I can't tell you why you are gay or what may have contributed to the orientation. I can tell you this. You are gay. Ta-da! It is not your imagination and it is not a phase. You will not cure this by going on a mission, getting married or involving yourself in a city league baseball team. There are things you can do to keep the behaviors in check. Many recommend creating nonsexual relationships with men -- I am sure you have heard this before.
Some men deal with your situation by masturbating and keeping their feelings to themselves. This usually involves porn. Some people believe that porn used for this reason is OK. I do not. However, I am not as firm on an anti-masturbation stance.
You have told your wife, which I feel is a good thing. It sounds like you still have a temple recommend which means that you have not stepped out on her like many in your situation have. This is also a good thing. You are honoring the commitments you made.
I am not able to speak directly to you. For this reason I started this blog years ago so that men in my boat could connect, or at least to know that they are not alone. The gay Mormon boat seems to have compartmentalized to a point that we think we are alone in steerage.
I am confident in this advise: The Lord is aware of you and your situation. He is not hesitant to speak about it. The Spirit of the Lord will guide you to do what's right.
What is right may not be what is easiest. By the same token, it may not be what you think is the hardest. The spirit will guide you do do what is right for you and for your family. The Spirit will not lead you astray -- like people might. The Spirit is not politically correct. It does not put stock in man's rules.
You will need to ask the spirit honest questions. Frankly, I myself am to old and experienced to be asking that the Lord take this cup from me. I know why the Lord gave me this cup. Ask the Lord what you can do, what you should be learning, how to support your wife -- questions that lead you forward to action. Ask to be able to feel the promptings of the Spirit and the strength to act upon what you are told.
Things will be fair in God's time. God's time is not our time. (my time was 30 years ago) God's time includes the afterlife, and God's plans include concepts that we can not imagine.
God does not play by man's rules either. He plays by the real rules, and we do not know what those real rules are. The authors of "politically correct and cool" magazine do not know Gods rules either, though they are full up to here with man's wisdom.
In short, you may not have a choice which boat you are currently in, but there is always a choice in where you go from here.
When looking at options, find a source of knowledge that has your values and core principals-- ones that work for you, that feel right to you. Keep your mind open to knowledge and wisdom.