Where I stand on being gay and being Mormon

"Keeping the commandments in the face of opposition" was supposed to be the title,

because I recently heard a decent talk given in sacrament meeting by a man that I respect. 

This by itself is news. (Not the respect issue but the decent talk issue.  I know, I know -- One only gets out of it what one puts into it) With gathering infrequency am I privileged to hear the like. 

His remarks were based on a conference talk from the spring of '96 by Elder Neal A.Maxwell who said that we must be careful who we listen to and emulate. 

Boy did that get me going.  I immediately thought of many of the MOHO bloggers that I feel have gone off the deep end -- the ones I do not look for information or advise.  The longer I thought about them, the more I started thinking about what I myself was writing about and what information someone reading would take away from reading my writings.

Based on that process of thought, I feel it is time for me to re-address my stance on all things gay and Mormon.

A gay Mormon man trying to being clear concerning his beliefs -- on which this blog is based.

I am not thrilled with the conservative moment to rename issues to fit conservative beliefs.  Therefore, I use the words gay and homosexual with abandon that borders on reckless.  The name that really got me going early in my life was faggot, and I will never be comfortable using that name on anyone.  Queer?  It's OK, but I don't use it.

The terms same sex attraction or same sex issues, or anything same sex seems like the conservatives way of being political correct -- only on certain terms that they get to define, and I am not interested.

Unlike many religious conservatives, I acknowledge that homosexuals and and gays exist.

I do not believe that they (we) picked from the sexual preference catalog, what they (we) wanted to be attracted to. I pick art supplies from a catalog, not my sexual preference.

I do not deny them (again, us) the right to live their own lives and make their own choices - a privilege that I expect in my own life.

I understand the LDS churches stance against letting gays marry in their temples, which is where the gay marriage push will end up. Mormons, due to the First Amendment protecting free exercise of religion -- a right we all share -- get to set the criteria for entering their temples. 

The law of chastity is very clear, and Mormons believe that they have a prophet who speaks for the lord.  I believe that we have a prophet who speak for the lord.  I also believe that the Proclamation on the Family speaks clearly what LDS believe, and I believe it as well. Because of it's forthrightness, I sometimes cringe when a gay friend reads it, and I sometimes try to find a softer way of interpreting it.  But the bottom line is that it rings true to me regardless of my political stance.

I am gay

I do not think that I am gay, nor do I feel that I am gay.  My knowledge is based on years and years of feelings, understandings, desires, and, yes, I will say it -- behaviors.  I have had spiritual confirmation that I am gay.  Based on my understanding, I have also had confirmation that if I act according to my knowledge and try to keep the commandments, I will have the opportunity to be complete in spirit, mind and body.

Believe me when I say that I understand the issues involved in the gay lifestyle - an iffy term.  I am not ignorant, nor am I turning a blind eye.  I spent years living as a sexually active gay man.

Not incidentally, I am a Mormon. Though I was born into and reared in a Mormon family, I am Mormon by choice. I am not, as some have suggested, lazily taking the path of least resistance.

I understand that being Mormon or being gay is not the norm. Being both is even less so.  I do not care.

I choose not to involve myself in to anything anti-gay or anything anti-Mormon.  I have too much respect for myself to engage in such nonsense.Nor will I argue with gay Mormon friends I have who are living together or who have married. I love them deeply.

I have chosen to live as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who lives the law of chastity.  I do not have sex with men, nor am I seeking sex with men, or waiting for the day when having a sexual relationship with one of my own gender will be allowed in a chaste life.  I have decided that obeying the commandments is more important to me than fulfilling my sexual desire, and I cannot follow the commandments and live as a sexually active gay man.

Yes, there is more. 

I have also chosen to marry a woman who understands my nature and my desire to remain a worthy, card caring priesthood holder. When I married, I  wanted a family, and the way things were going, that wasn't going to happen.  Finding a lady that was willing to accept me for me was God sent. I also found someone I wanted to be with for as long as I could conceive, someone who expected me to act responsibly and supported me taking my power back from wherever I had sent it.

Gay, married to a woman, values a temple recommend, no lying or duplicity, allows others the same privilege.  I feel the need to say that last part again.  I allow others the same privilege.

