New year, new thinking, new relationships

When I was in a performance group at BYU, we went to India where we had the opportunity to sing for Mother Teresa. We were in our sorta-nice touring clothes and we did our best. She was kind and gracious, thanked us and then said,  "How lovely. Now, we could use some help with the newborns."  

Songs and thoughts are lovely and can help motivate us.  A scripture on the wall helps. 
Kindness and caring for others - in a real physical way -- is better.

Please be safe this new year and treat everyone with respect -- even if you don't feel that they deserve it. Remember this from Mother Teresa...

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

Why no temple marriage for gays

I am doing a lot of studying on gay marriage, traditional marriage or marriage rights -- name depends on where you stand politically.

What am I hoping to accomplish? you ask. Frankly, I am trying to peg policy in order to explain/understand. I hope to be able to explain it so that others can understand.

So I searched the church website and came upon this explanation entitled "Why Temple Marriage". It is written for the youth, so I made the supposition that it would be clear and uncomplicated. It was.

I am posting the "Reasons for Marriage" word for word as per this site. Being that you are reading an I-am-a-gay-guy-who-is-trying-to-follow-the-teachings-of-the-prophet site, I am going to comment after each paragraph concerning how this relates to gays and gay marriage.This might look at first to be subversive. I ask for your patience and indulgence.

Confidence and Support. When you get married, you have someone who will cheer you on and encourage you in doing what is right, who will lift you up each day, who will share in all your joys and sorrows. Note: Confidence and support can be given by homosexuals as well as heterosexuals.

Sharing. It is such a great blessing to share in the life of another person and someday in the life of children as well. Your and your spouse’s successes become successes for the family. Making memories together adds deeper meaning to life. Note: This is true regardless of ones gender.

Children. It brings great joy to be trusted with the care and keeping of Heavenly Father’s children. Note: Many straight couples adopt so there is precedent set. The old argument that gays aren't good parents seems to have been shot down all the way around. Gay couples historically don't have a great track record with longevity -- which could be an issue. However, straight couples staying together is on the decline as well.

Counsel. A spouse can give you good, honest advice, and you can trust it because you know it’s coming from someone who has only your best interests at heart. Gays aren't honest? Can't be an issue.

Strength. Two are stronger than one. You can strengthen and help each other to live the gospel more completely. Two gay guys are stronger together than a mixed couple. Sorry. I'm being glib, but do you see my point?

Laughter. When you know someone this well and when you really trust each other, you’ll enjoy life with laughter and humor. Gay or straight, funny is funny.

Love. Being told each day that you are loved is marvelously renewing and refreshing. I would assume it is refreshing for everyone, not just straights.

Service. There is great joy in serving one another and much more so when you do it for someone you love. Keep reading. I'll get through the next few quickly.

Friendship. You’ll have someone there with you through the good times and bad.

Trust. It is comforting to know that you are with someone who always wants what’s best for you and that you can confide in him or her without fear.

Physical and Emotional Intimacy. Marriage is a unique relationship in which the Lord binds two people in an eternal relationship whose goals include oneness, togetherness, and joy. Those supporting traditional marriage may not relate, but gay sex is considered intimacy as well. Of course, we aren't talking a one night stand or a casual fling --  just as we wouldn't consider flings in any straight relationship either. We are talking a committed monogamous relationship.


So, what is the reason that temple marriage, which is the highest form of marriage in the Mormon church, is reserved for a man and a woman and not a gay couple? The reason it isn't in found in any explanation above. And for someone to say that a certain thing should or shouldn't be simply because they don't like it or agree with it is silly.

Here is the answer as far as I am able to understand it. Our Father in heaven, through his prophets has told us that temple marriage is between a man and a woman. I do not understand fully His reason, but I firmly believe that He has one. And I believe that Father in heaven knows what's going on in the world and that he has our best interest at heart.

Therefore, I will support the church in limiting temple marriage/sealing for a man and a woman. At the same time, I will not deny gay couples the privilege to wed civilly if they choose. I will even go to their weddings and throw sorted and sanitized bird seed like I do any other wedding. I will eat their cake and wish them well, and I will treat everyone as children of our Father in heaven and leave any judgement call for Him as I am not capable or qualified to judge.

It's obedience. I do not understand the why behind it, but I know that someday I will.

MarMoHo-Ho-Ho or Gay Mormon, Amen

I am creating a few New Year resolutions today. I am trying to approach new year goals with the serious resolve I reserve for the scriptures, my CD collection and dessert. 

Dessert is a serious subject for those who do not drink, smoke, vote democrat* -- and for those of us mar-mo-hos who don't have sex outside of marriage.

