Saturday, January 31, 2015

Religious Freedom for all, or "It's all about the base*"

I am just as happy as a MarMoHo* can be. 

I had a lovely breakfast from McDonald's, I am at work on a pleasent morning, my daughter says she is going to do the dishes, and my church is trying to stay with the times while staying true to the words of the latter-day prophets of the Lord.  

All I need is a box of Chicken in a Biscuit and some tastefully pointy new leather shoes and I would be a snug bug.

I am really most pleased because I see progress. There were four steps made this week and only one step backward. Let me explain.

The LDS church has almost 6.5 members in the US (I keep thinking that this is a huge number but there were more people you-tubing Scott Sterling-Soccer Hero) This week Mormons become the second largest denomination to publicly support LGBT anti-discrimination legislation. As an FYI, the only religious group larger to support the legislation is the United Methodist Church.

Is it too little, too late as suggested by several national media groups?  

I always think more can be done - especially on a personal level. But being the second largest religious group to support this legislation? That's not so little.

Too late is the case for for Idaho who will have to wait for next year.  (See my last essay.) 

However, the Mormon Church’s position on this issue may well turn the tide on a bill just introduced in the Utah State Senate, so maybe not too late.

Oh, bother. It's always too late to some degree. The new laws usually come into effect because someone has already been hurt.  But too late to do the right thing.  I say no.  

So, pull up a chair and have a diet coke on me.  I am celebrating the statement itself and the influence it will have on the members of the church. 

Before we toss one back, this is what the statement made by the church didn't do:  It did not come out and say that it is OK for members of the church to openly support same sex marriage. Maybe it's not a necessary thing for them to come out and say. Maybe it is OK for the church to promote a bit of thinking and decision making for the members.

For myself, I support religious freedom and gay rights both. I believe in agency -- that if a man wants to marry another man he may choose to do so, or if a gay man wishes to follow the words of the prophets, he may do so as well. There are consequences for both. 

I also support the LDS church in saying that you can't be in full fellowship and be married to one of the same sex.  I also believe that the church has the right to dis-allow temple sealing in the temple.

This is not to say that Mormons have the right to exclude.  Mormons aren't given carte blanche to make unrighteous judgement and real Mormns who understand the gospel will never do so.  Mormons include and love and welcome others. Period.

The church did acknowledge that gay people have rights.  The leaders by their action also said that it is OK to be a member in good standing (Mormon terminology) and support our LGBT brothers and sisters.

Here is an area of caution that jumps out to me. Trying to anticipate what others are going to do based on limited previous experience is not always what it is cracked up to be. Mormons have been in positions where they have completely overcompensated and become aggressive in all the wrong ways. In other words, we often demand rights and privileges that we are not willing to allow for those not of our faith.

The Mormon persecution complex was developed because of actual persecution of Mormons 200 years ago.  It may be a good time to let it go.  Mormons are required to forgive and, if not forget, at least to hand it over to the Lord for judgement. Because Mormons know of atrocities perpetrated when freedom is denied, Mormons should be quick to watch over those who need protection regardless of what they look like or how high their heels are.

Mormons and non-Mormons alike have healing to do.

This from the press conference: "When religious people are publicly intimidated, retaliated against, forced from employment or made to suffer personal loss because they have raised their voice in the public square, donated to a cause or participated in an election, our democracy (and our society Cal Thompson may add) is the loser... Such tactics are every bit as wrong as denying access to employment, housing or public services because of race or gender." 

-Elder Dallan H.Oaks

*By the way, the real base is repentance and forgiveness.

Friday, January 30, 2015

No gay rights or Mormon rights this year in Idaho!

This week Idaho lawmakers stopped a bill in its tracks that would have created protections for GLBT communities. The proposed legislation would have added sexual orientation and gender identity into Idaho’s Human Rights Act.  Idaho GLBT rights groups have been trying for nine years to get legislation before their lawmakers. 

All of this comes two days after the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- of which I am a proud and loyal member, announced that it supported much of the nondiscrimination legislation presented by various states and municipalities.This latest bill would have granted job and housing protections for gay and transgender people.

