Gay Mormon Man / PriesthoodMen: The Essay Where I Loose Half My Readers.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Essay Where I Loose Half My Readers.

I don't have to tell you that there are people within the Mormon church (and without I suppose) that are freaked out but the phrase "Gay Mormon Man".

It is a little freaky. Try it for yourself. It will be like the worlds most fruity science fair experiment. Stand in the corner of the relief society room as they are setting up for Sunday school and pretend to be in conversation with someone. Both of you laugh as if something funny was said and as laughter is dying down, one of you mutter loudly "A Gay Mormon Man?", or better yet, "He is Gay?". It will be like hyenas saying "Mufassa" in the elephant grave yard. (See how I play to the stereotypes of musical theatre-loving, semi-intelligent gays for comic effect so you will keep reading?)

Be prepared for a silence worthy of a closet in the temple. There will be stares to rival anything on Housewives of Orange County. There will be weapons drawn, and by weapons, I mean scriptures. Someone may ask to see your recommend. You may loose your cushioned seat in Sacrament meeting. There may be hot glue spilled!

There is much stigma attached to The GMM that is not seen with, say, an alcoholic Elders Quorum President, or kleptomanical ward clerk, or an ex-con hymnal picker-upper. We in the church have a degree of sympathy for the scout leader who cheats on his taxes. But a priesthood guy that wants to touch some dudes butt? Nope. Not gonna happen.

Yes, we have come a long way as a society, and a culture, and as a church. I am seeing much more tolerance for people and their ways than I ever saw growing up - not that my experiences are the standard for Mormon Acceptance of Others. But from what I hear at General Conference, I truly believe that we, the Mormon People, are growing more realistic. The Relief Society president may have a son in jail. Mine did. The bishop's daughter may be hanging out with a bad crowd and have one too many pierced earrings.

It is, I think, becoming acceptable to not be perfect.

Now, there are those that are upset at my comparing Homosexuality to alcoholism, or dis-honesty, or jail, or drug abuse. How dare I make such a comparison? It's because I am an idiot. How offencive. It is so not a even remotely perfect analogy. I will change it as soon as I think of something better.

Yet for now, I dare. It points to the fact that there are some things in life that we are to overcome. I believe living a gay lifestyle to be one. Notice that I don't say that it's Homosexuality we are to overcome. I don't think that is possible. It's the choice to have gay sex. We may chat about this more...if I am not pulled down from my perch and beaten, which may be sooner than I thought. I hear someone at the door...

Remember that I am gay Mormon man. A big one. I yearn sometimes for a mans touch so bad I cry, and not just big 'ol sissy tears cause I'm a fag.

And yet I know that what I think I want is not on the menu. Like drinking. Or stealing. Or any other weakness that is experienced by man.

I can't say as I am terribly thrilled at the thought of living a celibate life style because the Mormon church says that I cant have gay sex; or any sex for that matter outside the bounds of matrimony, which the church has made very clear is between a man and a woman.

You know what else I am not thrilled about? Being fat. Fat does not thrill me. Does it thrill you? "No fats or fems"; it's not part of the gay life. Its not a wanted part of a straight life. I cannot think of one person who, given the choice between being fat or not fat would pick fat.

Would you?

So it's decided. Fat is not for me. I am going to put myself on a diet. No more butter, cause my doctor says I am a butter freak and it ain't doing my gut a bit of good. The thing is... I LOVE BUTTER MORE THAN LIFE IT'S SELF!

That is exactly my Doctors point, by the way. It may be down to that choice. Life or butter.

So, loving life and wanting to stay around awhile to annoy my kids now that they are worth annoying, I will cut back on the butter. It's not fair, I know. My Doctor knows. The french know. Anyone with taste buds knows that life ain't fair without a cube of butter on it. But I have to pick what I want more.

I love gay sex. I want to share that kind of time with a man. It ain't fair that I can't.