One more twist: I am not publicly out, though most of those in my close circle understand where I stand.  I do not live in one manner and support another.  I am the same religiously/politically on both fronts. There is no difference in how I live and how I write.

I choose to present this blog under a pseudonym in order to protect my wife and family.  If someone were to "out" me (and it wouldn't be hard) I might be uncomfortable for a time, but I would get over it.  My wife has feelings, however.  How do I discuss my sexuality as a married man without discussing hers - which is no ones business?  I do not want to see her hurt.

Just to be clear.

Gays get marriage licences in Utah on Friday

A federal judge ruling on Utah’s ban on same-sex marriages was deemed to be unconstitutional on Friday, December 20th. Judge Robert J. Shelby, of the United States District Court for the District of Utah, wrote that in his  opinion such a law “perpetuates inequality.”

“The State’s current laws deny its gay and lesbian citizens their fundamental right to marry and, in so doing, demean the dignity of these same-sex couples for no rational reason,”  Judge Shelby stated on Friday. “Accordingly, the court finds that these laws are unconstitutional.”

This ruling was released just hours after another southwestern state, New Mexico, became the 17th state to allow same-sex marriage on Thursday.  It's state Supreme Court ruled that a similar ban there was unconstitutional as well.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has softened its stance on homosexuality in recent years, stating that the known origins of sexuality are not fully understood.  The LDS church was not involved in any part of the lawsuit.

"The Church has been consistent in its support of traditional marriage while teaching that all people should be treated with respect," said a LDS Church spokesman.

Nation wide, public opinion on the matter has made an about face over the past 10 years. In 2003, 55%  opposed homosexual marriage, with 37% supporting marriage equality. Today, 58% are in favor with 36% opposing the bans -- this according to data compiled by The Washington Post.

In the state of Utah, public opinion on the issue has been slower to turn with 28% supporting legalizing gay marriage in a February 2012 (Center for the Study of Elections and Democracy), while a poll taken at approximately the same time period (CBS/New York Times) revealed 38% support for gay marriage rights nationally.

The large Mormon population is opposed to homosexual activity while supporting a persons right to live his own lifestyle making use of "agency", the ability to choose for one's self. Nationally, nearly two in three Mormons in 2011 said society should discourage homosexual acts, while only one third of those polled in other denominations agreed, (Pew poll.) 63 % of Utahans are LDS. (2007 Pew Religion & Public Life survey.)

I may or may not agree with homosexuals getting married, But I am not one to stand in their way.  The constitution seems clear.  Humans are born with certain inalienable rights, regardless of religion or public opinion.  As long as these judges are studying constitutional law, the law the LDS as a people say they support, Homosexuals must be allowed to marry.

Churches should still retain their right to allow such marriage in their denominations.  I would fight for that right right along with the gays right to marry.

What do you think?  What do you think the mormon people will do?  The leaders of the LDS church?  I'd love to hear from you.

"Please help him stop being gay..."

Dear Amy: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual. We are part of a church group and I fear that if people in that group find out they will make fun of me for having a gay child. He won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay.
 

I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years - I have a busy work schedule. Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen to me, so maybe he will listen to you.
- Feeling Betrayed


Dear Betrayed: You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice – to be dictated by one’s parents, the parents’ church and social pressure.

I assume that my suggestion will evoke a reaction that your sexuality is at the core of who you are. The same is true for your son. He has a right to be accepted by his parents for being exactly who he is. When you ‘forget’ a child’s birthday, you are basically negating him as a person. It is as if your saying that you have forgotten his presence in the world. How very sad for him.

Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong. If you cannot learn to accept him as he is, it might be safest for him to live elsewhere. A group that could help you and your family figure out how to navigate this is PFLAG.org. This organization is founded for parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this challenge. Please research and connect with a local chapter. - Amy

 (Thanks to Justin Michael for finding this in the Press & Sun of Binghamton, New York. Amy Dickson writer)

Rise up, O men of God! -- Gentle Masculinity

What an interesting article  from "Religion and Politics".  The following excerpt is from "Why Mormon Men Love “Church Ball” and Are Scared of Homosexuality" By Kristine Haglund | September 10, 2012


GENTLE MASCULINITY

"When the women of the church convene for their annual meeting in Salt Lake City, they are likely to hear things like:

“Sisters, we love you. We pray for you. Be strong and of good courage. You are truly royal spirit daughters of Almighty God. You are princesses, destined to become queens.” And they may be gently admonished to refrain from gossip or increase their self-esteem.

