Preface of the new book "They That Be With Us -- The Connection Between Gay and Mormon

I am dividing the new book up in chapters and presenting them here on the blog. Feel free to comment in the notes, or contact me at calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com.

Preface:  A few principals upon which everything we believe is based

Calvin: As with most of my meaningful encounters, Julie and her husband and my wife and I were brought together by food. It was a family dinner invitation under the guise of a “get to know you”. It was over desert that we realized that we had something other than a new ward and a love for eating in common. In our own private lives, Julie and I were both dealing with homosexuality; I was gay, and she had recently found out her son was as well.

Julie and I come from dissimilar backgrounds and we have singularly different approaches to living and writing. We will not attempt to blend our styles because we hope that in keeping our unique perspectives we can act as Velcro; I have the rough edges and she the smooth soft side.  Neither side works effectively alone.

There are a few assumptions or suppositions - five, actually - that we as a team have made in the researching, writing, rewriting and subsequent reworking of this book. They are fundamental enough that each and every point we will be making is contingent on one or all of the following.

1) The first assumption is, of course, that homosexuality is somehow and to some degree an issue for you or for someone you either love or are required to tolerate.

Julie: More and more I am running into people - parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - who have someone in their immediate circle that is dealing with SGA and they are confused. As members of the LDS church we have very strong beliefs in what is right and what is wrong, but as family and friends, we hate to see our loved ones hurting and struggling with something we don’t completely understand. We need answers.

This brings us to the second principal.

2) God is God - all knowing, all powerful and unchanging. We do not know everything. Not having to know all the answers but trusting that someone has them is liberating. Answers are available, and as we grow and progress and seek truth they will be revealed to us.

Our Heavenly Father has the power to heal and reveal, to mend and make whole. He knows us and is aware of our quirks, trials, our successes and failures.  He knows what is on our I Pod and on our Google search. God, who is our Heavenly Father, loves us and wants to share with us all that He has - such as His love, His power and His knowledge. All three are quite formidable.

God’s abilities are limitless. He is able and has the means - both power and knowledge - to keep us safe. Because we know this we know that the situations we face will be for our good and are ultimately in his control. As writers and collaborators, every point Julie and I make is based on this truth and will resonate if we remember this; God has our back - even if we don’t see Him, or hear Him.

3) The third fundamental is that Jesus is the Christ, and that as our Lord and Savior He has made repentance possible. Jesus is Jehovah of the Old Testament.  He left our Father from on high and lowered himself to come to earth. He alone was the perfect man capable of carrying out the atonement - the only being “at one” - signifying the act of unifying or reconciling that which has been separated (in this case God and us)

.

The atonement of Jesus Christ was necessary to overcome both physical and spiritual death - physical death by guaranteeing our direct involvement in the resurrection, and spiritual death by providing a way for us to return to the presence of God. Because of the sacrifice of His life, all people will be resurrected. Because of His atonement, we who sin can be clean and may receive the gift of eternal life with God.

Calvin:  The Savior didn’t do it for fame, a promise of stardom, or to bind us to Him, though thankfully, we are bound. I can’t imagine being bound to someone I genuinely love and respect more. He did it because He loved us and He loved His Father.

“For behold, I...have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer...even as I”  

There is none equal to Him. We honor Him.

4) The forth indisputable fact is that Satan and his influences are real.

Julie: Satan wanted to control us from the very beginning, to compel us to worship him.  His methods haven’t changed in the many years since. While our Heavenly Father will never force us to do anything, Satan has no such scruples. He aims for power over us and to deprive us of agency.

 

Satan was a control freak in the pre-existence and he is even more so now. He traps, binds and would force us to give up our freedom so he can sift us as wheat or do as he would with us. He has an answer for all he does - a perversion for everything pure. If it exists in righteousness then he has his own version that is immoral and foul. He is not the inconsequential mischievous Halloween fodder he has been made out to be. He wants to demolish and destroy all that Father has.

