Thursday, February 18, 2010

Not All Gays Are Buff, Not All Straights Are Butch

Looking up “gay man” in Google is a test of your filter, I tell ya. Mine is industrial strength – much like my teens body spray/disinfectant/bug spray combo.

Abs, abs, high cheekbones, abs, beautiful couples, a cute dog, more abs. A speedo. One could get the impression that physical appearance was most important on the list of what to look for on the gay list.

Hold on a second. Did anyone look up straight man? Hang on a sec. I'm going to do it now...

...Sorry that it's taking so long, my daughter just pulled out some cookies from the stove and the American man is getting ready to skate the long program. Why are there so many ads for Maybelline?...

Okay, straight dudes on Google; not much better. Shirt off, shirt off, some not-as-nice abs, Archie Bunker and Oprah. James Bond in a speedo.

Isn't that great! It seems that as far as superficiality we have hit equality! Let us celebrate by cutting fat or beefing up on carbs together and hitting the gym.

Truth be told, I would like to have nice abs as much as the next guy. I have no one to blame but myself that I'm carrying fifteen more pounds than I should have. My home-teacher who is a biker man has put on a bit, too.

I sealed my college speedo in blue paper and plastic. Someday when my wife pulls out her wedding dress to show our girls, I will pull my speedo out for my son.

I am way less concerned about it than I thought I would be back when I made a suicide pact with a college roommate to off myself if I ever wore more that a 34 waist. But I have decided that a 36 inch waist does not a failure make. I hope you don't think of me as an underachiever or a slouch for not sticking to my guns. I just don't think I could kill myself by draino or some other nasty concoction - other than Diet Coke & Mountain Dew. After all, I have family, I have a blog, ...I want to live!

So, now that we are older, we men gay and straight understand that there is more to life; families more than football, parenting rather than parades. Core values are important to all us men: morals, values, equality, nutrition and fiber. I like us better now that we are a bit wiser. I could give us all a hug.

You too, Bubba.

Okay, okay! 38!


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  2. Good blog. Good writing. You are a sick man - humor wise. I like you.

  3. I am buff, gay, married, butch, a priesthood holder, sensitive, smart, and I have big feet. I'm the man!

  4. You are a funny, funny man. I love the I'm a lumberjack part of MP. I'm glad to see that you have a sence of humor. I will follow this blogspot