Darwin and the gay bulldog

T.H. Huxley was a Victorian biologist who was a vigilant supporter of evolution -- so much so that he became known as “Darwin’s bulldog”. Though they were not social active - there was not much by the way of having a little lunch together -- Huxley is listed as one of pallbearers in 1882 at his mentors funeral.

Regarding Darwin's work, the bulldog commented;

“In scientific work, those who refuse to go beyond fact rarely get as far as fact.”

I have no idea what that means. What I get from it up front is that those who aren't able to really look at and study don't come up with answers? No, that's not it. 

Those who aren't willing to allow for the unknown won't really understand the known? Maybe that's it. If that is the case, then I might be able to find out a few things.  I am certainly willing to allow for things I don't know.

I am a MarMoHo, a gay Mormon man who is married to a woman and who strives to stay worthy of a LDS temple recommend. The odds are that my marriage to my wife is not going to work out and that it will end in divorce.

A popular study recently completed -- one focusing on those in my position -- has come to the conclusion that I am doomed. It states that between 51% and 69% of so-called "mixed-orientation marriages" between Mormons end in divorce.  By way of comparison approximately 26% of all Mormon marriages end in divorce.

More than 70% of LGBT or "same-sex attracted" -- the term used by those who acknowledge they are sexually and/or romantically attracted to members of the same sex but don't identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual -- Mormons end up leaving the church, either on their own volition or through excommunication.

At first I took aim at the stats and tried to discredit them. I read them over and looked for anything I could find that supported my stance. I looked to confirm my bias.

Just for the record, my bias is that if the Lord, through the holy spirit has told me that the course I am following is a correct course for me, I will continue to follow it - regardless of the stats, odds, wisdom of scholars or John Delan.

Bit of a tangent:  Do you feel that current wisdom conflicts with your goals or your aspirations?  What do you do about that?  It that even an issue for you? I freely admit that what may or not work for me, what the spirit has confirmed for me may not be what is best for you. Are you able to find strength in what the spirit revels to you? 

Mr. Dehlin was the one that instigated the study. I didn't just pick his name out of the hat. And, as much as I hate to say it, the study is correct. I do belief that the study is a representation of what the currents trends are and it corroborates what I have seen in my years of observing and sometimes participation in the LGBT Mormon community. As much as I think Mr. Dehlin is wrong on so many other issues, his stats here are correct.

The facts of the matter tell me that the odds are not in my favor.

I don't care.  I have been married for fifteen plus years.  We are working on being sealed in the LDS temple.  I don't take the marriage or the sealing lightly and I am committed to making it work.

If it quacks like a duck

I have caught myself in a pattern that I do not want to follow. I have been discounting people and their opinions when they act in a manner -- or believe in a concept or principal -- that is opposed to my own behavior or view.

I used to call it the Disposable People syndrome, but now that I find myself in the middle of it I don't like that name so much.

I first noticed it when I was the one being disposed of. When I first started the process of coming out, I found that once I was known as gay suddenly my opinion didn't matter in the LDS church.  Or, to be specific, that is how it felt to me in the ward that I was in. When I answered a question asked of the Sunday school class I could almost hear the smirks.

I was disgusted by how quickly I was dismissed.

Looking back at the matter, I am sure I was reading much more into their responses than was real.  I admit that. I was a little bit sensitive. Nevertheless.

It still is a dangerous practice – to discard people who appear to have no use to us.  I see myself doing it. My dad used to say, If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck it is probably a duck. I find myself using the duck principal more often than not to justify judging improperly in a way I never thought I would.

Case in point:  My daughter married a guy that I deemed several years ago to be less than desirable. Yes, time proved me right, which means that I should go with my gut more often. However, It was never my place to be unkind, to speak ill of him or to spray the house down with Lysol after the dude left. My job wasn't to prove my point. He wasn't the one for my daughter. And yet, it was never my place to put him in his place.

The stanch me said that I needed to act in a way that was consistent with my beliefs This guy needed to know that I did not condone his behavior or his choices.

Tad is bring his boyfriend home for Christmas?  He needs to know that I, in no way, support homosexuality.

Have you heard that one before? How about this one.

She is marrying so far beneath her that she has to sit down.  I am not being a good or responsible parent unless I make it clear to her and to him both what I think is right.

Believe me, If you have lived the way you should be living they already know of your standards.  If you have to articulate them when they walk into your living room for a visit then it isn't going to matter unless your aim is to drive a wedge into the your relationship with them.

It may walk and quack like a duck. It may be exactly the duck you thought it was. But my job is not to judge that.  My job is to treat him or her with respect. 

So where does that leave me as a writer who comments on gay rights and religion and everywhere with a common border?

Being a little more careful how I write and how I act for one thing. 

The believers, the un-makers

I have been following a popular case of a man who has made clear that he doesn't believe in the LDS church or in following the council of it's leaders. He is now, however, making news because he wants to be re-admitted into the ranks of Mormons in full fellowship. 

Apparently the PR he received is waning and he needs an attention boost. A smart move that will keep people downloading his pod-casts for another month or so.

To the point: There are those who wish to distance themselves from the Mormon belief system and doctrine. Their stance is their own business and their own choice completely. In the past I have fought for our God given agency to choose and I still do. It is not ones choice or ones choosing that I speak of here.

This is the portrait of Christ
 that I grew up with.

The issue is this; Who do I choose to follow? Who do I believe? In whom do I put my faith?

The un-makers would have you believe that they alone poses genuine understanding or that only they are smart enough to interpret facts or read a book.

Joseph Smith was a polygamist they say. Really? Like I have never heard that.

Emma Smith stated that the prophet looked in a hat to read through seer stones. Wow. another shocker.

The temple presentation and the masonic ceremony have much in common. More than much, if one is paying attention. And I knew these things and more when I spent a family vacation in Nauvoo at the age of 13.

Do you want to talk grand masters and salamanders?  Been there.

The majority of us have known about these things for decades, and our faith is neither shaken nor stirred. We acknowledge that there are questions for which we currently have no answers. But we trust that there are answers to be had and that answers will be given to us if we are faithful enough to obey now.  

We believe in the power, authority and the atonement of Jesus Christ. We seek after truth and we expect new knowledge. When we find real truth it does not throw us into a tailspin.

We do not lack for talent, articulation or nuance. We aren't the leftovers with no-place better to go but to church for three hours on Sunday. And here we are courageously taking a stand.

We are they. We are those who believe.