Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Brothers Dumb

Not As Difficult as You Would Think
My younger brothers believed that their massive IQ’s were far over and above a regular board game, so they combined several of them to create something that they felt resembled a challenge for their dizzying, sometime dazzling intellect. While I was home from college they spent the entire Christmas break playing it in the basement. The game was rather convoluted and involved duct tape, dressing up in tunics, capes and other outfits they’d filched fro my box of Camelot costumes. (I am sure pasty skin and furs in medieval times were all the rage, but I will stick with Velcro and personal hygiene, thank you.)
There appeared to be many levels to this super-game, and many combinations of characters and possible scenarios. I only ventured down into their lair once over the holiday, and didn’t let go of the iron rod (the stair rail) incase I was swallowed up. I just remember being marveled at how their teeth looked so green under a black light.

Here is the point, and yes I have one. Does anyone think that there mortal existence is going to be any less complicated than my brothers basement board game? There are thousands of situations and locations and personalities and challenges and villains and heroes, and companions and countries to invade and the list goes on – even eliminate the weird stuff. Turn a corner and fight the sloth dragon, turn right and schmooze the alien ambassador of Muir. and his lovely wife, Ulla.

I am into options these days - bring me the most for my money, the best productivity for my time spent.  There are hundreds of combinations  of possible options available for the SGAttracted Mormon.  To knot acknowledge that there are more than just active, not active, name off records would be as dim as me hollering down to my brothers “So,...what’ch still doing down there?”

Categories, levels, personalities, social networks, spiritual beliefs, differences in SGA, and homosexuals of the church in and out. In this blog when we speak of options, we are speaking of the range of basic choices for those who are homosexual and believe that the Mormon Church is the organization to best assist them in their lives.

There are those SGAttracted who wish to remain in possession of, or strive to obtain a temple recommend. Homosexuality and church membership are not necessarily opposing in purpose.

Often the hold up is those watching the proceedings from the side. There is a need for black or white in our society, for yes or no, “for here” or “to go”. Case in point, try telling a cashier at a fast food restaurant that you want your cheeseburgers and onion rings “to go” but your fries, chicken wings and fry sauce on a “for here” tray. You will blow minds. Society is most comfortable with one or the other, pigeon hole A or pigeon hole B. Things that don’t fit, just don’t fit for us anywhere.

As far as SGAttraction goes, it may similarly be not all one or all the other. Can you imagine a guy in Lycra muscle shirt who believes the church is true? I can. A returned missionary dancing the night away who is still able to teach his quorum lesion with the spirit in the morning? It happens. Or imagine homosexuals in a commented relationship possibly with kids who want to go to fast and testimony meeting? I know several. Things that didn’t at first seem to fit are sometimes fitting - options and choices at every turn.

I try to consider all possibilities and options dealing with and writing about different avenues of living and the many categories of attraction – specificity, as you might imagine, for homosexuals. I don’t feel the need for a written disclaimer somewhere here – one that says that we recognize agency, and options acknowledged here are not to be considered an endorsement – except I just did.

So, where are you in life?  What options are you making use of?  Have you combined SGA (or its older or mor recent semantic incarnations) and activity in the LDS church?

How do you make it happen?


  1. like you i am married and have three delightful kids. Pretty active in Church with a number of quid pro quos that are self imposed (however, that is for a different response).
    I'm also somewhat active on N* (though i also limit my communicative time there for various reasons).
    the option that works for me is one of acceptance. i accept that i am gay (i dont care for the term sga, but that is me). but i also define what gay means to me. i also accept that I am Spiritual and whether people want to believe that Jesus is The Christ and that the Plan has been fulfilled is their personal choice. I ask that they allow me to live my life the way i choose, just as i allow others to live their own.
    I dont believe the Church has all the answers. nor do i believe that science has all the answers. dont even get me started on the thoughts and philosophies of men! or women!

    i dont "struggle" with being gay. I dont moan over the fact that i like men. in fact, i have found being gay has given the strength and courage to do many things i otherwise would not.
    i dont beat myself up if i happen to fall off the proverbial horse when it comes to standard bemoan ment of being gay.

    life is about learning. it's about exploration and discovery. it is NOT about perfection.

  2. I have a bit of a unique perspective on this one. I do not believe that sexual preference is innate or immutable, and therefore believe that I can become who I want to be. This is of course my choice, and not one that I would require of others, as the transition is rather hellish. That being said, I find it to be much more hopeful for me than simply devising ways to live with the cognitive dissonance.
    My theories on the topic are much too long to write here, and I welcome visitors to my blog where I write in depth on the issue.
    Hugh Akston taught John Galt that there are no contradictions, only seemingly contradictory situations in which one premise or the other is flawed. While I don't wholly agree with the sentiment, I think there is definite merit in re-evaluating our premises. Perhaps the immutable nature of sexual preference is one that we should re-evaluate.

  3. Love the essay and the ideas you present. Thankyou for creating a foram for use to discuss.

  4. I dont know what got into you to do this blog. I could never have done it with a different name or anything because I am gun shy with the whole gay thing. I want to be a part of the church. I know its for me. Thankyou for showing me that it can be done.