I get to make a choice. Do I follow what I believe the lord wants for me, or do I grease up? Lots of butter, I mean.

Its not a perfect analogy, but I can't think of a better one. If I do, I will share it with you.

Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better. Is following the council of the prophets worth not having sex?

11 comments:

A Gay Mormon BoyJanuary 8, 2010 at 9:45 AM
Wow! (The good kind).
It's going to take a lot more than that to scare me off.
PS-- The butter analogy was pretty amusing.
ReplyDelete
Replies
Good to be FreeJanuary 8, 2010 at 4:10 PM
I'm with Mormon Boy, if that is your best shot, then there is smooth sailing.

I will say one thing about butter, (I know a few things about it, I own a bakery for goodness sakes) the French do love butter and they aren't near as fat as we are, so maybe butter isn't our biggest problem.
ReplyDelete
Replies
SeanJanuary 12, 2010 at 11:42 AM
Re: comparing homosexuality to alcoholism, dishonesty, etc.

You act like it takes some sort of courage to do this. Heck, any old bigot can and has done the same. The reason why gay people object to it is because it is hateful and demeaning.

How does one "overcome" being gay? Can it be prayed away? If I am just "good enough" will it eventually lessen or go away? If I'm "good enough" will god eventually take the feeling away from me as a reward in the afterlife? I'm thankful that this type of thinking is rapidly becoming disfavored--even inside the church.
ReplyDelete
Replies
cal thompsonJanuary 12, 2010 at 2:17 PM
Thanks for the feedback. You missed the point. Gay doesn't go away. If you are gay, then you know this. Does alcoholism go away? Nope. It is managed. It is overcome. Thats the point. We all have issues that we grow from in the overcoming.
ReplyDelete
Replies
SeanJanuary 12, 2010 at 4:46 PM
No, the point you try to make is based on false assumptions. Alcoholism, dishonesty, jail, drug abuse (the other horrible things you compared being gay to) by themselves are almost always bad. Being gay isn't. Gay isn't something that has to be managed or "overcome" any more than eye color or left handedness.

I'm still curious though. How does one "overcome" being gay?
ReplyDelete
Replies
cal thompsonJanuary 12, 2010 at 6:34 PM
Any challenge is over come buy not letting it make the rules. If I am an alcoholic, I choose not to drink or submit myself to the consequences that drinking may bring. If I am a klepto, then I choose not to take what isn't mine and stay out of jail. Overcoming any obstacle first means that you consider it an obstacle. If you wish to be a part of what the LDS church brings to the table, then homosexuality is an Obstacle. It is an obstacle for me and for a populace group. It sounds like it isn't for you. I would never put you down because you are going someplace different than where I am going, or pick to act in a way that I do not pick. Also,there are no false assumptions. Just ones that you do not agree with.
ReplyDelete
Replies
AnonymousJanuary 15, 2010 at 8:16 AM
With butter, you CAN have a little, and go on a five mile run to negate the consequences. Gay sex? Not so much. There's no five mile run equivalent to hooking up in the gym showers with the hottie on the weight bench.
Stick with the butter. Just eat less of it. (Have you ever tried Plugra?)
ReplyDelete
Replies
mattmanJanuary 18, 2010 at 10:19 PM
I LOVE BUTTER! That's it. I just had to say it. I also like that someone is speaking their mind without screaming "sinners!" to the rest.
ReplyDelete
Replies
MikeSSeptember 14, 2011 at 5:08 PM
Amen, Brother Cal.
ReplyDelete
Replies
rishiMarch 9, 2021 at 4:17 AM
Useful information shared.. I got good information to read this article, thanks for giving us nice info. Fantastic walk-through. I appreciate this post. how many liters of blood are in the human body
ReplyDelete
Replies
HealthblogsApril 22, 2021 at 12:14 AM
I am impressed by the quality of information on this website. There are a lot of good resources here. I am sure I will visit this place again soon. bon secours health center at harbour view
ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment

I order to better understand one another, I think it would be wise to understand the terms used in these essays. What I propose is an Examination for Discovery, which is briefly a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each others claims and see whether they can find some area of agreement and thus save the time of the court later on. This is assuming that there is common ground, and I believe that even the most cynical of us would agree that there is.

