Are revelations ready for us? Will we be ready?

I try to keep tabs on world events that have ties to what I am trying to accomplish at GayMormonMan/PriesthoodMen; which is to support homosexuals as worthy of love while following the teachings of the latter day prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. With that end in mind... 

News agencies reported last week that Catholic leaders had taken down their "welcome all ye gays" shingle. 

Don't you believe it. The "welcome all ye gays" shingle had not been hung. It hadn't even been painted, at least not in the sense the press was referring to. 

There was a document that was created weeks ago and released to the media that supported allowing gays to marry in the church/with the churches blessings. Last weeks meetings in the Vatican to ratify the document were spearheaded by Pope Frances. The document was actually written by Monsignor Bruno Forte at the Pope's request. Monsignor Forte is known for supporting those who are in what has come to be known as an "irregular" union -- read, gay marriage.
  

Once the document was written the Pope put out a call to clergy of importance to attend  a conference to have the document voted on and signed into "doctrine", or as a representation as the Catholic churches position on a number of different topic -- treatment of gays in the church one of them. 

The current policy allows that "People with homosexual tendencies must be welcomed with respect and delicacy."  

US based DignityUSA said in a statement at the end of last week: "Unfortunately, today, doctrine won out over pastoral need. It is disappointing that those who recognized the need for a more inclusive Church were defeated." 

(It was defeated by a clear margin in a vote. The men voted on what would be considered their doctrine.)

By "inclusive" I am assuming that they mean allowance of gay marriage as church policy.

Marriage between a man and a woman is still taught as the norm by Catholics, and same sex marriage is not acceptable Catholic doctrine -- meaning that gay people may not marry in traditional Catholic settings and they may not take communion. Speaking of, another controversial topic, that of communion being available to divorced and civilly remarried Catholics failed to make the cut to accepted doctrine as well.

The 118-62 vote on what is being called "the gay section" is considered by Catholic liberals to be a protest by progressive bishops who refused to sign off on a watered-down compromise. 

The draft presented was considered by Catholic conservatives to represent an overly progressive point of view, one held by a political minority. It should be pointed out again that while Catholic conservatives believe that gay sex is "intrinsically disordered," homosexuals are to be respected.  Marriage, however, should only be between a man and woman.

In an unexpected gesture after the voting, Pope Francis approached a group of journalists waiting nearby in press areas to thank them for their work covering the event

 "Grazie tante" -- "Thanks to you and your colleagues for the work you have done," the Pope said. "Christ wanted his church to be a house with the door always open to welcome everyone, without excluding anyone."

The bottom line:  I believe that these are good men who are doing their best to meet the needs of their church. I appreciate opening up conversations and attempts at appropriate transparency and the effort to respect everyone.

By the same token, I am glad that the LDS church is led by a prophet of God who speaks for him and is able to receive communication from him. The Church is lead by Jesus Christ, and he alone is at the head. I firmly believe this.  

I pray that we may be worthy as a people to accept the revelations that He may have ready for us. Even if the revelation is as simple as follow the prophet.

Dear Ann Lande... Brother Thompson

Dear Brother Thompson,

My 18 yr old son listened to me talk with a relative about her relationship with a man she had kept a secret from her mother for over a year. I explained that she should tell her mom about him. It is extremely painful when parents are shut out of the things that are most important in their children’s lives. On the ride home my son highlighted those comments, and used it as an opportunity to tell me what I have known about him for years: he is attracted to men.

He was a little taken aback at my response. No shock, tears, or anger. I had to laugh a little and explain that I have been aware for a long time.  My son said he was a little uncomfortable with how well I knew him.  That I knew what was going through his head and heart before he did. I tried to reassure him that I can’t read his mind, but that the Spirit has always been a strong guide -- not to mention that I am his mom and I love him fiercely.

My husband has several brothers and in the past 2 years all his brothers had one child come forward saying they have same sex attraction. Only 1 of brothers handled the announcement maturely. My husband is the only one of the 5 brothers that remains active in the church. I have been helping my husband over the years prepare for this day. 