Fine and not so fine lines

Yet men are often bluntly castigated over the same pulpit for using pornography, abusing women and children, and otherwise failing, as the late Mormon Church President Gordon B. Hinckley declared in 2006, to “‘Rise up, O men of God!’ and put these things behind you.”

Mormons learn early that “maleness” is by nature potentially sexually dangerous. These lessons begin with the Book of Mormon itself. “For the natural man is an enemy to God,” Mosiah 3:19 reads, “and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man.” This “putt[ing] off the natural man” requires a total prohibition of sexual activity before marriage and strong taboos against masturbation.

Obedient Mormon boys are thus excluded from their peers’ conversations about sexual discovery. Participating in the casual misogyny and homophobia typical of teenage boys’ locker rooms induces discomfort and guilt in a boy who regularly hears admonitions to abstain from sex of any kind before his wedding night—with himself or anyone else.

Mormon boys might laugh at or even tell gay jokes, but they cannot brag about how far they’ve “gone with the girl” or what they’re planning to do with their prom dates. For a Mormon boy, becoming a Mormon man means not becoming a man, at least not the “natural man” engendered by the adolescent onslaught of testosterone. This means that, perhaps paradoxically, while most

Mormons would assert that both biology and God establish gender at birth, Mormon men’s experience of masculinity is highly performative. They learn that the natural tendencies of maleness must be subjugated to religious principle.

This performance is taught most intensively during the two years of missionary service that devout Mormon men undertake, most often beginning at age 19. Two-by-two, Mormon men knock on doors or pass out church pamphlets and Books of Mormon on street corners. During their mission, they are instructed never to be apart from the companion. They eat, work, pray, and sleep “in the same room but not in the same bed” with their companion.

Missionaries are even instructed to conduct a weekly “companionship inventory,” the instructions for which read like a self-help book for married couples: “Discuss the strength of your relationship with your companion. Discuss any challenges that may be keeping your companionship from working in unity or from being obedient.”

This intense camaraderie combined as it must be among celibate 19- and 20-year-old men with sexual repression, is Mormon men’s induction into masculinity. In this context of profound homo-social bonding, they learn that masculinity is both a privilege and a danger. It is something to be controlled and sublimated to religious ideals of gentleness that are, in many other contexts, coded feminine.

If, on the one side, the danger is giving into the “natural man”—becoming promiscuous or abusive—on the other side the danger is that one might become too gentle and meek...

The performance of Mormon masculinity is a difficult balancing act, a tightrope walk between poles established by a brutish, hyper-masculine “natural man” and an effeminate gay man."

Slate Magazine wants to know “Why a religion, notorious in the gay community might be “evolving”

In a June article in Slate by Max Perry Mueller, Josh Weed is presented in a photo with his wife and three lovely children under the headline, "Can you be both Mormon and Gay?"

It's an age old question, and one that I have always felt warrants discussion.

Of course the answer people come to is "yes, and let me count the ways, names, faces of those gay and Mormon THAT HAVE COME OUT, let alone those who haven’t."

But that wasn’t what the story was about anyway, so I didn’t get all worked up. The focus was on whether the LDS church is, specifically, “evolving”. The implication: moving into a position of tolerance for homosexuals in full fellowship in the LDS church.

The quick answer is "No," the church is not evolving into a place where it will allow Homosexuals “full rights.”

I say this with important definitions in mind. Let’s run over them quickly…

If a homosexual is a man attracted to and has sex with his own sex, then no. The LDS Church will not evolve on this point. There is no sex before marriage in a stance of morality. Temple marriage privilege will never be allowed for same sex couples.

This is my opinion, though I don’t think it is much of an opinion. I think I was just stating fact.

If a homosexual is attracted to ones same sex, and does not have sex outside standard man/woman marriage (clearly), who remains chaste, morally clean as it were, he may have temple privileges. But, still no marriage of same sex couples. The only evolving here is that the guidelines have been clarified in the last fifteen years so that members and leaders understand that one can be sexually attracted to ones same sex and remain morally clean.