It will be hard to understand one another if you think blue is periwinkle and I think blue is turquoise. I know that the differences may not be a big deal - between periwinkle and turquoise - but I think its best to be incredibly clear. We both may disagree on what blue is, but, for purposes of communication, we will use the terms as listed here - adding when needed.

Of coarse they may be subject to change and/or refinement with experience and further knowledge – and with feedback. Being that this is a blog and not a diatribe, I get to lead I suppose.

List of Common Terms On Which We May Agree
or Agree To Agree On For Sake of Discussion*

For sensitivity reasons we wanted to run this list past my Gramma Ruby, which would have been really helpful not to mention miraculous because she died at an Elizabeth Dole Rally in Boise)

Active: 1) A lifestyle characterized by frequent or various social, intellectual, and particularly physical activities; 2) In geology, a volcano which erupts regularly; 3) A member of the LDS Church who is often seen carrying brownies, scriptures or children back and forth to Church.

Affirmation: 1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.

Sentence: Falling off of the stage was the affirmation she needed to confirm the universality of gravity.

Acronyms: SGA, SGB, SGI SGA: Same Gender (sexual) Attraction SGB: Same Gender (sexual) Behavior SGI: Same Gender (gay) Identity

OGA, OGB, OGI OGA: Opposite Gender (sexual) attraction OGB: Opposite Gender (sexual) behavior OGI: Opposite Gender (heterosexual) identity.

Sentence: The LDS SGA think OGA from ID, WO and MT dress like the NFL.

Beehive: 1) Home to bees, 2) A height-positive sixties hair style which many Mormon women continued to wear through the seventies and into late nineties and early 00’s with a slight revamp; 3) Young woman’s organization of girls who can’t drive yet.

Bisexual: 1) A sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical, mental or romantic attraction to both males and females.

Choice: 1) A decision between two or more option, and often referred to as free agency, personal rights and freedom.

Sentence: The choice for Juan Carlo was to either be eaten alive by the anaconda or jump from the boat into the mouth of the hungry crocodile.

Church: 1) An identifiable religious body under a common name; 2) a physical structure often equipped with a satellite dish, food warming area and an indoor basketball court.

Sentence: The ambulance and two squad cars were sent to the ball game at the Church between the elders and the priests due to last year’s “incident.”

Closet: 1) Upright storage space for clothing; 2) Slang reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends and family members.

Sentence: He had been in the closet so long he smelled like cedar and old shoes.

Coming Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or structure. 2) The process of telling people about one’s homosexuality is often referred to as coming out.

Sentence: “It’s just not coming out”, muttered Sister Macbeth as she compulsively applied spot remover.

Conversion therapy, or reparative therapy or reorientation therapy: 1) A type of sexual orientation change effort that attempts to change the sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy involving aversive conditioning, electric shock or nausea-inducing drugs, and may have included sex therapy. Today there seems to be a more subtle and genteel approach which is being met with more success,

Down Low or DL : 1)This term means different things to different people, however generally it connotes dishonesty and hiding. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are generally not aware of these infidelities.

Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity, or to engage in SGA behavior.

Family Group Sheets: 1) Forms used in annotating genealogy; 2) Money saving tactics for Mormon families at bedtime.

Sentence: Laverne and Lavelle grab your sister and a family group sheet and get you off to bed.

Families are Forever: 1) LDS catch phrase originating in the early eighties - referring to the belief that temple sealed families created on earth can move into the next life together. 2) The prevalent attitude after two weeks of dealing with the new in-laws.