This is Abby from Dear Abby. There is no
resemblance whatsoever.

When first married he had very rigid views and had little tolerance for homosexuality. He is no longer the same man in that respect, and I am eternally grateful the Lord has softened his heart and opened his mind. I am not worried at all about how that conversation will go when he returns next week from being out-of-town.

Let me tell you my son’s hopes and and maybe then you can help me with resources to support him. He has always been grounded in the gospel, his faith unwavering. He always wanted to serve a mission, until yesterday.  He still wants to hold the priesthood and have a temple marriage. He wants to follow Heavenly Father’s plan. He recently spoke with one of his gay cousins, and friends at school. He was discouraged with their reactions because they want him “embrace” his feelings and live freely as a gay man. He said he doesn't feel happiness when he thinks of that life.

I asked many candid questions and this is what I know:

-He no longer feels “worthy” to serve a mission, although he has not acted on any of his feelings. He states being with just men for 2 years has not been a concern to him.

-He wants to have an eternal marriage with a wife and children, but feels that a woman could not love him if he is attracted to men, and that he could not give her the love and security she needs for the same reasons.

-At this time, he is repulsed by any type of intimate relationship, male or female. He can’t imagine being that close to anyone. I tried to reassure him that when he finds the right person it will be much easier.

-He has gone on dates with a few girls, but never had a “girlfriend”. 

We live in an area where being LDS is a minority, and the gay and lesbian community is well supported and accepted. We purposefully chose to live here many years ago for multiple reasons,but one was to give our children exposure to multiple cultures, lifestyles, and to help them become more well-rounded and tolerant of differences within all people. 

I don’t believe his environment made him, I knew this about him before we moved 8 years ago.

I have tried to liken his situation to alcoholism. Some members of the church are really attracted to alcohol, but they choose not to partake to keep their blessings.

I also had him watch the dinner scene from The Family Stone. When I watched it for the first time many years ago I was a hot mess and cried long after the movie was over. I knew then that I had to be sure to tell my son that he IS NORMAL when the day came, and I did. I also reminded him that the trials he has been given are no more difficult or easier than anyone else's, just different. 

I asked if he would like to trade trials with me, and without hesitation he declined, and we laughed. I reminded him that the Lord has made his faith strong and that he was given this because he is so faithful. What others view as a weakness will be his strength. Just to be clear, I have reassured him that we will love him however he decides to live his life. I told him that he can’t “pray it away”, and to forgive anyone that tries to tell him to do so. I did encourage him to pray for strength and guidance and to follow the Lord’s will to live the life the Lord wants him to.

Your blog was the first one I came across. Honestly, I am a little concerned where my searches for support will lead me. I want to find ways to support him and give him the resources and information that he cannot get from is friends and cousins since at this time he is committed to remain a faithful member of the church.

I want to ask very personal questions like:

How do you maintain your membership and not feel “unworthy” as my son does? 

How does your family support you?

How does your relationship with your wife affect your feelings, and your feelings affect her?

Obviously, I don’t expect you to answer such personal inquiries. I just want to give him evidence that he can have a full and meaningful life with healthy relationships and achieve his goals while being a faithful servant and Son of Heavenly Father. I think his hope is just a flicker and I want to give him fuel to make it a raging fire before it goes out altogether and he becomes lost in this life and the next.

Again, we love and support our son unconditionally. I am basing my inquiries on what he has expressed to me to be his desires.

Thank you for sharing your trials and using it to serve and help others.

Dear Sister Doe,

What a freakin' wonderful letter on so many levels. You are a kind, respectful, responsible and loving parent. You hit the key -- for me at least -- of overcoming anything we believe to be a challenge. (Yes, being gay and Mormon at the same time is a challenge. Frankly, I hear that being straight and Mormon at the same time can be a challenge).

The key was when you wrote "I did encourage him to pray for strength and guidance and to follow the Lord’s will to live the life the Lord wants him to."  

This is exactly the right thing. God has a plan for us. He is smarter than we are and has infinitely more power. If we can control the natural man regardless of our sexual inclination we can have eternal life. Being gay and being a card-carrying temple recommend holding Mormon requires sacrifice. 