I have been at the top  of the Idaho State
Capital Dome looking down.  Almost puked.
Idaho is the first state with an established Mormon population to have considered such a bill since the LDS church's announcement. Idaho's House State Affairs Committee consists of the Legislature’s conservative lawmakers and includes several Mormons. They voted 13 to 4 to prevent the bill from moving to the House floor effectively killing the bill and sucking the juice out of it. 

Keep reading, however for the silver spud lining.

The vote was split right down party lines -- Republicans opposing it and Democrats voting in favor of the bill. Bills of this nature are usually not revised and presented again in the same legislative section, so we are probably looking for something similar to be presented next year.

Tangent Alert: Next year. Perfect for doing what will be needed to get this through Idaho's house and senate. "What will be needed to pass a non-discrimination bill?" you ask? Blessed little.  I think it would have passed had the Churches announcement not come out ironically.  I think Mormon Republicans quickly pulled back to make sure that the "religious legislation passed as well - so they will go back and add that section to the bill and it will pass with many rainbow colors flying. It will read something like this -- gays can't be kicked out of their jobs or their apartments for being gay, and neither can Mormons for being Mormons, or Catholics for being Catholic, etc. Yes, we have gotten to the point where we have to legislate kindness, and dang it if we aren't going to. End of Tangent. Amen.

Monday's testimony in Idaho's State capital included an account by a transgender teenager who told of having been referred to as "it" by grade school teachers.  Several heartfelt storied were presented to the lawmakers and to more that one thousand visiting the capital to support the bill.

And now for...whatever this is:

Republican Representative Ken Andrus said this concerning the bills failure to pass: "If we pass the bill today as it is worded, it would create a barrier between you folks in favor of adding the words and the so-called straight community and it will be a giant step backwards, not forwards."

Let me rephrase that statement for those of you scratching your heads.

"If we pass this law it is just going to annoy the straight folk."  

Coming from a long line of straight Mormon folk -- a lot of us/them deserve to be annoyed. Not making waves is no excuse for allowing discrimination based on race, sex, color, religion, sexual preference or gender identity in situations of housing or employment.

Republican lawmakers said they worried the measure would lead to lawsuits against those who refused services to gay and transgender people based on religious beliefs  Maybe so. Therefore, let's add them as well!  Sign us all up. Grant protections to everyone. (We should have just allowed rights and respect to everyone from the beginning, but, heck, we can do it now with very little skin off of our nose.)

So, add religious people to those who want rights, and why not.

Doesn't everyone deserve them? 

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Today's Mormon/gay made-up news is brought to you by...

CNN reported yesterday that the Mormon church is in a battle and that it wants to call a partial truce.  "In exchange" they say, "the Mormon church wants gay rights advocates -- and the government -- to back off."

Well, ain't that a great lead to a story. Unfortunately, the truth doesn't read that way at all.

What actually happened was that the leaders of the LDS church pledged continued support for anti-discrimination laws for the GLBT community -- and then compared these laws to those that protect the rights of religious groups.

The "new campaign" as per CNN, repeats language from a website the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints launched in 2012 encouraging members and non members alike to be "more accepting and compassionate toward gays".

The church made clear on that site and in a public announcement in 2009, that it opposes gay marriage and insists on its right to set its own boundaries within church-affiliated charities, schools, properties and businesses;  Read, continued stances on no gay marriage and attendance requirements for its world wide temples.

What was new-ish to many was the LDS churches stance on religious freedoms. Elder Dallin Oaks, a member of the church's Quorum of Twelve Apostles stated:

"When religious people are publicly intimidated, retaliated against, forced from employment or made to suffer personal loss because they have raised their voice in the public square, donated to a cause or participated in an election, our democracy is the loser."

"Such tactics are every bit as wrong as denying access to employment, housing or public services because of race or gender." Elder Oaks cited several examples on Tuesday, which included:

1) The mayor of Houston subpoenaing sermon notes last year from pastors who opposed an equal rights ordination. The subpoena was later dropped.

