Gay Mormon Man / PriesthoodMen: Truth Of All Things

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Truth Of All Things

To say that I was involved in a discussion the other day about the book of Mormon would not be completely accurate. I sat and listened to this discussion. I did not say much of consequence. I tried to not make any facial expressions that would align me with one side or the other, except to say that I believed in the book as scripture.

For the record, I am very pro-Book of Mormon. I don't believe in it necessarily as a piece of history, archeology or as a travelogue. I don't know if I understand the complications and controversy that surround it as the center piece or keystone of my religion.

Now that the conversation is long over I can think of several things to say that would have made me appear intellectual. I am usually the kind of guy that can whip out the smarmy retort. Smartalic-R-Me. But I didn't this time.

I just felt that I shouldn't say anything. So I followed my instinct and did. Or I didn't.

This has happened to me before.

Years ago my mission district leader, in the first month of my first area, loved to argue the gospel. He was passionate and well versed. Sitting there watching him I could see the cogs turning the moment the Pasteur of the "Others" mentioned a key word. He had his missionary responses down to science and he was clear and concise. At night he would mark and remark and memorize more scripture. He was the man.

And it didn't make much of a difference. We never left any of those discussions with good feelings between us and the target, or invitations to return, addresses of friends or relatives, or anything approaching consensus.

I smiled and looked up scriptures when asked - sometimes without being asked. I could tell from the slant of the discussion what was needed next. I didn't say much. My companions thought I was either daft or non-committal. I was neither. I just didn't feel like I should be arguing. So I didn't.

Proving the Book of Mormon is not my job. If it was, I would be in trouble - and so would the Book of Mormon and all the believers in the Book of Mormon. I don't have the IQ for it. I'm the guy who has to read the article in the Sunstone twice. I am not the guy Oprah would call on to explain it to her.

Is there a place for me in the Mormon Mensa group? Probably not. I am firmly implanted in the Smithsonian and the National Geographic group, which is just above the People, NASCAR Weekly and the National Enquire group.

But there is a place for me. I can be the catalyst for questions, the jumping ground for curiosity, the pointer-outer-of-the-smart people. I know where they live.

And I can testify of what I know even if I can hardly spell it. God has created ways of knowing and understanding that are as valid and meaningful for me and those like me as I imagine science to be for the smarty pants. When the spirit testifies to me I don't ask to look at the diploma. I believe. That is my gift.

Someday things will be more ...even. I truly believe this, even if I am using the wrong words to describe it. I feel that things will be better. First on my list of wants are smarts and a stronger chin. And to be straight - only with the experience and understanding I've learned being homosexual. My wife wants to be rich.

Someday, baby. Someday.

8 comments:

jeff mMarch 1, 2010 at 2:05 PM
This life is a proving grounds. It's clear you think so. Sacrifice is giving up good for better. Thought self restraint generally isn't popular or appreciated, I know there is great joy in following the father. I'm glad to hear you do too.
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mattmanMarch 2, 2010 at 5:00 PM
I really like your posts. I know I should stop right there. Because I really do. I find them self affirming and well tempered and humorous. I think you represent your side well. Except that I find myself asking what is your side? And then I ask if it matters.

Yes it does for me. I don't just read for entertainment – though you are entertaining. I read for enlightenment. I read for understanding. I challenge all to be upfront with what you believe. More than your heading. I guess I want more.
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dougsMarch 4, 2010 at 10:24 PM
Mormon Mensa isn't a group that will ever have me as a member either. Unless they wanted a floor show or a meal served. I get tired of the showoff blogs and the blogs that thrive on being anti-everything Mormon.
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johnbMarch 7, 2010 at 5:10 PM
I wonder if there was a poll taken and you could count on the participants of the pool to be honest, what would guys do? Stay gay or magicly be straight?

