Saturday, December 27, 2014

MarMoHo-Ho-Ho or Gay Mormon, Amen

I am creating a few New Year resolutions today. I am trying to approach new year goals with the serious resolve I reserve for the scriptures, my CD collection and dessert. 

Dessert is a serious subject for those who do not drink, smoke, vote democrat* -- and for those of us mar-mo-hos who don't have sex outside of marriage.

MarMoHo, a term I created to describe my condition;  Married, Mormon Homosexual.  And we are getting a lot of attention these days. Not as much as as Into the Woods or North Korea, but a lot.

Someone e-mailed me a day or two ago with a comment.  "Why is is such a big deal to be gay, Mormon and married.  All you have to do is step out and have sex with any guy you want and then go back home to the wife and clean up."


No, that's not what we do.  We are committed men who commit to a woman, commit to our church and make covenants with the Lord to remain morally clean.  There is no sex on the DL. 

No. Just wanted to clear that up.

Back to New Years Resolutions

A lot of people I know tell me they don't believe in making resolutions for the New Year. They believe that they are just setting themselves up for failure by setting a goal that is un-obtainable, or one they know they aren't going to keep anyway.

First, why bother to set a goal you don't intend to commit to, or one that you don't think you can reach? I always think I can reach these goals. That is my charm and my downfall. If I really am serious about a goal, then dang it, I'm gonna get it done! It's not my ability that is in question.

I believe, due to my exhaustive experience in goal-failing, that success is is really based on attitude. If you, after three days of going without a Diet Coke have a complete and total meltdown and inhale a caffeinated beverage at breakneck speed suffering whiplash in the process, then yes, you screwed up. 

You recommit to the goal or make a new one. You don't just give up. You don't just say screw it, I can never give up caffeine, so why even try.

How about a goal to loose weight. I would love to loose ten pounds this year. Actually I would like to loose ten pounds this week. So I do well for several days and then, Whammo! I eat an entire Marie Calenders chocolate silk pie with pecan crust. Is it over for me? 

No freakin way. I will chase it down with a large caffeinated beverage of my choice and try it again tomorrow!

For some, trying become morally clean is a similar endeavor.  They hoard a pie and then diet for a couple weeks. This is a really funky cycle that has to be broken. 
Those who are serious enough to break the cycle and commit to a marriage are serious.  Don't mess with us. We still face challenges, but we have had huge successes also. Thank God, literally, for successes that keep us in the game.

For those who are thinking of life as a MarMoHo, remember that failure is never final. Make Heavenly Father part of the process, keep a sense of humor and try a little harder. It will be worth it.

And hand me a Diet Coke.

*Sometimes I vote Democrat.  It depends on who's suit and shoes I like better.


  1. If the issue is staying sexually faithful to your spouse, how is it any different from a man who stays sexually faithful to his husband? Same kind of temptations. Same resolve not to give into the temptations.

    1. What a good question/comment. Give me a shot at that in my next essay. - Cal