2) Public pressure placed on a LDS gymnast to step down as an Olympic liaison in 2011 because he had supported California's Proposition 8.

3) Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich was forced to resign because he had donated money to support the passage of Prop 8.

"It is one of today's great ironies that some people who have fought so hard for LGBT rights now try to deny the rights of others to disagree with their public policy proposals," said Elder Oaks.

To be clear, Tuesday's announcement doesn't change any church doctrine -- including its opposition to gay marriage. It was simply a reiteration of policy it had established in 2009. The timing seems deliberate to coincide with the start of a new Congress and new legislative sessions nationwide, which is a smart move.

Others are speaking up as well. Southern Baptists and Catholic bishops have recently joined the international conversation to support national laws that aim to protect religious freedom.

"We are suggesting a way forward in which those with different views on these complex issues can together seek solutions that will be fair to everyone," said Elder D. Todd Christofferson, a member of the LDS churches Quorum of Twelve Apostles.

Sen. Jim Dabakis, of the Utah State senate is openly gay. I only mention this because this of course directly affects him as a law maker and a member of the LGTB community.  He sighed "Amen," to the church's -- shall we say "historic" announcement.?  Let's do. Historic.

"I am proud that the LDS Church has seen fit to lead the way in non-discrimination," he said. "Now, let's roll up our sleeves, get to work and pass a statewide nondiscrimination bill."

A good thing?  Yes. It's the right thing to do, and I believe with all of my heart that the members and the leadership of the LDS church aches to do the right thing. It (again) acknowledges the GLBTs as people worthy of respect and love.

Out of the blue? Unexpected?  The church is "backing off?" No. But we -- like CNN -- appreciate a little drama.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Are revelations ready for us? Will we be ready?

I try to keep tabs on world events that have ties to what I am trying to accomplish at GayMormonMan/PriesthoodMen; which is to support homosexuals as worthy of love while following the teachings of the latter day prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. With that end in mind... 

News agencies reported last week that Catholic leaders had taken down their "welcome all ye gays" shingle. 

Don't you believe it. The "welcome all ye gays" shingle had not been hung. It hadn't even been painted, at least not in the sense the press was referring to. 

There was a document that was created weeks ago and released to the media that supported allowing gays to marry in the church/with the churches blessings. Last weeks meetings in the Vatican to ratify the document were spearheaded by Pope Frances. The document was actually written by Monsignor Bruno Forte at the Pope's request. Monsignor Forte is known for supporting those who are in what has come to be known as an "irregular" union -- read, gay marriage.
Once the document was written the Pope put out a call to clergy of importance to attend  a conference to have the document voted on and signed into "doctrine", or as a representation as the Catholic churches position on a number of different topic -- treatment of gays in the church one of them. 

The current policy allows that "People with homosexual tendencies must be welcomed with respect and delicacy."  

US based DignityUSA said in a statement at the end of last week: "Unfortunately, today, doctrine won out over pastoral need. It is disappointing that those who recognized the need for a more inclusive Church were defeated." 

(It was defeated by a clear margin in a vote. The men voted on what would be considered their doctrine.)

By "inclusive" I am assuming that they mean allowance of gay marriage as church policy.

Marriage between a man and a woman is still taught as the norm by Catholics, and same sex marriage is not acceptable Catholic doctrine -- meaning that gay people may not marry in traditional Catholic settings and they may not take communion. Speaking of, another controversial topic, that of communion being available to divorced and civilly remarried Catholics failed to make the cut to accepted doctrine as well.

The 118-62 vote on what is being called "the gay section" is considered by Catholic liberals to be a protest by progressive bishops who refused to sign off on a watered-down compromise. 

The draft presented was considered by Catholic conservatives to represent an overly progressive point of view, one held by a political minority. It should be pointed out again that while Catholic conservatives believe that gay sex is "intrinsically disordered," homosexuals are to be respected.  Marriage, however, should only be between a man and woman.

