The King and I and the dangerous book

I recently read an interview with Broadway director Bartlett Shere who directed South Pacific and is in previews for The King and I with Kelli O'Hara. Something in the interview seemed to coincide with a thought of mine. Here is the part of the interview that got me thinking:

Question: In The King and I, we see Anna teaching girls. That seems revolutionary, especially in light of the Nicholas Kristof remark that I know you find inspiring: that in our day the most dangerous thing in the developing world is the education of women -- giving them books.

BShere: For me this is rooted in the story of Tuptim. We need to make clear that she represents a tributary relation between Burma and Siam, a sexual gift to ensure an alliance. That is the root of a deep and profound injustice. In "The Small House of Uncle Thomas," we learn that Tuptim is the more sophisticated one in regard to power dynamics, and is challenging authority. A story about injustice needs change agents. Tuptim is a change agent in part because she is willing to take greater risks and seek justice for herself and for a basic human right.

More and more I am feeling like Tuptim -- and that ain't the gayest thing I have ever said. She was a smart girl, smart enough to draw parallels from Stows's book and her life. Give a person a book and see what happens. Uncle Tom’s Cabin is the book that opens things up for Tuptim. It emboldens her. It empowers her.  

Of course, she ends up dead, but we will ignore that incidental plot twist. Consequences are inevitable. Even not choosing has consequences.  Some results are of our own choice directly and others are not so direct. Nevertheless, we have the power to choose.

Drawing my own parallel to Tuptim; I have had the chance to obtain understanding. Some wise man handed me a proverbial book. When I started to understand it's importance I made a choice to not sit by. Tuptim was given knowledge and understanding, and she choose to act.  She created a staged version of what she read to present what she had learned to others. It was a bold move.  

I have chosen to present my own version to others of what I have learned. Would others come to my same conclusion if I were not keep my understanding to myself?  Am I doing anyone any good? Might I end up as bad off as Tuptim?  These remain to be seen.

And what is my version of what I have learned that I present?  Let me be clear; That I am gay and I am not ashamed;  That I choose to marry a woman after full disclosure and she agreed to marry me with full understanding;  That my wife is a freakin' saint;  That I bear the Priesthood and strive to adhere to the promises I have made to her and to the Lord. 

That none of these are mutually exclusive.  

Overcoming my gay Mormon confirmation bias.

Don't read the first sentence and decide this article is not for you. Read at least three paragraphs down, please.

"Everything I see shows me that the LDS church is true. So how on earth can anyone else feel differently?" said the guy with no clue.

I have been "that guy" for quite some time. Some would say close minded. I say, I'm a gay married Mormon man. I am not closed minded. But I do select what I read and I check the sources. If it is a source I trust then I explore. If it turns out to be a site that isn't trustworthy, then I move on fast.

Information that supports my stances seems to leap out at me, and its not just a me thing. It's called confirmation bias, and by definition, it is "the tendency to search for, interpret, or recall information in a way that confirms one's beliefs or hypotheses".

When I go to the temple, or see something on the news the information I gather confirms my stance. I may somehow be selecting only the information that I want to ingest.

I may also interpret information in a way that supports my current belief system. So, I ask myself, if I start off as a child riding with my family to church and I believe that it is true, will everything I assimilate will support my stance? Where does change come in? Am I locked into a belief?

Of course the answer is no. Choice and agency is everything.

How to overcome confirmation bias

I am a Mormon, I am Married, and I am sexually attracted to men. I have made decisions in my life based on what I think I know. I choose to marry a woman ( a wonderful women, by the way) because I believed that it was the right thing to do based on what I knew of the LDS church. I chose to go on a mission based on the same.

I listen to conference and certain things jump out at me. I read the scriptures and some passages mean more to me than others. When I read the paper, if there is Mormon, LDS or gay in the headline, I am all over it.

I am a big boy, however. Because I realize that confirmation bias exisits, I run info through my own personal mill before I interpret it.

