After the talk

The speech was called The Free Exercise of Religion in Our Time, and it was given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an Apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It was given on February 9 2016 at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies

The speech addressed the topic "The importance of maintaining and protecting religious liberty in the international sphere."

The speech concluded and the floor was opened up to questions from the audience. The final question of the evening was asked by Andrew Evans:

Question: “Less than a year ago, right here in Washington, DC, my friend killed himself. He was Mormon and gay. You’ve gone on record that, ‘the Church does not give apologies’. Does religious freedom absolve you from responsibility in the gay Mormon suicide crisis?”

Elder Oaks’ Response: “I think that’s a question that will be answered on judgment day. I can’t answer that beyond what has already been said. I know that those tragic events happen. And it’s not unique simply to the question of sexual preference. There are other cases where people have taken their own lives and blamed a church–my church–or a government, or somebody else for their taking their own lives, and I think those things have to be judged by a higher authority than exists on this earth, and I am ready to be accountable to that authority, but I think part of what my responsibility extends to, is trying to teach people to be loving, and civil and sensitive to one another so that people will not feel driven, whatever the policy disagreements, whatever the rules of the church, or the practices of a church, or any other organization, if they are administered with kindness, at the highest level or at the level of the congregation or the ward, they won’t drive people to take those extreme measures; that’s part of my responsibility to teach that. And beyond that, I will be accountable to higher authority for that. That’s the way I look on that. Nobody is sadder about a case like that than I am. Maybe that’s a good note to end on.”

Push those buttons!

Mormons are pushing the right buttons, and I say Yah!  or Yeah!  I can't spell it but I am saying it.

I have always been proud to be a Mormon.  Always.  Sometimes I looked like a farm boy from Idaho in the polite protestations of my faith.  I have been called ignorant, and blind.  I have been called gringo and fag.  I have been called a Ute fan.  

That last one really hurt.

On my mission, when I would bear my testimony, I was sometimes questioned about polygamy, or my underwear, or a slew of things I felt I had to keep somewhat mum about. 

Even in the days when I was actively being gay (having sex with men) I defended the church. That should have clued me in -- that I was feeling strongly about both the LDS church and about my homosexuality.  They were both completely totally real for me. I feel the same today.  I know that the Church is true, and I know that I am gay.

I was never really good at keeping mum. If I was ever asked about something church-ish I would do my best to explain while trying to be respectful to all involved. Even once, in a very compromising situation (not going to get into my past much on this blog) I defended the church and the church leaders while acting very much like someone who would have a problem with the churches stance on homosexuality.

(It wasn't a secret that I was gay, nor was it a secret that I believed wholeheartedly in the priesthood and the authority of the LDS church.)

Now the church is doing the same thing.  No, they aren't doing that same thing at all, but they -- the leaders -- are doing their best to explain churchy stuff while being respectful to those involved. 

Therefore, today's 

"IT'S A GOOD DAY TO BE A MORMON" MOMENT  

is brought to you by this Deseret News article on Mormons making clarifications.

Today's clarification concerns LDS stances on suicide and suicide prevention. The gist is that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has released a new "Mormon Message" video regarding suicide prevention.

The video, entitled "Sitting on the Bench: Thoughts on Suicide Prevention," encourages people of the LDS faith and others to be aware of those around them and to offer help by reaching out..

Thrilled.  I am thrilled by this video and by the sentiment that is firmly attached.  My own mother took her life in 1974.  Had those around her been aware of symptoms and behaviors, her death could have been avoided and she could have gotten real help.  Of course the bulk of the help in 1974 was a butt load of Thorazine, so maybe this is the perfect time for the LDS church to put such a video out.

With the video is a  painting by Greg Olsen in which a boy sits on a bench next to Jesus Christ. Nate Olsen, Gregs son,shares the personal story that inspired the painting involving a friend of his who took his own life.

Tomorrow I will write about the churches stance on Polygamy.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-10-009-sitting-on-the-bench-thoughts-on-suicide-prevention?lang=eng

Should I come out?

A week or so ago was coming out day. I would come out except everyone already knows that I am a Mormon.