MarMoHo, a term I created to describe my condition;  Married, Mormon Homosexual.  And we are getting a lot of attention these days. Not as much as as Into the Woods or North Korea, but a lot.

Someone e-mailed me a day or two ago with a comment.  "Why is is such a big deal to be gay, Mormon and married.  All you have to do is step out and have sex with any guy you want and then go back home to the wife and clean up."

No.

No, that's not what we do.  We are committed men who commit to a woman, commit to our church and make covenants with the Lord to remain morally clean.  There is no sex on the DL. 

No. Just wanted to clear that up.

Back to New Years Resolutions

A lot of people I know tell me they don't believe in making resolutions for the New Year. They believe that they are just setting themselves up for failure by setting a goal that is un-obtainable, or one they know they aren't going to keep anyway.

First, why bother to set a goal you don't intend to commit to, or one that you don't think you can reach? I always think I can reach these goals. That is my charm and my downfall. If I really am serious about a goal, then dang it, I'm gonna get it done! It's not my ability that is in question.

I believe, due to my exhaustive experience in goal-failing, that success is is really based on attitude. If you, after three days of going without a Diet Coke have a complete and total meltdown and inhale a caffeinated beverage at breakneck speed suffering whiplash in the process, then yes, you screwed up. 

You recommit to the goal or make a new one. You don't just give up. You don't just say screw it, I can never give up caffeine, so why even try.

How about a goal to loose weight. I would love to loose ten pounds this year. Actually I would like to loose ten pounds this week. So I do well for several days and then, Whammo! I eat an entire Marie Calenders chocolate silk pie with pecan crust. Is it over for me? 

No freakin way. I will chase it down with a large caffeinated beverage of my choice and try it again tomorrow!

For some, trying become morally clean is a similar endeavor.  They hoard a pie and then diet for a couple weeks. This is a really funky cycle that has to be broken. 
Those who are serious enough to break the cycle and commit to a marriage are serious.  Don't mess with us. We still face challenges, but we have had huge successes also. Thank God, literally, for successes that keep us in the game.

For those who are thinking of life as a MarMoHo, remember that failure is never final. Make Heavenly Father part of the process, keep a sense of humor and try a little harder. It will be worth it.

And hand me a Diet Coke.



*Sometimes I vote Democrat.  It depends on who's suit and shoes I like better.

Are you in this gay/married/mormon boat?

This is a letter I recently received.  I have changed facts and personals because it was sent to me in confidence. I am happy to answer questions at anytime, BTW.  I am not a professional, but I am expert in being gay and being a Mormon -- at the same time.

Dear Cal Thompson:

I came across your blog yesterday in hopes of finding some help/advice with "coming out."  I am 40ish, LDS, married with 4 children.  I'm an active member of the church, I served a mission and have an extensive Mormon heritage.  I have tried so hard all my life to hide the fact that I'm attracted to males but have been unable to hide it any longer as I age -- those thoughts are stronger than ever. 

 

I have confronted my wife about it because of the anxiety and depression I've been dealing with for quite sometime. She thinks it may due with my difficult up-bringing -- which may be true. 

I have talked with my stake president a couple of times and his advice is to read the scriptures, pray, and always use the priesthood when Satan temps -- not the sort of advice I was looking for because I know to do that but I feel I need counseling or something else. 

I just don't know where to turn for help. I feel I'm headed in a direction that can destroy me and my family. I see that you have come out and also are married with kids.  How do you deal with this?  Do you have any advice?   

This has been the most difficult trial I've had to deal with.  Bitterness and animosity has also set in and its just about to kill me.

Dear reader:

I have a lot of respect for you, and I feel a little unqualified to advise you. But if anyone could it is one who is in the same boat.

I can't tell you why you are gay or what may have contributed to the orientation.  I can tell you this. You are gay. Ta-da!  It is not your imagination and it is not a phase. You will not cure this by going on a mission, getting married or involving yourself in a city league baseball team. There are things you can do to keep the behaviors in check.  Many recommend creating nonsexual relationships with men -- I am sure you have heard this before. 

The longing will remain as will the urges. As you get older, the sexual desire may ebb a bit but it will be augmented with a different sort of longing that is just as intense. 

Some men deal with your situation by masturbating and keeping their feelings to themselves.  This usually involves porn. Some people believe that porn used for this reason is OK. I do not.  However, I am not as firm on an anti-masturbation stance.

You have told your wife, which I feel is a good thing. It sounds like you still have a temple recommend which means that you have not stepped out on her like many in your situation have.  This is also a good thing.  You are honoring the commitments you made.

I am not able to speak directly to you.  For this reason I started this blog years ago so that men in my boat could connect, or at least to know that they are not alone.  The gay Mormon boat seems to have compartmentalized to a point that we think we are alone in steerage.  

