our ward allegiance would be to the ward member if there was such an alliance. 
I thought that any error (when there is none in raising the children from either side) would be solved on the side of in favor of the person who has full custody of the children -- as she does by common consent.

My problem is this.  This has happened before.  When I married my wife, she had kids the same ages.  Every priority was given to the first husband when it came to dealings with the parents of the children.  Only the that man met with church leaders to decide what was true or what were the issues -- all done without the mother/former wife --  seemingly because the father had the priesthood (even though in this case he had been dis-fellowshiped some months before.)

Do men have this kind of power in the church -- that they are not to be questioned by a woman or another subordinate? (Gay men in the priesthood?)  If you are outside of that group (women) do you get shafted by men who believe only priesthood man have a say, or deference?

Do we priesthood men give the advantage to the guy with the priesthood at the expense of the entire story?  Or are we content with the whole story as told by the men with the priesthood?

I don't want to think that.  I usually have good experiences with priesthood men trying to get the whole story and take care of the ward members.  I expect parity, and when I see a sample of the other, I am shocked. 

What to I tell my wife? Do I tell her that if she ever to have an issue with me, her husband, and we go to the church to seek council, they will favor me over her because I have the priesthood? 

I'm not telling my wife that.  I don't think it's true for the church on a whole.  I believe that when this kind of thing does happen, it is on a ward or stake level where men have not learned to respect all members of the church equally.

Readers, do you see this as an equality issue?  Will gay men who have done all everything to hold the priesthood of god and are worthy to do so be subject to gays being less-than, like women seem to be treated?


  1. Ooh! This is a ready-to-go guest post for Feminist Mormon Housewives. You should see about getting it on there; you'll get responses aplenty!

  2. I've never seen evidence of this within my ward or stake. People forget that church leaders are still human, and sometimes make mistakes. But you also have to realize that they may have quite a bit more information then you do when they make these types of decisions.

  3. It is one of the main reasons I left the Church