As I am sure you are familiar if you have read much on this blog, I am a gay man. I am Mormon, active and honest with my bishop, and I have a temple recommend that I got the right way.  My wife knows about me -- probably more about me than I would choose to have anyone know about me.  There is a certain freedom to that.  There is also a certain horror to that.

I have often considered what it means to come out as a gay man.  Generally, I have great admiration for those who come out -- letting everyone know what they are about -- at least sexually.

I remember the media coverage when Ellen came out.  I remember how her sitcom went from pretty decent ratings to the cellar in a month. I would like to think it was because the writing suddenly tanked, but it was because she had come out as gay.   Even my liberal friends said at the time that they felt the show was all about her gay-ness and they weren't interested.

Now, there is nothing hidden.  Her spouse is on the show every once in a while, and there is no mincing around.  Ellen is a Lesbian, and she makes no apologies.  If you don't like it, then good for you and she doesn't care.

I like the show and I like her and I wish she would have me on the show as a Marmoho  -- a married Mormon homo -- worthy of tickets to Disneyland and 5000 spending money to get my teeth fixed.

Which raises a question.  Would I come out as my real name instead of Cal Thompson, pseudonym of the buff and brainy whatever-my real-name is?

This may be the day for it.  I have written a book about my experience with homosexuality and the Mormon church that I feel would be a benefit to everyone involved, and It may have a bit more umphh to it if I used my real name so people could put a name to a mediocre face.  I am certainly strong enough to deal with whatever would come my way, and my kids are almost grown and out of the home, so that may not be an issue either.

I would love to be able to show that I have a viewpoint and I am strong and I am gay and I believe in the Mormon Church thoroughly and that I am married and plan on staying that way.

It's not all that rare this day and age, but not a lot of people talk about it, so few know how common that it is.

Here is the major drawback.  My wife doesn't want the world in her bedroom, and the world would be in our bedroom if I came out.  I don't know how to talk about my "stuff" without it having to do with her "stuff".  

Until then, the day that my outing won't effect her may be some time coming. (What if I came out and then my wife and I moved to Rigby Idaho?)

Dog day afternoon on the overpass by Geneva Road

This is not a gay post, even though the reference is a fairly gay movie.

Our dog was hit by a car today. No, she was not a gay dog, but she did have a rhinestone collar.

I was required to go and get the body -- something you don't really think about when you adopt that adorable puppy and put it under the tree for your son to unwrap at Christmas. 

I took it to the county animal shelter where they would dispose of it for ten dollars. That sounds a bit insensitive, but we do not live in an area where we could bury her on our land.  

Meg the Wonder Dog and friend

The place where I grew up was a virtual pet cemetery - something we neglected to tell the new owners.  (Won't that be a fun day for Mr. and Mrs. Just-bought-a-lot-of-land. "Yes, honey, we'll just put this new tree right here by this large stone and... Ar-ugh!".)
 
Numerous dogs, cats, gerbils, two and a half lambs (don't ask), chickens, several other birds, assorted aquarium fish, bunnies a hedgehog and something that died in our pond that we never could identify. 

North Shelly, Idaho. Probably not a good place to be around Halloween.

That's it. No startling revelations. Just a firm reminder that there is more to this life than we can see, and that is hugely comforting to me -- not just that Meg the Wonder Dog will go on, but that we as a family will go on as well.  

And so will everyone -- and all the friends we have made and the myriad of friends we have yet to make and those friends and family we had so long ago that we have forgotten.  

We all will have the chance to go on and live wonderfully and have marvelous existences.

Doesn't help me from shedding a few tears for Meg the Wonder Dog, however.

Where I stand on being gay and being Mormon

"Keeping the commandments in the face of opposition" was supposed to be the title,

because I recently heard a decent talk given in sacrament meeting by a man that I respect. 

This by itself is news. (Not the respect issue but the decent talk issue.  I know, I know -- One only gets out of it what one puts into it) With gathering infrequency am I privileged to hear the like. 

His remarks were based on a conference talk from the spring of '96 by Elder Neal A.Maxwell who said that we must be careful who we listen to and emulate. 

