Thursday, August 21, 2014

Gay men working with the youth of the LDS church

I will never work with the young men in the church, and I am truly sorry to say that.

I would like to blame this predicament on the fact that I am a flake. My flake-y-ness, after all, is legendary -- something everybody would understand. And they certainly have enough flake fodder to support that stance. Most of the negativity in my life has come from my being a flake...and arrogant. An arrogant flake  Those two attributes have been my downfall.

But no, I can't blame my not working with youth in the church on either of those. The fact that I will never work with the youth in the church has to do directly with me being gay.

I am aware of gay men in the church who have been involved with the young men organization or have been advisers to the group.  The difference between me and these men is simple.  They haven't confided in their bishop on the topic.  Either they are not confessing their past, or they don't have a past that needs confessing because they have kept any "acting out on their sexual feelings and behaviors" under control. 
Let me be clear. I know of gay men who are as active in the church as they are not active in the homosexual lifestyle/behaviors/having sex with men. To reiterate the stance of the church, being gay is not the issue. Not obeying the law of chastity is the issue.

I will not ever work with the youth due to the fact that I have spoken to my bishops throughout the years before I was married -- back when I was, frankly, loose and on the loose with my morals.  I didn't get into the incredible specifics with my ecclesiastical leaders, but I was honest about what I was doing or had done. 

The option for me to just “keep it to myself” was not an option for me.  I had to confess in order to feel the spirit of the lord consistently and overtly in my life. 
And, apparently, they kept a record that has moved on to every bishop I have had since.

If I had to do it all over again, I would confess all over again.  I cant imagine going through all my same sex issues again without having the relief and the bolstering of the spirit throughout my young-man-hood.  And still, I am sad that because of my past, I have severely limited my future, at least in this existance.

I understand where the leaders in the church are coming from, so let me be real with this. If, as a straight man and without the understanding I have developed through experence, I had a daughter as a beehive, would I balk if I knew there was a lesbian in the young women presidency? 
I don't know.  I would hope not.

Ten years ago I would have had to think about it, and maybe pray for guidance.  With my nowledge now I would still consider the matter. But I would trust in the bishop and in the spirit of the Lord that directed the calling. - knowing that this woman had vowed to following the commitments we all make to follow the law of chastity.

I have made those same commitments to follow the law of chastity. But it may be too late. There are consequences of actions – something I didn't really comprehend at the age of. 25.


  1. Ah yes, the scarlet asterisk. I've considered getting that tattooed over my heart, actually.

    I still agree that honesty is the best policy. Maybe one day repentance will really mean that while your church records were scarlet they will be as white as snow.

  2. You say nothing of the policy itself, which is to mark gays as 'dangerous to youth'. This is nothing but profiling, and a lot of BS policies handed down primarily from Church lawyers!