What Father has is us.

Calvin: Satan is the opposite in every way from our Savior. He too has priesthood power, though his is dark and selfish. But our Savior’s priesthood power comes from our Heavenly Father and is stronger than that of the devil. I have had personal confirmation of that. When we live as the Savior has asked we have access to God’s power. Having authority through the Savior and ability to use Gods priesthood will thwart Satan’s plans for our destruction.

5) Lastly, we know that Latter-day Saint prophets speak for the Lord in our day. Christ, who is at the head of His Church, has not left us alone during our stay here on earth. He speaks to us and guides us by way of his spokesmen on earth who are modern day prophets -- just as He did in days of old. His word will be disclosed, and, “…He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.”

We believe that the words of the modern day prophets when they speak for and to the body of the church are the word of the Savior just as those contained in the scriptures.

____________________________

These are our essential suppositions -- the core issues which are the foundation of our lives and, consequently, of this book.

 

We witness to these truths. If you do not have knowledge of these certainties for yourself then come and sit on our porch for a while. You can stay as long as you choose, and you can borrow a little of our testimony until yours is stronger.

 

We have enough to share. 

Stay tuned for more of  "They That Be With Us -- The Connection  Between Gay and Mormon"

The book! Preview the Introduction

I finally wrote the book: The Big Gay Mormon Book. 

Be forewarned that it's not the Big Gay Ex-Mormon book. It's for those who are gay and Mormon; Full-fledged and true blue. I am going to post each chapter on this blog starting with the intro. I am happy for comments either at the end of each post or sent to my Gmail account calvinthompson.cal@gmail.com. 

Here goes...

They That Be With Us

Acknowledging the connection between Gay and Mormon

 By Calvin Thompson and Julie Martin

By way of introduction

No righteous person will be denied any blessings which come from God. We have no control over the heartbeats or the affections of men [or women], but pray that you may find fulfillment. And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal blessings for anything which that person could not help, that the Lord never fails in his promises, and that every righteous person will receive eventually all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited through any fault of his or her own.  - Spencer W. Kimball

Calvin: First on the list of qualifications to write this book, were I hiring someone, is that the author would have to be a Mormon -- a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He couldn’t be someone who doubted, who was half in or half out, who was fine with doctrine as it currently stands, but could see the day when “things from Salt Lake get a little out of control”.

   

A returned missionary would be nice -- one who knows his way around a road-show, a stake conference, and who has been battered around in church ball. Being born in the church would be a plus, or the budding author could make up for it by being a quick study.

He must believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ and in the restoration of the gospel. He should have gone to BYU on a musical theater scholarship as well. Knowing the cultural vernacular would be crucial to help him connect with his readers, and a love for the priesthood is not optional. He should be able to keep his sense of humor in check and his tongue occasionally in cheek.

And he would need to be gay.

I have waited years for someone to write that book -- one that sheds light on my situation. Surely, I thought, someone owning a pen or a printer has shared my same state of affairs and could put in writing their wisdom so I wouldn’t have to reinvent the proverbial wheel.

I would have worn a clever disguise into the bookstore and purchased that book. Then I would have ripped off its cover and duct taped it into my Especially for Mormons anthology and hidden it behind the oak paneling in my room. I would not have taken the chance that anyone could have seen me carry such a book around or found it in my possession and pegged me an issue man. I would have been mortified.

Issue man -- that’s what I call those like me. I gave the status that label so that I wouldn’t have to say the word “gay” even in my head.  We issue men were rarely spoken of as I was growing up and when we were we were considered a fringe element.  When I did hear the word “gay” it was associated with “perverted”, “distorted”, or “defective”.  And the word “excommunication” was never far behind.

 

So I became silent on the issue of issue men. I bottled up whatever it was that I was, and sat in on a low shelf -- not the high one where my dreams were all laid out -- my dreams of a mission call, a wife and family, and a “happily ever after”. 