Boy did that get me going.  I immediately thought of many of the MOHO bloggers that I feel have gone off the deep end -- the ones I do not look for information or advise.  The longer I thought about them, the more I started thinking about what I myself was writing about and what information someone reading would take away from reading my writings.

Based on that process of thought, I feel it is time for me to re-address my stance on all things gay and Mormon.

A gay Mormon man trying to being clear concerning his beliefs -- on which this blog is based.

I am not thrilled with the conservative moment to rename issues to fit conservative beliefs.  Therefore, I use the words gay and homosexual with abandon that borders on reckless.  The name that really got me going early in my life was faggot, and I will never be comfortable using that name on anyone.  Queer?  It's OK, but I don't use it.

The terms same sex attraction or same sex issues, or anything same sex seems like the conservatives way of being political correct -- only on certain terms that they get to define, and I am not interested.

Unlike many religious conservatives, I acknowledge that homosexuals and and gays exist.

I do not believe that they (we) picked from the sexual preference catalog, what they (we) wanted to be attracted to. I pick art supplies from a catalog, not my sexual preference.

I do not deny them (again, us) the right to live their own lives and make their own choices - a privilege that I expect in my own life.

I understand the LDS churches stance against letting gays marry in their temples, which is where the gay marriage push will end up. Mormons, due to the First Amendment protecting free exercise of religion -- a right we all share -- get to set the criteria for entering their temples. 

The law of chastity is very clear, and Mormons believe that they have a prophet who speaks for the lord.  I believe that we have a prophet who speak for the lord.  I also believe that the Proclamation on the Family speaks clearly what LDS believe, and I believe it as well. Because of it's forthrightness, I sometimes cringe when a gay friend reads it, and I sometimes try to find a softer way of interpreting it.  But the bottom line is that it rings true to me regardless of my political stance.

I am gay

I do not think that I am gay, nor do I feel that I am gay.  My knowledge is based on years and years of feelings, understandings, desires, and, yes, I will say it -- behaviors.  I have had spiritual confirmation that I am gay.  Based on my understanding, I have also had confirmation that if I act according to my knowledge and try to keep the commandments, I will have the opportunity to be complete in spirit, mind and body.

Believe me when I say that I understand the issues involved in the gay lifestyle - an iffy term.  I am not ignorant, nor am I turning a blind eye.  I spent years living as a sexually active gay man.

Not incidentally, I am a Mormon. Though I was born into and reared in a Mormon family, I am Mormon by choice. I am not, as some have suggested, lazily taking the path of least resistance.

I understand that being Mormon or being gay is not the norm. Being both is even less so.  I do not care.

I choose not to involve myself in to anything anti-gay or anything anti-Mormon.  I have too much respect for myself to engage in such nonsense.Nor will I argue with gay Mormon friends I have who are living together or who have married. I love them deeply.

I have chosen to live as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who lives the law of chastity.  I do not have sex with men, nor am I seeking sex with men, or waiting for the day when having a sexual relationship with one of my own gender will be allowed in a chaste life.  I have decided that obeying the commandments is more important to me than fulfilling my sexual desire, and I cannot follow the commandments and live as a sexually active gay man.

Yes, there is more. 

I have also chosen to marry a woman who understands my nature and my desire to remain a worthy, card caring priesthood holder. When I married, I  wanted a family, and the way things were going, that wasn't going to happen.  Finding a lady that was willing to accept me for me was God sent. I also found someone I wanted to be with for as long as I could conceive, someone who expected me to act responsibly and supported me taking my power back from wherever I had sent it.

Gay, married to a woman, values a temple recommend, no lying or duplicity, allows others the same privilege.  I feel the need to say that last part again.  I allow others the same privilege.

One more twist: I am not publicly out, though most of those in my close circle understand where I stand.  I do not live in one manner and support another.  I am the same religiously/politically on both fronts. There is no difference in how I live and how I write.

I choose to present this blog under a pseudonym in order to protect my wife and family.  If someone were to "out" me (and it wouldn't be hard) I might be uncomfortable for a time, but I would get over it.  My wife has feelings, however.  How do I discuss my sexuality as a married man without discussing hers - which is no ones business?  I do not want to see her hurt.

Just to be clear.