No married gays or their children. Why?

Before I freak out on the topic at hand, let me reaffirm my stance, in a brief rant, that the Deseret News is stuck in the mud. Once again there was a story to be published in a way that an unsavory moment or series of moments for the LDS church could have been avoided or at least tamed -- and they let other news agencies not do their job for them. Sad. Shame on the DNews.

Now the story. KUTV news reported about two hours ago that the LDS church has clarified to its leaders in the official Handbook (Number 1) for leaders to use in administering in the church, that being in a same-sex 
marriage is considered a form of apostasy.

Usually, this handbook is available only to bishops and stake presidents and other leaders of the church in higher positions, and I respect that. However, this is 2015 and info is readily available to all -- and we all know this. Where is the PR department of the church when it is needed, and why can't pro-activity be the new norm?  I digress.

Screen shots posted this afternoon were confirmed to be an accurate representation of the document by a spokesperson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

"Church handbooks are policy and procedural guides for lay leaders who must administer the Church in many varied circumstances throughout the world. The Church has long been on record as opposing same-sex marriages," wrote LDS Church spokesman Eric Hawkins on Thursday - about two hours ago -- and I quote from the KUTV news article listed below.

"While it respects the law of the land, and acknowledges the right of others to think and act differently, (the church) does not perform or accept same-sex marriage within its membership."

In a related major policy announcement, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says that children who are living in a same-sex household may not be blessed as babies or be baptized as members. 

"A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing," the recent (an hour ago) policy reads.

"Natural or adopted children living in a same-sex household will only be allowed to be baptized once they are 18, disavow the practice of same-sex cohabitation or marriage, and stop living within the household, according to the policy. Such baptism would still require the approval of the church's governing First Presidency."

So what is the big deal? Nothing if you are not gay, I suppose. Or if you do not love anyone who is gay. Or you are not a father or a mother. But if you are or if you do, this looks and feels ... I can't even find the words. 

This latest version of the handbook declares that members who "are in a same-gender marriage" should be considered apostates. And church leaders are expected to pursue church discipline for anyone who is determined to be an apostate.

So much for my saying that gay people are welcome into the church.

As you know, dear reader, our countries legalization of same-sex marriage gave many the idea that the church would allow gays of all sorts to be part of the church in some way. After all, there are monogamous, legal, gay couples who attend church as believing members. I know several. Are they going to affiliate with the church with their new status as apostates? Yes, we know that they can't use church facilities for their weddings or receptions. How many more doors need to be shut to them?

I still welcome gay people into the church -- and their children. And I am still a TB Mormon. I am a gay welcoming, TB Mormon who is trying to figure this one out. There is a reason for this -- like there is a reason for every challenge placed before us, and I will find out what it is.  

My faith is not shaken. Not even stirred. And yet, I have some homework to do. I am thinking of stepping stones.  Things got better for and in the church after what I call the disaster of Prop. 8. Maybe this is a step toward better things.  


http://kutv.com/news/local/lds-church-to-exclude-children-of-same-sex-couples-from-membership

Remembering Matthew

I read “The Meaning of Matthew” several years ago -- a biography concerning the life and death of Matthew Shepard written by his mother. To say that it was troubling would be a gross understatement. If I may, let me briefly recount.

Based on re-creations and eye witnesses, shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, Matthew Shepard met A. McKinney and R. Henderson at the Fireside Lounge in Laramie, Wyoming who offered Shepard a ride in their car. After admitting he was gay, Shepard was robbed, pistol whipped, then tortured, tied to a fence in a remote area and was left to die.

 

McKinney and Henderson had also discovered his address and intended to rob his apartment. Still tied to the fence, Shepard was discovered 18 hours later by a jogger who initially mistook Shepard for a scarecrow. At the time of his discovery, Matthew was still alive but comatose.

Matthew suffered numerous fractures to the back of his head and in front of his right ear. He had severe damage to his brain stem which affected his body's ability to regulate vital functions. Also, there were approximately a dozen smaller lacerations around his head, face and neck.

His injuries were decidedly too severe for specialists to operate. Matthew did not regained consciousness, remaining on full life support for his time in intensive care. He was pronounced dead at 12:53 a.m. on October 12, 1998.

Matthews father describes him as "an optimistic and accepting young man who had a special gift of relating to almost everyone ... very approachable and always looked to new challenges ... a great passion for equality and always stood up for the acceptance of people's differences."

In February 1995, during a high school trip abroad. According to his mother, Matthew was beaten and raped causing him to withdraw and experience bouts of depression and panic attacks. One of Shepard's friends feared his depression caused him to become involved with drugs during his time in college. A few days prior to his death, Shepard had also admitted to one of his friends that he was HIV positive.

Optimistic, accepting, special gifts, beaten, raped, depression, panic attacks, drug use, HIV, robbed, tortured, pistol whipped, tied to a post, left for dead, killed. 

I can't imagine. I don't want to. And this happened just the next state over only 15 years ago.

For me, the real “Meaning of Matthew”-- all deference to him and his family -- is that there was no meaning in any of it.  None of it makes any sense at all.

I am determined to find meaning. I want better for all of us. While his perpetrators are in jail tying to atone for their mistakes, let us look at ours.

How many jabs do we make to the person who is different? How many punches does someone else get to take at our friends and brothers while we try to decide the appropriateness of stepping in? When do we suddenly decide that enough is enough?

How many more Matthews will it take to screw in a collective light bulb?

Follow this link to the Matthew Shepard Foundation

Gay and Grateful

I made a decision some time ago that I was not going to pursue a further relationship with the gay lifestyle/way of life.  Gay and Grateful

Read: no gay sex. 

This doesn't seem to be the kind of thing one would make public and I get that. However, I started this blog years ago to deal with a subject that seemed to be pulling Mormons under and spewing them out.  In 2009 I decided to speak plainly.

Part of that decision was that I would not pursue sexual relationships with men, nor would I remain tied in more than a cursory fashion to those of my friends who did. I say "hi" and I am here for them if they need help, but we do not hang out. Part of that promise, sadly, became easier to follow through-with as several of my closest friends died of AIDS related illnesses.  

Most of the rest of those friends from the "gay-side" thought that, A) either I would be back after a quick conservative sabbatical, or B) that I was a weak minded freak that actually could be lead away on any silly whim and they cut ties with me. 

While I am sorry to say that I have lost friends I have to add that this has been an 18 year old whim.


It was like jumping of a plane with a parachute I hadn't packed myself and wasn't sure would deploy and save me from flatness -- a lovely way of saying that I didn't really know what I was doing nor was I certain what the result would be.

Since I made my commitment my life has taken turns - many frightening, many lovely.  I am not where I saw myself to be in 18 years, but neither am I in a wrong or bad place.  I believe that I am better off for the choices I made.  I hope my family feels the same.

Having "gay" as a part of me has given me a lot that I would never have developed had I bean born straight.  I believe that I am what I am today because of the challenges God gave me - all of them.  I believe that we grow from facing challenges head on -- when we own them, when we embrace them. 


I annotate this today because I am cleaning up Halloween decor from my front years and I am thankful for being able to hang a yellow florescent full moon and  a hundred or so plastic light-able jack-o-lanterns. I am grateful for to be able to take the grand children out and load them up with sugar. 

The month of November reminds me how much God has given me.  I am thankful for all of it.