He will have to choose to not have gay sex.  It is a hard decision to make, and even when it is made, hormones kick in and so does the internet and sometimes resolve dissolves.  And if a mistake is made, the adversary says, ah, just give up.  Everybody else thinks you should. Be true to yourself! (as if anyone but you and the Lord knows what you truly are and can make that call.)

I love your questions!  I am not shy, and I am happy to answer.

How do you maintain your membership and not feel “unworthy” as my son does?  I'll tell you why. I feel worthy because of the atonement. The Savior knows all about the indiscretions of my youth (a nice way of saying that I really screwed up). I used to feel that my sin was somehow not as good or as valid as someone else s sin.  Yes, I felt inadequate even in sinning.

Let me tell you and your son now that you are enough.  The savior took on his sins as well as yours and mine.  You are enough for him.   

How does your family support you?  It's my wife that is my major supporter. I have committed to her in every way. We are a team. Our sex life isn't worthy soap opera fodder, but we get by, and we excel in so many other areas. My brothers and sisters support me fully. Some are members of the church and some are not, but it doesn't matter to anyone of them. My dad -- who is little old school -- doesn't talk about it, but I don't bring it up with him much either.  Explaining it to my kids might be fun to watch when it happens.

How does your relationship with your wife affect your feelings, and your feelings affect her?  I believe that you are talking about sexual feelings, so I will re-phrase your question. How does your relationship with your wife affect your sexual feelings, and your sexual feelings affect her?  

Good question. I am gay. I am not bi. I am not still deciding or waiting for the right guy. I am not looking for a guy. I am not watching the polls to see if what I am doing is PC or approved by TLC or GLAAD or any other organization whether liberal or conservative. I have been married for over fifteen years and I have never regretted it. As readers know, I am in the process of getting sealed to her - something we have both thought through thoroughly -- fifteen years worth of thorough.  

I am sure that many men see something they are physical attracted to. I am the same. As men, we don't dwell, we don't check out what's out there.  We don't porn or try to have things both ways. We remember our commitment to our wives, our families and our God. Sometimes this involves tongue biting and hymn singing, but we are honorable men who are looking at our big picture. We certainly do not put anyone else down for their choice and we expect the same treatment. 

My wife and I talk about it often. There is a bittersweet edge for her certainly, but she is still my wife and I am her husband, and we are pleased with our choice. 

As far as where to look for support, is it trite to say the scriptures, church leaders, home teachers, family, church and prayer?  Maybe a bit. Look at it this way. Church is for people and their lives and challenges. We all have things we are working out in the Mormon church, not just gay people. Having said that, I personalty revere Ty Mansfield and his organization. I do not feel they are simply one sided. 

Again look to the spirit to be directed to holy sources for help.

Either one of you can E-mail me. And please tell your son that we love him and that it is OK to stop feeling guilty for something he didn't do.   

I R chipper

I received this e-mail and I thought I would answer it on the blog:

I really enjoy reading your blog.  Among the moho blog authors I've read, you stand out as on of the more "chipper".  I see a lot negative self-examination among mohos (myself included) yet you seem maintain a very positive attitude despite what some might see as trying circumstances,. Do you agree?

If so, to what do you ascribe this? The gospel?  Your faith?  Prozac? (You mentioned it in some blog entries.) Other?  All of the above?

I hope it's not an offensive question.  I ask as a peer who has much to be thankful for and knows better, yet feels life is pretty much a waiting game at this point.

Thanks!

-A reader

I have been told this before, that I am a "happy guy". I think it is due to that fact that I am... get this, a happy man.  I have dealt with a lot of stuff and I have come out on top so far.  

This is not to say that I don't look at things I have done in the past and cringe, and want to pass out from embarrassment or shame.  

If they show a video of my life, someone is going to have to severely edit this motha' before general audiences sit down for a viewing. I could end up being the Harvey Keitel of the afterlife.

There were easier ways...