I  am confident in this advise:  The Lord is aware of you and your situation. He is not hesitant to speak about it. The Spirit of the Lord will guide you to do what's right.  

What is right may not be what is easiest.  By the same token, it may not be what you think is the hardest.  The spirit will guide you do do what is right for you and for your family. The Spirit will not lead you astray -- like people might. The Spirit is not politically correct.  It does not put stock in man's rules. 

You will need to ask the spirit honest questions.  Frankly, I myself am to old and experienced to be asking that the Lord take this cup from me. I know why the Lord gave me this cup. Ask the Lord what you can do, what you should be learning, how to support your wife -- questions that lead you forward to action. Ask to be able to feel the promptings of the Spirit and the strength to act upon what you are told.

Things will be fair in God's time. God's time is not our time. (my time was 30 years ago) God's time includes the afterlife, and God's plans include concepts that we can not imagine.

God does not play by man's rules either.  He plays by the real rules, and we do not know what those real rules are. The authors of "politically correct and cool" magazine do not know Gods rules either, though they are full up to here with man's wisdom. 

In short, you may not have a choice which boat you are currently in, but there is always a choice in where you go from here.  

When looking at options, find a source of knowledge that has your values and core principals-- ones that work for you, that feel right to you. Keep your mind open to knowledge and wisdom.

       

BYU -- Land of opportunity for a gay Mormon

This was the first real gay essay I ever wrote. It was bold for me and a little salacious though that was never my intent. I turned red as I looked through it again an hour ago. It was my first real attempt at aggressively taking charge of my life in writing, and I thought it was time for a re-visit.
Most everything I know about the gay lifestyle I learned at Brigham Young University. I don't blame the university. I don't blame the people I met there. I saw an opportunity that hadn't presented itself before -- one that I had apparently been looking for for quite a while -- and I made a choice.

It's not like there was a class or a club - though I hear there's one now with its own Facebook page. There wasn't a paragraph of my "Welcome to BYU" pamphlet that included gay as part of the Cougar experience. My first gay interaction as a consenting adult was with a guy I met when I came to Provo for higher education.

The Smith Field House was the place. I sat on a bleacher completely unanimously and watched guys play. They smacked each other, they ran each other over. The grabbed each another and wrestled. They touched each other, and I thought I would pass out on the spot. It wasn't just that young men were enjoying each other. There was something more to it. There was so much familiarity.

Later I figured that these intense relationship had to do with missions and same experiences and in guys usually a part of a minority suddenly swimming in guys who believed like they did; An instant brotherhood. 

I wanted to be one of them. They were contemporaries, my Mormon friends -- or guys I wished were my friends -- who looked at me (if they looked at me at all) as some guy doing homework in the bleachers.

At the end of my first year at BYU I discovered that the men's rooms were the places to meet guys who were looking for... whatever I was looking for. There was graffiti that pointed the way, and some of the writing on the wall made it really clear what the author was looking for.

So I sat there and waited for some signal from the guy in the next stall. I got all the signals I wanted, but I didn't know what to do. I figured it out quickly. We were all fast learners.

There is is. That's how I started. In a men's room at a church school. I was a fool more than a naive. Regardless, I became a regular.

It wasn't until months later that I heard that guys were picked up, and by that I mean that they were arrested or kicked out of school when undercover cops made their own kind of contact. I was lucky. Later, I was experienced enough to know when I was being played. So I didn't find myself in that horrible position of being outed as it came to be known, by an undercover cop.

I once was caught by someone I figured was a professor who interrupted a beginner in a tryst. I just sat there looking at my shoes until he left. I couldn't bear to look up at the man scolding me for fear that I might be recognized or that I might recognize him.

Once I made a connection with a guy. Looking over the stall I recognized him as a fellow music major who was a friend of mine. I was horrified. I believe to this day that he recognized me, though there was never an acknowledgement. This was my first obvious foray into leading a double life.

You would think that these few experiences would have kept me "clean and sober" as it were, the fear of getting caught, would discourage me from involving myself in the behaviors.

No. It didn't make me do anything but to be smarter and careful and look for other places to find what I wanted -- and there were plenty of other places.

You find what you look for. Down deep I don't know what I was looking for at that time. But I found it at BYU

I am gay... and a little bit arrogant.

"How arrogant are you..." I was recently asked in my email, "to tell gay men how to live their lives?"

Well, that is a loaded question.  Let's divide it in two.  How arrogant am I?  I used to be truck loads arrogant.  I was young, tall, thin, gay and I had a giant chip on my shoulder. 

I am still tall.  And gay.  But I don't feel the need to have to be better than anyone -- which is what I think arrogance is.**  I do have a bit of experience in the Mormon/gay/tall world and I write those experiences down on this site. My experiences have lead me to certain beliefs.

