BYU is not invited into the Big Twelve. And it's all because of Gays

BYU is not invited into the Big Twelve. It's official

Before anyone bursts a blood vessel, no team was invited to join the Big Twelve.

Publicity stunt?  Pressure from the "bigs" in broadcasting?  Who knows.

On paper, BYU looked good - huge market, travel well, competitive in football and basketball, national attendance records at home and most impressively, away -- all on the cougars side. 

The one minus was the honor code. Yes, the honor code - that thing that for years made BYU stand out from the party universities. That badge of honor that kept blue chippers from signing at a stone cold and dry program -- may have been what stood in the way of BYU being invited to the Big Twelve. BIG SURPRISE!

Looks a little gay ...

So not a surprise. The honor code was reported by SB Nation as being discriminatory "against LGBT students and victims of sexual assault, which makes the issues all the more difficult to fix because they run more deeply than merely with the school itself."

Quotes by SB Nation are in italics:

"Hell, student-athletes can't even wear a beard at BYU" the article continued. "Are beard-wearers discriminated against, then? Can a school have any kind of behavioral code, anymore, without claims being brought against it?"

Again, this is SB Nation: "The answer is that, yes, in fact, beard-wearers are being discriminated against and while that type of discrimination may seem benign, it’s not, because it’s only one small example of larger and much more dangerous discrimination happening at BYU."

"So the larger answer is that, yes, a school can have whatever type of behavioral code it wants, as long as it doesn’t discriminate against students, especially students in communities that already suffer from an incredible amount of discrimination from other elements of society."

Just for the fact checkers, BYU Honor Code decries premarital sex - opposite gender or same gender. This is the homosexual behavior that the code speaks of. One can be gay and attend the university. However, the same standard applies for all students. There is no premarital sex allowed.  Frankly, I don't know if a person married to one of his same gender would be allowed to attend the university. In the honor code there is a qualification that a student must be active in their church and attend regularly. I suppose that if that criteria is met then such a student would be allowed into the school.  And the law would be the same for him or her -- no sex outside of marriage.

I am not blindly supporting the honor code. It does mention that handholding and kissing is not permitted by those of the same sex -- hand holding and kissing not necessary being precluders to premarital sex.  However, any straight couple sitting on a bench at the Marriott center who is snogging would be asked to stop or leave the premises. So it would be interesting to hear from someone with actual same-sex-snogging experience here. 

Moving on...

"And if the behavioral code serves as a reporting barrier for sexual assaults, then it is not acceptable and needs to change to follow federal guidelines. That’s not an opinion, that’s the law." SB continues.  I don't understand what is going on with sexual assaults, so I will comment on this later.

um, hum

Is it the law?  Has the SB Nation not heard of religious freedom?  BYU is not an open school. It is not subsidized by tax dollars in any way. It is a private institution, and private institutions run by churches invoke religious freedom. They have the right to set standards. They have the right to say no beards, no short-shorts, no drinking, no sex outside of marriage for anyone gay or straight. And go to church.

"The Big 12 should avoid the potential for future scandals and decline to invite BYU into the league until such a point at which the school can reform the Honor Code to be inclusive of LGBT students and properly follow Title IX guidelines in dealing with victims of sexual assault" says the article.

Let me add another suggestion.  BYU should find a way to thrive in the world of college football without lowering it's standards. If that can eventually be done in the Big 12, then congratulations.  If not, then move on.  BYU has the freedom to set honor code standards.  They have the right to deny us entrance into their club.

Does BYU Sports need their club?

Windows in doors -- and other preventions

Today is a decent day for anyone associated with the LDS church -- especially if you have kids.  

Mormon officials have released a new document outlining its standards for preventing child sexual abuse in its congregations. The statement is on its Mormon newsroom website.

It's the least we can do

I think that it is important to mention that this is not a new direction for the church. These standards have been in place for some time. I had these rules explained to me when I was called as a primary teacher years ago with my wife. I was instructed that we were a "team." 

