Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Why no temple marriage for gays

I am doing a lot of studying on gay marriage, traditional marriage or marriage rights -- name depends on where you stand politically.

What am I hoping to accomplish? you ask. Frankly, I am trying to peg policy in order to explain/understand. I hope to be able to explain it so that others can understand.

So I searched the church website and came upon this explanation entitled "Why Temple Marriage". It is written for the youth, so I made the supposition that it would be clear and uncomplicated. It was.

I am posting the "Reasons for Marriage" word for word as per this site. Being that you are reading an I-am-a-gay-guy-who-is-trying-to-follow-the-teachings-of-the-prophet site, I am going to comment after each paragraph concerning how this relates to gays and gay marriage.This might look at first to be subversive. I ask for your patience and indulgence.

Confidence and Support. When you get married, you have someone who will cheer you on and encourage you in doing what is right, who will lift you up each day, who will share in all your joys and sorrows. Note: Confidence and support can be given by homosexuals as well as heterosexuals.

Sharing. It is such a great blessing to share in the life of another person and someday in the life of children as well. Your and your spouse’s successes become successes for the family. Making memories together adds deeper meaning to life. Note: This is true regardless of ones gender.

Children. It brings great joy to be trusted with the care and keeping of Heavenly Father’s children. Note: Many straight couples adopt so there is precedent set. The old argument that gays aren't good parents seems to have been shot down all the way around. Gay couples historically don't have a great track record with longevity -- which could be an issue. However, straight couples staying together is on the decline as well.

Counsel. A spouse can give you good, honest advice, and you can trust it because you know it’s coming from someone who has only your best interests at heart. Gays aren't honest? Can't be an issue.

Strength. Two are stronger than one. You can strengthen and help each other to live the gospel more completely. Two gay guys are stronger together than a mixed couple. Sorry. I'm being glib, but do you see my point?

Laughter. When you know someone this well and when you really trust each other, you’ll enjoy life with laughter and humor. Gay or straight, funny is funny.

Love. Being told each day that you are loved is marvelously renewing and refreshing. I would assume it is refreshing for everyone, not just straights.

Service. There is great joy in serving one another and much more so when you do it for someone you love. Keep reading. I'll get through the next few quickly.

Friendship. You’ll have someone there with you through the good times and bad.

Trust. It is comforting to know that you are with someone who always wants what’s best for you and that you can confide in him or her without fear.

Physical and Emotional Intimacy. Marriage is a unique relationship in which the Lord binds two people in an eternal relationship whose goals include oneness, togetherness, and joy. Those supporting traditional marriage may not relate, but gay sex is considered intimacy as well. Of course, we aren't talking a one night stand or a casual fling --  just as we wouldn't consider flings in any straight relationship either. We are talking a committed monogamous relationship.

So, what is the reason that temple marriage, which is the highest form of marriage in the Mormon church, is reserved for a man and a woman and not a gay couple? The reason it isn't in found in any explanation above. And for someone to say that a certain thing should or shouldn't be simply because they don't like it or agree with it is silly.

Here is the answer as far as I am able to understand it. Our Father in heaven, through his prophets has told us that temple marriage is between a man and a woman. I do not understand fully His reason, but I firmly believe that He has one. And I believe that Father in heaven knows what's going on in the world and that he has our best interest at heart.

Therefore, I will support the church in limiting temple marriage/sealing for a man and a woman. At the same time, I will not deny gay couples the privilege to wed civilly if they choose. I will even go to their weddings and throw sorted and sanitized bird seed like I do any other wedding. I will eat their cake and wish them well, and I will treat everyone as children of our Father in heaven and leave any judgement call for Him as I am not capable or qualified to judge.

It's obedience. I do not understand the why behind it, but I know that someday I will.


  1. Well said. I hope this becomes the majority view among the average LDS believer.

    1. I think conservatives feel that if they allow others to live in a manner contrary to their beliefs that someone somewhere will hold them accountable. I don't feel that is the case. I show how I feel about the Savior by making decisions based on the knowledge that I have and allowing others to do the same. Thanks Edward for your comment.

  2. It seems to me we should separate two concepts: gay marriage and gay temple sealing. The LDS church could allow gay marriages without instituting gay temple sealings. That would allow the gay membership to develop committed, loving relationships (rather than self-imposed loneliness) without having to transform the LDS concept of eternity. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

    1. I have always thought that a committed man in a relationship was better for society that a stag of either designation. Brigham Young felt the same way (sort-a). Gays are gays and are not going to pick up and switch teams. Would we rather promote gays creating families and relationships or something else?