In an unexpected gesture after the voting, Pope Francis approached a group of journalists waiting nearby in press areas to thank them for their work covering the event

 "Grazie tante" -- "Thanks to you and your colleagues for the work you have done," the Pope said. "Christ wanted his church to be a house with the door always open to welcome everyone, without excluding anyone."

The bottom line:  I believe that these are good men who are doing their best to meet the needs of their church. I appreciate opening up conversations and attempts at appropriate transparency and the effort to respect everyone.

By the same token, I am glad that the LDS church is led by a prophet of God who speaks for him and is able to receive communication from him. The Church is lead by Jesus Christ, and he alone is at the head. I firmly believe this.  

I pray that we may be worthy as a people to accept the revelations that He may have ready for us. Even if the revelation is as simple as follow the prophet.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Gay Mormon blessings (not talking about shoes)

Someone on Facebook told me that the Bible says that homosexuals are going to hell. 

The bible does not say that homosexuals are going to hell. It does say that sinners are going to hell without intervention, and then stated that we are all sinners. The bottom line is to intervene or go to hell.

“No righteous person will be denied any blessings which come from God. We have no control over the heartbeats or the affections of men [or women], but pray that you may find fulfillment. And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal blessings for anything which that person could not help, that the Lord never fails in his promises, and that every righteous person will receive eventually all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited through any fault of his or her own”  -Spencer W. Kimball Ensign, Oct. 1979, p. 5

Love this quote. Let's break it down

1) Who is a righteous person? 

The terms "righteous" and "righteousness" apply to mortals who, though beset with weaknesses and frailties, are seeking to come unto Christ. In this sense, righteousness is not synonymous with perfection. It is a condition in which a person is moving toward the Lord, yearning for godliness, continuously repenting of sins, and striving honestly to know and love God and to follow the principles and ordinances of the gospel. Saints of God are urged to do "the works of righteousness" (D&C 59:23) and to "bring to pass much righteousness" (D&C 58:27)

So, no one who is trying to move towards the Lord will be denied any blessings which come from God. No one -- gay or straight or male of female or of one race or another. President Kimball said "no one".

2) Important to re-state from the quote: We have no control over the heartbeats or the affections of men [or women], but pray that you may find fulfillment. 

3) Also important from the Quote: And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal blessings for anything which that person could not help 

4) To remember: The Lord never fails in his promises, 

5) To remember: Every person who is trying to move towards the Lord will receive eventually all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited through any fault of his or her own".

My understanding is that there are several ways and several directions. When we move towards the Lord -- regardless of who we are or what we look like on the surface, He will give us blessings that we might not receive if we go another direction.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Moments in the woods

Back when I was young and beau-d-ful I attended one of those motivational self-awareness group where we were broken down a bit and then re-programmed. Re-programmed isn't exactly the right word but it gives you an idea. 

It was painful. I had to look at myself from a different angle and do a little fix-er-up-ing in a concentrated few days. While I don't necessarily recommend that particular experience for everyone, I believe that the concept behind it was solid.

It made me more aware. And one of the key things it brought to my attention was that every challenge or difficulty gave me experiences that brought on change. 

Improvement. With every challenge I improved. 

With that in mind, 
I would like to shout from my rooftop 
that I think today 
is a great day 
to be a Mormon!  

Maybe just a great day to be alive regardless of who you are or what you are dealing with. 

People are pondering and asking questions and getting answers. Some answers are slower coming, but options are being considered and people are opening up a little... and then a little more.  

The TLC program brought up a lot of issues for us. Some of us were disgusted by those liberal gay people, or appalled by those liberal gay people who were trying to be conservative and be straight. Others got what they needed to support their political stance regardless of direction, and facebook lit up and ain't it great!

Ain't it freaking great that we are talking about important issues and life altering complications that force us to re-examine what we think and who we are and how we show love. And after we have struggled and cried (and maybe yelled a little) we show our family and friends how much we love them and pack it in for the night. 

