Sunday, November 1, 2015

Gay and Grateful

I made a decision some time ago that I was not going to pursue a further relationship with the gay lifestyle/way of life.  Gay and Grateful

Read: no gay sex. 

This doesn't seem to be the kind of thing one would make public and I get that. However, I started this blog years ago to deal with a subject that seemed to be pulling Mormons under and spewing them out.  In 2009 I decided to speak plainly.

Part of that decision was that I would not pursue sexual relationships with men, nor would I remain tied in more than a cursory fashion to those of my friends who did. I say "hi" and I am here for them if they need help, but we do not hang out. Part of that promise, sadly, became easier to follow through-with as several of my closest friends died of AIDS related illnesses.  

Most of the rest of those friends from the "gay-side" thought that, A) either I would be back after a quick conservative sabbatical, or B) that I was a weak minded freak that actually could be lead away on any silly whim and they cut ties with me. 

While I am sorry to say that I have lost friends I have to add that this has been an 18 year old whim.

It was like jumping of a plane with a parachute I hadn't packed myself and wasn't sure would deploy and save me from flatness -- a lovely way of saying that I didn't really know what I was doing nor was I certain what the result would be.

Since I made my commitment my life has taken turns - many frightening, many lovely.  I am not where I saw myself to be in 18 years, but neither am I in a wrong or bad place.  I believe that I am better off for the choices I made.  I hope my family feels the same.

Having "gay" as a part of me has given me a lot that I would never have developed had I bean born straight.  I believe that I am what I am today because of the challenges God gave me - all of them.  I believe that we grow from facing challenges head on -- when we own them, when we embrace them. 

I annotate this today because I am cleaning up Halloween decor from my front years and I am thankful for being able to hang a yellow florescent full moon and  a hundred or so plastic light-able jack-o-lanterns. I am grateful for to be able to take the grand children out and load them up with sugar. 

The month of November reminds me how much God has given me.  I am thankful for all of it.  

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