Thanks to the lovely and chipper Isabel Fay, I now have a little ditty to sing when I get hate mail -- and boy do I get hate mail. Earlier in my life, as some of you may know, I would have been happy to take these recent and descriptive suggestions that I currently collect. People love to give me feedback. My life has changed however and I am not as adventurous as I once was. Nor am I as flexible.
Of course, the language of this song is a little cheeky, but I love me a cheeky lyric. If you can tolerate an f word or two spoken in love, this may be the happy song of the week for you. If not then just read.
Let me be clear. This is not a Sunday School song - even in an edited version.
Well hello friend!
Thank you for your comment on my little Youtube clip!
Most people say you’re cruel and spiteful,
But you’re right, how do I sleep at night? And I am a massive pr--k.
They call you hater -- well they’re just jealous
Your constructive pearls of wisdom give me thrills I can’t deny
How will we know
if you don’t tell us
We could improve our Youtube channels by "effing off and dying”?
Some might say you are a…
Sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
Cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,
But I say: thank you beautiful stranger.
I love the way you don’t upload things
You know we’d be too dazzled by your cinematic vision
But you’re there on every comment string
Where you teach us, just like Jesus but while wanking like a gibbon. (If I knew what this was I would probably have to edit it as well)
I’m really sure that if I met you
You probably wouldn't rape me like you promised that you would.
We are like “that”; I really get you
You’re right about that laughing kid, he is a total “c---”.
(Samba instrumental) -- Because every song should have a samba instrumental
You wished me cancer and misspelled “cancer”
But I know that it’s a metaphor. You hope that I will grow,
Just like the tumor you hoped would kill me
Inside the ---- on which you said you’d also like a go.
You said that girls shouldn't do funny
But you’d ---- me double hard and let your mates go after you.
Oh what a line you lovely honey!
Are you on e-harmony? Oooo! I’ll join the queue!
Some might say you’re a…
sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,
Repeat and fade. No, really. Fade.
Please forgive me the song, but I have a rather large point. Is anything worth being this kind of hateful?