I would be a guy who was magicly changed to straight. Not just to be easyer. It would be more of what I want.
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SeanMarch 8, 2010 at 4:09 PM
Johnb, that is one of the saddest things I've ever read.
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guy jamesMarch 9, 2010 at 3:22 PM
As you say, there is a place for you. And me. And everyone dealing with SSA. I would rather "magicly" not have a lot of my challanges either. But knowing that they make us grow in the right direction helps me in low times. Thanks for posting.
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HowardMarch 10, 2010 at 2:04 AM
It is sad and empowering both. Sad that there are trials to overcome, sad that some wont make it back to heavenl father, sad that we judge others, sad that we make mistakes. But there is good news also. I think you speak of this good news.
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tom oxfordApril 20, 2010 at 12:35 AM
I want to be rich too. And kind.
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Add comment

I order to better understand one another, I think it would be wise to understand the terms used in these essays. What I propose is an Examination for Discovery, which is briefly a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each others claims and see whether they can find some area of agreement and thus save the time of the court later on. This is assuming that there is common ground, and I believe that even the most cynical of us would agree that there is.

It will be hard to understand one another if you think blue is periwinkle and I think blue is turquoise. I know that the differences may not be a big deal - between periwinkle and turquoise - but I think its best to be incredibly clear. We both may disagree on what blue is, but, for purposes of communication, we will use the terms as listed here - adding when needed.

Of coarse they may be subject to change and/or refinement with experience and further knowledge – and with feedback. Being that this is a blog and not a diatribe, I get to lead I suppose.

List of Common Terms On Which We May Agree
or Agree To Agree On For Sake of Discussion*

For sensitivity reasons we wanted to run this list past my Gramma Ruby, which would have been really helpful not to mention miraculous because she died at an Elizabeth Dole Rally in Boise)

Active: 1) A lifestyle characterized by frequent or various social, intellectual, and particularly physical activities; 2) In geology, a volcano which erupts regularly; 3) A member of the LDS Church who is often seen carrying brownies, scriptures or children back and forth to Church.

Affirmation: 1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.

Sentence: Falling off of the stage was the affirmation she needed to confirm the universality of gravity.

Acronyms: SGA, SGB, SGI SGA: Same Gender (sexual) Attraction SGB: Same Gender (sexual) Behavior SGI: Same Gender (gay) Identity

OGA, OGB, OGI OGA: Opposite Gender (sexual) attraction OGB: Opposite Gender (sexual) behavior OGI: Opposite Gender (heterosexual) identity.

Sentence: The LDS SGA think OGA from ID, WO and MT dress like the NFL.

Beehive: 1) Home to bees, 2) A height-positive sixties hair style which many Mormon women continued to wear through the seventies and into late nineties and early 00’s with a slight revamp; 3) Young woman’s organization of girls who can’t drive yet.

Bisexual: 1) A sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical, mental or romantic attraction to both males and females.

Choice: 1) A decision between two or more option, and often referred to as free agency, personal rights and freedom.

Sentence: The choice for Juan Carlo was to either be eaten alive by the anaconda or jump from the boat into the mouth of the hungry crocodile.

Church: 1) An identifiable religious body under a common name; 2) a physical structure often equipped with a satellite dish, food warming area and an indoor basketball court.

Sentence: The ambulance and two squad cars were sent to the ball game at the Church between the elders and the priests due to last year’s “incident.”

Closet: 1) Upright storage space for clothing; 2) Slang reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends and family members.

Sentence: He had been in the closet so long he smelled like cedar and old shoes.

Coming Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or structure. 2) The process of telling people about one’s homosexuality is often referred to as coming out.

Sentence: “It’s just not coming out”, muttered Sister Macbeth as she compulsively applied spot remover.

Conversion therapy, or reparative therapy or reorientation therapy: 1) A type of sexual orientation change effort that attempts to change the sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy involving aversive conditioning, electric shock or nausea-inducing drugs, and may have included sex therapy. Today there seems to be a more subtle and genteel approach which is being met with more success,

Down Low or DL : 1)This term means different things to different people, however generally it connotes dishonesty and hiding. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are generally not aware of these infidelities.

Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity, or to engage in SGA behavior.

Family Group Sheets: 1) Forms used in annotating genealogy; 2) Money saving tactics for Mormon families at bedtime.

Sentence: Laverne and Lavelle grab your sister and a family group sheet and get you off to bed.