I think that I am just arrogant enough.  

I am secure in my knowledge that I am gay.  Frankly, it seems like an old argument regarding wither or not I choose gayness or not.  It is clear to me what I choose and what I didn't choose.  I still read a lot and consider other options and opinions, but I know who I am and where I stand -- a little bit arrogant to be sure.

Do I tell others how to live their life?  Maybe and sorta.  But I still respect your choices and will defend your ability to make them.

For those of you who may be still on a fence, or not sure about who or what you are, know that I am not on the fence about you.  Even without being introduced I can give you a good idea based on what I know, and I am proud of you.

- Bro Thomp

A bit to light in the loafers for me. Good eatn' though.

**A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Southern Utah.  He talked with an old rancher. telling him "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."  The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there...", and he pointed out an area on the other side of a creek.

The DEA officer, with an audible poof verbally exploded.  

"Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" He reached into his rear pants pocket, removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. 

"See this badge?" he screeched the screech of the indignant. "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land at all. There will be no questions asked or any answers given -- even to the likes of you."  

"Have I made myself clear?  the agent puffed. "Do you understand?"

The southern Utah rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams.  He looked up and saw the DEA officer running wildly for his life.  He was being chased by the rancher's biggest bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified and screamed for help.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs, "Show him your badge!" 


This story relates to this post because I think that the bull was gay.

Thank you hater! (NSFLivingroom with family or people you'd like to see again or home teachers)

I have never been a fan of I-am-not-a-fan mail. If I read something I don't like, I either stop reading it or I seek out the publication and give them appropriate feedback -- if I feel strongly enough. I can't imagine me ever using the kind of language she refers to in this song. 

Thanks to the lovely and chipper Isabel Fay, I now have a little ditty to sing when I get hate mail -- and boy do I get hate mail. Earlier in my life, as some of you may know, I would have been happy to take these recent and descriptive suggestions that I currently collect. People love to give me feedback. My life has changed however and I am not as adventurous as I once was.  Nor am I as flexible.  

Of course, the language of this song is a little cheeky, but I love me a cheeky lyric.  If you can tolerate an f word or two spoken in love, this may be the happy song of the week for you.  If not then just read.

Let me be clear.  This is not a Sunday School song - even in an edited version.

Hello Hater Song

Well hello friend!
Mister Insightful
Thank you for your comment on my little Youtube clip!
Most people say you’re cruel and spiteful,
But you’re right, how do I sleep at night? And I am a massive pr--k.

They call you hater --  well they’re just jealous
Your constructive pearls of wisdom give me thrills I can’t deny
How will we know 
if you don’t tell us
We could improve our Youtube channels by "effing off and dying”?

Some might say you are a…
Sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
Cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,
But I say: thank you beautiful stranger.

I love the way you don’t upload things
You know we’d be too dazzled by your cinematic vision
But you’re there on every comment string
Where you teach us, just like Jesus but while wanking like a gibbon. (If I knew what this was I would probably have to edit it as well)

I’m really sure that if I met you
You probably wouldn't rape me like you promised that you would.
We are like “that”; I really get you
You’re right about that laughing kid, he is a total “c---”.

(Samba instrumental)  -- Because every song should have a samba instrumental

You wished me cancer and misspelled “cancer”
But I know that it’s a metaphor. You hope that I will grow,
Just like the tumor you hoped would kill me
Inside the ---- on which you said you’d also like a go.

You said that girls shouldn't do funny
But you’d ---- me double hard and let your mates go after you.
Oh what a line you lovely honey!
Are you on e-harmony? Oooo! I’ll join the queue!

Some might say you’re a…
sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,


Repeat and fade.  No, really.  Fade.

Please forgive me the song, but I have a rather large point.  Is anything worth being this kind of hateful?

Gay Country

As a gay Mormon man, I smile a little when I read about someone new coming out. It's not that I think anyone's sexuality is anybody else's business. But if a guy talks to a reporter about what floats his boat, then I suppose he doesn't mind having his private life talked about a little.

Ty Herndon is one of these guys. He's a country music singer that I hadn't heard about until he recently opened up about his past

He says he was in two marriages that failed -- two of them. He also says that both of the ladies were in the know about his sexuality and that he didn't hide anything from them.

"I had a lot of people around me that I trusted at a time and I was like, 'Hey, you know this about me but the world doesn't. So I'm gonna need to call on your services for a little while,'" Herndon confessed. "It was unfortunate that I had to do that, but I felt that's what I had to do to have my career. Today, I'm sanding on some pretty solid legs, so I get to tell my truth today."

Sound familiar?  He felt he couldn't be gay and in country music both.

