Blubberings

I , as a BlowMOHO (Which is a blogging Mormon Homosexual) would like to clarify my position. In order to do this, I suppose am going to have to pick a position.

I tend to postpone the creation of my personal position until the last. The moment I pick a side it seems that Confirmation Bias kicks in, and I stop learning & understanding and replace said progression with a subconscious preference to simply collect information that confirms my preconceptions or hypotheses - independently of whether or not it is true - and then I support that stance come hell or high water. I simply continue to support a stance in which I may or may not still believe.

Let me start this simply. I am a Mormon. I was raised as a Mormon. I can't claim to be a member of some great Mormon Clan. There are not as many clans in Arizona as you might expect. My parents were Mormon, and their parents also. At any rate, I am as established in Mormonism as any one on “Big Love”. So, I will say that I am Mormon by culture.

By this, I mean to say I am as Mormon as my friend Ronny is Jewish. He is not a practicing Jew, but he is of Jewish people, of Jewish decent. This makes some sense to me even though I am the one to raise my hand in Sunday school and say "Now..., what?" when linage or Abraham's covenant is discussed. Though Mormons as a culture have not been around from the time of Herod back to Mosses back to Adam, they have been kicking since just before the invention of root beer. This is good enough for me.

I am also of the Mormon faith. This means, at least in CalUniverse, that I believe the Mormon church to be The Church of Jesus Christ on earth – established with his power and his authority in the manner and time frame of his choosing. Strike one.

I also choose to be a member of this church. Though I am not the greatest tithe payer in Utah...or Utah county, or on my block even – this sometimes holds me back, fool that I am, I am a go-to-church-on-Sunday type of guy. Even more so when we don't have the 9 am shift. I have recently taught GD, have been on a few committees, and though I make my bishop nervous at times, I am a member in good standing and hope to always be. Strike two.

I am as gay as the day is long and have always been so. When I "came out" to my sister years ago, she said, and I quote, “The hell you say”.

In short, she was not surprised. I hate to peg myself (read the next essay) but she could have been clued in by one of 800 stereo-typical behaviors in my youth - up to and including my expert ability to decorate, a musical theater album collection which included more shows than have actually opened on the great white way, or being a better dancer than god – if he were to actually dance and I were to actually compare my dancing ability to him & not get struck by lighting.

I am not gay because I was abused. I am not gay because I so chose one afternoon while suntanning on the trampoline in a speedo. Or because my Mom was a B on-wheels and my dad was parked. Though yes, no, yes and yes. I was born this way. I know it as I know the church is true. I cant and won't speak for anyone else. Just me. And I know what I know. Strike three.

Strike four: (Never was good at keeping score) I am married to a woman and have three kids. This is because I found a woman who was as screwed up as I was. HA! Well, a little true. I can say that, as well as make up the number of kids I have because I use a pseudonym. I use a pseudonym because I want to live. I guess, better said, she was willing to take a chance on me because I was a decent option for her at that time. Now, it's too late for her to back out because I think she likes me.

HA, again!

I like her, too. In fact, we love each other. The rest of our relationship is between she and me, and I would like to leave it that way out of respect for her and our several children who right now are watching American Idol much too loudly and to my chagrin.

Let me run over it so far: Mormon by birth, Mormon by belief, Gay, Married, don't like American Idol. Okay then.

I would like to use this blog to discuss issues important to all of us. You'll want to tune in for the next.