If this is categorized as evolving, then yes, the church has evolved in this regard.

However, this is not what Slate magazine has in mind.

As far as same sex marriage, the church is not in a position of authority (influence, yes) but they can control, and rightly so, temple marriages /sealings. And I think temple marriages /sealings will never be for same sex partners.

This from the article, “Last week, Josh Weed and his wife, Lolly, marked their 10-year anniversary by announcing together on Josh’s blog that he is gay. Josh works as a marriage and family therapist in Auburn, Wash. He and Lolly have three daughters, and claim to have a very successful marriage—one that includes, in their opinion, “a better sex life” than most heterosexual couples.

Weed says that this decision is an entirely satisfying one. “I am gay. I am Mormon. I am married to a woman. I am happy every single day.”

Since Josh had come out, several other men who have previously come out as gay and living their religious ideals have come our nodding their head in affirmation, such as blogger Andrew Sullivan, Catholic, and Ty Mansfield, a Mormon father and husband. His comments from LDS Living. Follow...

“After years of counseling focused on his depression and childhood insecurities—but not, Mansfield insists, on “reorientation” to heterosexuality—he “felt healthy and empowered enough that when I met my wife, it all came together.” Like Weed, Mansfield, who recently had his first child with his wife Danielle, does not identify as “straight.” “Why should I replace one socio-identity construct with another?” he asks. “My goal isn’t to be straight, but a man who is honoring my covenants and [has] a healthy relationship with my wife.” While Mansfield still experiences some attraction to other men, he says, “at some point you decide you’re going to commit to one person you love, just like mature straight men do. I don’t feel like I’m suppressing anything. I focus my energy into my marriage.”

Dear Mr. Mansfield. I have made the same decisions that the two of you -- Mr Weed -- have. Frankly, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but please keep your money where your mouth is. There are many LDS holding ya’ll up as an example -- me included.

Did I say, me included?

Thank you for sharing so publicly, and may your freak flag never wave.



Cal Thompson

What A Difference 15 Years Makes

I heard someone say today that there is no such thing as a gay Mormon.

Fifteen years ago that kind of remark would have made me freak-out. And right in the middle of me "freaking-out" I would realize that I was giving myself away - a "me thinks thou doth protest too much"  kind of thing.  To keep from exploding, I would have had to bite something - hard - and re-paint a wall.


Fifteen years ago "The Book of Mormon” musical would have thrown me for a loop. Half of me would be in fits laughing, and the other half would be burning in hell, and another half would be concerned that missionaries were pictured wearing white socks. Another half would have thought I should have used my math money on something more productive, like diet-coke.


This would have taken place in some air-conditioned giganto-closet somewhere because I once avoided anything gay – at least in public.

After having memorized the show, which would have taken me two, maybe three hours, I would have prayed for forgiveness because I would have felt guilty for finding humor and joy in something so frivolous and light hearted. Then I would have burnt the CD at midnight along with a spandex shirt and an issue of "Mens Fitness" in a reassessment ritual.  Weeks later I would have bought a new one to keep in my underwear drawer - a CD, that is.

Today, the thought of a spandex shirt makes me suck in my gut and snort a little. Thank heaven for those fifteen years. I can say now without laughing, that I have matured somewhat. Those little things no longer throw me. People and their opinion of Mormons, or opinions of gay Mormons, or gay opinions of Mormons (did I cover it all?) just don’t seem to matter to me anymore.

And in writing this, I just realized that I haven’t seen my bishop for SGA related issues for years. I barely know the guy! Honestly, in the previous fifteen years I could never have imagined living in the LDS church without having to be guided every step of the way – being a gay man who wanted to maintain priesthood rights and responsibilities. In past life, I made the pilgrimage at least once a month to the bishops office when I was deeply involved in what I refer to as the gay life.

But here I am.

I wonder what life would have looked like for me if I had been born into another religion or into religion at all. Would I have gravitated to something that kept me somewhat in tune to the spirit? Would I have found something that filled me spiritually somewhat in the way priesthood does?

I would like to be able to say that Same Gendered Attraction issues (Gay, homosexuality – what have you) are not in the picture for me anymore, but they are to some degree. I would like to say that I am no longer tempted by pornography. I don’t know how realistic that would be. Yes, I am still tempted. But I don’t feel the pull towards it like I used to. And I can say no.
I still identify myself, in this blog at least as a gay Mormon man. I don’t know how much of that will change in this life.

