Thursday, December 2, 2010

More Absence...or Less Normal (Part 2)

Look Familiar to anyone?
The suggestion was recently made to me to spend the Sunday school time where I am supposed to teach about the old testament to instead answer questions about SGA/Homosexuality in the Mormon church.  I think I will pass for, oh, several hundred reasons.  However I am happy to open the blog up to these FAQ's. 

Here are some more questions (continued from an essay of November 24ish) that I have been asked, or points I feel I should be making.

Q: Where do Mormons stand on Homosexuality in compared to other world religions?  The five major world religions -- Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism -- recognize and uphold the understanding of heterosexual marriage. All five religions teach that homosexual behavior is to be overcome. ("Major World Religions on the Question of Marriage," Marriage Law Project, 2000)

Those dealing with SGA of either sex are easy to identify. Stereotypes are often used to identify a person's sexual orientation, such as a man being effeminate and a woman being butch. The visual measures of masculinity and femininity tend to be gender-biased and are not very useful in the study of those with SGA. The homosexual community is diverse and its members, much like the citizenship of any grouping, cannot be neatly categorized into stereotypes based on appearance. Most people are realizing that there are more similarities than differences between the gay and straight population - though I read somewhere that every plaid shirt sold donates money to the SGA deer hunters of northern Utah.

How easy are Mormons to identify? How 'bout Mormon Gays?  Look for modest clothing, farmer’s tans and hot glue burns on fingers. It was once thought that Mormon woman utilized higher and fuller hair styles to cover up the horns they were thought to possess. This latter appeared to have been a simple a symbol of the lovely state of Deseret in combination with a fashionable 60’s hairstyle that found favor and overstayed its welcome. Men do wear dark suits, and are known to spout into parables as they age...  As for Mormon Gays?  Your guess is as good as mine.  And honestly, who cares?  People are people, and if you are at church my bet is that no one - regardless of sexuality - is trying to pick you up.

My understanding is that all lesbians hate or have deep set emotional issues with men, that Gay men dislike women.   Lesbianism is not a dislike of men as far as I understand. Lesbianism is an inclination, a positive sexual, emotional, physical attraction to other women. Ditto for Gay men. For men by men.

Yes, there are women who sometime explore lesbianism because they had negative sexual experiences with men. Men sometimes may explore homosexuality gay due to similar negative emotional or sexual experiences. There are many reasons we know of that may have significance in developing SGA, and many who defy all explanation and were born that way.  Understand that the reasons may be many, and regardless of reason we will be there for each other.

Are openly gay teachers, professors, professionals and other role models are dangerous because they will try to recruit people to homosexuality?   Let us be clear: Any adult speaking of his or her sex life with a minor is not appropriate. Some argue that students may wish to be like their teachers given their position of authority and prestige. Sex life being personal and private, of coerce they would. Or are we saying that honor for the rather dubious sporting figures and rock stars. Who better to mentor students that positive role models regardless of sexual attraction?  Any positive role model in a position of authority (such as in education, politics, religious institutions, the medical profession, etc.) by their very presence helps to dispel myths and prejudices.

Homosexuals want to lower the age of consent laws for sexual activity so that they can have access to young children and try to convert them: Age of consent laws do not deal specifically with adult-child relations. These laws were created to prevent young people from having sex with each other. There is no justification for the existence of separate age of consent laws according to one's sexual orientation. Any audit-child sexual relationship regardless of the sexual orientation is wrong and is currently a criminal act.

Gay men tend to be pedophiles and child molesters:  No and no. Yes, perpetrators of child sexual abuse are overwhelmingly men. The abuser is usually a member of the child's family or someone known by the family. Pedophiles, men who have a sexual preference for children, constitute less than 1% of the adult male population. Pedophiles are quite distinct from adult gay men who prefer an adult sexual partner just as heterosexual prefer an adult partner. Studies have shown no correlation between a man's sexual orientation and a tendency to sexually abuse children. Statically, Heterosexual men are twice as likely to sexually abuse children as homosexual men are. There is solid evidence that over 92% of child abuse cases, including same gender sexual abuse, are perpetrated by heterosexuals.

Can people be forced or convinced to change from gay to straight or the other way around? Again, it’s important to understand the differences between same gender feelings desires and inclinations, and the chosen behaviors. Behaviors can be changed or controlled with the correct motivation. Most agree that sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior, orientation referring to feelings and self-concept, and that all people may or may not express their sexual orientation through their behaviors. *The American Psychological Association, Fact Sheet, “Psychology and You,”

I think I might be gay. How will I know if I really am?   You will eventually figure it out. It is such a personal issue. We as are blessed with gifts of the spirit – revelation given to us personally. The line of authority may go through our parents – they can get revelation concerning what action they should take, as well as your bishop.  Use these resources. The process may take a long time, and the decisions you make may be difficult for you, but what an exciting journey! add

How do I “come out” and when is it appropriate?   As a Mormon, is it appropriate to “come out”? Yes it is. You may not want to take out an ad in the cinema section of the Sunday paper, but you wouldn’t do that to announce your “Hetro” life either. Tell anyone who cares about you or anyone who has a need to know. As with any other personal information, where, when and with whom you tell about your sexuality is your decision solely. It’s important and healthy for you to share your feelings with appropriate others. If you feel you can’t tell your parents, talk to a friend or a bishop or someone else you trust. Sometimes, the Grandma Ruby’s of the world can surprise you. It’s possible that the people who are closest to you already know and are waiting for you to be comfortable enough to talk about it. May the Lord bless you.


  1. I love this blog. I have, maybe eight different people I am going to send the address to. It just goes to show that Mormons, regardless of public opinion, have a brains.

  2. Thankyou for making the stipulations that you do. I,like the anony before me, have several dudes I am going to send these to.

  3. Perfect timing! Going to send to some youth I know.

  4. I like your answers, for the most part. There's just one thing that I might answer a bit differently (or that, perhaps, deserves a more thorough answer...):

    Let us be clear: Any adult speaking of his or her sex life with a minor is not appropriate.

    Agreed. But let's be clear on what, exactly, constitutes "speaking of his or her sex life..."

    As you've indicated elsewhere in this post, homeosexuality is "an inclination, a positive sexual, emotional, physical attraction to [others of the same gender]" (emphasis added). Telling a minor that I'm gay is not the same thing as "speaking of [my] sex life".

    Case in point: A substitute teacher in Oregon was recently disciplined. A student had asked him if he was married, and he had replied that he was not. When asked why, he had replied that he could not legally marry because he "would choose to marry another guy". The student asked if that meant that he liked to hang out with guys, he responded "Yeah", and the conversation ended.

    The student's parents got wind of the conversation and filed a complaint. The teacher was immediately fired. (After an uproar and some media attention he was eventually reinstated, with an apology).

    Telling kids that I would marry a man if I could is not "speaking of [my] sex life" and is not inappropriate (especially if it's in response to a question from the kid).

    Telling kids what I did in bed last night (regardless of whether I did it with my wife, or a man, or an entire rugby team) is most definitely inappropriate.

  5. Fortunately, people like you – those having brains will make these stipulations, and I am glad to have you do so. Yes, there are things we can teach children about our lives and personal relationships that are honest and forthcoming. These are the conversations we wish to engender - Not the selfish inappropriate types that we know of all too well. Thanks Scott for the clarity.

  6. How many Christians do you know that do most of their business with other Christians? How many Jewish people choose to do the same thing? I don't consider this religious freedom.