Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Feeling Trapped?

My name is Cal. I have no answers. If I had answers I would be on Oprah. Really. I wouldn't be shy about coming out and saying to the world "These are the challenges that I face every day of my life".

My wife may be, would probably be okay with everyone knowing private stuff about her sex life - my sex life is hers more or less. She may be/would be okay because I would hand her a house in Montana where she wouldn't have to deal with anyone and she could go fishing with the kids, and quilting with the ladies and she would be content.

But I don't have a second home in Montana, or a lot of money, and if I came out and told everyone what I deal with I wouldn't trust the world at large to take it in stride. People are not okay with me being a gay Mormon who expresses an opinion that different from the fray. There is so much controversy, and so much negative mail sent by those brave anonymous users. Makes me wonder if I am doing the right thing.

There is no one for me to ask. Most of the friends I have made "on-line" have different opinions - which is why I started the blog to begin with. Now I'm accused of dealing porn. (sorry about the Queen Photo. I thought it was funny)

So, I'm a liberal, I'm a conservative, I'm a bad husband, rotten father, lame Mormon, bad writer, worse speller - it's an ever increasing list of what other people think that I am and am not.

All I know is that I want to be a husband and father. I want to be a good neighbor and friend. And above all these, I want to be worthy to hold the priesthood. I want this more than I want to get laid.

I haven't been able to say this for all my life, but I can now. I am a gay Mormon man and I like who am - what the Lord created. And I am more than just a penis and a pair. And though there are things about me that I would change - like my paycheck - there are things that I wouldn't. Things I cherish. Like the priesthood.

Like my homosexuality. Get over it.


  1. For what it's worth from a recovering Mormon who didn't/doesn't have the faith and or courage to stick it out - I think you are rave- i think you deserve to have it all and more. and like my conservative, cranky father used to tell me. "don't let the bastards get you down"
    and the queen picture was funny!

  2. I like you. That really should be all that matters. :)

  3. Great blog and great blogspot. I am reading and learning.

  4. Thank you very much for saying that Cal! YOU ROCK!