Tuesday, April 12, 2016

A day in paradise?... or more

I recently I read a facebook post where the guy posting lamented the loss of one of his church friends to the "other side".  Let me be specific. His friend, a member of the church, set his priesthood aside and decided to have sex outside of the priesthood marriage covenant.

Who doesn’t know someone who has done the same thing -- left the church for a gay relationship. I do. 

I strive to be supportive and celebrate their agency and their choice.*  I try to put a positive spin on it -- just like I try to do with everything. I am glad if they are happy and sad if they are not.  I wish them well and our friendship takes no hits.

Then I analyze the heck out of it.  I try to find the takeaway for me – what can I take from this experience that will strengthen me?

The first thing that used to cross my mind was, why does he get to when I can’t?  Immature, huh?  At least that was my thought process years ago. I would see someone in a committed relationship or other (guy/guy) and think, what the heck!  Here I am trying to starve myself and others around me seem to be gorging. 

Did I make the right choice? I thought.  Will I ever be as happy as they appear, or as sexually fulfilled as that looks like from my vantage? Will someone ever think I am attractive and want to have me like I want to them?

I don’t know about the rest of the gay Mormon world. Maybe they had everything figured out and I just didn’t get any of the memos. I really used to struggle.

With all of this in mind, let’s step aside and play the game that all the cool kids are playing. If a hot guy (depending on your orientation, folks) from outer space dropped out of the sky and you could do anything you wanted and no one would evereverever find out, what would you do? Would you have sex with him?

Years ago my answer may have been quite different than what it is now. I would have said yes because what I wanted at that time overcame everything else. I was more than a little myopic then. 

Here is what my answer is.today.  Unequivocably, no.

Here is the reason for my answer. I have a better understanding of the priesthood, and I understand my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know that He, knowing way more than I could pretend to know, wants what is best for me.  I know that the commandments He has set up – the things He asks of us – are for our benefit. My benefit. Knowing this, I can sacrifice something that appears good for something that I know is better.

Are there other paths that can bring pleasure and happiness while we are on earth? Yes, there appear to be. I will not deny that they looked good to me years ago. I will not bemoan or begrudge anyone their day with a guy from outer space if that is what they choose. Many fall into that category. But that is not my choice, and I feel that the prophets have been clear in stating the will of God.

The trillion dollar question is, will Hugo (that is what I named him) and all he represents get me where I want to be?  For me, with all that I know and hope to know, the answer is no.
I want more than a proverbial day with Hugo. I want more than a year or two or twenty with Hugo. I want what Heavenly Father has. I believe that what Heavenly Father has is better than disobeying him with Hugo -- as enticing as life with Hugo may look.

I am going to take Heavenly Father at his word. I will do what it takes in this life to have what He promised me I can have. With that goal in mind, I would be a fool to not follow his advice, walk his path, obey his commandments.

Here is the treasure map.  Now, ignore it and go another direction.

To that end, I trust priesthood power and authority. I know that the leaders of the LDS church have His authority. When they say that Jesus Christ is the way, I follow that way.  I make a decision based on what I know. 

*If you are a new reader to this site you may not know that I am referring to their choice to live a gay lifestyle, not to be gay. Being gay is not a choice anyone made in this life. I am gay. It was not a choice that I made. Where I go from here is my choice.


  1. I agree. Hugo will need to go find another plaything.
    You rule.

  2. This by far has been the most amazing blog I have read to date on this subject , I 100% agree with this and know that the sacrifice may seem heavy right now yet I know in my heart I will not carry this burden alone , That he who hung on the cross and agonized in the garden for us all is also bearing up this load and in due time eternal joy and exaltation awaits ...

  3. It's difficult to set aside our own selfish desires for the Lord, but isn't that what is expected of us? Faith in the Lord and patience is the key!