Friday, November 7, 2014

Does this have to do with being gay and being Mormon?

I have been helping a friend deal with an ongoing problem in his life.  (I would never give out any personal information, including name and specific circumstances, so forgive me if I appear vague.)

My friends name is Bob. (Sorry, I don't want to spend too much time coming up with a name for him.)

Bob was abused when he was a child -- something I am finding out to be unbelievably common.

As an adult, Bob has the kind of problems that you would assume.  Some post traumatic stress, trust issues, relationships issues, sexual issues -- you know the drill.  And these issues are difficult to deal with, and make being his friend unpredictable.

Then there are ongoing issues with the family he grew up in.  Obviously, by my writing this, it is obvious that he wants out. His background affects everything he does, including his relationship with the LDS church -- which he is actively pursuing.  He would like to go through the temple, etc.

Now, I know all about the atonement and how what the Lord did for us makes everything possible, but it is hard to convince Bob (did I really pick the name Bob?) that this applies to him; That the atonement includes him and his situation regardless of how evil (his word) he may feel.

I know that this is sooo not politically correct for me to ask, but how many of you, dear readers, have come from a similar circumstance?

If you comment, please feel free to keep it anonymous.



  1. Yeah, I think anonymous is good. I wonder if you are going where I think you are going, that there may be a common thread between abusive and gay. There was abusive in my early life and I am gay, but I couldn't attribute my homosexuality to my abuse. Sometimes I wonder about my memory of the events. I am gay regardless.

  2. I'm not exactly who you are looking for. I grew up in a good strong supportive traditional LDS family. I never had access to anything remotely like pornography. I had good friends of both genders growing up. Yet when I turned 12 I became infatuated with guys, fantasizing about them, pretending in my mind that I was a prostitute, imagining all kinds of ways to interact sexually with guys. Where in the world did this come from? Without any contact with the gay community, I didn't know any of the vocabulary for this stuff, but I imagined it all, anyway.

    As a very young faithful LDS kid from a faithful LDS family, I felt so guilty, sometimes. I tried to repent and never think such thoughts again, but I always slipped up. I would often think that there was no way I could be forgiven when I just kept messing up. I would never be able to have the blessings of the gospel, the blessings of the Love of God. But when I prayed, I felt His love so powerfully, that I kept going on with hope.

    Remember that when Alma the Elder was put in a position to make judgments, he went to the Lord in prayer and got this response (found in Mosiah 26):

    29 Therefore I say unto you, Go; and whosoever transgresseth against me, him shall ye judge according to the sins which he has committed; and if he confess his sins before thee and me, and repenteth in the sincerity of his heart, him shall ye forgive, and I will forgive him also.

    30 Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.

    31 And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses;

    It doesn't matter how many times or how much we sin, repentance is still available, and we can be completely forgiven, even if we betrayed trust in the past. As often as we repent, we can be forgiven. I think that because I have a strong and supportive family, it helps me to imagine God being such a loving father who wants me to succeed and will give me every possible chance to do so. I hope your friend can feel that way about our Heavenly Father, too.

    Currently, I'm an active member of the church, probably close to the same age as yourself. I'm still just as gay as ever. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the blessings of the gospel, though.

  3. I know some gay people who have come from abused childhoods (more than there ever should be) but for myself, I have no history of abuse in my life.