"I've dreamed about being in country music since I was 6 years old," he said. "It's my life, it’s what I do, it's who I am, and I went to great lengths to cover up that fact to be to be a country star."

Apparently there were rumors aplenty concerning Herndon's homosexuality from clear back in back in 1995. A male police officer on gay in the park duty alleged that the star exposed himself.

"I wish I had really great recall or memory about that," Herndon said regarding the alleged peekaboo moment. "I think I had been up for like 6 days doing drugs the night and the day was really a huge blur for me."

Drugs and drinking are part of the past along with his closeted life.  He has had a partner for five years and looks forward to settling down with him. "...I'm hoping he asks me right after this interview!" he said.

Herndon will take it day by day.  He is thrilled to see increasing acceptance in Nashville and country music generally.

"Traditionally in country music, we don't see a lot of support for the LGBT community, but that's changing so much," he said. "Nashville is changing so much. I mean my goodness… Kacey Musgraves won Song of the Year for [the lyrics] 'follow your arrow, wherever it points' and two amazing songwriters that happened to be gay wrote that song."

"It gives me a lot of hope that that Nashville is ready for this. I get to be free today. I'm born again today, and I feel like I'm not gonna have any trouble sleeping tonight." 

The video I am including here is not of Herdon, but another gay country music artist trying to get a record contract.  Gay country.  'Bout as interesting as gay Mormon.

I R chipper

I received this e-mail and I thought I would answer it on the blog:

I really enjoy reading your blog.  Among the moho blog authors I've read, you stand out as on of the more "chipper".  I see a lot negative self-examination among mohos (myself included) yet you seem maintain a very positive attitude despite what some might see as trying circumstances,. Do you agree?

If so, to what do you ascribe this? The gospel?  Your faith?  Prozac? (You mentioned it in some blog entries.) Other?  All of the above?

I hope it's not an offensive question.  I ask as a peer who has much to be thankful for and knows better, yet feels life is pretty much a waiting game at this point.

Thanks!

-A reader

I have been told this before, that I am a "happy guy". I think it is due to that fact that I am... get this, a happy man.  I have dealt with a lot of stuff and I have come out on top so far.  

This is not to say that I don't look at things I have done in the past and cringe, and want to pass out from embarrassment or shame.  

If they show a video of my life, someone is going to have to severely edit this motha' before general audiences sit down for a viewing. I could end up being the Harvey Keitel of the afterlife.

There were easier ways...

I have really screwed up.  And maybe that is why I smile.  I have seen the other side.  I see a bit of it everyday still, and I try to walk past it to something different, something of my choosing.

I have chosen to give up stuff in exchange for other stuff that I wanted more.  The choices I made set well with me.  I feel good about them.  And while I am feeling pretty good about choices I have made, I also feel good about letting others make different choices without trying to convince people that my way is the only way.

Frankly, if you have read a little of my writing, my way is a little bizarre so you might want to try it another way to arrive at your own, unique and joyful result.

There were days I spent around bathrooms and locker rooms at BYU, or waiting for someone to pick my up from the police station -- or on a good day being in priesthood meeting with all the real guys knowing that I would never really fit in.

Well, I fit in just fine, thank you, and I am pretty happy about that.

  

  

Casting the first stone...and the second and the third...

So much of what I am able to write has been positive and affirming, stories of changing perceptions, education and understanding.  This post is not part of that.

I read today that the Islamic State stoned to death two men, claiming that these men were gay. The Islamic State seems to be functioning under the impression that it is God. Or Allah... as if either would stone anyone.

The killings were reported by the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. According to this report, the first victim was approximately 20 years old and was killed in Mayadeen, an eastern province of Deir Ezzor, which is close to the Iraq border.

The Observatory, a group based in England reported that the IS claimed it had found proof of "practicing indecent acts with males" on the victims cell phone.
In a separate but similar incident, another man was killed for the same reason.  An 18-year-old man was stoned to death in Deir Ezzor city after the IS proclaimed him gay, the Observatory said.

"Activists on social media said that the dead men were opponents of IS and that the group had used the allegation as a pretext to kill them" said the Observatory.

Activists who have taken to social media say the IS carries out public executions regularly. Many of these are beheadings.  Women have been infamously targeted for centuries.

This is what modern Gadianton robbers look like.  Take a good look and understand it for what it is. 

Are there lines to be drawn between Homosexuality and Polygamy?

In 1986 I was on my mission in a very poor area of Central America.  I didn't entertain a lot of sophisticated questions. 

I did answer preguntas like "are you part of the CIA". "How many TVs does your family have?" "What shampoo do you use?" (because my hair became increasingly blond throughout my mission) and "How many girlfriends do you have?" which, in retrospect, may have been a prequel to "how many wives do you have?"

