Blue-hoo-hoo

Labels are defining/stifling
I have been sifting through received communications, and I gotta tell you that I love that there are questions. I love that there seems to be dialogue opened up for those mohos wishing to remain in the church and follow the teachings. There seems to be many out there, some of whom have great blogs and essays. I pray that I am one. One of the letters I received is from a man who feels that I am not gay enough. Jeesh! What's a guy gotta do.

Don't answer that.

Here is an abbreviated version of someones concern.

I question if your feelings for men were there always, or were something you developed over the years (and if so, what sorts of habits did you endeavor to yield such a consequence)? You married a woman for crying out loud. There's two possibilities there. At the time you married her, either you were sincerely and genuinely attracted to her--in which case you're not gay at least not 100% in a genuine manner, OR you weren't as attracted to her and really just faked it because you instead were more attracted to and more in love with pleasing god than your wife.

First, thank you so much for your letter. It allows us to discuss. I will start this off directly.

Is the concept that "gayness" is something one develops or learns over the years still being repeated? I thought that this line of thought was for the religious right wingers. I was born homosexual. It is not something that developed due to abuse or neglect. I have stated this from the beginning (waaay back to this blogs beginning - December 2009).

Second, there are only two reasons you can think of, Dear Reader, for a homosexual man to marry a woman? I truly question both the reasoning and your creativity. I will never be Mensa material, but even I can come up with more reasons than that with my right brain tied behind my back. For one, how 'bout finding someone you love that loves you back and is willing to take a chance on you? Like, you know, a marriage?

I don't mean to wax sarcastic. I am sometimes amazed at and marveled by the ability of humans to defend our own at the expense of others – including my own penchant. Without using sarcasm let me ask, if I choose blue are you wrong for choosing red? Should I feel guilty for my color choice? Should you?

Do I put your choice down simply be choosing differently than you?

I am a BYU fan. Hugely so. I don't know if it is because I schooled there or because I think of BYU as the church school. Both, I guess. I have one friend who is a U fan. It could happen.

I didn't realize when I choose to be a BYU fan that it was automatically assumed that I would think of University of Utah as my enemy. It has certainly worked out that way. My wife is more mature than I am - one of the reasons I love her. She cheers for her team, not against the others. That is the type of person I would like to be; the kind of fan that cheers for my team rather than cheers against the opponent.

So, am I "in love with pleasing God" as was asked? It is a romantic notion worthy of the sensitive man I feel that I am and always have been. Though I wouldn't use those terms, "in love with pleasing God", I understand what was asked, and I think that they are good words and true. Yes. Truth told, I am in love with the idea that my father would be pleased with me. I did marry my wife in a big part because I felt his guidance in doing so. He guides me because he wants what is best for me. He wants what is best for my wife, too. I both love my wife and am desirous to protect her, and I love the Lord for allowing me the privilege of doing so.

I have risked everything in what I feel is a just and right cause - and I am not talking about blogging. I am talking about the life choices I have made. That she has made also. It is worth the risk.