I am taking a moment to be thankful for those moments in the woods that make our lives worth living. Regardless of what side you are on, please take a moment to thank the Lord for choice and change, for love and reason, for family and friends, for the ability to improve.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Dear Ann Lande... Brother Thompson

Dear Brother Thompson,

My 18 yr old son listened to me talk with a relative about her relationship with a man she had kept a secret from her mother for over a year. I explained that she should tell her mom about him. It is extremely painful when parents are shut out of the things that are most important in their children’s lives. On the ride home my son highlighted those comments, and used it as an opportunity to tell me what I have known about him for years: he is attracted to men.

He was a little taken aback at my response. No shock, tears, or anger. I had to laugh a little and explain that I have been aware for a long time.  My son said he was a little uncomfortable with how well I knew him.  That I knew what was going through his head and heart before he did. I tried to reassure him that I can’t read his mind, but that the Spirit has always been a strong guide -- not to mention that I am his mom and I love him fiercely.

My husband has several brothers and in the past 2 years all his brothers had one child come forward saying they have same sex attraction. Only 1 of brothers handled the announcement maturely. My husband is the only one of the 5 brothers that remains active in the church. I have been helping my husband over the years prepare for this day. 

This is Abby from Dear Abby. There is no
resemblance whatsoever.

When first married he had very rigid views and had little tolerance for homosexuality. He is no longer the same man in that respect, and I am eternally grateful the Lord has softened his heart and opened his mind. I am not worried at all about how that conversation will go when he returns next week from being out-of-town.

Let me tell you my son’s hopes and and maybe then you can help me with resources to support him. He has always been grounded in the gospel, his faith unwavering. He always wanted to serve a mission, until yesterday.  He still wants to hold the priesthood and have a temple marriage. He wants to follow Heavenly Father’s plan. He recently spoke with one of his gay cousins, and friends at school. He was discouraged with their reactions because they want him “embrace” his feelings and live freely as a gay man. He said he doesn't feel happiness when he thinks of that life.

I asked many candid questions and this is what I know:

-He no longer feels “worthy” to serve a mission, although he has not acted on any of his feelings. He states being with just men for 2 years has not been a concern to him.
-He wants to have an eternal marriage with a wife and children, but feels that a woman could not love him if he is attracted to men, and that he could not give her the love and security she needs for the same reasons.
-At this time, he is repulsed by any type of intimate relationship, male or female. He can’t imagine being that close to anyone. I tried to reassure him that when he finds the right person it will be much easier.
-He has gone on dates with a few girls, but never had a “girlfriend”. 

We live in an area where being LDS is a minority, and the gay and lesbian community is well supported and accepted. We purposefully chose to live here many years ago for multiple reasons,but one was to give our children exposure to multiple cultures, lifestyles, and to help them become more well-rounded and tolerant of differences within all people. 

I don’t believe his environment made him, I knew this about him before we moved 8 years ago.

I have tried to liken his situation to alcoholism. Some members of the church are really attracted to alcohol, but they choose not to partake to keep their blessings.

I also had him watch the dinner scene from The Family Stone. When I watched it for the first time many years ago I was a hot mess and cried long after the movie was over. I knew then that I had to be sure to tell my son that he IS NORMAL when the day came, and I did. I also reminded him that the trials he has been given are no more difficult or easier than anyone else's, just different. 

I asked if he would like to trade trials with me, and without hesitation he declined, and we laughed. I reminded him that the Lord has made his faith strong and that he was given this because he is so faithful. What others view as a weakness will be his strength. Just to be clear, I have reassured him that we will love him however he decides to live his life. I told him that he can’t “pray it away”, and to forgive anyone that tries to tell him to do so. I did encourage him to pray for strength and guidance and to follow the Lord’s will to live the life the Lord wants him to.

Your blog was the first one I came across. Honestly, I am a little concerned where my searches for support will lead me. I want to find ways to support him and give him the resources and information that he cannot get from is friends and cousins since at this time he is committed to remain a faithful member of the church.