This was the closest I came to having to answer the polygamy question.

After my mission I did have chances to explain our position on polygamy -- mostly to fellow Mormons.  I was always amazed at how many of my contemporaries didn't know about polygamy, had chosen to ignore it completely, or used it as the reason to not commit to the Church. 

As a youth, a very gay youth, I had been fascinated with church history from a young age and read what I could find in the pre-Internet world -- which included some anti-Mormon literature I'm afraid.
  
There was always a part of polygamy that I didn't not understand -- kind of like a chapter that was missing from the information available.

However, and this is a big deal to me, I never doubted the LDS church or its teachings, or the Gospel, because there was a chapter missing.  I knew that someday I would find it and I could read all about it and have my questions answered.

From what I had read, polygamy happened.  It had been a Mormon thing. Some in the early church were called, or asked, to participate, and others were not.  Some found out about polygamy and tried to exploit it. Everyone knew what was happening, but they didn't know the why.

My understanding, again as a youth at the time, was that polygamy existed to care for many of the woman. With my current understanding, the caring for women may have been a result but was not the impetus of the decision.

 I do not know details of the impetus. I do believe that Joseph Smith moved in holy circles which were part of his very human existence, and I believe that he received revelation.  I believe that Joseph god fearing man would not have taken such a thing lightly. Therefore:

Today's

  "It's a good day to be a Mormon moment"

 is brought to you by the recent press release from the LDS Church concerning Polygamy.

Don't you just love a timely press release?

The good news is that there is acknowledgement and information on the subject.  More good news is that conversations may now happen on the subject without people feeling that they are somehow subversive. We are now, if we actually weren't before, free to ask questions in a way that has never before been done.  About.  Anything.

Do you see where this is going?

Like I said... good day to be a Mormon.


*www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng

Push those buttons!

Mormons are pushing the right buttons, and I say Yah!  or Yeah!  I can't spell it but I am saying it.

I have always been proud to be a Mormon.  Always.  Sometimes I looked like a farm boy from Idaho in the polite protestations of my faith.  I have been called ignorant, and blind.  I have been called gringo and fag.  I have been called a Ute fan.  

That last one really hurt.

On my mission, when I would bear my testimony, I was sometimes questioned about polygamy, or my underwear, or a slew of things I felt I had to keep somewhat mum about. 

Even in the days when I was actively being gay (having sex with men) I defended the church. That should have clued me in -- that I was feeling strongly about both the LDS church and about my homosexuality.  They were both completely totally real for me. I feel the same today.  I know that the Church is true, and I know that I am gay.

I was never really good at keeping mum. If I was ever asked about something church-ish I would do my best to explain while trying to be respectful to all involved. Even once, in a very compromising situation (not going to get into my past much on this blog) I defended the church and the church leaders while acting very much like someone who would have a problem with the churches stance on homosexuality.

(It wasn't a secret that I was gay, nor was it a secret that I believed wholeheartedly in the priesthood and the authority of the LDS church.)

Now the church is doing the same thing.  No, they aren't doing that same thing at all, but they -- the leaders -- are doing their best to explain churchy stuff while being respectful to those involved. 

Therefore, today's 

"IT'S A GOOD DAY TO BE A MORMON" MOMENT  

is brought to you by this Deseret News article on Mormons making clarifications.

Today's clarification concerns LDS stances on suicide and suicide prevention. The gist is that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has released a new "Mormon Message" video regarding suicide prevention.

The video, entitled "Sitting on the Bench: Thoughts on Suicide Prevention," encourages people of the LDS faith and others to be aware of those around them and to offer help by reaching out..

Thrilled.  I am thrilled by this video and by the sentiment that is firmly attached.  My own mother took her life in 1974.  Had those around her been aware of symptoms and behaviors, her death could have been avoided and she could have gotten real help.  Of course the bulk of the help in 1974 was a butt load of Thorazine, so maybe this is the perfect time for the LDS church to put such a video out.

With the video is a  painting by Greg Olsen in which a boy sits on a bench next to Jesus Christ. Nate Olsen, Gregs son,shares the personal story that inspired the painting involving a friend of his who took his own life.

Tomorrow I will write about the churches stance on Polygamy.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-10-009-sitting-on-the-bench-thoughts-on-suicide-prevention?lang=eng

Does this have to do with being gay and being Mormon?

I have been helping a friend deal with an ongoing problem in his life.  (I would never give out any personal information, including name and specific circumstances, so forgive me if I appear vague.)

My friends name is Bob. (Sorry, I don't want to spend too much time coming up with a name for him.)

Bob was abused when he was a child -- something I am finding out to be unbelievably common.