When it blew up there was no time for setting issues on shelves or hiding them in closets. There were no shelves or closets left.  Slowly I had to deal with facts.  As I slowly came out it was just as shocking for my “issue” friends to discover that I had a testimony of the gospel as it was for my church friends to discover that I had this issue. The big gay issue.

  

While I waited for someone to write the book I quite unintentionally became a subject-matter expert.  I became the poster child for gay married Mormons. If I were a bit nicer looking I might have considered putting my face on the book cover. But that is not necessary.  You have someone in your life already who could be on the cover. Picture them.

Today I hold a temple recommend and I try to be worthy every day to actively use the Lord’s priesthood. I want the blessings my Father in Heaven intended for me and every other man and woman to have. When I read the scriptures or listen to conference and hear the promises made to those who follow the commandments, I count myself in.  I am the kind of person that hopes that the prodigal son can return.

So I will write of the atonement or at least my personal knowledge of it; I could jump on that trampoline all day.  And, I will write of a few of the challenges I have faced as a gay Mormon man using the words I have.

 

The pitfalls in putting this to paper are many.  I am a little nervous.

Introducing Julie Martin

If you met me at Church I probably wouldn’t stand out as any one unusual. Like most of you I struggle with my weight, worry about my children, love and support my husband and try to get my visiting teaching done before the last week of the month. I don’t always get two prayers in a day, but I try really hard to at least open my scriptures before I start cleaning up the breakfast dishes. And, I have a son who is homosexual.

For years before Sean officially came out, there were lots of signs that should have alerted his father and I to the fact that something was up, but we didn’t want to see them or even think of it as a possibility. And when at last we were confronted with the undeniable truth, my world fell apart, crashing around me like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle that had suddenly been turned on its side.

I love my son with all my heart, and yet I did everything in my power to rescue him from this homosexual thing. I argued with him, bribed him, threatened, teased, mocked and harassed. I justified these behaviors because I felt I was trying to save his life and protect our eternal relationship as a forever family. In the process I nearly destroyed my relationship with him. Eventually I had to accept the fact that there was nothing I could do to change Sean or make it all better.

I carry this secret inside of my heart, and I mourn the loss of my dreams and desires for him. I try hard to understand the choices he is making in his life, and have learned great lessons in patience and hope. But mostly, I just love my son, and I hope that however this story plays out tomorrow and for the eternities, this will be enough.

There are a lot of mothers and fathers just like me - I am finding out - trying to faithfully raise their families in righteousness while struggling with a child who’s dealing with feelings that I don’t understand.  Parents who have children who are homosexual, can feel particularly isolated. There’s a perceived dark shadow associated that is difficult to see through, and a sense of secrecy that forces us to keep our child’s problems safe from the judgment and censure of those around us. 

“Sure Sean, you can bring one of your friends to the ward pool party, but please choose one who looks more… well, one who doesn’t wear a tight tank top… okay, and wear your boring shoes. Oh, my.”

My objective in writing this book is to share the things I’ve learned over this journey, and outline a few things I still don’t get. Perhaps I can save other parents some of the needless heartache I’ve suffered through, and maybe share comfort with those who are hurting.

And now, together

According to the information we have been privy to, and based on our own personal experience, there seems to be many more in the LDS Church who are dealing with homosexuality in some respect than had been previously realized.

 

In 2010, LDS Family Services estimated that there are four or five members in every ward of the Church dealing with what they called “…same-sex attraction problems”. Usually half of those individuals are married (most are temple marriages) and have children.  From experience, Julie and I feel that these are conservative estimates.  Individuals dealing with same gender attraction in the LDS church when interviewed tend to be less vocal than their counterparts outside of the church. And these numbers do not deal with those affected by someone SGAttracted, such as a friend or relative.