I want to ask very personal questions like:
How do you maintain your membership and not feel “unworthy” as my son does? 
How does your family support you?
How does your relationship with your wife affect your feelings, and your feelings affect her?

Obviously, I don’t expect you to answer such personal inquiries. I just want to give him evidence that he can have a full and meaningful life with healthy relationships and achieve his goals while being a faithful servant and Son of Heavenly Father. I think his hope is just a flicker and I want to give him fuel to make it a raging fire before it goes out altogether and he becomes lost in this life and the next.

Again, we love and support our son unconditionally. I am basing my inquiries on what he has expressed to me to be his desires.

Thank you for sharing your trials and using it to serve and help others.

Dear Sister Doe,

What a freakin' wonderful letter on so many levels. You are a kind, respectful, responsible and loving parent. You hit the key -- for me at least -- of overcoming anything we believe to be a challenge. (Yes, being gay and Mormon at the same time is a challenge. Frankly, I hear that being straight and Mormon at the same time can be a challenge).

The key was when you wrote "I did encourage him to pray for strength and guidance and to follow the Lord’s will to live the life the Lord wants him to."  

This is exactly the right thing. God has a plan for us. He is smarter than we are and has infinitely more power. If we can control the natural man regardless of our sexual inclination we can have eternal life. Being gay and being a card-carrying temple recommend holding Mormon requires sacrifice. 

He will have to choose to not have gay sex.  It is a hard decision to make, and even when it is made, hormones kick in and so does the internet and sometimes resolve dissolves.  And if a mistake is made, the adversary says, ah, just give up.  Everybody else thinks you should. Be true to yourself! (as if anyone but you and the Lord knows what you truly are and can make that call.)

I love your questions!  I am not shy, and I am happy to answer.

How do you maintain your membership and not feel “unworthy” as my son does?  I'll tell you why. I feel worthy because of the atonement. The Savior knows all about the indiscretions of my youth (a nice way of saying that I really screwed up). I used to feel that my sin was somehow not as good or as valid as someone else s sin.  Yes, I felt inadequate even in sinning.

Let me tell you and your son now that you are enough.  The savior took on his sins as well as yours and mine.  You are enough for him.   

How does your family support you?  It's my wife that is my major supporter. I have committed to her in every way. We are a team. Our sex life isn't worthy soap opera fodder, but we get by, and we excel in so many other areas. My brothers and sisters support me fully. Some are members of the church and some are not, but it doesn't matter to anyone of them. My dad -- who is little old school -- doesn't talk about it, but I don't bring it up with him much either.  Explaining it to my kids might be fun to watch when it happens.

How does your relationship with your wife affect your feelings, and your feelings affect her?  I believe that you are talking about sexual feelings, so I will re-phrase your question. How does your relationship with your wife affect your sexual feelings, and your sexual feelings affect her?  

Good question. I am gay. I am not bi. I am not still deciding or waiting for the right guy. I am not looking for a guy. I am not watching the polls to see if what I am doing is PC or approved by TLC or GLAAD or any other organization whether liberal or conservative. I have been married for over fifteen years and I have never regretted it. As readers know, I am in the process of getting sealed to her - something we have both thought through thoroughly -- fifteen years worth of thorough.  

I am sure that many men see something they are physical attracted to. I am the same. As men, we don't dwell, we don't check out what's out there.  We don't porn or try to have things both ways. We remember our commitment to our wives, our families and our God. Sometimes this involves tongue biting and hymn singing, but we are honorable men who are looking at our big picture. We certainly do not put anyone else down for their choice and we expect the same treatment. 

My wife and I talk about it often. There is a bittersweet edge for her certainly, but she is still my wife and I am her husband, and we are pleased with our choice. 

As far as where to look for support, is it trite to say the scriptures, church leaders, home teachers, family, church and prayer?  Maybe a bit. Look at it this way. Church is for people and their lives and challenges. We all have things we are working out in the Mormon church, not just gay people. Having said that, I personalty revere Ty Mansfield and his organization. I do not feel they are simply one sided. 

Again look to the spirit to be directed to holy sources for help.