As an adult, Bob has the kind of problems that you would assume.  Some post traumatic stress, trust issues, relationships issues, sexual issues -- you know the drill.  And these issues are difficult to deal with, and make being his friend unpredictable.

Then there are ongoing issues with the family he grew up in.  Obviously, by my writing this, it is obvious that he wants out. His background affects everything he does, including his relationship with the LDS church -- which he is actively pursuing.  He would like to go through the temple, etc.

Now, I know all about the atonement and how what the Lord did for us makes everything possible, but it is hard to convince Bob (did I really pick the name Bob?) that this applies to him; That the atonement includes him and his situation regardless of how evil (his word) he may feel.

I know that this is sooo not politically correct for me to ask, but how many of you, dear readers, have come from a similar circumstance?

If you comment, please feel free to keep it anonymous.

.

LDS Gay and the F word.

In my work I am on the phone a lot.  I walk around with a headset and just plug in when necessary.  While on the phone with a person in California I was attacked because my voice sounded gay.

Attacked, I tell you!

OK, it wasn't really an attack. She called me a faggot (sorry to use that word) and offered to set me up with her ex-husband. I suppose that her thinking that I would be a match for her ex-husband should have clued me in that might have been little problem with projection going on.

And I would like to think that if she was face to face with me she would see that I am a person and not feel comfortable calling me names.

What does that mean, by the way, that I sound gay?  Was I coming across as way too smart?
Why, yes I was.  I know my stuff at work and I try to present it quickly and efficiently. However, not all gays have an IQ like I do (Oh, please) and they don't all access information as quickly (Oh, please-er).

Was it my charming sense of humor?  How about the three colones I had tried on during lunch?Was it that she couldn't get what she wanted from me professionally and decided to put me down in frustration?

YES!  And that is what really gets my goat. People act all politically correct on the outside, and in their hearts they still consider being gay as sub par, as less-than.

Which leads me to think -- something I am not used to.   Are there some people I consider myself to be more than?  Do I consider myself better than others that I come into contact with in the course of the day?

This is a faggot, and you are a pig.  Wish I could have said that.

Frankly, yes.

And I am convinced that is wrong.  I should not feel that I deserve any special treatment or special privileges than anyone else.

I am a bit arrogant.  However, my sense of self isn't super developed.  I can't look myself in the mirror and give myself a thumbs up.  So, do I try to pull others down a bit in order to feel , for lack of a better term, that I don't suck as badly?

Maybe.

That still does not give anyone an excuse to call me a faggot.

Frozen opinions -- a Gay Mormon rant

I am as weary of straight people attributing political agendas to the left as I am of the gay world feeling continually persecuted from the right.  Lately, presenting the Walt Disney, Co as the homosexual flagship makes me roll my eyes and break out into song. Almost.

No, dear friends of the homosexual and/or Mormon persuasion, The Little Mermaid does not promote the harvesting and raping of the seas, nor does Beauty and the Beast suggest all mental health specialists are inherently evil, or encourage animal husbandry.

The animated feature Snow White does not present satanism to our children, nor does it advocate taking the law into our own dwarfish hands.

Rapunzel is not a spokesperson for extreme hairstyles and her "friend" Eugene would not rather hang out with boys and steal valuable heirlooms that represent the family unit.

Aladdin does not uniquely puts his faith in something other than the Lord, and the Princess Jasmin does not want the priesthood, nor is she running from personal responsibility and the mantle of womanhood.

Recently read an 80 page blog on how Frozen is promoting the gay agenda.  However the only kissing I see in between a girl and a snowman, and a girl and an ice man. and a girl and a reindeer.

Read up all you gay people.  Take head straighties. Frozen is not a show that pushes the gay agenda.  Frozen is a show that pushes the make some money agenda and the musical theater agenda.

It is a film that suggests that, rather than face your problems head on, one should take time out to put your troubles to music.  Also, the more dance positions you know, the better your life will be.

That's the musical theater agenda. Musical theater folk would rather perform than..., well, perform.

It crossed my mind when I saw Frozen that there would be some that would use the show to their political benefit.  And by "some", I mean both screaming gays and blatant hetros.  I do not believe Frozen was written to promote any agenda but this one: that there is a time and a place place to be in control, a time and a place to let loose, and that, when in doubt, sing.  

And be nice to snowmen. 

And that princes wearing white socks should not be trusted.

Be aware, folks, that it is not just the loopy left that can be misguided.  The wacked right is also to blame.Read this which is directly from a Mormon Mommy Blog:

If you are seriously clueless as to what I'm talking about then it is imperative, particularly for morally minded parents, that you read this post and open your eyes to the homosexual agenda, and the principles advanced to promote it, that undergird (sic) Frozen, which is why it was written for Broadway* and will indubitably** be a hit - mark my words!***

* It was not Written for the broadway stage
** Impressive use of "indubitably" - last known use in the movie "Mary Poppins"
*** Love the drama, but this would be much better put to music.

