Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Clothing Optional?

I am watching my event invitations on face book from some of my gay friends, and by “watching” I mean deleting. More than half have names like “Babylon” or “fresh meat”, or are for underwear parties. Even some of the sweet Valentine cards I get from folks I love and respect are of scantly clad dudes with big feet and little speedos or less.

As a FYI, I am not a prude. I have hung and swung on Love's Jungle Gym with the boys for long enough to understand the culture.

At this point I have to consider just what kind of friends I have. I wonder if my partners name was Emilio instead of Emily if they would still be sending me these invitations. Somehow I think that yes, they would.

What is with that? My straight friends don't send me crap like that – and I do think it's crap, I gotta tell you. And if they did I would not hesitate to send it back to said straight friend with a note attached saying that I have a family and kids and I would rather not they send this stuff to my house or to my screen. I have a feeling that if I did that to my gay friends - send them a note to watch what they send to a family with young children - I would hear about it in the trades. They would be played by Sean Pen in the movie, and I would be played by Ernest Borgnine.

Are we still okay with dehumanizing anyone in that way - Man or Woman? If I got that invite with a woman in the same pose I think most of us would consider it trash and report it to NAACP or NOW or MADD or the YMCA or someone to whom we could share our outrage. Why is the standard different for we homos?

Is the assumption that I am gay and therefore a slut? What do gay couples who are in a commented relationship do when they get this kind of stuff? What do gay guys who are not into that kind of lifestyle do - those looking for long term relationships and stability and not just killer abs and a pouch? - And to be clear, the lifestyle I am speaking of is one where it's okay to wear less, become more base in general, anonymous sex in back-rooms and bathrooms and steam-houses, etc. Are there other gay guys who are as fast to delete this invite and to reconsider what you as a person or we as a culture are about?

Does the world think that Gay equals Promiscuity? I think the world does. I think this is a huge reason the nation is reluctant to grant marriage rights to gays. I think gays and straights think that a gay lifestyle means to "get it while were young, 'cause gay ain't old and wrinkled and soft?"

I sometimes think that the reason there seems to be so much promiscuity is that we gay people have had to get "it" on the sly, or keep it underground because of the mainstream attitudes and perceptions and governing styles - including gay culture self perception. When I was younger and hot and heavy, sexing up any cute, buff willing participant, I would have gone to one of these party invites without a qualm. Would I have done so to an equally skanky straight party if I were straight? Double standard, anyone?

What if "Gay" had always been treated as a equal alternative to what is generally believed to be the norm? What if I had been allowed to get to know a guy in the same way I would have dated a girl - to a movie and a dinner, or bowling. (like I could get a gay guy into those shoes.)

What if gay was treated the same as straight. Would gay singles be wild and free, and gay marrieds be the ones who settled down? Would all couples regardless of orientation get together with our kids and yell at the wild young fools of either orientation to turn their music down a notch or seven and let the rest of us sleep?

There will not be changes in the perceptions of the general populace if the common belief continues to be that gays are promiscuous. Where are the gay families to support the notion that gays are as capable to raise children as straight couples are? Or is that the real holdup. Finding enough stable committed gay couples to fill that gap in perception.

Certainly there are enough that stayed home from the Wednesday Midnight Thong and Jock dance-off?


  1. Maybe its that men generaly are mor sexed up that women seem to be? Or have gays out-and- coming not been trained through the schools of hard knocks what is acceptable and what it not?

  2. crap. I'd better think twice before clicking "send" next time.

  3. I agree with your hypothesis that the secretive life gays have had to live, forced by society to sacrifice a certain amount of personal integrity, has led them/us to have a distinct subculture with different standards.

    I also think that there are two other factors:

    1. As scottboy indicated, men are generally "more sexed up". Straight men have to tone it down so as to not offend the women they want to woo. Gay men don't feel that need.

    2. For decades (or centuries) we have kicked gays out of our churches, told them that they are an "abomination", etc. We've told them that monogamy and committed relationships are reserved for straight people only! It shouldn't really come as a surprise that the homosexual subculture failed to hold the same standards as the Judeo-Christian world.

    All that said... I think that you should be able to reply to your gay friends and tell them not to send you that crap. And they should respect you for it.

  4. This is UGLY. It also had to be said. You need a talk show. We gays need to respect ourselves, and apperently it takes a gay married mormon to hold up the mirror. You're a jerk. And thankyou.

  5. Yeah I dropped in today after a while a way and was a little surprised! Actually It was your face book page I was son and I thought, he certainly is picking up some interesting friends. Some of the "gifts" were pretty graphic. I think there may (in addition to your hypothesis)be another root to this behavior. I sense a little aggression. I think some gay folk see you as faking a life, and they're teasing you with overt temptations. It's not nice, it's juvenille but there you have it, I suspect a little unspoken aggression. I wouldn't read too much into it. If you want a diverse audience giving you feedback on your blog, you have to put up with a few immature barbs. Overtime, we start to appreciate your convictions and understand your choices, even when we don't share them. Finding the common ground is half the lesson right? If all your readers were like you and shared your approach and leanings, this would just be fox news.

  6. I think the world would be a better place if people worried less about what other people did with their private parts.

  7. Private parts indeed, Sean. Let's leave private parts for private, and not for other peoples facebook. Did you read the post? I'm with Mr Thompsen. If I am your facebook friend, care enought to not send the very least.

  8. I dont know if there is such thing as "Private Parts" when you are bloging. I think that is both a plus and a negative. There is the possability for super honesty and for super no-responsability. Thanks for the blog.

  9. There are too many What If's to answer. Even so, these theorical scenarios are mute when compared to the reality of the world and the gospel, don't you think? I think the question should be, "How do we force ourselves to sidestep our biggest obstacle (ourselves)long enough to be able to live mostly normal lives?" You've done it at least once, my friend. Impart that knowledge to your avid listeners, haha!

    Goodness, I sound nerdy! Haha!