Either one of you can E-mail me. And please tell your son that we love him and that it is OK to stop feeling guilty for something he didn't do.   

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Carol Lynn and cough syrup

Somewhere inbetween the time when I had my first homosexual feelings and before I understood intellectually what it was to be a homosexual I became aware of Carol Lynn Pearson.

The order was love. My mother was in the orchestra for a large and professional version of Carol Lynn and Lex's Mormon musical before that other Mormon musical  On stage a real looking cottonwood tree was dressed up to look like a weeping willow. Hanging from it was a wooden swing. My heart ached for the girl swinging and singing to the tree.  

I met Carol Lynn as a gangly child and got her autograph and I could have died right then. And this was before My Turn on Earth had seen the light of day.
This is not a photo of
Carol Lynn Pearson

Yesterday I read her commentary on a recent article of statistics concerning gays and Mormons and gay Mormons. 

After I was through reading Carol Lynn's comments I was in tears. Carol Lynn didn't give my marriage any hope. In fact, if I were a young gay man looking to be married to a woman with full disclosure and honesty she would discourage me.

I sat at my computer guzzling cough syrup to keep from puking up a lung, washed that down with diet coke and an occasional chill cheese corn chip and I cried. My idol had come down against my marriage in favor of statistics that clearly state a mixed orientation marriage such as mine could not last and would be devastating for both partners and their children.  She also cited her own personal experience.

I know about her experience -- at least as much as some guy outside her family who has read her and of her and of those by her can. Her experience is severe and intense and incredibly telling.  Had I had her experience I would insist the very same thing -- that gay guys marrying straight women is folly mostly perpetuated by fools (as opposed to knaves).

I agree with them -- more Carol Lynn than the stats. The odds, literally, are remarkably small. They appear to be the same odds as getting into heaven if you are wealthy. And, by the way, trying to manage my wealth and staying humble will never be a problem for me.  

But, as stated by my chicken friends in Chicken Run (and I believe that all chickens are my friends):  

Bunty:  In all my life, I've never heard such a fantastic... load of tripe. Oh, face the facts, ducks. The chances of us getting out of here are a million to one.
Ginger: Then there's still a chance.

Even if there is only a one in a million chance, there is still a chance. That is important to me and others on the good ship MarMoHo.

I still love Carol Lynn -- maybe more than I did before.  She has been respectful, truthful and kind.  And that hair!. I also appreciate those who put so much time into the surveys and published the stats. It is wonderful to not be ignored. 

And having red both, I firmly believe that my wife and I have a chance.

OK.  Two more chicken quotes:

Rocky: You see, flying takes three things: Hard work, perseverance and... hard work.
Fowler: You said hard work twice!
Rocky: That's because it takes twice as much work as perseverance

Babs: Morning, Ginger. Back from holiday?
Ginger: I wasn't on holiday, Babs. I was in solitary confinement.
Babs: Oh. It's nice to get a bit of time to yourself, isn't it?

Friday, January 9, 2015

Who are you to tell me that I am not being honest with myself?

"These men who are on the show "My Husband's Not Gay"are not being honest with themselves."

I hear this and my blood boils.

Before I spout, let me state that I am not even tempered like Ty Mansfield. He is a handsome younger gentleman with biceps and natural color in his hair. He leads the North Star group and is a rational, PC kinda' dude.

I am not him. I am a just a rather off-kilter bizarre normal-looking married Mormon homosexual who follows the teachings of the LDS church.  I don't have a lot of authority or hidden angst for that matter. I support the LDS church. I support agency as well. Now that I have reiterated that point...

...let me just say, how on earth is anyone able to determine another human being's level of self awareness/honesty? "He's not being honest with himself" is often what is said when someone doesn't agree with "his" point of view. It goes along with the phrase "this is how 'he' should be living".  

There it is again in the online comments section this phrase in the comments for The View's report on the upcoming show about married gay Mormons. "They are not being honest with themselves." - referring to the MarMoMHo's featured on the show.

