Gay Mormon Man / PriesthoodMen: Gay Friendly Mormons?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Gay Friendly Mormons?

I am going to say yes. There are some unfortunate exceptions, but yes.

A general question was asked on face book if anyone knew of any gay-friendly LDS wards.

Frankly, I hoped that we were passed this. Should we be asking if there are black friendly wards, or Hispanic friendly wards as well?

...And you can stay...you as well,
but those over there will have to leave.

First, what is a gay friendly ward? Mormons that are friendly to gays? I hope they all would be - as I hope everyone would be welcome anywhere in the LDS Church they go.

I have been in some "cold" wards before - ones whose members were not very open to newcomers, or wards that are slow to warm up to new comers, but I have never seen a ward that had a list of people who were welcome and people who weren't.

Okay, I take that back. When I was doing summer theater in Jackson Hole Wyoming, the ward there was wary of young Mormons moving in for the summer, wearing out the bishop with appointments to confess sins and then leaving for their home-land like geese in the fall. Since they didn't know who was setting weekly appointments with the bishop and who wasn't, we all got the evil eye.

Other than that episode (which I hear is still happening to summer stock college kids) I haven't heard of a ward that is either friendly or unfriendly to gays. I have someone in my ward now who thinks that they (we?) should all pick-up and move to Quebec, but that is one fool amongst many other kinder fools.

The thought that Mormons - or any other group - would have organized naughty and nice lists makes me queasy. If this behavior was to rear it's ugly head, hopefully the foolishness would be attributed to the rather foolish person or persons - if there were somehow more than two of them in one neighborhood - not the whole organization. At least, that is how I would wish it to be. Do I look at all republicans with disdain because Rick Perry is delusional? I would hope not.

I am not saying that all of us Mormons are politically correct, or that we are enlightened. I am saying that everyone is welcome - even if there are some hold-outs.

Since the whole idea of "specialty group intolerance" seems ludicrous to me in this day and age, I am going to assume that the guy on face book was asking if there are wards that allow their gay members to hold offices or have temple recommends. The answer is that they all do. It is church policy to allow all worthy members church callings and temple recommends.

Of course, all are welcome to church, including those who do not have a temple recommend, or a church calling, or who wear a white shirt. The no show socks bugs me, but I will get over it or convince you to wear socks. But none of these things really matter in the long run.

What matters is that everyone that comes through that door knows he is welcome in a real, candid and sincere way - including those of us that are doing the inviting.

5 comments:

AnonymousAugust 18, 2011 at 10:58 PM
Is he wondering where gays are completely accepted? preference and partner and all? Do they give out temple recommends to homosexuals if the are living every law but the law of chastity?
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AnonymousAugust 19, 2011 at 1:28 AM
Come on ... Really? Are we so naive to think that some Mormons are not prejudice? Every ward I have been in has had people (some more vocal than others) who have had very strong opinions on certain classes of people. With partisan politics, it has become even more prevalent (just look at the things Chafetz, Lee, Hatch, McKeon, or Bishop say).

Most of it is from ignorance or uncertainty, but it still exists. Many people still don't know how to address why Blacks could not hold the priesthood (unfaithful in pre-existence? sinful like the lamanites with 'darker skin'?). I hear comments about smokers (they are just disgusting), illegal immigrants (send all those wetbacks home), singles (they'll just be angels), people on welfare (good members aren't lazy, they should just get a job), democrats (how can you be for a party that accepts abortion), and gays (they chose to be gay). And, have you not heard a gazillion gay jokes from Mormon guys?

It isn't part of the gospel. It isn't from teachings of Christ. It isn't attributed to all members. And, it doesn't mean that the members hate these groups of people. But, it is pretty easy to find people who have these feelings or that say disparaging things about groups that are non-traditional.

I wish we were over these, too. Until we are, every ward will be just as good as the next. And, maybe we can continue to educate and love and serve others.
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AnonymousAugust 19, 2011 at 9:58 PM
P.S. .. This wasn't meant to be an attack, as much as it was to call out that I think your friend had some validity to the question they asked.

Of the active gay mormons I know, only about ... 2 or 3 are "out" to their wards. The reason that the others are not out seems to be due to the insensitive comments and joke and lessons that degrades ANYONE who is gay. To many members, gay is gay. They loop all gays together. Sad? Yep. Wrong? Yep. Fixable? Yep. But, like everything in this world, it will continue to take education and empowerment.