Sentence: Did you hear our new sister-in-law-sing the Duran-Duran Medley? Are families really forever?

Folk Doctrine: 1) Doctrines that develop from prevailing rumor.

Sentence: Three stakes in Pocatello have been asked to spear-head a pilot program for the Churches new Work and Glory aerobics program.

Gay: 1) A happy and joyful method of celebrating holidays often sung about in English Carols and Fred Astaire films. 2) A common term for an individual attracted to their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male homosexual." Its meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay: homosexual is regarded as a sexual orientation; gay is a political identity -- i.e. an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual orientations

Sentence: Sister Fellows always regretted naming her eldest son after her favorite uncle, Gaylord.

Gender: 1) The set of characteristics that distinguish between female and male members of a species. It is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" denoting the condition of being male or female.

Sentence: “But, Julie,” Cal whined, “I simply don’t have an inoffensive sentence for the word gender.”

Genealogy: 1) An activity Mormons do happily while praying to hook up with a distant relative who has done all the work.

Sentence: Brother The-Hun was a bit disturbed when his grandma showed him his genealogy line went directly to some guy named Attila.

Heterosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the opposite sex or having to do with opposite sex attraction.

Homophobia: 1) An irrational fear, prejudice or discrimination towards homosexuals. Homophobia can take many forms, from name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.

Homosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex or having to do with same sex attraction.

In: See out.

Last days: 1) A horrific time of floods, famines, political strife and food storage eating – much like yesterday.

Sentence: The last days of a back to school sale appear to be frequented by women on a weekend pass from the state hospital.

Lesbian: Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.

Lifestyle: The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though used by gay and lesbian people in the past. “Those in the lifestyle” usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the teachings or of the culture, or East Coast Lifestyle may refer to black turtle necks, bookstores and apartment living.

Many are called, but few are chosen: 1) What I keep telling myself when I am asked to be on the ward activities committee again.

Mixed Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual” orientation with one dealing with SGA.

Out: See in.

Prophet: 1) A man called of God who holds the keys to direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.

SSA: 1) Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers SGA, (which I always thought stood for Star Gate Atlantis reruns) but actually means Same Gender Attraction. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay community”.

Sentence: ST-TNG and SGA are playing all week on SI-FI.

Sin: To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.

Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.

Quotes, Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase. For our purposes here, generally speaking, using quotation marks to denote words such as “gay” or “homosexual” is offensive. If you are not comfortable with using a term from the “so-called other side”, then it is recommended that a substitute which doesn't involve quote marks is found.

Sentence: I am offended that “he” just used quotations on the phrase other side.

Straight: 1) A direction which veers neither to the left or the right. 2) A slang term used in the place of heterosexual.

Sentence: The geography club, Straights of Magellan is not accepting new members.

Strait is the gate and narrow is the way: 1) Popular scripture quote used to encourage righteous living and weight loss.

Tithing: 1) One tenth of one’s income donated voluntarily to the LDS Church for upkeep and needed things.

Sentence: Ten percent of nothing is still nothing.

Urim and Thummim: 1) Tool used by Joseph Smith to translate the Book of Mormon. 2) What I wish I had to understand my kids text messages.

Wickedness Never Was Happiness: 1) What Cal’s first missionary companion in the MTC from Macon Georga wrote on his left bicep with a sharpie when visas to Central America didn’t come through on time. 2) Comment made by those on their way to Church when a boat or motor-home pulls up in the next lane of traffic.

This is a blog for Mormon SSA* men who wish to follow the teachings of the LDS church while owning their Homosexuality. It can be done! This blog-spot is written by a sort-of smart gay man who is a card-carrying member of the LDS church and hopes to remain so. He will remain so by following the teachings of the prophets. His motto for today is "Many a true word spoken in jest," and he will try to not be so charming.

Mr. Thompson thinks he knows just about everything. Lately, it has been proposed that he may, in actuality, not. He is trying to be open to that thought.