Monday, March 23, 2015

Am I getting Married in the morning?

Love, and a lot more was in the air when I married my wife. We married civilly over seventeen years ago under the rain-forest tree at the courthouse in Provo. She had children from a previous marriage, a union that had gone south in a hurry. That marriage should never have happened, but I'm glad it did because of the children. 

I was not a prize. I had issues - most of which I had spoken to her about.  My sexual preference we had discussed at some length.

This might be us in another 17 years.
So we raised the kids, and now we are raising a few grand-kids because we didn't do such a good job with our daughter-the-mother.  

Now, it seems like the time to get sealed in the temple as neither one of us is going anywhere. We are both living in accordance with the commandments and we both have had and have used our temple recommends for some time.  

I say, let’s do it.

So, we made the appointment with the Bishop and he agreed with us that getting sealed is something we should do. It took my wife some time to fill out the paperwork and compose a letter that she had been asked to write describing what happened and why she wishes her previous sealing to be canceled. She didn't really want to open that can of worms because of the distasteful events that lead up to the divorce.

It, in essence was canceled the moment he stepped out on her, but that is neither here or there.

And we waited. Several month later were still waiting. Turns out that the stake president had neglected to turn in the paperwork. They all had a good laugh. Not me. Not my wife.
Several more months later we get notice through our bishop that the church committee needed more information. They needed letters from our children and first-husbands mother - since he had, mercifully, died several years ago. 

The kids writing letters was not a problem. I explained to them that our getting sealed did not affect their relationship with their first dad. They were still sealed to him and to their mother. All that would happen was that their mother would no longer be sealed to first-dad and she would be sealed to me; Not a conversation that I imagine happens a lot in the LDS church.

The kids emailed their letters to the Bishop.  We waited for Mother-in-law from hell to write hers. My wife felt that the MILFH's email would hit the fan. I thought MILFH had matured enough and understood the situation well enough that she would act like a grownup.

I was wrong. MILFH drug it out, contacted our bishop and then her stake president. Finely - three weeks after the deadline - she sends her e-mail. We rolled our collective eyes at her and waited for the verdict. 

Two months later we heard from our bishop that there were questions the committee had that needed to be answered before the application could move on to the first presidency.  We set the appointment to meet with our Bishop to answer the questions.

Question number one was whether or not I had resolved my many issues. Of course the answer was yes. I had dealt with my problems with all the correct authorities and had come to resolutions in the correct, prescribed manner. In short, I had not lied to get my temple recommend.

Second question; MILFH had made allegations of impropriety in my relationship with my wife, and the committee wanted to know if the allegations were true.

I became angry. Anger, there in the bishops office.  Not only did MILFH lie to our bishop, our children and her church leaders, but she did it in writing to the first presidency of the church.  She lied to the prophet!  If I may say to you, dear reader, what a complete hag! 

Our bishop set the matter straight and told us we would be hearing from the first presidency as soon as they met over the matter.
We are still waiting. 

I get more nervous as the time passes. What if they say no?  What if they tell me that I cannot be sealed to the person I love and care for and want to take care of.  Will it make a difference in our relationship if it is for time and time only?

I think about others in my position - wanting to marry their loved one and feeling like they are waiting for approval. I have more empathy for those who are still waiting for answers. The very real fact of the matter is that the first presidency might say no.  

No, I cannot be sealed to my wife. Your repentance was not enough.  You do not have our approvalThen what?

Do I pout and leave the church?  Does my wife become bitter?  Do we become one of those stories printed in the Ensign about those who may or may not have been done wrong and left the fold?

Oh please. I am not leaving the church.  I know too much to deny what is right - even if I come in at the wrong end of things.  

I recently read a man's post that was dismissed from his church job simply for being gay - not having sex or being unchaste, just being gay. I told him it was unfair, but that some day he would know that his hanging in there was the right thing to do.  Will I be in that same boat?

I may be. However, had I been in a frame of mind to leave the church I would have used one of the many episodes having to do with me being gay and trying to be honest about it - which didn't work so well.

I say no to vacating the LDS church because "I have been done wrong" -- assuming that the worse happens. I say that we stay. I will have to spend a lot of time with my wife to let her know that the church is not to be blamed, and then focus on what I ( we) can do to be in a future position to have her cancellation of sealing exacted and our own ordnance performed. I may have to put a hit out on the MILFH.

And if we get a letter in the mail that says my sealing is a go?  I will thank the Lord and marry that girl. 


  1. You do realize that the First Presidency is pretty much non-functioning right now. There are mental health issues and health issues and only one of them is putting in a full days work every day. So don't hold your breath. You might have to wait for someone to die.

  2. If the someone who dies is the MILFH, then I am OK with that.

  3. This bites. I wondered what the hold up was because you mentioned the wait a number of times before. It's more proof that God uses humans to (eventually) accomplish his work.

    I can't imagine that you would not soon get the go-ahead.

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  5. I will be interested to hear how this turns out for you, and I hope that it turns out as you want.