Homosexuality's Divine Connection

I often compare gay men - homosexual men - if I may correct myself (following my own definition of gay as having or seeking same gender sex, homosexual as having the attraction whither or not acted upon) to men of the LDS priesthood. I have done this publicly for some time now even as recently as January on this blogspot.

I think of that comparison more and more as I interact with homosexuals, homosexual Mormon men, gay Mormon men and Mormons generally. Even as a father, the qualities I want to instill in my boys (and, parenthetically, my girls) are the same characteristics that I claim to enjoy as a Homosexual man.

I want them to be kind to others – even when they are treated unkindly. I want them to honor and cherish every human, man, woman, child, Ute fan...every one of us deserve to be treated with respect. I want them to argue their point passionately and listen to the other side with as much passion. I want them to be able to give and accept responsible feedback.

No satan rock, please. (I would capitalize satan but it's not deserved) Not that there has do be Broadway standards blaring, as a standard, but head banging is for the Flintstones and other one dimensional characters.

Let's see, nice to elders, articulate, educated, cultured, humble, teachable and sensitive. Not too sensitive. Good personal hygiene, hard working (Missionaries, anyone?) Give the shirt off his back – and not just to show off abs.

This is a good kid! This is a terrific man.

Homosexual men should be a part of the Mormon church. For some reason or other, popular opinion is that Mormons and Homosexuals are at odds. This is not the case. The Priesthood of God (note the capitals) is available to all who follow the commandments of the Lord, not just straight guys or cool guys or rich guys or proud plaid wearers. My brain and my heart and my personal priesthood experiences shout this knowledge out-loud and in print to anyone listening/reading.

We have so much to offer - much that is overlooked and undervalued. We who play for the other team are team players. We will assert ourselves as the real men that we are.

We deserve the divine connection, blessings and responsibility that comes with honorably holding the Priesthood of God.

Mind Blowing

We are half-hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. -C.S. Lewis

It's clear to me that God wants more for us that we can imagine. Literally in this case.

My teenage son was explaining finances to me the other day. He sat me down on the couch, turned the game off and told me exactly what I needed to do to take care of the bills. His idea was to pick one bill to pay every month - just one of them, mind you - and send them a check. Then everyone would be happy and I would be in a better position to loan him money for a new x-box game.

Simple, easy and completely unrealistic. Well, he's young. He doesn't know yet.

In the same way, I feel that I am almost laughable when I try to explain the universe and everything - like whomever is behind the mirror is laughing their face off at me as I try to explain my limited take on, well, anything. There is so much that I don't know. And there is no way I am going to get the information in time to do anything about it. And, if I had the information directly implanted, my head would probably explode like in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull Thing-y From Space.

One of the things I like about mortality is that I don't have to be in charge. I can rely on someone who knows more than I do. Who better to have as an adviser than He who knows all the stuff, which is his Indian name.

In order for this to work for me or for you, One has to believe in God. And by "One" I mean you and me. If He is there, He has the power. If He has the power, then I can re;ac a little and let him do his job and I will do mine.

I must tell you at this point that I believe with all my heart in my father in heaven. Some times I think that my homosexuality - being drawn to men is in part because of my need to be reminded of Him father to son. I yearn for his presence and his approval. I know he loves me. I just know it. I had to let someone know that tonight. I feel like painting it on walls and on doors and on my neighbors goat - who really gets around so a lot of people would see. I love Him and miss Him and hope to return to Him. And I love him more than I love being gay.

When He asks me to do something, I may complain that I don't wanna. I may make up a reason to do it my way. I may mumble "what does he know" and go on my merry. But realistically, there is no denying the wisdom or the authority. And thank heaven it's not me in charge.

Or you, frankly.

Or my son the financier.

How Many More?

I have recently read “The Meaning of Matthew” concerning the death of Matthew Shepard written by his mother. To say that I am troubled would be a gross understatement. If I may, let me briefly recount.

Based on re-creations and eye witnesses, shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, Matthew Shepard met A. McKinney and R. Henderson at the Fireside Lounge in Laramie, Wyoming who offered Shepard a ride in their car. After admitting he was gay, Shepard was robbed, pistol whipped, then tortured, tied to a fence in a remote area and was left to die. McKinney and Henderson had also discovered his address and intended to rob his apartment. Still tied to the fence, Shepard was discovered 18 hours later by a jogger who initially mistook Shepard for a scarecrow. At the time of his discovery, Matthew was still alive but comatose.

Matthew suffered numerous fractures to the back of his head and in front of his right ear. He had severe damage to his brain stem which affected his body's ability to regulate vital functions. Also, there were approximately a dozen smaller lacerations around his head, face and neck. His injuries were decidedly too severe for specialists to operate. Matthew did not regained consciousness, remaining on full life support for his time in intensive care. He was pronounced dead at 12:53 a.m. on October 12, 1998.

Matthews father describes him as "an optimistic and accepting young man who had a special gift of relating to almost everyone...very approachable and always looked to new challenges...a great passion for equality and always stood up for the acceptance of people's differences."

In February 1995, during a high school trip abroad. According to his mother, Matthew was beaten and raped causing him to withdraw and experience bouts of depression and panic attacks. One of Shepard's friends feared his depression caused him to become involved with drugs during his time in college. A few days prior to his death, Shepard had also admitted to one of his friends that he was HIV positive

Optimistic, accepting, special gifts, beaten, raped, depression, panic attacks, drug use, HIV, robbed, tortured, pistol whipped, tied to a post, left for dead, killed.

I can't imagine . I don't want to. This was just over ten years ago.

For me, the real “Meaning of Matthew”, all deference to him and his family, is that there was no meaning. His was a life, troubled certainly, that was just starting. And before it got there, it was over in so many ways.

I am determined to find meaning, to give his life and death meaning. I want better for all of us. While his perpetrators are in jail tying to atone for their mistakes, let us look at ours.

How many jabs do we make to the person who is different? How many punches does someone else get to take at our friends and brothers while we try to decide the appropriateness of stepping in? When do we suddenly decide that enough is enough?

How many more Matthews will it take to screw in a light bulb?