Families are Forever: 1) LDS catch phrase originating in the early eighties - referring to the belief that temple sealed families created on earth can move into the next life together. 2) The prevalent attitude after two weeks of dealing with the new in-laws.

Sentence: Did you hear our new sister-in-law-sing the Duran-Duran Medley? Are families really forever?

Folk Doctrine: 1) Doctrines that develop from prevailing rumor.

Sentence: Three stakes in Pocatello have been asked to spear-head a pilot program for the Churches new Work and Glory aerobics program.

Gay: 1) A happy and joyful method of celebrating holidays often sung about in English Carols and Fred Astaire films. 2) A common term for an individual attracted to their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male homosexual." Its meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay: homosexual is regarded as a sexual orientation; gay is a political identity -- i.e. an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual orientations

Sentence: Sister Fellows always regretted naming her eldest son after her favorite uncle, Gaylord.

Gender: 1) The set of characteristics that distinguish between female and male members of a species. It is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" denoting the condition of being male or female.

Sentence: “But, Julie,” Cal whined, “I simply don’t have an inoffensive sentence for the word gender.”

Genealogy: 1) An activity Mormons do happily while praying to hook up with a distant relative who has done all the work.

Sentence: Brother The-Hun was a bit disturbed when his grandma showed him his genealogy line went directly to some guy named Attila.

Heterosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the opposite sex or having to do with opposite sex attraction.

Homophobia: 1) An irrational fear, prejudice or discrimination towards homosexuals. Homophobia can take many forms, from name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.

Homosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex or having to do with same sex attraction.

In: See out.

Last days: 1) A horrific time of floods, famines, political strife and food storage eating – much like yesterday.

Sentence: The last days of a back to school sale appear to be frequented by women on a weekend pass from the state hospital.

Lesbian: Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.

Lifestyle: The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though used by gay and lesbian people in the past. “Those in the lifestyle” usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the teachings or of the culture, or East Coast Lifestyle may refer to black turtle necks, bookstores and apartment living.

Many are called, but few are chosen: 1) What I keep telling myself when I am asked to be on the ward activities committee again.

Mixed Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual” orientation with one dealing with SGA.

Out: See in.

Prophet: 1) A man called of God who holds the keys to direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.

SSA: 1) Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers SGA, (which I always thought stood for Star Gate Atlantis reruns) but actually means Same Gender Attraction. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay community”.

Sentence: ST-TNG and SGA are playing all week on SI-FI.

Sin: To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.

Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.

Quotes, Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase. For our purposes here, generally speaking, using quotation marks to denote words such as “gay” or “homosexual” is offensive. If you are not comfortable with using a term from the “so-called other side”, then it is recommended that a substitute which doesn't involve quote marks is found.

Sentence: I am offended that “he” just used quotations on the phrase other side.

Straight: 1) A direction which veers neither to the left or the right. 2) A slang term used in the place of heterosexual.

Sentence: The geography club, Straights of Magellan is not accepting new members.

Strait is the gate and narrow is the way: 1) Popular scripture quote used to encourage righteous living and weight loss.

Tithing: 1) One tenth of one’s income donated voluntarily to the LDS Church for upkeep and needed things.

Sentence: Ten percent of nothing is still nothing.

Urim and Thummim: 1) Tool used by Joseph Smith to translate the Book of Mormon. 2) What I wish I had to understand my kids text messages.

Wickedness Never Was Happiness: 1) What Cal’s first missionary companion in the MTC from Macon Georga wrote on his left bicep with a sharpie when visas to Central America didn’t come through on time. 2) Comment made by those on their way to Church when a boat or motor-home pulls up in the next lane of traffic.

This is a blog for Mormon SSA* men who wish to follow the teachings of the LDS church while owning their Homosexuality. It can be done! This blog-spot is written by a sort-of smart gay man who is a card-carrying member of the LDS church and hopes to remain so. He will remain so by following the teachings of the prophets. His motto for today is "Many a true word spoken in jest," and he will try to not be so charming.

Mr. Thompson thinks he knows just about everything. Lately, it has been proposed that he may, in actuality, not. He is trying to be open to that thought.