I have really screwed up.  And maybe that is why I smile.  I have seen the other side.  I see a bit of it everyday still, and I try to walk past it to something different, something of my choosing.

I have chosen to give up stuff in exchange for other stuff that I wanted more.  The choices I made set well with me.  I feel good about them.  And while I am feeling pretty good about choices I have made, I also feel good about letting others make different choices without trying to convince people that my way is the only way.

Frankly, if you have read a little of my writing, my way is a little bizarre so you might want to try it another way to arrive at your own, unique and joyful result.

There were days I spent around bathrooms and locker rooms at BYU, or waiting for someone to pick my up from the police station -- or on a good day being in priesthood meeting with all the real guys knowing that I would never really fit in.

Well, I fit in just fine, thank you, and I am pretty happy about that.

  

  

Favorite Conference Talk - SGA Related

OK, get this.  My favorite talk of the October General LDS Conference compared my life to the Titanic.

Well, not my life exactly, but pain and suffering and all the things I think I am quite familiar with.  Frankly, there have been times when I equated being gay with pain and suffering. Birthdays, new years resolutions, pleas in the temple - all focused on some how god reversing the gay thing.  It was the only focus of my life.  And I think I missed out on so many other things because I was caught up in my being same gender attracted.  Though those days are behind me.  And though I have other things to worry about currently, I still got so much out of Quintin L. Cooks talk.

Ok, it's a little funny

Titanic thing aside, he spoke of enduring, and that sometimes what we see as a tragedy, in the big picture, is something helpful to our souls.  Here are a few quotes that I love.

"...those that appear disadvantaged through no fault of their own are not ultimately penalized."

"...all wrongs will be righted and we will see with perfect clarity and faultless perspective and understanding."

"Righteous, prayer and faith will not always result in Happy Endings.  In mortality, many will experience severe trials."

This thought may be where the titanic logically comes into the picture., but he ends the talk with...

"The atonement covers all the unfairness of life."

Here is the link to his talk if you are interested - special bonus -  you don't even have to read!
http://lds.org/general-conference/watch/2011/10?lang=eng&vid=1196103073001&cid=10

This is neither here nor there, but I got the chance to sing in the priesthood session with an area priesthood chorus.  There were 350 of us, so its not because of my excellent voice.  But it was still cool to see the prophet and be a part of the meeting. 

Here is the link:  http://lds.org/general-conference/watch/2011/10?lang=eng&vid=1192646403001

Changing Minds

Pigs are flying

Barry Goldwater changed his mind, but not until the senate was in his rear view mirror.  He was quick it say, later in his life  "You don't have to be straight to shoot straight," and he was quoted this week by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., who himself has been off and on in his support of the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.


I myself don’t ever plan on joining the military, though I am becoming found of the fitness programs. Had I ever been “all that I could be” I would have been torn between job security and personal integrity. I have not been one to advertise my sexual attractions or preferences (other that the occasional anonymous blog and the fact that my co-workers have never seen me wear the same shoes in the same month.)

Regardless of my personal affiliations with the military (or lack there-of) I am pleased with the result of this weeks voting. The Senate on Saturday voted to allow homosexuals to openly serve in the military, repealing the 17 year old Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

But today ( as long as it doesn’t affect/undermine the troops fighting ability and after a 60 day waiting period could serve in the army or be a sea-man because DADT is a thing of the past. Though once the hype and the parades are over, I don’t see much happening differently. There will be no comings on, there will not be any uniform adjustments or color changes

Obama said in a statement after a test vote cleared the way for final action. "It is time to recognize that sacrifice, valor and integrity are no more defined by sexual orientation than they are by race or gender, religion or creed."

The Senate vote was 65-31. The House earlier had passed its identical version of the bill with a 250-175 vote on Wednesday.

Since the 1993 law was created 13,500 members of the military have been dismissed from service.

Advocacy groups who lobbied hard for repeal (and who were ready for a protest of protests)  called the vote as a significant step forward in gay rights. The Service members Legal Defense Network hailed the repeal as the "defining civil rights initiative of this decade."

It was seventeen years too late for my taste.  Thank heaven for changed minds.