How I used to spend half my days

I am confident that I will have all wishes of my heart (the ones I am missing here) in the next life. I will be complete in a way I don’t feel I am here.

Is it that I am more mature with the passage of time (I won't mention age,) or is it that my sexual drive has diminished somewhat as I have gotten older?  Would I have been this calm fifteen years ago adding today's wisdom?  Would I be this calm as wise ol' me today with the sexual drive I had in 1995?

Should I be congratulating myself on self control and maturity, or lamenting youth?

Empha-Sex



Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

I recently posted the question of what to do for Valentine’s Day. I wanted ideas of what would be original and fun. The responses I got were mostly hypo-sexual – the kind of references that, frankly, I wouldn’t use in front of anyone I knew and respected. It seemed clear that for a huge number of people, sex equaled love: Valentine’s Day was for sex: Sex was the main/only/most important expression of love.

Remember, I am somewhat a conservative Mormon talking here. (If a gay Mormon is considered conservative) With my conservative background, I have been skewered (deliberate word choice) in a different direction.

I have never been what I thought "real guys" were. I considered sex to be something kept underground, something taboo for the “kind” of person I wanted to be. It was not for the guys in black socks, khaki pants and white shirts. The kind of guy I wanted to be.

My kind of man knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was more of an eternal nature. He wanted love. He wanted a relationship, communication, cooperation, companionship and expression. Sex was none of these things. Sex was something different.

Sex was urges, physical passion, and gratification. Love was not sex. The men I knew didn’t have sex as I understood it. They had wives and families and had appropriate, neutral, controlled expressions of love. They had sex to procreate, and then they went and earned some money to pay the mortgage.

So I tried that. Both. At the same time. I tried to have one, which seemed incredibly incompatible with the other. I kept them separate.

Talk about the swinging pendulum. Even today I have a difficult time with sex as part of an expression rather than simply fulfillment of physical desire. Most people who say that love is more than sex are thought of as prudish, naive, or as one reader said, “He has obviously never had spine tingling sex”. The thought seems to be that if you can think of anything other than sex, you haven’t had the right sex.

I know what it is to have tingling sex. Am I allowed to say that it was wonderful, and then to add-in the same sentence - that I want that and more? I want the sex and I want the relationship. I want the tingles and a commitment and I don't want one for a couple years so I can say I did it and then move on.

Even PBS is against me. A recent documentary emphases that man is not meant to be monogamous. That even women’s menstrual cycles are timed to encourage promiscuity, and that man would be better off genetically if he spread his stuff around instead of sticking with one partner.

Is this really where we are as a people that we are still comparing ourselves to members in the animal kingdom? This seems like the equivalent of “everyone’s doing it”, which is an excuse doesn’t fly past Jr High school. So, everyone is doing it. And I have had my share.

It is true that I have work to do in becoming emotionally healthy. I get that. I get that views towards sex need to change.

And I don’t generally look to PBS for answers to my problems. But the questions this last week has presented beg questions. But what if, after all the counseling and coming to terms and prioritizing, I want, expect more from a partner than sex? What if I consider myself to be more than just a link in someone’s reproductive food chain? Sex plus relationship, plus commitment, plus understanding?

A heightened sense of mutual well being. That topic would not make it to PBS because that would be called religion. When sex is everything, the instructions are easy to follow. When sex is one forth or one fifth of a relationship, when there is something that has to be achieved, the PBS documentary during sweeps week becomes simplistic at best.

I don’t want a club, or a bobsled partner. I don’t think I need to have every sexual whim satisfied. I do want sex as part of the physical/emotional experience.

And I want to be part of something more than just me.

Blessings and SGAttraction

I was asked today by a non-family member to give a blessing.  My neighbor has been feeling poorly and she sent one of my kids who was playing outside to find out if I would come over. 

When I am poorly, a blessing is not the first thing I think of (not that her decision was off the cuff or flippant). I usually go for a pill and a diet coke. Actually, a pill and a diet coke sounds like the solution to most of life’s problems. That she would step outside herself and have the wherewithal to consider a priesthood blessing impresses me.