Subtle. I was told that if I was ever alone with the kids that I should grab the nearest female primary worker or anyone in a skirt -- and by grab I mean get their attention and politely call them over. It was canon even then: 

• Fire drill, 
• Stick to the manual
• No sugar treats (Didn't follow that one. Give the child a treat at the end of class as a reward and the parents have to deal with the sugar rush.)
• Keep the kids safe

It pains me to say that am not new to the world of abuse. In my social working days, I knew all the rules of dealing with children -- especially children who had been abused: Leave the doors open, do not wander off even if you are having a heartfelt talk with a kid, do not be alone with an adolescent, know the difference between an adult psyche and an adolescents, don't be stupid.

This was standard practice twenty years ago. Even so, when I was reminded of these same standards by a church lady in flats, I confess that I was a little offended. Men were singled out as abusers.

Well, it's time to face facts, and the fact is that the chances of an abuser being a woman are slim. As an LDS man and a father, I will gladly live with a bruised ego for the opportunity to protect a child from potential abuse.

A day in paradise?... or more

I recently I read a facebook post where the guy posting lamented the loss of one of his church friends to the "other side".  Let me be specific. His friend, a member of the church, set his priesthood aside and decided to have sex outside of the priesthood marriage covenant.

Who doesn’t know someone who has done the same thing -- left the church for a gay relationship. I do. 

I strive to be supportive and celebrate their agency and their choice.*  I try to put a positive spin on it -- just like I try to do with everything. I am glad if they are happy and sad if they are not.  I wish them well and our friendship takes no hits.

Then I analyze the heck out of it.  I try to find the takeaway for me – what can I take from this experience that will strengthen me?

The first thing that used to cross my mind was, why does he get to when I can’t?  Immature, huh?  At least that was my thought process years ago. I would see someone in a committed relationship or other (guy/guy) and think, what the heck!  Here I am trying to starve myself and others around me seem to be gorging. 

Did I make the right choice? I thought.  Will I ever be as happy as they appear, or as sexually fulfilled as that looks like from my vantage? Will someone ever think I am attractive and want to have me like I want to them?

I don’t know about the rest of the gay Mormon world. Maybe they had everything figured out and I just didn’t get any of the memos. I really used to struggle.

With all of this in mind, let’s step aside and play the game that all the cool kids are playing. If a hot guy (depending on your orientation, folks) from outer space dropped out of the sky and you could do anything you wanted and no one would evereverever find out, what would you do? Would you have sex with him?

Years ago my answer may have been quite different than what it is now. I would have said yes because what I wanted at that time overcame everything else. I was more than a little myopic then. 

Here is what my answer is.today.  Unequivocably, no.

Here is the reason for my answer. I have a better understanding of the priesthood, and I understand my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know that He, knowing way more than I could pretend to know, wants what is best for me.  I know that the commandments He has set up – the things He asks of us – are for our benefit. My benefit. Knowing this, I can sacrifice something that appears good for something that I know is better.

Are there other paths that can bring pleasure and happiness while we are on earth? Yes, there appear to be. I will not deny that they looked good to me years ago. I will not bemoan or begrudge anyone their day with a guy from outer space if that is what they choose. Many fall into that category. But that is not my choice, and I feel that the prophets have been clear in stating the will of God.

The trillion dollar question is, will Hugo (that is what I named him) and all he represents get me where I want to be?  For me, with all that I know and hope to know, the answer is no.

 

I want more than a proverbial day with Hugo. I want more than a year or two or twenty with Hugo. I want what Heavenly Father has. I believe that what Heavenly Father has is better than disobeying him with Hugo -- as enticing as life with Hugo may look.

I am going to take Heavenly Father at his word. I will do what it takes in this life to have what He promised me I can have. With that goal in mind, I would be a fool to not follow his advice, walk his path, obey his commandments.

Here is the treasure map.  Now, ignore it and go another direction.

To that end, I trust priesthood power and authority. I know that the leaders of the LDS church have His authority. When they say that Jesus Christ is the way, I follow that way.  I make a decision based on what I know. 

*If you are a new reader to this site you may not know that I am referring to their choice to live a gay lifestyle, not to be gay. Being gay is not a choice anyone made in this life. I am gay. It was not a choice that I made. Where I go from here is my choice.