Personally, I would love for Elsa to create a place for me to ice skate with my family and friends and I would like her to strengthen my ankles while she is at it.  I don't care that she has sheer sleeves and doesn't have any food storage.  

And I an not weeping that Idna is getting all the popularity while a talented Kristin Chenoweth is relegated to "normal" musicals with people in them who ride trains and singing operetta.

Should I come out?

A week or so ago was coming out day. I would come out except everyone already knows that I am a Mormon.

As I am sure you are familiar if you have read much on this blog, I am a gay man. I am Mormon, active and honest with my bishop, and I have a temple recommend that I got the right way.  My wife knows about me -- probably more about me than I would choose to have anyone know about me.  There is a certain freedom to that.  There is also a certain horror to that.

I have often considered what it means to come out as a gay man.  Generally, I have great admiration for those who come out -- letting everyone know what they are about -- at least sexually.

I remember the media coverage when Ellen came out.  I remember how her sitcom went from pretty decent ratings to the cellar in a month. I would like to think it was because the writing suddenly tanked, but it was because she had come out as gay.   Even my liberal friends said at the time that they felt the show was all about her gay-ness and they weren't interested.

Now, there is nothing hidden.  Her spouse is on the show every once in a while, and there is no mincing around.  Ellen is a Lesbian, and she makes no apologies.  If you don't like it, then good for you and she doesn't care.

I like the show and I like her and I wish she would have me on the show as a Marmoho  -- a married Mormon homo -- worthy of tickets to Disneyland and 5000 spending money to get my teeth fixed.

Which raises a question.  Would I come out as my real name instead of Cal Thompson, pseudonym of the buff and brainy whatever-my real-name is?

This may be the day for it.  I have written a book about my experience with homosexuality and the Mormon church that I feel would be a benefit to everyone involved, and It may have a bit more umphh to it if I used my real name so people could put a name to a mediocre face.  I am certainly strong enough to deal with whatever would come my way, and my kids are almost grown and out of the home, so that may not be an issue either.

I would love to be able to show that I have a viewpoint and I am strong and I am gay and I believe in the Mormon Church thoroughly and that I am married and plan on staying that way.

It's not all that rare this day and age, but not a lot of people talk about it, so few know how common that it is.

Here is the major drawback.  My wife doesn't want the world in her bedroom, and the world would be in our bedroom if I came out.  I don't know how to talk about my "stuff" without it having to do with her "stuff".  

Until then, the day that my outing won't effect her may be some time coming. (What if I came out and then my wife and I moved to Rigby Idaho?)

My favorite L word

OK, I admit that she has been at the top on my list for a long time now, but I think that she is now, and will be for all time, my favorite Lesbian.

This video actually made me cry like a fat 47 year old baby

I think I just coined a phrase! I'm The King of Marmohos!

MarMoHo.  It's my new word.

And I, myself, am king of the MarMoHos. Unfortunately, there are no cash prizes involved.  But the good news is that I already have a tiara.

No

I am a Married Mormon Homosexual.  That is, I am married to one of the opposite gender -- gay Mormon married man married to a wonderful woman.  She has always knows of my orientation because I told her before we ever dated.

And now it looks like we are going to be able to be sealed in the Temple.

We have had a bit of a struggle with church leaders over our wanting to be sealed.  Who'd have thunk?  former leaders of ours have questioned the appropriateness of our desire.  We have only been married for 15 years, after all.  It may be a little too soon.

Couples have been marrying for years -- couples that are opposite gender with one being a moho for YEARS and there has not been a question.  In fact, family members of mine with the same issue were discouraged to marry just one generation back.  I suppose no one even mentioned it to their church leaders before that.

I understand where our leaders are coming from.  The pendulum may have swung to the opposite side.  Instead of get married it will fix you, no they are saying, don't get married -- it wont work. However, I have said this with much respect, to our leaders:

My name is Cal Thompson and I am gay.  I am married to a woman who has completely different issues of her own.  I live with hers and she lives with mine, and we are OK with that.  We are true to each other, we have temple recommends received with honesty, and we wish to share the blessings that come from following the commandments of the Lord through his prophets.

Yes

Of course I could be getting myself worked up over nothing. This time, our bishop and stake president may not have a problem with following the church handbook.  OK, too passive aggressive. Let me try again...

This time, our bishop and stake president may not see the dissimilitudes between us and a "normal" couple. Maybe all our years of trying to do the right thing will be taken into consideration and I will be able to make my wife an honest woman.

And. no, you can't borrow my tiara.