Calvin: This is a good time to make it plain that both Julie and I write under pseudonyms. Personally, I am happy to be both “out” and “in”; “out” as a Mormon man who is same gender attracted, and “in” the Mormon Church with all my heart. However, we both have families who aren’t all that comfortable putting their lives on display for public examination where they would be susceptible to the whims and whines of the world.  Our family’s safety, comfort, and well-being is worth more to us than any credit/blame or personal recognition positive or negative.

 

Our families come first.

We don’t know why some individuals have a propensity toward same gender attraction -- read; are gay.  We do know that like any other challenge, Heavenly Father is willing to support and help His children as they seek to overcome or work through anything in life considered an obstacle. We make a point of this because there are those who consider homosexuality an obstacle in some way and it is to them that we write.

Regardless of your current vantage, we hope that your outlook will widen and your understanding will be increased – that you will discover something you didn’t know before reading this book, and that something will be good. There may be no amazing or startling new concepts, quick fixes or cures contained in these pages. But we can promise a lot of ideas, ways to cope and an interesting relevant story or two.

You wouldn’t be wrong in feeling that we are all in this together. 

Next is the Preface

Presidential hopeful Evan McMullin is accused of being gay

In today’s repulsive gay-LDS news, KSL is the agency reporting the latest stupidity. Here goes:

KSL claims that someone they call “a white supremacist” is financing auto-calls being made to Utah voters that are meant to call attention to independent presidential candidate Evan McMullin's alleged sexual preference.

As per KSL, "Evan McMullin is a 40-year-old Mormon who has a chance to become the first third-party candidate to win electoral votes since 1968 — and the state that may give him those votes is Utah".

In this auto call, which seems to be a “support the Donald” call, William Johnson states, "Evan is over 40 years old and is not married and doesn’t even have a girlfriend. I believe Evan is a closet homosexual."

This guy Billy Johnson is a BYU graduate, (Something I am loathe to print. Not all BYU graduates are this idiotic)  who was named by Trump’s campaign as delegate to the recent Republican National Convention.  

Oh, wait. There is more. This Johnson also says in these calls that candidate McMullin has "two mommies. His mother is a lesbian, married to another woman. Evan is OK with that. Indeed, Evan supports the Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage."

By way of fact, Evan McMullin's parents were divorced.  After the divorce his mother married a woman.

In defending his statement Johnson stated, "I said that I think he is a closet homosexual. Calling someone a homosexual is no longer defamation. Also, he is a public figure. Word on the street is that he is gay."

Of course the McMullin’s campaign has been all over the allegation, denying that there is a gay bone in the dude’s body.

"He has been on the record multiple times saying one of his greatest aspirations is to be a husband and a father. He wishes it would have happened earlier, however he spent more than 10 years in his 20's and 30's serving his country overseas in the CIA. He sacrificed his social life in order to protect the United States, and he expects to start a family of his own one day, "according to the statement.

Johnson, the guy who is making the accusation, is a “California lawyer who has been active in U.S. white nationalist circles for more than three decades” says KSL. “He has unsuccessfully run for public office as a member of various political parties and as an independent.  When Trump campaign officials blamed his inclusion as a national GOP delegate on a "database error." Johnson resigned as a delegate.”

“According to Johnson, the calls will go out to at least 193,000 residential landlines in Utah between Monday evening and Wednesday evening. He said it cost him around $2,000", said KSL quoting The Daily Beast.

Frankly, I am disgusted by the accusation toward McMillion and his mother as well as those humans who would be swayed by someones sexual preference as an indicator of his professional abilities.  

On Twitter, McMillion stated  "This attack is consistent with @realDonaldTrump's bigoted, deceitful campaign and vision for America. Utahns won't be fooled,” he tweeted.

Again, From KSL: "Donald Trump has mainstreamed and normalized white nationalists, xenophobes, and bigots of all descriptions," McMullin campaign strategist Joel Searby said in a statement. "Today isn't an outlier or an exception; it's a vision of Donald Trump's"