A little sad to say that I had to give pause.  My life has not been one clean and reverent and ready to assist in things of the spirit.  Maybe the mental listing is just a habit because I have not always been in that position to help. 

I am happy to report that, with a quick change of clothes and a little hair gel, I sit here waiting for a call to tell me when to come over.  Okay, with a fast run to my next door neighbor’s house to borrow a vile of consecrated oil, a change of clothes and hair gel I am sitting here ready to use the priesthood.

The power and authority of the Savior is the biggest reason to stay priesthood ready – to be worthy to use the power of God at the drop of a proverbial hat.  For me, it tops what I call the obedience factor (staying morally clean because the Lord himself or through his prophets says to). 

More specifically, as a worthy gay man I can access the same priesthood that the straight worthy men access.  As God created me, even with the SGAttraction that I have alternately despised and cherished, I am enough.

Father shares that power with us.  He shares it with me.

The best reason to keep my SGAttraction in check.








 

Cal Thompson and the Pseudonym - The Sequel

The responses to my essay on being SGA Mormon (homo to you, thank you) and incognito were heartfelt, wonderful and frightening, and I thank you for stepping out of your respective comfort zones - even if you didn't step far from the closet.

Many of reasons to stay "in" were based in fear.  Not unexpected.  A memorable comment was " I am afraid that there is more to fear than fear itself" a timely twist on Churchill. 


Many of us do not know exactly what we are afraid of, but generally it seems to be in not being accepted. We are living in fear that stemmed back to our grandfathers but for rare exceptions. We do not live in an age where we have not choice but to fear.  We live in a time when modern Davids in pasty skin brandishing rocks can stand up to  Goliath.  We live in a time when the corporate whistle gets blown when abuse hits the fan, when the little guy can get the house, the car, and the lovely companion.
 
As a SGAttracted man, I just may be the trophy husband my wife always wanted.

Am I afraid of my neighbors finding out my big gay secret?  Is that why I am in the closet?  No.  I generally have an arrogance problem and I tend to think I am better than everyone anyway which would work in my favor here in my "hood."  Would I have a problem coming out at work?  Again, no.  Frankly,  it may work to my advantage as everyone is trying to be so politically correct that they would error in my favor - no one wants to be liable for a law suit.  Family not accepting of my preference?  I do have a huge family, and those who know, know and those who don't know know, and those who really don't know really don't really care.  I am bold enough that I can hold my own. 

I understand the church policy, so I am not in fear of what any repercussions would be social/political/religious.  I have run upon a rogue bishop or two who doesn't understand, or who was not secure enough to step outside of himself- but I am wise enough to understand the difference between bishop-the He man and Bishop-the He calling. 

Is it a surprise when the voice of the BYU cougars comes out as a fan?  No surprise there. We understand that - even at his best he may be slightly biased.  Would I loose some political clout if I, a somewhat pro-gay Mormon were to come out as a actual gay Mormon?  Maybe, but I would live with it and make it work.

So why the heck am I in the closet? (if blogging and writing a Mormon/Gay book is considered closeted)

My wife.

She says it may be alright if I were to come out as SGAttracted.  She doesn't say it very convincingly, and I don't believe her when she says it.  Something tells me to keep my preference somewhat under wraps as far as my personal life goes.  Would there be added pressure for her and for my kids?  Without a doubt.  Could I handle the added pressure?  Yes.  But when I married I promised to look after her.  Marriage is also about committed mutual well being and I am committed to hers.

Maybe someday the spirit will say that it is right to be personally vocal about my SGAttraction while I am inhabiting a body.  I need to be at peace with the fact that it may always be something I guard. 

Whether I am "in" or "out", whether my neighbor is in or out, homosexuals deserve and demand the same respect as any other Mormon, as any other human.  There is no need to create a special post for them in the church.  The same posts and offices held by any other worthy member will do just fine.  My ability to assist, offer opinions, or teach a class is not affected by my sexual preference.


And on a personal note, the only thing different about my marriage may or may not be as different as you would think.  And on an even more personal note, I think she likes being
married to me.

Regardless, I am proud to be what I am, and to know that I am learning and growing and that I may yet become what father wants me to be.  I am becoming, hopefully, the man my wife would want to lead our family.  Oddly enough, it seems that we all want the same thing.