Here is one of the comments I refer to: "People can of course choose to do what they want with their life. But to put this on a show, it needs to be clear that it is a very dysfunctional harmful thing to do to not be honest with yourself." 

Yes, that's right. Do what you want, but you're screwing it up. Just one step removed from "when you fall down and break you're leg, don't come running to me".

At least there is a voice of reason in the national market. Read what The View host Sara Gilbert has to say:

 "I think if you're on a show called My Husband's Not Gay, then your husband's gay. But I also think there is a reverse bullying in the gay community where you can't do it a certain way and - I'm sure this is controversial - but I think if a guy is attracted to guys and he wants to try to live a straight lifestyle that is as much his prerogative than somebody who wants to live a gay lifestyle."Sara Gilbert, responding to criticism of the show.

Isn't that interesting?  She explains exactly what I have been feeling. I am a married Mormon homosexual. A few of us are doing it our own way, and that seems to drive a vocal few mad.  I can't tell you how many people have send me emails or messages that they were dropping me because they had thought I was cool but clearly I am not.

Well, yes I can: 12 in the last week -- not including unexplained drops in Facebook friends.
(There could be other reasons as well for the drops. I can be a little confrontational)

I want to quote Sara again.  "I think if a guy is attracted to guys and he wants to try to live a straight lifestyle that is as much his prerogative than somebody who wants to live a gay lifestyle."


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

My Husband is gay. Get used to it.

New from those who brought you Honey Boo Boo and Say Yes to the Dress; An equally heavily edited and in-depth report on MarMoHos -- Married Mormon homosexuals.
Get this; Because it is about self confessed homosexuals the show is called "My husband's not gay". 

Of course, the husbands are gay. The husbands being gay is why they created the show. 

And see how clever that title was? See how the presentation is sexy and generates interest?   

After all, "My husband is gay" has been done, and TLC prides itself on being cutting edge. 
Plus they get to be sarcastic and biting and that is just the title -- so it's a win win.

Church spokesman Eric Hawkins responded in the following way regarding the issue:
“The decision for a woman and man to marry is deeply personal. While the Church does not promote marriage as a treatment method for same-sex attraction, couples who are trying to be lovingly supportive of each other while being true to their religious convictions deserve our support and respect.”

How is it that freakish things are lauded and supported unless the freakish part is Mormon? I am hoping that the television audience is brighter than TLC's marketing suggests.

Wouldn't it be nice to have others see the show and say, "OK. I may or may not agree with those queer-ish Mormons, but how, where and why they live as they do is their choice.  

Or is understanding and acceptance only required of conservatives or others wearing boring shoes.?

Who would ever have thought I would be typing this thing out.  Read it and remember how it felt

We spend out whole lives wishing. We weren't so freakin' strange.
They make us feel that way. But it's they who need to change   (no one has to be made to feel anything -- bytheway)

The way they think, that is.

It's time to stop the hiding. It's time to stand up tall.
Sing hey world, I'm different, and here I am splinters and all!
Spliters and all

Let your freak flag wave
Let your freak flag fly

Never take it down, never take it down
Raise it way up high! Yeah! Let your freak flag fly! Let it fly, fly, fly!

It's hard to be a puppet

Little puppet boy

So many strings attached.

But it's not the choice you make.
Its just, how you, were hatched!

Let your freak flag wave, let your freak flag fly. Never take it down, Never take it down,
Raise it way up high!
Let your freak flag fly

I'm proud to be a pig

I raise my furry fist

It's time a tell the world

I'm a scientologist!

I did some time in jail

I smell like sauerkraut

I'm gonna shed my house coat

Miss Thing, you work it out!
Let your freak flag wave! Let your freak flag fly! Never take it down never take it down.
Raise it way up high!

We've got magic
We've got power
Who are they
To say we're wrong?
All the things that make us special
Are the things that make us strong!

What makes us special
Makes us strong!
Let your freak flag wave!
Let your freak flag fly!
Never take it down, never take it down
Raise it way up high!
Let your freak flag fly! Fly!