• I establish the source and its reliability. Easy example: if it comes from the National Enquirer it should probably be discounted. 
• I consider what options might be, what logic would dictate. I look at things positively. I am optimistic. For example: The world is seven thousand years old -vs- everything I read in national geographic and science today. I acknowledge that the 7,000 years may mean something else, and that there could be a lot of truth to the science I am reading at the same time. Of course Man doesn't know everything and we don't have access to Gods knowledge, so there are going to be things we don't have answers for. I can wait. 
• I try to look at, or at least be aware of the negative as well. I try to understand what the neigh-sayers are saying. Is there truth to some of what they say? There usually is. I try to spot the truth and the false and categorize them mentally. I am not shocked when there is truth that I didn't know about. 
• I try to use my gut. The gut is something most people don't consciously acknowledge when studying an issue. I acknowledge the emotion. I embrace the spirit and count on him to guide me to correct information, or to discern when I am hearing what is true -vs-false, or strictly what I want to hear. My personality and my creativity come into play here. I am not stuck on a drawing board. 

Sample thought:  Anyone involved with University of Utah football is going to hell.

• Was it published in the "BYU is Great" blog?
• Was it written by BYU's athletic director?
• What is the purpose of the article?
• Did I read it to begin with because I hate Utah football?
• Does the mug shot in the article look anything like Kyle Whiningham?
• Will the blog look good when I print it out and put it on my fridge?

I think that, because I am aware of confirmation bias, I may be able to avoid it when it gets in the the way of learning or recognizing truth. When I consider these, any learning I do or any  knowledge I receive seems more pure, more real... more resilient.

If you can't stand the heat get out of the glass house

You are wrong to ______.  I do not support you.  However, you can believe whatever you like. It's a free country.

I get that all the time. It is true, I get it because I put my thoughts "out there" as far as posting a gay Mormon blog and links to it on Facebook.  I knew from the start that my POV would be considered odd, and that has proven to be true. Conservatives think I am a heathen for being gay, and liberals think I am a loon for choosing to marry a woman.  

• Being gay is wrong
• Being married to a woman is wrong.  
• Being gay and being married to a woman is wrong
• Being gay and married to a woman and being public (blog or Facebook) is wrong.
• Being Mormon is wrong. Blind obedience is wrong. Paying tithing is wrong. Brown shoes with a black belt is wrong.  Never mind that last one.

Let me answer those questions by saying...  blah, blah, blaaah. 

If I were to tell one of my friends that he can choose to do as he believed however wrong he was, but that I supported him in his choice -- would that be offensive?

What if I said "you are wrong to want to marry someone of your own gender." How would that fly? Or, what if I said "You are wrong to have sex with one of your same gender". There would be screaming.

How you choose to live your life is wrong. That sentence would cause a riot, and yet, somehow, how I chosen to live my life is "like"able or not on Facebook.

(For liberals, these neigh say-ers sure are being conservative.)

So, today's soapbox topic would be this, were I to have to stick a point on the post. It is not my position to judge others and the choices they have made or that they are making. By the same token, others are not in a position to judge me and the life decisions I have made or that I am now making. 

And as I type that last sentence, reality kicks in and I have to laugh at myself. The glass house I live in gives people a pretty decent view. And if, by some miracle, they didn't get a chance to see it all, I go and announce it from the rooftops. "Shout it out" as it were. And then I ask for feedback.

Bottom line is that I have chosen to put my "stuff" out there for others in my position to read, and in trying to find those who need this kind of a read, I have opened up my life to comment. 

Some of the comments are painful. Some are wonderful. Regardless, I do not need comments in order to support or justify my stance. I strive to do what the Lord has asked of me, Calvin Thompson. 

All I can say is that I hope that you strive to do what He has asked of you.

When I started posting in 2009 there wasn't so much out there for those who were gay and wanted to live according to the LDS churches standards. Now there is even less out there. Being gay and being an active card-carrying Latter-day Saint seem to be incompatible. Most choose to live quietly with their thoughts.

I made another choice.  Let's see how long I can take the heat.