Thanks for sharing. Keep on smiling!
- Max
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AnonymousAugust 24, 2011 at 1:33 PM
I think Cal is doing something I wish we all could do; choose for ourselves the importance to place on the words, opinions, and actions of others. When others make judgment calls, we can be victims, or we can teach and enlighten. A friend recently overheard a comment at church that he should not be allowed to home-teach as a divorced man because he could taint families in the ward. At this point he had several options – Be sad that someone would say such tripe (I would be sad,) take a victim stance, get mad and huffy, or take a deep breath and move on up. People who make these comments and judgments simply don’t know.
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SummerAugust 30, 2011 at 12:14 AM
It's all about ignorance. I wouldn't want to be judged on what my opinion would have been a few months ago. I do enough of that lately. I just know that I think very differently now and should be grateful other people in the ward aren't going through whawt we are, judge as they may. I can choose to forgive them because of their ignorance. I would give anything to be blissfully ignorant again. Hopefuly one day I will say differently.
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I order to better understand one another, I think it would be wise to understand the terms used in these essays. What I propose is an Examination for Discovery, which is briefly a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each others claims and see whether they can find some area of agreement and thus save the time of the court later on. This is assuming that there is common ground, and I believe that even the most cynical of us would agree that there is.

It will be hard to understand one another if you think blue is periwinkle and I think blue is turquoise. I know that the differences may not be a big deal - between periwinkle and turquoise - but I think its best to be incredibly clear. We both may disagree on what blue is, but, for purposes of communication, we will use the terms as listed here - adding when needed.

Of coarse they may be subject to change and/or refinement with experience and further knowledge – and with feedback. Being that this is a blog and not a diatribe, I get to lead I suppose.

List of Common Terms On Which We May Agree
or Agree To Agree On For Sake of Discussion*

For sensitivity reasons we wanted to run this list past my Gramma Ruby, which would have been really helpful not to mention miraculous because she died at an Elizabeth Dole Rally in Boise)

Active: 1) A lifestyle characterized by frequent or various social, intellectual, and particularly physical activities; 2) In geology, a volcano which erupts regularly; 3) A member of the LDS Church who is often seen carrying brownies, scriptures or children back and forth to Church.

Affirmation: 1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.

Sentence: Falling off of the stage was the affirmation she needed to confirm the universality of gravity.

Acronyms: SGA, SGB, SGI SGA: Same Gender (sexual) Attraction SGB: Same Gender (sexual) Behavior SGI: Same Gender (gay) Identity

OGA, OGB, OGI OGA: Opposite Gender (sexual) attraction OGB: Opposite Gender (sexual) behavior OGI: Opposite Gender (heterosexual) identity.

Sentence: The LDS SGA think OGA from ID, WO and MT dress like the NFL.

Beehive: 1) Home to bees, 2) A height-positive sixties hair style which many Mormon women continued to wear through the seventies and into late nineties and early 00’s with a slight revamp; 3) Young woman’s organization of girls who can’t drive yet.

Bisexual: 1) A sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical, mental or romantic attraction to both males and females.

Choice: 1) A decision between two or more option, and often referred to as free agency, personal rights and freedom.

Sentence: The choice for Juan Carlo was to either be eaten alive by the anaconda or jump from the boat into the mouth of the hungry crocodile.

Church: 1) An identifiable religious body under a common name; 2) a physical structure often equipped with a satellite dish, food warming area and an indoor basketball court.

Sentence: The ambulance and two squad cars were sent to the ball game at the Church between the elders and the priests due to last year’s “incident.”

Closet: 1) Upright storage space for clothing; 2) Slang reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends and family members.

Sentence: He had been in the closet so long he smelled like cedar and old shoes.

Coming Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or structure. 2) The process of telling people about one’s homosexuality is often referred to as coming out.

Sentence: “It’s just not coming out”, muttered Sister Macbeth as she compulsively applied spot remover.

Conversion therapy, or reparative therapy or reorientation therapy: 1) A type of sexual orientation change effort that attempts to change the sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy involving aversive conditioning, electric shock or nausea-inducing drugs, and may have included sex therapy. Today there seems to be a more subtle and genteel approach which is being met with more success,

Down Low or DL : 1)This term means different things to different people, however generally it connotes dishonesty and hiding. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are generally not aware of these infidelities.

Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity, or to engage in SGA behavior.

Family Group Sheets: 1) Forms used in annotating genealogy; 2) Money saving tactics for Mormon families at bedtime.

Sentence: Laverne and Lavelle grab your sister and a family group sheet and get you off to bed.

Families are Forever: 1) LDS catch phrase originating in the early eighties - referring to the belief that temple sealed families created on earth can move into the next life together. 2) The prevalent attitude after two weeks of dealing with the new in-laws.

Sentence: Did you hear our new sister-in-law-sing the Duran-Duran Medley? Are families really forever?

Folk Doctrine: 1) Doctrines that develop from prevailing rumor.

Sentence: Three stakes in Pocatello have been asked to spear-head a pilot program for the Churches new Work and Glory aerobics program.

Gay: 1) A happy and joyful method of celebrating holidays often sung about in English Carols and Fred Astaire films. 2) A common term for an individual attracted to their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male homosexual." Its meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay: homosexual is regarded as a sexual orientation; gay is a political identity -- i.e. an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual orientations

Sentence: Sister Fellows always regretted naming her eldest son after her favorite uncle, Gaylord.

Gender: 1) The set of characteristics that distinguish between female and male members of a species. It is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" denoting the condition of being male or female.

Sentence: “But, Julie,” Cal whined, “I simply don’t have an inoffensive sentence for the word gender.”

Genealogy: 1) An activity Mormons do happily while praying to hook up with a distant relative who has done all the work.

Sentence: Brother The-Hun was a bit disturbed when his grandma showed him his genealogy line went directly to some guy named Attila.

Heterosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the opposite sex or having to do with opposite sex attraction.

Homophobia: 1) An irrational fear, prejudice or discrimination towards homosexuals. Homophobia can take many forms, from name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.

Homosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex or having to do with same sex attraction.

In: See out.

Last days: 1) A horrific time of floods, famines, political strife and food storage eating – much like yesterday.

Sentence: The last days of a back to school sale appear to be frequented by women on a weekend pass from the state hospital.

Lesbian: Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.

Lifestyle: The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though used by gay and lesbian people in the past. “Those in the lifestyle” usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the teachings or of the culture, or East Coast Lifestyle may refer to black turtle necks, bookstores and apartment living.

Many are called, but few are chosen: 1) What I keep telling myself when I am asked to be on the ward activities committee again.

Mixed Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual” orientation with one dealing with SGA.

Out: See in.

Prophet: 1) A man called of God who holds the keys to direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.

SSA: 1) Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers SGA, (which I always thought stood for Star Gate Atlantis reruns) but actually means Same Gender Attraction. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay community”.

Sentence: ST-TNG and SGA are playing all week on SI-FI.

Sin: To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.

Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.

Quotes, Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase. For our purposes here, generally speaking, using quotation marks to denote words such as “gay” or “homosexual” is offensive. If you are not comfortable with using a term from the “so-called other side”, then it is recommended that a substitute which doesn't involve quote marks is found.

Sentence: I am offended that “he” just used quotations on the phrase other side.

Straight: 1) A direction which veers neither to the left or the right. 2) A slang term used in the place of heterosexual.

Sentence: The geography club, Straights of Magellan is not accepting new members.

Strait is the gate and narrow is the way: 1) Popular scripture quote used to encourage righteous living and weight loss.

Tithing: 1) One tenth of one’s income donated voluntarily to the LDS Church for upkeep and needed things.

Sentence: Ten percent of nothing is still nothing.

Urim and Thummim: 1) Tool used by Joseph Smith to translate the Book of Mormon. 2) What I wish I had to understand my kids text messages.

Wickedness Never Was Happiness: 1) What Cal’s first missionary companion in the MTC from Macon Georga wrote on his left bicep with a sharpie when visas to Central America didn’t come through on time. 2) Comment made by those on their way to Church when a boat or motor-home pulls up in the next lane of traffic.

This is a blog for Mormon SSA* men who wish to follow the teachings of the LDS church while owning their Homosexuality. It can be done! This blog-spot is written by a sort-of smart gay man who is a card-carrying member of the LDS church and hopes to remain so. He will remain so by following the teachings of the prophets. His motto for today is "Many a true word spoken in jest," and he will try to not be so charming.

Mr. Thompson thinks he knows just about everything. Lately, it has been proposed that he may, in actuality, not. He is trying to be open to that thought.