My answer: Yes. I am gay and I have a temple recommend. To have "temple privileges," and full membership status, one needs to follow the law of chastity. They must also pay tithing (10 percent of their income) to the church, and must attend church regularly on whenever possible.
Many do not choose to qualify for temple privileges for whatever reason, and no one is going to put them down or consider them faulty or unbelieving. Mormons do not look down on anyone who is not interested in attending the temple.
OK, there are a few people who do but they are, for lack of a better term, ignoramuses and one is not concerned about their opinion. These are often the same people who look down their noses at tattoos, the smell of cigarette smoke and tube tops.
I have no problem with a tube top or a correctly punctuated tat.
Being able to enter a LDS temple is something most members of the LDS church look forward to and prepare for. The qualifications to enter the temple in question form are available on the internet. I tried to put a few of them here, but it just didn't feel right.
Know this: If you follow the rules regardless of color, race, sexual preference, or political persuasion (I am probably leaving somebody’s category out) then you can have a temple recommend. It’s that simple.
It’s not simple at all, but it's that universal.
Is someone who chooses not to follow these rules discriminated against or subjected to unequal treatment? I say no. If I want a driver’s license, I know what rules I need to follow. If I want a Labrador, I know what hoops I need to jump through to get one responsibly and maintain the pet legally. It is not an injustice perpetuated toward me if I am not willing to do what it takes.
Is someone who chooses not to follow these rules discriminated against or subjected to unequal treatment? I say no. If I want a driver’s license, I know what rules I need to follow. If I want a Labrador, I know what hoops I need to jump through to get one responsibly and maintain the pet legally. It is not an injustice perpetuated toward me if I am not willing to do what it takes.
If I do not follow the rules, should I have the license or the pet? I say no.
A temple recommend is not a right. Membership in the LDS church is not a right. It is an option, an opportunity and a privilege for those who value it.
Choosing to do or to do otherwise is a right.
I agree with you that the Mormon Church has every right to decide who may and may not enter the temple and under what circumstances. But following the rules for a straight person is very, very different compared to someone who is LGBTQ. Let's not pretend otherwise. A straight guys falls in love with a woman, and wants to express that love completely (including physically), he can go and get married in the temple and express that physical love with the Church's complete blessing. LGBTQ people cannot ever do that. If the tables were turned, and same-sex marriage was what the Church sanctioned, and opposite-sex marriage was against the law of chastity, how many straight guys do you think would remain active in the Church and would see much value in getting a temple recommend? Probably not a lot. The Church also makes no distinction between a gay man who sleeps around a lot, and a gay man who is married to his husband and is faithful to him. As far as the Church is concerned they are both lumped into the same category (despite the fact that there is really little difference between a straight man who is sexually faithful to his spouse, and a gay man who is sexually faithful to his spouse.) So from where I am sitting, the Church does discriminate. It has every right to do that if it so chooses, but we cannot pretend that everything is equal here. The Church requires things of its LGBTQ members that it does not and would never require of its straight members.
ReplyDeleteI can understand how it might look like discrimination...however, it is based on choices, and not who you are nor your sexual orientation. I'm gay too, and the writer of this blog is gay (although I'm currently single). I choose not to see it as discrimination, and I choose to see myself as already equal in the eyes of God and the eyes of my church leaders (and they have shown that love to me as I have shared my experiences). I choose to view my gayness as an honor and an opportunity to live a "higher law" of chastity, if you will. I agree that the requirement is hard, and at times, seems unfair. Elder Andersen acknowledged this when he said same-sex attraction (aka gay) is a "whirlwind of enormous velocity." It sure is. But of course, I also believe it is a blessing. I love men in ways not many other men do. There's nothing wrong with that. I've heard it said that sex is more of an appetite, while intimacy is a need.
DeleteI'm on a kinda-sorta quest to show that there is a lot about homosexuality that fits in nicely within the context of the gospel. I believe gay Latter-day saints can and should act on their attractions within the bounds the Lord has set. There is so much more to sexuality and to our being than just sex. In the Church and in the America in general, there are many signs of affection that have been sexualized over time, and they don't need to be. For instance, if I held hands with a guy or gave him a hug for more than 2 seconds, many would assume that (1) we are gay and (2) we're sexually active and giving full support to the LGBT political machine. Gay people have intimate needs that can be met through healthy relationships with other men, gay and straight. This also goes for gay men who are married to women, and vice versa for gay women. Many members of the Church may not agree with me on this...but I don't have all the answers. Prophets of God don't have all the answers concerning same-sex attraction (aka gay), so I don't see why anyone else should either (speaking about people in general...not you Edward).
You said, “Following the rules for a straight person is very, very different compared to someone who is LGBTQ.”
DeleteNo. Following the rules is following the rules and as I write that I just cringe and want to curl up and take some cough syrup.
I understand your point, that life is different for the straights as it is for the gays. I say this as one trying to do what I feel I should do and follow the rules. I know that they are rules, and yet I can’t ask anyone else to do the same thing I am doing. What a freaking conundrum.
I want to re-state what you said, if I may. “A straight guys falls in love with a woman, and wants to express that love completely (including physically), he can go and get married in the temple and express that physical love with the Church's complete blessing. LGBTQ people cannot ever do that. If the tables were turned, and same-sex marriage was what the Church sanctioned, and opposite-sex marriage was against the law of chastity, how many straight guys do you think would remain active in the Church and would see much value in getting a temple recommend?"
Frankly, it may be the same percentage. And yet, if we believe that our Heavenly Father had asked, or had commanded us to do it, would the percentages matter?
Sure they would. And yet…
It is true, that the church has not made a distinction so far between a gay man who sleeps around, and a gay man who is married to his husband and is faithful to him. Yet, Mormons believe completely in degrees. Any primary kid can tell you how many degrees of glory there are, and can draw out a Plan of Salvation map.
May I explore you POV and experience in a post? I will be respectful. It won't be to combative. I believe you have a point that we should all be looking at. Please let me know. -- Cal
Thank you both for taking the time to comment. I'll get time to read them today later. - Cal
ReplyDeleteCal and Alex, thank you for your thoughtful replies. We may not see eye to eye on everything, but I appreciate your willingness to engage in a serious discussion.
ReplyDeleteCal, to your point about percentages. By some estimates, about 70% of LGBTQ Mormons eventually leave the Church. I think a number that high does matter. Something is obviously not right with how the Church treats its LGBTQ members if so many end up leaving.
And, in my view, it comes down to the fact that the Church asks of its LGBTQ members something it does not ask (and would never dare ask) of its straight members. Celibacy is a temporary state for the vast majority of straight Mormons. They are very actively encouraged to find an opposite sex partner who they are attracted to, and can love in every sense, and get married to. They can even get divorced and marry again if they do not find the right one the first time, with no fear of losing their standing in the Church (as long as there is no adultery).
The same is just not true for gay Mormons. The rules are completely different. And because of that a good majority of gay LDS members eventually leave the Church (and rightly so - most straight members would do the same if the tables were turned.)
Please feel fee to explore my POV if you would like, but there is really nothing special about my experience - it is much the same as many other LGBTQ Mormons.