The gay Mormon man and the Bishop's interview

The LDS Bishop’s interview experience is getting a lot of press lately. I would be a little freaked out by it as well as it is explained by those who have not been through the process. It is not going into a locked room with an older man and talking about sex. Let me speak of my experience.

This isn't me, by the way.
Goes to show that there is usually a desk between the two.

I went through that interview every two years from the age of 12 on, and again when I went on a mission x two: Bishop and Stake President. On top of that, I was interviewed several times – once with my parents present when I was baptized at the age of eight. As a family we had yearly interviews with the bishop. And I have had an interview every two years since my mission to get/maintain a temple recommend.

The interview in question is to establish worthiness to enter the temple or to be advanced in priesthood authority and responsibility. My understanding is that the same questions are asked girls as they are advancing through various young women organizations. There isn’t a separate interview for girls or boys. It is the same interview.

Yes, there are questions about whether or not one is morally clean and yes, they were a little embarrassing for me to answer. I was never unduly uncomfortable in the interview with one exception: The very mention of the word masturbation made me want to pass out. This was the late seventies and I was not hip.

On my LDS mission I was assigned the task to interview potential members of the church for baptism. I realized that I was uncomfortable with those words as a leader as well.   
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I was raised a Mormon. Worthiness interviews are part of the culture and still are.  As a husband and a father I have been asked by a family member to accompany them to such interviews. Of course I said yes, and I went with them to their scheduled appointment. Sometimes I got a funny look from the leader doing the interview. Most times there was not a bump. And this was years ago before any of this #metoo came to light.

Anyone can be accompanied by an adult or a family member if they so wish. And they have always had the ability to have someone accompany them.  It just hasn’t been part of the culture. But culture can change and is already changing. And yes, leaders can always be more sensitive to feelings of he/she being interviewed.

However, the law of chastity is clear and must be followed before anyone can attend the temple or advance in the priesthood. The questions won't change for content, though they might go through a revision of sorts for clarity. There are questions that need to be asked. "Are you morally clean?" is one.

I hear from some that the interview can be problematic. I get that. I hear that there has been abuse by some bishops. My experience in the church is that these are one-off scenarios.  They are not the norm. And in a culture that is becoming hyper-aware of potential for abuse, they will be fewer and fewer.  And that is as it should be. Should this conversation be happening?  Yes.

Here is the rub: You may or may not agree that this is a question that Mormon leaders have a right to ask. I think they do. You may feel that someone being interviewed has the right to refuse to answer. I agree.  However, someone who is not morally clean can’t get a temple recommend, and the structure is clear.

The latest LDS-gay thing.

The current "thing" (I like current things -- especially when the thing is a change for the good) seems to be that gays are welcome into LDS church. Cool. One Bishop went so far as to call his congregation the house of friends.

Tangent: I am gay and I have been welcome in the church for years. Most people haven't advertised these personal issues until lately  - when every issue is Facebook-ed and social media-ed to death.

Fill 'er up

Let me state that again. Gay people are welcome to come to church. They are welcome to attend Sunday school and the auxiliary meetings as well as sacrament meeting. They are welcome to leave their kids at nursery -- like everyone else. Their teens are invited to attend young men’s, young woman’s, and primary as well.

One does not need to pass a temple recommend interview to participate in LDS services and activities. All sinners (keep yer pants on and keep reading) are allowed and welcome to come to the Mormon church. All of us are sinners. Therefore, come on down, every single one of you.

I am trying to look at this practically, and so I have this question: Will people come to church who aren’t looking for a temple recommend? The answer to that is yes. There are many in the church that are "active" in the day to day dealings of the church with out a recommend. There are many who need what the church has to offer without wanting to go to the temple. There are those who would like to eventually, but who are waiting to get their recommend signed on their own time. Some are'nt seeking one. Some choose to not follow the structure that would have to be followed in order to have their recommend signed: chastity, word of wisdom, tithing, regular attendance, or a number of things.

The message to the members of the church is that we accept all.  We invite all to come sit with us and worship the Savior. Whether or not one has a temple recommend is a deeply personal thing, and it is not my place or anyone elses to walk around and keep tally.

(As a FYI, there are jobs in the church that one does not need to pass a temple recommend interview for.)

Gays are welcome in the church. However, those who act on their homosexual inclinations are not allowed a temple recommend. In order for this to be clear, one has to understand that the LDS church differentiates between gay feeling and inclinations, and gay behavior.

Example: I have gay inclinations. I am attracted to men. I am gay. However, I currently -- and for the last 18 years -- have stayed away from gay behaviors.  I do not have sex with a man.

With this in mind, gay people are asked to follow the same structure outlined for everyone. A specific sexual orientation is not required, but being morally clean is.

It remains to be seen whether MoHo's, those so inclined and the sexually active, will choose to come to church. If they do, will they be welcomed?

I would hope so.  In my experience I always felt a little self-conscience when I was going to church as a disfellowshipped Mormon, or at times when I was actively not pursuing a temple recommend. Some may not feel welcomed. Our job, however, is to drop the judgement calls concerning others and to extend a hand to everyone.

My favorite L word

OK, I admit that she has been at the top on my list for a long time now, but I think that she is now, and will be for all time, my favorite Lesbian.

This video actually made me cry like a fat 47 year old baby