Saturday, March 21, 2015

Darwin and the gay bulldog

T.H. Huxley was a Victorian biologist who was a vigilant supporter of evolution -- so much so that he became known as “Darwin’s bulldog”. Though they were not social active - there was not much by the way of having a little lunch together -- Huxley is listed as one of pallbearers in 1882 at his mentors funeral.

Regarding Darwin's work, the bulldog commented;

“In scientific work, those who refuse to go beyond fact rarely get as far as fact.”

I have no idea what that means. What I get from it up front is that those who aren't able to really look at and study don't come up with answers? No, that's not it. 

Those who aren't willing to allow for the unknown won't really understand the known? Maybe that's it. If that is the case, then I might be able to find out a few things.  I am certainly willing to allow for things I don't know.

I am a MarMoHo, a gay Mormon man who is married to a woman and who strives to stay worthy of a LDS temple recommend. The odds are that my marriage to my wife is not going to work out and that it will end in divorce.

A popular study recently completed -- one focusing on those in my position -- has come to the conclusion that I am doomed. It states that between 51% and 69% of so-called "mixed-orientation marriages" between Mormons end in divorce.  By way of comparison approximately 26% of all Mormon marriages end in divorce.

More than 70% of LGBT or "same-sex attracted" -- the term used by those who acknowledge they are sexually and/or romantically attracted to members of the same sex but don't identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual -- Mormons end up leaving the church, either on their own volition or through excommunication.

At first I took aim at the stats and tried to discredit them. I read them over and looked for anything I could find that supported my stance. I looked to confirm my bias.

Just for the record, my bias is that if the Lord, through the holy spirit has told me that the course I am following is a correct course for me, I will continue to follow it - regardless of the stats, odds, wisdom of scholars or John Delan.

Bit of a tangent:  Do you feel that current wisdom conflicts with your goals or your aspirations?  What do you do about that?  It that even an issue for you? I freely admit that what may or not work for me, what the spirit has confirmed for me may not be what is best for you. Are you able to find strength in what the spirit revels to you? 

Mr. Dehlin was the one that instigated the study. I didn't just pick his name out of the hat. And, as much as I hate to say it, the study is correct. I do belief that the study is a representation of what the currents trends are and it corroborates what I have seen in my years of observing and sometimes participation in the LGBT Mormon community. As much as I think Mr. Dehlin is wrong on so many other issues, his stats here are correct.

The facts of the matter tell me that the odds are not in my favor.

I don't care.  I have been married for fifteen plus years.  We are working on being sealed in the LDS temple.  I don't take the marriage or the sealing lightly and I am committed to making it work.


  1. To be honest, I find it really sad how LDS could treat the one's that are attracted to the same sex different. YOU CAN'T HELP WHO YOU ARE!! To live in a lie that, will end up in depression, broken, lost. It's not RIGHT how LDS could close the doors on the people that has feelings for the same sex.. I was a Mormon at one point, and I found it unfair! Instead of accepting and welcome people for who they are, they end up getting judged. GOD going to LOVE his children no matter how they are.. Sorry, if I don't make sense, but it gets me mad as hell! How people can't accept people for who they are!!

    1. Thank you for your comment. I agree with you. As far as how we treat each other, ones gender preference or attraction does not dictate ow someone should be treated. We should treat everyone with respect. However I think you are going somewhere else with your comment. Mormons do not close their doors on the GLBT community. Mormons are trying to be accepting of those who are different than the norm. Frankly, Mormons are not the norm either. We are all different. There are Mormons who are unkind and judgmental or who place themselves over others. This is not what we strive for and is wrong. God does love all of his children, and we should show others that love by how we act.

    2. You're welcome! By any chance have you watch a movie called (The Falls )? It's about these 2 elders. If not, watch it. It has 2 parts to it. The 1st one is called (The Falls) 2nd one is called (The Falls : Testimony of Love) If I'm right. Then you'll know why I said what, I said about the LDS. I feel like instead of the world hating on people that has feelings for the same sexs. Should be worried more about other stuff in the world that's happening this very moment. I believe HATE is a strong word.. I wish there was less of it!! :(

  2. Yes it is sad. But... Don't load it all on the LDS Church and people - there are still a great many people of all persuasions that have trouble accepting folks who are somehow different. As with all other human organizations, the LDS Church is made up of flawed and imperfect people. That is both its weakness, and its strength.

    The Church is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ - however it is the human organization through which that Gospel is taught and administered on Earth.

    1. The church and the Gospel are not synonymous. Thank you for your comment. The LDS church is made of people, who are trying to better themselves by living the Gospel as taught by Jesus Christ. The gospel is lived by may others as well - all trying to be kind, loving and caring. All are met with varying degrees of success. I hope that we are all trying to overcome and allow others to do the same.

  3. Be very careful when putting trust in these numbers. Mr. Dehlin used a technique called snowballing to find his sample population. This technique is VERY prone to bias. While I'm certain that MarMoHos are more likely to get divorced (probably in numbers that are statistically significantly) given the sampling method it is quite possible this number is much lower than reported in here. It's great that a study like this may keep some MoHos from thinking marriage will "cure" them. I just worry that a study like this might cause a MarMoHo whose marriage is already weak to think divorce is the best option.

  4. Thank you, Mike. I will have to look up snowballing. Chances were slim to begin with. I'm OK with that. I am one of those that believes even with the odds at a million to one - there is still a chance.